0:00:00.744,0:00:03.742 When I was about 16 years old 0:00:03.742,0:00:07.441 I can remember flipping through channels at home during summer vacation, 0:00:07.441,0:00:09.971 looking for a movie to watch on HBO -- 0:00:09.971,0:00:12.484 and how many of you remember "Ferris Bueller's Day Off"? 0:00:12.484,0:00:17.485 Oh yeah, great movie, right? -- Well, I saw Matthew Broderick on the screen, and so I thought, 0:00:17.485,0:00:20.197 "Sweet! Ferris Bueller. I'll watch this!" 0:00:20.197,0:00:23.769 It wasn't Ferris Bueller. And forgive me Matthew Broderick, 0:00:23.769,0:00:27.886 I know you've done other movies besides Ferris Bueller, but that's how I remember you; you're Ferris. 0:00:27.886,0:00:33.639 But you weren't doing Ferris-y things at the time; you were doing gay things at the time. 0:00:33.639,0:00:36.967 He was in a movie called "Torch Song Trilogy." 0:00:36.967,0:00:43.713 And "Torch Song Trilogy" was based on a play about this drag queen who essentially was looking for love. 0:00:43.713,0:00:46.777 Love and respect -- that's what the whole film was about. 0:00:46.777,0:00:51.933 And as I'm watching it, I'm realizing that they're talking about me. 0:00:51.933,0:00:57.526 Not the drag queen part -- I am not shaving my hair for anyone -- but the gay part. 0:00:57.526,0:01:02.739 The finding love and respect, the part about trying to find your place in the world. 0:01:02.739,0:01:09.089 So as I'm watching this, I see this powerful scene that brought me to tears, 0:01:09.089,0:01:12.289 and it stuck with me for the past 25 years. 0:01:12.289,0:01:17.398 And there's this quote that the main character, Arnold, tells his mother 0:01:17.398,0:01:22.557 as they're fighting about who he is and the life that he lives. 0:01:22.557,0:01:27.776 "There's one thing more -- there's just one more thing you better understand. 0:01:27.776,0:01:33.812 I've taught myself to sew, cook, fix plumbing, build furniture, 0:01:33.812,0:01:36.669 I can even pat myself on the back when necessary, 0:01:36.669,0:01:41.168 all so I don't have to ask anyone for anything. 0:01:41.168,0:01:46.847 There's nothing I need from anyone except for love and respect, 0:01:46.847,0:01:51.296 and anyone who can't give me those two things has no place in my life." 0:01:51.296,0:01:59.063 I remember that scene like it was yesterday; I was 16, I was in tears, I was in the closet, 0:01:59.063,0:02:04.424 and I'm looking at these two people, Ferris Bueller and some guy I'd never seen before, 0:02:04.424,0:02:08.722 fighting for love. 0:02:08.722,0:02:12.851 When I finally got to a place in my life 0:02:12.851,0:02:16.474 where I came out and accepted who I was, and was really quite happy, to tell you the truth, 0:02:16.474,0:02:20.620 I was happily gay and I guess that's supposed to be right because gay means happy too. 0:02:20.620,0:02:24.949 I realized there were a lot of people who weren't as gay as I was -- 0:02:24.949,0:02:28.167 gay being happy, not gay being attracted to the same sex. 0:02:28.167,0:02:33.211 In fact, I heard that there was a lot of hate and a lot of anger 0:02:33.211,0:02:35.821 and a lot of frustration and a lot of fear[br] 0:02:35.821,0:02:40.690 about who I was and the gay lifestyle. 0:02:40.690,0:02:45.011 Now, I'm sitting here trying to figure out "the gay lifestyle," "the gay lifestyle," 0:02:45.011,0:02:49.423 and I keep hearing this word over and over and over again: lifestyle, lifestyle, lifestyle. 0:02:49.423,0:02:54.053 I've even heard politicians say that the gay lifestyle is a greater threat 0:02:54.053,0:02:56.961 to civilization than terrorism. 0:02:56.961,0:02:59.936 That's when I got scared. 0:02:59.936,0:03:07.058 Because I'm thinking, if I'm gay and I'm doing something that's going to destroy civilization, 0:03:07.058,0:03:11.684 I need to figure out what this stuff is, and I need to stop doing it right now. 0:03:11.684,0:03:14.062 (Laughter) 0:03:14.062,0:03:18.985 So, I took a look at my life, a hard look at my life, 0:03:18.985,0:03:23.205 and I saw some things very disturbing. 0:03:23.205,0:03:27.041 (Laughter) 0:03:27.041,0:03:30.795 And I want to begin sharing these evil things that I've been doing with you, 0:03:30.795,0:03:33.092 starting with my mornings. 0:03:33.092,0:03:36.138 I drink coffee. 0:03:36.138,0:03:42.031 Not only do I drink coffee, I know other gay people who drink coffee. 0:03:42.031,0:03:45.673 I get stuck in traffic -- 0:03:45.673,0:03:49.151 evil, evil traffic. 0:03:49.151,0:03:52.323 Sometimes I get stuck in lines at airports. 0:03:52.323,0:03:55.589 I look around, and I go, "My God, look at all these gay people! 0:03:55.589,0:04:00.031 We're all trapped in these lines! These long lines trying to get on an airplane! 0:04:00.031,0:04:06.257 My God, this lifestyle that I'm living is so freaking evil!" 0:04:06.257,0:04:13.644 I clean up. This is not an actual photograph of my son's room; his is messier. 0:04:13.644,0:04:19.005 And because I have a 15-year-old, all I do is cook and cook and cook. 0:04:19.021,0:04:23.962 Any parents out there of teenagers? All we do is cook for these people -- 0:04:23.962,0:04:28.766 they eat two, three, four dinners a night -- it's ridiculous! 0:04:28.766,0:04:31.338 This is the gay lifestyle. 0:04:31.414,0:04:38.201 And after I'm done cooking and cleaning and standing in line and getting stuck in traffic, 0:04:38.201,0:04:41.804 my partner and I, we get together 0:04:41.804,0:04:47.959 and we decide that we're gonna go and have some wild and crazy fun. 0:04:47.959,0:04:51.783 (Laughter) 0:04:51.783,0:04:55.135 We're usually in bed before we find out who's eliminated on "American Idol." 0:04:55.135,0:04:59.353 We have to wake up and find out the next day who's still on 0:04:59.353,0:05:04.439 because we're too freaking tired to hear who stays on. 0:05:04.439,0:05:08.809 This is the super duper evil gay lifestyle. 0:05:08.809,0:05:12.674 Run for your heterosexual lives, people. 0:05:12.674,0:05:21.053 (Applause) 0:05:21.068,0:05:25.722 When my partner, Steve, and I first started dating, 0:05:25.722,0:05:29.316 he told me this story about penguins. 0:05:29.316,0:05:32.767 And I didn't know where he was going with it at first. 0:05:32.767,0:05:36.703 He was kind of a little bit nervous when he was sharing it with me, but he told me that 0:05:36.703,0:05:41.056 when a penguin finds a mate that they want to spend the rest of their life with, 0:05:41.056,0:05:44.657 they present them with a pebble -- the perfect pebble. 0:05:44.657,0:05:51.273 And then he reaches into his pocket, and he brings this out to me. 0:05:51.273,0:05:55.250 And I looked at it, and I was like, this is really cool. 0:05:55.250,0:05:59.676 And he says, "I want to spend the rest of my life with you." 0:05:59.676,0:06:05.215 So I wear this whenever I have to do something that makes me a little nervous, 0:06:05.215,0:06:08.804 like, I don't know, a TEDx talk. 0:06:08.804,0:06:12.790 I wear this when I am apart from him for a long period of time. 0:06:12.790,0:06:16.410 And sometimes I just wear it just because. 0:06:16.410,0:06:21.328 How many people out there are in love? Anyone in love out there? 0:06:21.328,0:06:24.504 You might be gay. 0:06:24.504,0:06:25.930 (Laughter) 0:06:25.930,0:06:32.479 Because I, too, am in love, and apparently that's part of the gay lifestyle that I warned you about. 0:06:32.479,0:06:38.744 (Applause) 0:06:38.744,0:06:44.316 You may want to tell your spouse. Who, if they're in love, might be gay as well. 0:06:44.316,0:06:48.218 How many of you are single? Any single people out there? 0:06:48.218,0:06:53.384 You too might be gay! Because I know some gay people who are also single. 0:06:53.384,0:07:00.129 It's really scary, this gay lifestyle thing; it's super duper evil and there's no end to it! 0:07:00.129,0:07:03.473 It goes and goes and engulfs! 0:07:03.473,0:07:06.329 It's really quite silly, isn't it? 0:07:06.329,0:07:11.718 That's why I'm so happy to finally hear President Obama come out and say 0:07:11.718,0:07:13.713 [br](Applause) 0:07:13.713,0:07:15.775 that he supports -- 0:07:15.775,0:07:19.198 (Applause) 0:07:19.198,0:07:22.560 that he supports marriage equality. 0:07:22.560,0:07:27.130 It's a wonderful day in our country's history; it's a wonderful day in the globe's history 0:07:27.130,0:07:32.176 to be able to have an actual sitting president say, enough of this -- 0:07:32.176,0:07:35.890 first to himself, and then to the rest of the world. 0:07:35.890,0:07:37.978 It's wonderful. 0:07:37.978,0:07:41.369 But there's something that's been disturbing me since he 0:07:41.369,0:07:45.106 made that remark just a short time ago. 0:07:45.106,0:07:51.666 And that is, apparently, this is just another move by the gay activists 0:07:51.666,0:07:55.147 that's on the gay agenda. 0:07:55.147,0:08:00.860 And I'm disturbed by this because I've been openly gay now for quite some time. 0:08:00.860,0:08:04.550 I've been to all of the functions, I've been to fundraisers, 0:08:04.550,0:08:09.035 I've written about the topic, and I have yet to receive my copy of this gay agenda. 0:08:09.035,0:08:10.725 (Laughter) 0:08:10.725,0:08:13.507 I've paid my dues on time, 0:08:13.507,0:08:16.056 (Laughter) 0:08:16.056,0:08:20.351 I've marched in gay pride flags parades and the whole nine, 0:08:20.351,0:08:23.692 and I've yet to see a copy of the gay agenda.[br] 0:08:23.692,0:08:28.657 It's very, very frustrating, and I was feeling left out, like I wasn't quite gay enough. 0:08:28.657,0:08:33.860 But then something wonderful happened: I was out shopping, as I tend to do, 0:08:33.860,0:08:42.283 and I came across a bootleg copy of the official gay agenda. 0:08:42.283,0:08:47.687 And I said to myself, "LZ, for so long, you have been denied this. 0:08:47.687,0:08:52.703 When you get in front of this crowd, you're gonna share the news. 0:08:52.703,0:08:56.574 You're gonna spread the gay agenda so no one else has to wonder, 0:08:56.574,0:09:00.095 what exactly is in the gay agenda? 0:09:00.095,0:09:03.575 What are these gays up to? 0:09:03.575,0:09:06.409 What do they want?" 0:09:06.409,0:09:11.796 So, without further ado, I will present to you, ladies and gentlemen -- 0:09:11.796,0:09:16.030 now be careful, 'cause it's evil -- a copy, 0:09:16.030,0:09:21.463 the official copy, of the gay agenda. 0:09:21.463,0:09:46.267 (Music) 0:09:46.267,0:09:49.238 The gay agenda, people! 0:09:49.238,0:09:53.175 (Applause) 0:09:53.175,0:09:55.227 There it is! 0:09:55.227,0:09:59.066 Did you soak it all in? The gay agenda. 0:09:59.066,0:10:02.317 Some of you may be calling it, what, 0:10:02.317,0:10:05.461 the Constitution of the United States, is that what you call it too? 0:10:05.461,0:10:10.661 The U.S. Constitution is the gay agenda. 0:10:10.661,0:10:15.566 These gays, people like me, want to be treated like full citizens 0:10:15.566,0:10:19.471 and it's all written down in plain sight. 0:10:19.471,0:10:25.177 I was blown away when I saw it. I was like, wait, this is the gay agenda? 0:10:25.177,0:10:29.386 Why didn't you just call it the Constitution so I knew what you were talking about? 0:10:29.386,0:10:33.074 I wouldn't have been so confused; I wouldn't have been so upset. 0:10:33.074,0:10:37.782 But there it is. The gay agenda. 0:10:37.782,0:10:43.586 Run for your heterosexual lives. 0:10:43.586,0:10:50.318 Did you know that in all the states where there is no shading that 0:10:50.318,0:10:53.459 people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered 0:10:53.459,0:10:55.551 can be kicked out of their apartments 0:10:55.551,0:10:59.687 for being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered? 0:10:59.687,0:11:04.855 That's the only reason that a landlord needs to have them removed, 0:11:04.855,0:11:10.697 because there's no protection from discrimination of GLBT people. 0:11:10.697,0:11:15.846 Did you know in the states where there's no shading that 0:11:15.846,0:11:22.032 you can be fired for being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered? 0:11:22.032,0:11:26.043 Not based upon the quality of your work, 0:11:26.043,0:11:30.045 how long you've been there, if you stink, 0:11:30.045,0:11:36.718 just if you're gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered. 0:11:36.718,0:11:42.048 All of which flies in the face of the gay agenda, 0:11:42.048,0:11:45.763 also known as the U.S. Constitution. 0:11:45.763,0:11:49.435 Specifically, this little amendment right here: 0:11:49.435,0:11:54.686 "No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities 0:11:54.686,0:11:58.924 of citizens of the United States." 0:11:58.924,0:12:01.965 I'm looking at you, North Carolina. 0:12:01.965,0:12:06.562 But you're not looking at the U.S. Constitution. 0:12:06.562,0:12:11.873 This is the gay agenda: equality. Not special rights, 0:12:11.873,0:12:16.049 but the rights that were already written by these people -- 0:12:16.049,0:12:18.468 these elitists, if you will. 0:12:18.468,0:12:22.499 Educated, well-dressed, 0:12:22.499,0:12:25.187 (Laughter) 0:12:25.187,0:12:27.928 some would dare say questionably dressed. 0:12:27.928,0:12:30.707 (Laughter) 0:12:30.707,0:12:34.489 Nonetheless, our forefathers, right? 0:12:34.489,0:12:38.725 The people that, we say, knew what they were doing when they wrote the Constitution -- 0:12:38.725,0:12:41.898 the gay agenda, if you will. 0:12:41.898,0:12:47.221 All of that flies in the face of what they did. 0:12:47.221,0:12:52.732 That is the reason why I felt it was imperative that 0:12:52.732,0:12:58.074 I presented you with this copy of the gay agenda. 0:12:58.074,0:13:03.052 Because I figured if I made it funny, you wouldn't be as threatened. 0:13:03.052,0:13:07.611 I figured if I was a bit irreverent, you wouldn't find it serious. 0:13:07.611,0:13:13.038 But when you see the map, and you see our state of Michigan -- 0:13:13.038,0:13:18.685 it's legal to fire someone 0:13:18.685,0:13:22.579 for being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, 0:13:22.579,0:13:26.843 that it's legal to remove someone from their home 0:13:26.843,0:13:31.453 because they're gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgendered, 0:13:31.453,0:13:35.441 then you realize that this whole conversation about marriage equality 0:13:35.441,0:13:38.909 is not about stripping someone's rights away, 0:13:38.909,0:13:43.489 it's about granting them the rights that [have] already been stated. 0:13:43.489,0:13:47.950 And we're just trying to walk in those rights that have already been stated, 0:13:47.950,0:13:51.456 that we've already agreed upon. 0:13:51.456,0:13:56.763 There are people living in fear 0:13:56.763,0:14:00.380 of losing their jobs 0:14:00.380,0:14:05.470 so they don't show anyone who they really are 0:14:05.470,0:14:10.275 right here at home. This isn't just about North Carolina; 0:14:10.275,0:14:15.964 all those states that were clear, it's legal. 0:14:15.964,0:14:19.188 If I could brag for a second, 0:14:19.188,0:14:25.292 I have a 15-year-old son from my marriage. 0:14:25.292,0:14:28.043 He has a 4.0.[br] 0:14:28.043,0:14:34.482 He is starting a new club at school, Policy Debate. 0:14:34.482,0:14:38.709 He's a budding track star; 0:14:38.709,0:14:45.170 he has almost every single record in middle school for every event that he competed in. 0:14:45.170,0:14:47.673 He volunteers. 0:14:47.673,0:14:50.908 He prays before he eats. 0:14:50.908,0:14:57.103 I would like to think, as his father -- and he lives with me primarily -- 0:14:57.103,0:15:01.020 that I had a little something to do with all of that. 0:15:01.020,0:15:03.928 I would like to think that he's a good boy, 0:15:03.928,0:15:08.295 a respectful young man. I would like to think that 0:15:08.295,0:15:11.992 I've proven to be a capable father. 0:15:11.992,0:15:15.745 But if I were to go to the state of Michigan today, 0:15:15.745,0:15:20.677 and try to adopt a young person who is in an orphanage, 0:15:20.677,0:15:24.276 I would be disqualified for only one reason: 0:15:24.276,0:15:27.633 because I'm gay. 0:15:27.633,0:15:32.436 It doesn't matter what I've already proven, what I can do with my heart. 0:15:32.436,0:15:36.044 It's because of what the state of Michigan says that I am 0:15:36.044,0:15:41.876 that I am disqualified for any sort of adoption. 0:15:41.876,0:15:45.911 And that's not just about me, 0:15:45.911,0:15:50.814 that's about so many other Michiganders, U.S. citizens, 0:15:50.814,0:15:55.973 who don't understand why what they are 0:15:55.973,0:16:01.253 is so much more significant than who they are. 0:16:01.253,0:16:06.630 This story just keeps playing over and over 0:16:06.630,0:16:10.121 and over again in our country's history. 0:16:10.121,0:16:13.978 There was a time in which, I don't know, 0:16:13.978,0:16:18.007 people who were black couldn't have the same rights. 0:16:18.007,0:16:23.322 People who happened to be women didn't have the same rights, couldn't vote. 0:16:23.322,0:16:28.112 There was a point in our history in which, if you were considered disabled, 0:16:28.112,0:16:32.849 that an employer could just fire you, before the Americans with Disabilities Act. 0:16:32.849,0:16:36.203 We keep doing this over and over again. 0:16:36.203,0:16:40.787 And so here we are, 2012, 0:16:40.787,0:16:43.116 gay agenda, 0:16:43.116,0:16:46.984 gay lifestyle, and I'm not a good dad 0:16:46.984,0:16:50.494 and people don't deserve to be able to protect their families 0:16:50.494,0:16:55.165 because of what they are, not who they are. 0:16:55.165,0:17:01.809 So when you hear the words "gay lifestyle" and "gay agenda" in the future, 0:17:01.809,0:17:05.214 I encourage you to do two things: 0:17:05.214,0:17:11.499 One, remember the U.S. Constitution, and then two, 0:17:11.499,0:17:16.622 if you wouldn't mind looking to your left, please. 0:17:16.622,0:17:19.778 Look to your right. 0:17:19.778,0:17:25.245 That person next to you is a brother, is a sister. 0:17:25.245,0:17:27.860 And they should be treated with love and respect. 0:17:27.860,0:17:29.583 Thank you.