WEBVTT

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I want to start by asking everyone
in the audience a question,

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how many of you
are completely comfortable

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with calling yourselves a leader?

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I've asked that question
all the way across the country,

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and no matter where I ask it,

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there's always a huge portion
of the audience

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that won't put up their hand.

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And I've come to realize
that we have made leadership

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into something bigger than us.

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Something beyond us.

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We've made it about changing the world.

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And we've taken this title of leader,
and we treat it as if it's something

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that one day we're going to deserve,

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but to give it to ourselves right now

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means a level of arrogance or cockiness
that we're not comfortable with.

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And I worry sometimes
that we spend so much time

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celebrating amazing things
that hardly anybody can do

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that we've convinced ourselves

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those are the only things
worth celebrating,

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and we start to devalue the things
that we can do every day,

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and we start to take moments
where we truly are a leader

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and we don't let ourselves
take credit for it,

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and feel good about it.

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And I've been lucky enough
over the last 10 years

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to work with some amazing people

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who have helped me
redefine leadership in a way

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that I think has made me happier.

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Today, I want to share with you

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the one story that is probably
most responsible for that redefinition.

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I went to school in a little school called

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Mount Allison University in Sackville,
New Brunswick,

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and on my last day there,
a girl came up to me

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and said, "I remember
the first time that I met you."

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And then she told me a story
that had happened four years earlier.

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She said, "On the day before
I started university,

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I was in the hotel room
with my mom and dad,

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and I was so scared
and so convinced that I couldn't do this,

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that I wasn't ready for university,
that I burst into tears.

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My mom and dad were amazing.
They were like,

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'Look, we know you're scared,
but let's just go tomorrow.

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Let's go to the first day,
and if at any point you feel

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as if you can't do this, that's fine,
just tell us, we will take you home.

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We love you no matter what.'"

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She says, "I went the next day,

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I was standing in line
getting ready for registration,

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and I looked around
and I just knew I couldn't do it.

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I knew I wasn't ready.
I knew I had to quit."

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She says, "I made that decision,
and as soon as I did,

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this incredible feeling
of peace came over me.

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I turned to my mom and dad
to tell them we needed to go home,

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and at that moment, you came out
of the Student Union building

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wearing the stupidest hat
I have ever seen in my life." (Laughter)

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"It was awesome.

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And you had a big sign
promoting Shinerama,

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which is Students Fighting
Cystic Fibrosis,"

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- a charity I've worked with for years -

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"and you had a bucketful of lollipops.

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You were walking along
and handing them out

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to people in line
and talking about Shinerama.

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And all of a sudden, you got to me,
and you just stopped, and stared.

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It was creepy."
(Laughter)

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This girl right here knows exactly
what I'm talking about. (Laughter)

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"And then you looked
at the guy next to me,

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you smiled, reached in your bucket,
pulled out a lollipop,

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held it out to him, and you said,

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'You need to give a lollipop

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to the beautiful woman
standing next to you.'"

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And she said, "I have never seen anyone
get more embarrassed faster in my life.

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He turned beet red,
and he wouldn't even look at me.

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He just kind of held the lollipop out
like this." (Laughter)

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"And I felt so bad for this dude
that I took the lollipop,

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and as soon as I did,
you got this incredibly severe look

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on your face and you looked
at my mom and dad,

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and you said, 'Look at that.

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First day away from home,
and already she's taking candy

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from a stranger?!'" (Laughter)

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And she said, "Everybody lost it.
Twenty feet in every direction,

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everyone started to howl.

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I know this is cheesy,
and I don't know why I'm telling you this,

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but in that moment
when everyone was laughing,

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I knew that I shouldn't quit.

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I knew that I was
where I was supposed to be,

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I knew that I was home,
and I haven't spoken to you once

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in the four years since that day,

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but I heard that you were leaving,

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and I had to come up
and tell you that you've been

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an incredibly important person in my life,
and I'm going to miss you. Good luck."

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And she walks away, and I'm flattened.

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She gets about six feet away,
turns around and smiles, and goes,

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"You should probably know this, too.

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I'm still dating that guy
four years later." (Laughter)

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A year and a half
after I moved to Toronto,

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I got an invitation to their wedding.

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Here's the kicker. I don't remember that.

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I have no recollection of that moment,

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and I've searched my memory banks,
because that is funny

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and I should remember doing it,
and I don't remember it.

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And that was such an eye-opening,
transformative moment for me

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to think that maybe the biggest impact
I'd ever had on anyone's life,

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a moment that had a woman walk up

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to a stranger four years later and say,

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"You've been an incredibly
important person in my life,"

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was a moment that I didn't even remember.

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How many of you guys
have a lollipop moment,

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a moment where someone
said something or did something

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that you feel fundamentally
made your life better?

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All right. How many of you
have told that person they did it?

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See, why not? We celebrate birthdays,

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where all you have to do
is not die for 365 days - (Laughter) -

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and yet we let people
who have made our lives better

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walk around without knowing it.

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And every single one of you,

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has been the catalyst
for a lollipop moment.

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You have made someone's life better
by something that you said or did,

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and if you think you haven't,
think about all the hands

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that didn't go back up
when I asked that question.

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You're just one of the people
who hasn't been told.

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But it is so scary to think
of ourselves as that powerful.

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It can be frightening to think we can
matter that much to other people,

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because as long as we make leadership
something bigger than us,

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as long as we keep it
something beyond us,

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make it about changing the world,

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we give ourselves
an excuse not to expect it

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every day from ourselves
and from each other.

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Marianne Williamson said,

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"Our greatest fear
is not that we are inadequate.

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It is that we are powerful beyond measure.

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It is our light, and not our darkness,
that frightens us."

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My call to action today
is that we need to get over that.

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We need to get over our fear
of how extraordinarily powerful

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we can be in each other's lives.

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We need to get over it
so we can move beyond it,

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and our little brothers and sisters,

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and our kids right now -
can watch and start to value

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the impact we can have
on each other's lives

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more than money and power
and titles and influence.

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We need to redefine leadership
as being about lollipop moments,

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how many of them we create,
how many we acknowledge,

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how many we pay forward,
and how many we say thank you for.

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Because we've made leadership
about changing the world,

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and there is no world.

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There's only six billion
understandings of it,

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and if you change
one person's understanding of it,

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one person's understanding
of what they're capable of,

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one person's understanding
of how much people care about them,

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one person's understanding
of how powerful an agent for change

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they can be in this world,
you've changed the whole thing.

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And if we can understand
and redefine leadership like that,

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I think we can change everything.

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And it's a simple idea,
but I don't think it's a small one,

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and I want to thank you all so much
for letting me share it with you today.

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Have a great day.
(Applause)