0:00:14.727,0:00:16.987
No, I am not enjoying the party.

0:00:16.987,0:00:18.017
Behold poor souls!

0:00:18.017,0:00:20.149
The fates turn backwards on themselves.

0:00:20.149,0:00:21.785
There is danger looming ahead.

0:00:22.119,0:00:23.782
I can see our bleak future.

0:00:23.782,0:00:25.812
I am doomed to know[br]all of the catastrophes

0:00:25.812,0:00:26.777
that will befall us,

0:00:26.777,0:00:28.357
yet no one believes me.

0:00:28.357,0:00:31.061
Therefore, hark, Paris, Prince of Troy.

0:00:31.061,0:00:33.001
All is twisted and sour -

0:00:33.001,0:00:35.651
and I am not just talking[br]about the fruit punch.

0:00:35.651,0:00:37.672
Can you not see all of the signs?

0:00:37.672,0:00:40.098
They are all around us,[br]even as we celebrate.

0:00:40.098,0:00:41.095
Look there,

0:00:41.095,0:00:43.901
Hercules the strongest man[br]in the world, can break anything,

0:00:43.901,0:00:45.661
but he cannot break dance.

0:00:45.661,0:00:46.507
And look here,

0:00:46.507,0:00:49.805
Hades is the Lord of the Dead,[br]yet he is the life of the party.

0:00:49.805,0:00:51.991
Sisyphus refuses to rock and roll.

0:00:51.991,0:00:56.015
Prometheus the Titan gave us[br]the gift of fire, but he’s banned smoking.

0:00:56.255,0:00:58.635
Athena has come to peace with the fact

0:00:58.635,0:01:00.755
that her brother Apollo isn't very bright.

0:01:00.755,0:01:01.725
(Laughter)

0:01:01.725,0:01:03.635
Narcissus broke up with himself.

0:01:03.635,0:01:04.645
(Laughter)

0:01:04.645,0:01:07.519
Orpheus only speaks the truth,[br]but he plays a lyre.

0:01:07.519,0:01:10.128
Dionysus is sober but Icarus is high,

0:01:10.128,0:01:12.578
Poseidon is sloshed[br]and Medusa just got stoned.

0:01:12.578,0:01:13.588
(Laughter)

0:01:13.588,0:01:15.308
Atlas is on top of the world.

0:01:15.308,0:01:16.397
(Laughter)

0:01:16.397,0:01:18.483
Athena is also proud of her humility,

0:01:18.483,0:01:21.193
and Hermes thinks[br]that hubris belongs on pita bread.

0:01:21.193,0:01:22.383
(Laughter)

0:01:22.383,0:01:25.296
Zeus knows everything except[br]how to spell the word omniscient

0:01:25.296,0:01:26.246
and Thor -

0:01:26.246,0:01:28.076
What the hell is Thor doing here?

0:01:28.236,0:01:29.546
(Laughter)

0:01:36.346,0:01:38.146
Midas has the Golden Touch

0:01:38.146,0:01:41.963
but thanks to Aphrodite[br]he has also got a touch of herpes.

0:01:41.963,0:01:44.828
Medea is offering advice on parenting.

0:01:44.828,0:01:47.469
Antigone is agreeable.

0:01:47.469,0:01:49.936
An audience smart enough[br]to understand these jokes

0:01:49.936,0:01:52.325
is too intelligent to be amused by them.

0:01:52.325,0:01:55.525
And Oedipus’ date looks[br]old enough to be his mother!

0:01:55.525,0:01:56.530
(Laughter)

0:01:56.530,0:01:59.037
And what do all[br]these foreboding signs forebode?

0:01:59.037,0:02:00.817
We are all doomed to die.

0:02:00.817,0:02:02.487
The Greeks are preparing an attack.

0:02:02.487,0:02:05.058
They will lay siege to this city[br]and destroy this city

0:02:05.058,0:02:08.577
and everyone within these walls shall[br]perish by flame and arrow and sword.

0:02:08.577,0:02:10.027
Oh, and you're out of napkins.

0:02:10.027,0:02:11.101
(Laughter)