0:00:07.470,0:00:09.750
I work at the University of New Hampshire

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where, among my other responsibilities,

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I'm part of a research group called[br]'Prevention Innovations'.

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Our primary mission is to create[br]and evaluate tools

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that help with the prevention

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of sexual violence, relationship violence,[br]and stalking.

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Currently, there are 20 researchers [br]and practitioners,

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that are part of 'Prevention Innovations',

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and of the 20 I'm the only one

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who identities as 'male'.

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2 or 3 times a year,

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I attend national conferences[br]related to this topic,

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and the gender split at these conferences

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is similarly skewed.

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There have been[br]some remarkably important contributions

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in the field in the recent years,

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that have come from men.

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But the majority of researchers,[br]practitioners and policy experts,

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working to address this issue, are women.

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As a man working in this field,[br]I take it as a given

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that I will be in the minority.

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But when we compare this[br]to other issues of social concern,

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we can see how unique this is.

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There are very few other problems[br]like this

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that are being tackled almost entirely

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by people of one gender.

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Just think of a few examples:

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Homelessness, drug addiction,

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climate change, poverty,

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racial injustice.

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The list could go on[br]and we'd have a difficult time finding one

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that is being addressed

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by entirely men, or entirely women.

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So how did it come to be

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that women are and have been doing

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the overwhelming majority of the work[br]in this field?

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Why do women seem so much more passionate

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about working to end relationship violence[br]and sexual violence?

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And lastly, how do we get more men[br]involved in this important fight?

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I will do my best[br]towards the end of my talk

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to try to answer this question.

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But first, I'll try to answer a question

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that I've been asked countless times:

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How do you get involved in a field[br]that focuses on the prevention

0:02:01.117,0:02:02.757
of violence against women?

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When I began my graduate training[br]in clinical psychology

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I knew I wanted to be a psychotherapist,

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but I was uncertain of a specific focus

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and not sure with which types of clients[br]I wanted to work.

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My graduate program prided itself[br]in providing a generalist education,

0:02:19.838,0:02:23.638
where students were encouraged to try[br]a variety of different things.[br]

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So I took this sage advice[br]of being open to a whole variety

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of clinical experiences.

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So in my 4 years as a graduate student,

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and in my first 2 years[br]as a young professional,

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I spent time doing clinical work

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in two College counseling centres,[br]two community mental health centres,

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a state hospital,

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and the mental health unit[br]of a maximum security prison.

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It was about halfway through this process

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that I started to notice a common theme[br]among many of my clients;

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especially the women with whom I worked.

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I was consistently surprised and saddened[br]by the number of my clients

0:03:01.986,0:03:04.136
who had a history of sexual trauma.

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I want to make it clear, this was not[br]the case for all of my clients,

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or maybe even the majority.

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And I had a number of male clients[br]with similar life experiences.

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But it definitely was a consistent theme.

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Regardless of where I worked,[br]or what my clients looked like,

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so many of them were living with instances

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or multiple instances[br]of prior victimization.

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Sometimes this came in a form[br]of a current abusive relationship

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that they were trying to flee.

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Sometimes it came in memories[br]of a childhood mourned

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with the years of sexual abuse.

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At some of the places I worked,[br]it was almost taken as a given

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that a client would have such a history.

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A client without a history of abuse

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was the exception that proved the rule.

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Even as somebody who was educated[br]and aware

0:03:52.669,0:03:55.019
of the sided prevalents rates,

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I was still surprised[br]how much an abuse history

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was a unifying theme[br]among my therapy clients.

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Therapists are trained[br]to listen to their clients.

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And if they listen carefully[br]and without judgement,

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they eventually develop[br]a deep sense of empathy.

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This comes more easily and more quickly[br]for some clients

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than it does for others.

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But I personally never struggled[br]to find empathy for my clients

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who were survivors of sexual violence[br]or relationship violence.

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And as it often happens,

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as my empathy for individual clients[br]began to grow,

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I developed a deeper compassion[br]for other people

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who may be going through[br]something similar.

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And I began to ask

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who else may be going through this?

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Do I know people in my own life[br]who may be silently struggling

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with their own story of survival?

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It was around this time[br]that I made more conscious decision

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to be a vocal advocate and ally[br]

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to the cause of the prevention[br]of the violence against women.

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I started to pay more attention[br]to how I talked about these issues

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when they came up.

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I became more consciencious

0:04:59.812,0:05:02.272
of my own personal history[br]of male privilege,

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and I became more aware of[br]how I was coming across to other people.

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It was important for me

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that the people in my life knew

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that this was something that I cared about[br]and that I took seriously.

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Shortly after I became more vigilant[br]about this,

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something interesting began to happen.

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Various women that I know[br]began to share with me

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their own personal experiences[br]of abuse and assault.

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Someone shared with me a story[br]of sexual harassment

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they endured at work;

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another woman disclosed

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that she'd been sexually assaulted[br]while in college,

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and she was still struggling with symptoms[br]of PTSD;

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and one person who I'd known for years

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began to regularly open up to me[br]about sexual abuse

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that had occurred during their childhood.

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None of these disclosures were the result[br]of prying or prompting.

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I honestlty believe that survivors[br]are just looking for a way

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to share their story,

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and I presented myself [br]

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as somebody who is willing to listen.

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In a way, my professional experience

0:06:01.947,0:06:03.807
allowed me to care about this more

0:06:03.807,0:06:04.897
in my personal life.

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And in turn, my personal life,[br]my personal experiences

0:06:08.649,0:06:12.049
deepened my desire to make this a part[br]of my professional identity.

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So how do we get more men[br]to care about this important cause?

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Well, like any other social problem[br]or public health crisis,

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we do it by making it personal.

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We do it by making it relatable.

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We do it by bringing it close to home.

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In the case of relationship violence[br]and sexual violence,

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this is an easy thing to do,

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even if it is a difficult thing[br]to consider.

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Because relationship violence[br]and sexual violence

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are already personal.

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They're already relatable.

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They're already hitting close to home.

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The Center for Disease Control[br]has found that in the United States

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1 in 4 women will be abused

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by a relationship partner,

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and 1 in 6 women will be the victim[br]of a completed or attempted rape.

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I know this is a difficult thing[br]to think about,

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but consider[br]some of the important women in your life,

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some of the women that you care about.

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Your partner, your friends,

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your sisters, your daughters,

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your mother, your grandmothers.

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How many women are on this list?

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Is it more than 4?

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Is it more than 6?

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The reality is everybody in this room

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will have somebody in their life

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that either has or will be[br]directly impacted by this problem.

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So earlier I posed the question:[br]"How do we engage more man

0:07:42.285,0:07:44.665
in the prevention of violence[br]against women?"

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My answer to that question is:[br]Let's start small.[br]

0:07:48.881,0:07:51.041
Let's start with day to day things.

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Let's start by making it clear[br]to the women in your life

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that this is something[br]that you do care about.

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I think this is an important message[br]regardless of gender.

0:08:02.218,0:08:03.858
But in my experience,

0:08:03.858,0:08:06.618
it's something that has been[br]more of a challenge for men.

0:08:06.747,0:08:10.297
So as I posed these questions[br]I'm posing them for everyone.

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But I want the men that are listening[br]to pay especially close attention.

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Do you feel confident[br]that the women that you care about

0:08:18.205,0:08:19.485
see you as an ally,

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in the cause to prevent[br]violence against women?

0:08:23.457,0:08:26.257
When it comes up,[br]how do you talk about rape?

0:08:27.009,0:08:30.739
When it comes up,[br]how do you talk about domestic violence?

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When there's a high-profile case[br]in the news,

0:08:34.201,0:08:35.851
or in our popular culture,

0:08:35.851,0:08:38.411
do you express your opinions[br]about this case?

0:08:38.436,0:08:40.556
And if so, how do you do it?

0:08:41.298,0:08:43.808
Do you know what 'victim blaming' is?

0:08:43.968,0:08:46.218
Do you know what 'rape myths' are?

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Do you make it an effort[br]to avoid endorsing these ideas?[br]

0:08:51.149,0:08:53.459
And in the most general of terms,

0:08:53.459,0:08:56.319
what type of language do you use[br]when you talk about women?

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What type of language do you use[br]when you talk about gender?

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And specifically for the men,

0:09:02.772,0:09:05.262
do you automatically become defensive

0:09:05.265,0:09:08.445
when you hear discussions related[br]to the violence against women?

0:09:08.788,0:09:11.248
Do you automatically become defensive[br]

0:09:11.248,0:09:13.608
when you hear discussions[br]around male privilege?

0:09:13.889,0:09:17.509
If so, have you ever thought[br]how this comes accross

0:09:17.509,0:09:19.439
to the women that you care about?

0:09:20.037,0:09:22.677
And lastly, do people look at you[br]and say,

0:09:22.677,0:09:25.317
"This is somebody[br]I can share my story with,

0:09:25.399,0:09:27.819
without feeling judged or blamed?

0:09:27.911,0:09:30.441
This is somebody[br]with whom I can share my story

0:09:30.441,0:09:33.821
and feel confident that they will listen[br]and provide support."

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Earlier, when I talked about engaging men[br]in this cause,

0:09:38.512,0:09:42.272
I was not talking about growing the ranks[br]of male researchers,

0:09:42.272,0:09:44.452
and policy experts and clinicians.

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I believe that engaging men in this fight[br]can begin

0:09:48.241,0:09:51.671
by encouraging them to be better allies[br]and support systems

0:09:51.671,0:09:53.941
in the lives of women[br]that they are close to.

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And what we know is[br]

0:09:55.587,0:09:58.567
doing this can actually help[br]to prevent violence.

0:09:59.331,0:10:02.121
When we look at data[br]from the Department of Justice

0:10:02.327,0:10:04.497
we see that sexual assault,

0:10:04.570,0:10:07.830
childhood sexual abuse[br]and domestic violence,

0:10:07.852,0:10:11.412
are among the most under-reported crimes[br]in the United States.

0:10:11.944,0:10:15.944
In fact, for all of these crimes,[br]less than half of instances

0:10:15.944,0:10:17.574
are reported to the Police.

0:10:18.251,0:10:22.151
Similarly, less than half of these victims[br]seek professional help

0:10:22.151,0:10:25.231
from a trained victim advocate[br]or mental health professional.

0:10:25.653,0:10:28.353
Instead, if a victim tells anyone

0:10:28.353,0:10:30.213
about their abuse or assault

0:10:30.213,0:10:32.553
it is usually someone they are close to:

0:10:32.719,0:10:35.709
a sibling, a friend, a roommate.

0:10:35.998,0:10:38.838
So, despite the incredible work[br]that's being done

0:10:39.049,0:10:42.709
in crisis centers and shelters[br]and psychologist offices,

0:10:42.866,0:10:46.286
regular people, non professionals,

0:10:46.382,0:10:48.702
people listening to this right now,

0:10:48.702,0:10:50.182
are the first line of defence

0:10:50.182,0:10:53.362
in helping people to heal[br]in the aftermath of trauma.

0:10:54.023,0:10:56.383
There's a groundbreaking research on this

0:10:56.383,0:10:58.493
that comes from Dr Rebecca Campbell.

0:10:58.545,0:11:00.955
She found that[br]one of the strongest predictors

0:11:00.955,0:11:05.045
of somebody being able to heal[br]after they have been sexually assaulted

0:11:05.197,0:11:08.487
is the care that they receive[br]from the first person that they tell.

0:11:08.866,0:11:11.656
If the victim is cared for and supported,

0:11:11.656,0:11:14.386
they are less likely[br]to show symptoms of PTSD,

0:11:14.529,0:11:17.479
and they are more likely[br]to seek professional help

0:11:17.479,0:11:18.669
or legal counsel.

0:11:19.205,0:11:23.205
As a culture, we need to broaden[br]this personal level of support.

0:11:23.576,0:11:26.046
We need to make it clear to all survivors

0:11:26.046,0:11:28.276
that there are people in their life[br]that care.

0:11:28.732,0:11:31.502
It should be empowering for us to know

0:11:31.578,0:11:33.378
that simply by being supportive

0:11:33.406,0:11:36.186
we can help to reverse[br]the negative impact of trauma.

0:11:37.133,0:11:39.423
But providing this type of support,

0:11:39.423,0:11:42.393
not only helps people to heal[br]from previous acts of violence,

0:11:42.448,0:11:45.078
it can actually prevent[br]further victimization.

0:11:46.282,0:11:50.592
Sadly, one of the best predictors[br]of somebody being sexually assaulted

0:11:50.810,0:11:53.320
is having a prior history[br]of victimization.

0:11:53.492,0:11:56.222
Each act of interpersonal violence

0:11:56.222,0:11:58.662
increases the likelihood[br]of it reoccurring.

0:11:59.448,0:12:02.638
One factor, that powerfully mitigates[br]this cycle,

0:12:02.638,0:12:05.368
is the receiving[br]of proper care and support.

0:12:05.653,0:12:07.993
If the survivor is cared for

0:12:07.993,0:12:10.533
they are less likely to be re-victimized.

0:12:10.707,0:12:13.397
So, if we are able[br]to be present for survivors

0:12:13.397,0:12:16.297
we are literally keeping them safer[br]going forward.

0:12:17.132,0:12:20.532
And one final benefit to this approach

0:12:20.532,0:12:22.962
is we can actually make[br]our community safer.

0:12:23.232,0:12:25.562
We would all like to live in a community

0:12:25.562,0:12:27.972
where every instance[br]of interpersonal violence

0:12:27.972,0:12:29.622
is reported to the Police.

0:12:29.815,0:12:33.585
But the question should not be:[br]"Why don't more survivors report?".

0:12:33.849,0:12:37.669
The question should be:[br]"What can we do to create an environment

0:12:37.669,0:12:40.009
where they are more comfortable[br]doing so?"

0:12:40.243,0:12:43.863
Survivors are more likely[br]to report their crime to the Police

0:12:43.895,0:12:45.935
if they feel believed and supported

0:12:45.935,0:12:47.745
by those whom they are close to.

0:12:47.913,0:12:51.913
Experts agree that the best strategy[br]for increasing reporting rates

0:12:52.141,0:12:55.241
is not telling the victim[br]that they must go to the Police.

0:12:55.630,0:12:58.210
It is providing them with love and support

0:12:58.210,0:13:00.790
so they have the strength to do so[br]of their own accord.

0:13:01.121,0:13:05.121
So to summarize, if we are able[br]to be present in people's lives,

0:13:05.128,0:13:07.308
and provide emotional support,

0:13:07.714,0:13:11.004
we can decrease the risk[br]that they develop PTSD,

0:13:12.204,0:13:15.134
we can lower the risk[br]for future victimization,

0:13:16.001,0:13:18.381
and we can increase the likelihood

0:13:18.381,0:13:21.001
that they report their assault[br]to the Police.

0:13:22.449,0:13:25.739
Fortunately, you do not have to be[br]a trained psychologist

0:13:25.739,0:13:29.239
to effectively respond

0:13:29.239,0:13:31.519
to a disclosure of abuse or assault.

0:13:31.934,0:13:34.184
Anybody can be a good listener.

0:13:34.376,0:13:37.506
Anybody can patiently offer support.

0:13:38.356,0:13:42.636
In general, try to avoid telling a person[br]what they have to do.

0:13:43.623,0:13:46.083
Try to avoid asking too many questions.

0:13:46.338,0:13:48.458
Even if it's not your intention,

0:13:48.553,0:13:50.803
it may appear[br]that you're doubting their story.

0:13:51.394,0:13:54.134
And try to avoid feeling[br]like it's your job

0:13:54.134,0:13:56.964
to fix the problem,[br]or trying to seek vengeance.

0:13:57.524,0:13:59.694
Instead, what is suggested

0:13:59.898,0:14:03.498
is offering some simple words[br]of compassion and encouragement.

0:14:03.939,0:14:07.019
Some very basic things that I have found[br]to be powerful,

0:14:07.354,0:14:09.204
are saying things like:

0:14:09.204,0:14:11.294
"I'm so sorry that this happened to you."

0:14:11.746,0:14:14.036
"I appreciate that you shared[br]this with me."

0:14:14.373,0:14:16.383
"What can I do to help you?"

0:14:17.433,0:14:20.873
One final way that we can all be[br]better allies is

0:14:20.873,0:14:23.233
simply being aware of local resources

0:14:23.454,0:14:26.044
that you can share with somebody[br]if need be.

0:14:26.428,0:14:28.138
If you'd like to learn more

0:14:28.138,0:14:30.408
about relationship violence[br]or sexual violence,

0:14:30.699,0:14:33.209
or learn more about how to support others

0:14:33.241,0:14:35.381
there are lot of great resources.

0:14:35.545,0:14:37.955
If you listen to this here[br]in New Hampshire,

0:14:38.007,0:14:40.057
I recommend visiting the website

0:14:40.105,0:14:44.045
for The New Hampshire Coalition[br]Against Domestic and Sexual Violence.

0:14:44.327,0:14:46.817
If you are listening to this[br]outside of New Hampshire

0:14:46.857,0:14:48.557
I recommend visiting the website

0:14:48.690,0:14:51.480
for the National Sexual Violence[br]Resource Center.

0:14:52.565,0:14:55.505
Every survivor of interpersonal violence

0:14:55.607,0:14:58.277
deserves to have at least[br]one person in their life

0:14:58.398,0:15:00.938
who is willing to listen[br]and to provide support.

0:15:01.879,0:15:04.049
Too often is assumed

0:15:04.049,0:15:08.139
that this person will be a mother,[br]or a sister, or a daughter.

0:15:08.634,0:15:11.364
In my experience, in general,

0:15:11.379,0:15:14.339
women have done an incredible job[br]of filling this role.

0:15:14.975,0:15:18.295
But think of how much we are limiting[br]ourselves as a culture

0:15:18.425,0:15:20.365
by continuing this assumption.

0:15:20.843,0:15:24.153
So, this is a call to action for men[br]to join the ranks.

0:15:24.669,0:15:27.339
To strengthen our team of allies.

0:15:27.578,0:15:29.778
For all of the men that are listening,

0:15:29.955,0:15:31.755
at some point in your life,

0:15:31.864,0:15:33.414
a woman you care about

0:15:33.414,0:15:36.224
will be directly impacted by this problem.

0:15:36.414,0:15:39.124
Are you confident[br]that they will turn to you?

0:15:39.722,0:15:43.112
Are you confident[br]that they will see you as an ally?

0:15:43.630,0:15:44.750
Thank you.

0:15:44.765,0:15:47.695
(Applause)