1
00:00:14,727 --> 00:00:16,987
No, I am not enjoying the party.

2
00:00:16,987 --> 00:00:18,017
Behold poor souls!

3
00:00:18,017 --> 00:00:20,149
The fates turn backwards on themselves.

4
00:00:20,149 --> 00:00:21,785
There is danger looming ahead.

5
00:00:22,119 --> 00:00:23,782
I can see our bleak future.

6
00:00:23,782 --> 00:00:25,812
I am doomed to know
all of the catastrophes

7
00:00:25,812 --> 00:00:26,777
that will befall us,

8
00:00:26,777 --> 00:00:28,357
yet no one believes me.

9
00:00:28,357 --> 00:00:31,061
Therefore, hark, Paris, Prince of Troy.

10
00:00:31,061 --> 00:00:33,001
All is twisted and sour -

11
00:00:33,001 --> 00:00:35,651
and I am not just talking
about the fruit punch.

12
00:00:35,651 --> 00:00:37,672
Can you not see all of the signs?

13
00:00:37,672 --> 00:00:40,098
They are all around us,
even as we celebrate.

14
00:00:40,098 --> 00:00:41,095
Look there,

15
00:00:41,095 --> 00:00:43,901
Hercules the strongest man
in the world, can break anything,

16
00:00:43,901 --> 00:00:45,661
but he cannot break dance.

17
00:00:45,661 --> 00:00:46,507
And look here,

18
00:00:46,507 --> 00:00:49,805
Hades is the Lord of the Dead,
yet he is the life of the party.

19
00:00:49,805 --> 00:00:51,991
Sisyphus refuses to rock and roll.

20
00:00:51,991 --> 00:00:56,015
Prometheus the Titan gave us
the gift of fire, but he’s banned smoking.

21
00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:58,635
Athena has come to peace with the fact

22
00:00:58,635 --> 00:01:00,755
that her brother Apollo isn't very bright.

23
00:01:00,755 --> 00:01:01,725
(Laughter)

24
00:01:01,725 --> 00:01:03,635
Narcissus broke up with himself.

25
00:01:03,635 --> 00:01:04,645
(Laughter)

26
00:01:04,645 --> 00:01:07,519
Orpheus only speaks the truth,
but he plays a lyre.

27
00:01:07,519 --> 00:01:10,128
Dionysus is sober but Icarus is high,

28
00:01:10,128 --> 00:01:12,578
Poseidon is sloshed
and Medusa just got stoned.

29
00:01:12,578 --> 00:01:13,588
(Laughter)

30
00:01:13,588 --> 00:01:15,308
Atlas is on top of the world.

31
00:01:15,308 --> 00:01:16,397
(Laughter)

32
00:01:16,397 --> 00:01:18,483
Athena is also proud of her humility,

33
00:01:18,483 --> 00:01:21,193
and Hermes thinks
that hubris belongs on pita bread.

34
00:01:21,193 --> 00:01:22,383
(Laughter)

35
00:01:22,383 --> 00:01:25,296
Zeus knows everything except
how to spell the word omniscient

36
00:01:25,296 --> 00:01:26,246
and Thor -

37
00:01:26,246 --> 00:01:28,076
What the hell is Thor doing here?

38
00:01:28,236 --> 00:01:29,546
(Laughter)

39
00:01:36,346 --> 00:01:38,146
Midas has the Golden Touch

40
00:01:38,146 --> 00:01:41,963
but thanks to Aphrodite
he has also got a touch of herpes.

41
00:01:41,963 --> 00:01:44,828
Medea is offering advice on parenting.

42
00:01:44,828 --> 00:01:47,469
Antigone is agreeable.

43
00:01:47,469 --> 00:01:49,936
An audience smart enough
to understand these jokes

44
00:01:49,936 --> 00:01:52,325
is too intelligent to be amused by them.

45
00:01:52,325 --> 00:01:55,525
And Oedipus’ date looks
old enough to be his mother!

46
00:01:55,525 --> 00:01:56,530
(Laughter)

47
00:01:56,530 --> 00:01:59,037
And what do all
these foreboding signs forebode?

48
00:01:59,037 --> 00:02:00,817
We are all doomed to die.

49
00:02:00,817 --> 00:02:02,487
The Greeks are preparing an attack.

50
00:02:02,487 --> 00:02:05,058
They will lay siege to this city
and destroy this city

51
00:02:05,058 --> 00:02:08,577
and everyone within these walls shall
perish by flame and arrow and sword.

52
00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:10,027
Oh, and you're out of napkins.

53
00:02:10,027 --> 00:02:11,101
(Laughter)