Cool!

Hi, my name is Stephen Tonti,

and I'm a director, a writer, an actor,

a drummer, a scuba diver, a soccer player,

a camera operator, an airbrush artist,
a physicist, a stargazer, a rock climber,

a snowboarder, a model maker,
a stage manager, a camp counselor,

a PA, a DJ, a club president, a magician,

and for a brief stint in May 2012,

I was called upon to repair
two stopwatches which had stopped working.

(Laughter)

Who am I, you ask?

My name is Stephen Tonti, and I have ADHD.

(Laughter)

ADHD stands for attention
deficit hyperactive disorder,

and I was first diagnosed with ADHD

not by a diagnostician,
or a private practice, or a pediatrician,

but by a second-grade teacher

who was interviewing me for a spot
at the school she was working at.

My family had just moved

from New Orleans, Louisiana,
to Dallas, Texas,

and I was in a search
for a new academic home.

During this particular interview,

this particular teacher
received a message ahead of time

from my first grade teacher
back in New Orleans

to check me for any signs of ADHD.

Just as she reached
the series of questions

devised to evaluate whether a child
between the ages of five and 17 is ADHD:

Wham! I fell out of my chair.

(Laughter)

No, I didn't slip.

And no, the chair didn't
crumble beneath me.

Behind the teacher's desk
was this giant window,

and through that window was a giant field,

and on that field

were what appeared to me at the time
to be hundreds of thousands of kids

my age.

They were all playing with a great,
inflatable, rainbow beach ball,

and as they moved all around the field,
all I could do was keep track of them.

So I leaned a little bit to the left,
and I leaned a little bit to the right,

a little bit more to the left,
a little bit more to the right

before the disaster.

I still maintain today
that window was a trap, and I was setup.

(Laughter)

So I was rejected from Middle School

because I was an eight-year-old boy
who couldn't sit still in his chair.

There was this complex
marshmallow-related incident

between myself and some
of the staff there, but anyway.

I ended up at the
Episcopal School of Dallas.

Over the next 11 years,
I tried everything.

When I say everything, I mean everything.

Extracurriculars: I tried computing,
robotics, carpentry, canoeing,

rock climbing, poetry club, logic club,
poker club, comedy club, and camping.

I went camping at least
twice a year for four years.

And the band - oh my god.

I tried trumpet, saxophone, electric bass,
piano, stand-up bass, guitar, acoustic -

Did I mention I played sports?

It was Texas. We played sports.
I tried all of them.

And the drums.

I even took a short-lived
stab at the heart.

I played seven different instruments -
"played" being a very generous term.

(Laughter)

When all of a sudden my theater -
my school built a theater -

and I thought, why not?

So I started the shop building sets,
then the sound booth, the light booth.

Then my teacher asked me to act,
so I played Conrad in "Ordinary People."

I said, "Can I direct?"
and she said, "Go for it!"

So I directed "12 Angry Jurors" -

because this is high school, people,
and you can't direct "12 Angry Men"

with a drama school
that has three boys and four girls -

for the people doing math at home,

that's seven drama students
for a show with 12 in it.

(Laughter)

Before I knew it,

I was auditioning and interviewing
in drama schools across the country,

and that's when Carnegie Mellon found me.

And I love it here. I really do.

But moving on. So what?!

I have ADHD, and ADHD
is misunderstood as an inability to focus,

but it's much stranger than that.

It's not a lack of focus - period.

It's that I have a hard time

selecting something
and giving it my full attention.

Something has to grab my attention,

peak my curiosity,
and then I can hyperfocus.

This is a good thing and a bad thing.

It's a bad thing

because I have a hard time
completing things that don't excite me.

We live in a world

where you have to read
your textbooks and pay your taxes.

And yes, big textbooks
with no pictures frighten me.

And no one likes handling taxes -
actually, some of you might like that.

(Laughter)

But the upside is,

when something does peak my curiosity,
I become obsessed and I hyperfocus.

I spend a lot of time with film.

I can spend upwards of 12 hours in a row

editing clips, sometimes
until 6:30 in the morning.

In the theater,
when I have to put a show up,

I'll pull 15 hour days for weeks on end,
and I enjoy that; I love that.

I can read a 500-page novel that I love

much faster than a one-page article
that I don't care for.

It's easier for me to see the big picture.

As a director, I have to track 20 people

with very different jobs
from designers, to writers, to actors,

and I find handling that much easier
than finishing that one-page article,

which I'm still working on.

(Laughter)

David Neeleman,

the founder and CEO of JetBlue,
who is also ADHD by the way,

says, "I have a hard time
doing the mundane things in life.

I have an easier time planning
a 20-aircraft fleet

than I do paying my light bill."

Yeah.

So, another good thing about ADHD

is because I felt
compelled to try everything,

I was able to explore all the possible
career paths I might not have

and might not have discovered
what I truly want to do.

So many teens and young adults

are expected to focus
on one or two fields of study

and one or two hobbies,

and hope and pray
they like the ones they've chosen

or that've been chosen for them.

My job is to tell other people stories,

and I find it's easier time doing that

when I can draw
from all of these other perspectives.

It's easier for me to see the world
through the eyes of a drummer

because I've tried that.

It's easier for me to see the world
through the eyes of a graphic designer

because I've tried that too.

ADHD is a difference in cognition,
not simply a disorder.

We're attention different,
not attention deficit.

But because it's treated
and misunderstood as a disorder,

it's treated at something
that needs fixing.

So the idea seems to be that:

we need to get rid of my ADHD,
but there's no getting rid of it.

There's just sedating it.

I was lucky.

My high school teachers
were hip, young progressives

who were delighted to give me extra time,
the additional attention,

and the overall freedom to express myself
the way that I felt necessary.

So many other kids with ADHD
aren't as lucky.

For example, my roommate.

Adam has been my roommate for four years.

He is an excellent actor in the school
of drama and a brilliant thinker.

We both grew up in Dallas, Texas,
and be both have ADHD.

Adam's high school was different.

Now even though he grew up
only 15 minutes north of me,

Adam's high school had harsher penalties
for falling out of a chair.

When you're a kid diagnosed with ADHD,

your doctor administers
a series of amphetamines,

and everybody waits.

Because no one has a clue
how you'll react.

You might get more calm.

You might become depressed.

You might lash out
at the people around you.

The difference between Adam and me

is when a new medication
may cause me to act out,

my teachers immediately advise my doctors
that I change my medication.

However, when Adam tried a new medication,

his teachers wrote this in his report,

"Adam is less motivated, less animated,
and less involved in class activities,

but at least, he's quiet now."

We need a healthier understanding
of people with ADHD,

and it starts at home.

I had mother and father
who supported every obsession.

I distinctly recall
my father asking one day,

"Son, you're only 14.

what could you possibly want
with an air compressor?"

(Laughter)

To which I responded,

"I want to airbrush t-shirts and shorts
to sell to my classmates and friends."

(Exhale)

Alright then.

And we would go out and get it.

I would play with it
and I'd obsess over it.

During the summers,
when I went off my medication

and my body was wrecked
with the effects of withdrawal,

my mother sat by my side,
literally coaxing the migraines out of me.

With their support,

I was able to explore,
and my obsessions grew and multiplied,

and I was able to maintain my sanity.

Schools need to develop a better attitude
towards students with ADHD, as well.

There's plenty of examples out there.

For instance, the Eagle Hill School,
in Hardwick, Massachusetts.

The Eagle Hill School believes
that every student can learn.

That learning differently
requires teaching differently.

And that we must educate
our kids, our students,

to learn about learning

in order to form new beliefs
in a search for intellectual autonomy.

Professors who act more as mentors,
as opposed to disciplinarians, inspire me.

When teachers level with me,
I feel like I'm more in control;

that there's a dialog
regarding new ways of thinking

and approaching a problem,
focusing, completing tasks.

We have to create and develop
a healthier relationship with medication.

I think that Ritalin, Adderall, Concerta

should only be prescribed to someone

who can physically handle the effects
of these drugs and their withdrawal.

12 is far too young.
16 is still too young.

There are so many
alternatives to medication.

Studies have shown that for some

it's just an added weight
or pressure to help them focus.

And these things exist.

There are weighted pads
that help people feel more comfortable

so they can complete tasks on time.

For some people,
it's tics, like chewing pencils,

so give them rubber coated pencils.

We have to teach kids to teach themselves;

it's the best thing
we can do for our kids.

And lastly, our society
has to embrace cognitive diversity.

For example, Specialisterne,
or The Specialist,

is a Danish organization
that trains people with autism and ADHD

as consultants in I.T. and other
more technically oriented tasked jobs.

We have to turn this joke around

on those who believe that my disorder
divides me from my more "normal peers."

Besides, who here at Carnegie Mellon
really qualifies as normal, anyway?

(Laughter)

(Applause) (Cheers)

A great author, a masterful playwright
and a sublime poet once writ ...

Any guesses to who I speak of?

(Audience) Shakespeare!

Thou art correct!

(Laughter)

Shakespeare sonnet 121.

'Tis better to be vile than vile esteemed

When not to be receives
reproach of being,

And the just pleasure lost,
which is so deemed

Not by our feeling but by others' seeing.

For why should others'
false adulterate eyes

Give salutation to my sportive blood?

Or on my frailties why are frailer spies,

Which in their wills
count bad what I think good?

Nae, I am that I am, and they that level

At my abuses reckon up their own:

I may be straight,
though they themselves be bevel;

By their rank thoughts
my deeds must not be shown;

Unless this general evil
they all maintain,

All men are bad,
and in their badness reign.

In sonnet 121 Shakespeare
condemns hypocrisy.

He implores us not to let
others' false adulterate eyes

condemn us for something
that they believe us to be.

He begs you not to let the selfish,
negative comments of others

hinder the just pleasures owed to you.

A hierarchy of frailer spies

have asked me to conform
to society's means.

I purpose the opposite.

I purpose let society conform to me.

And I implore you to do the same.

I'll leave you with something

that Robin Williams, a poster child for us
in the ADHD community,

(Laughter)

once said, "We are all only given
a little spark of madness.

You mustn't lose it."

Thank you!

(Applause) (Cheers)