[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.14,0:00:05.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up with my identical twin,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.46,0:00:08.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was an incredibly loving brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.48,0:00:12.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, one thing about being a twin is,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.57,0:00:16.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it makes you an expert\Nat spotting favoritism.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.64,0:00:20.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If his cookie was even\Nslightly bigger than my cookie,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.72,0:00:23.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.10,0:00:25.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And clearly, I wasn't starving.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.30,0:00:28.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.87,0:00:32.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I became a psychologist,\NI began to notice favoritism
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.02,0:00:34.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of a different kind;
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.76,0:00:39.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is, how much more we value\Nthe body than we do the mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.19,0:00:46.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent nine years at university\Nearning my doctorate in psychology,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.24,0:00:50.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I can't tell you how many people\Nlook at my business card and say,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.52,0:00:54.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh -- a psychologist.\NSo, not a real doctor,"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.21,0:00:58.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as if it should say that on my card.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.03,0:01:00.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Dr. Guy Winch, Just a Psychologist\N(Not a Real Doctor)]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.84,0:01:02.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.95,0:01:07.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This favoritism we show the body\Nover the mind --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.36,0:01:08.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I see it everywhere.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.72,0:01:11.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I recently was at a friend's house,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.41,0:01:13.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and their five-year-old\Nwas getting ready for bed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.96,0:01:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was standing on a stool\Nby the sink, brushing his teeth,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.58,0:01:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when he slipped and scratched his leg\Non the stool when he fell.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.100,0:01:24.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He cried for a minute,\Nbut then he got back up,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.99,0:01:28.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got back on the stool, and reached out\Nfor a box of Band-Aids
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.53,0:01:30.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to put one on his cut.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.05,0:01:34.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this kid could barely\Ntie his shoelaces,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.01,0:01:39.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but he knew you have to cover a cut\Nso it doesn't become infected,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.46,0:01:42.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you have to care for your teeth\Nby brushing twice a day.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.42,0:01:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all know how to maintain\Nour physical health
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.37,0:01:48.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and how to practice dental hygiene, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.91,0:01:51.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We've known it since\Nwe were five years old.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.44,0:01:57.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But what do we know about maintaining\Nour psychological health?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.07,0:01:59.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.78,0:02:03.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What do we teach our children\Nabout emotional hygiene?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.74,0:02:05.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nothing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.77,0:02:11.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How is it that we spend more time\Ntaking care of our teeth
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.60,0:02:13.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than we do our minds?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.20,0:02:19.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is it that our physical health\Nis so much more important to us
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.04,0:02:20.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,than our psychological health?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.39,0:02:26.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We sustain psychological injuries\Neven more often than we do physical ones,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.81,0:02:31.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,injuries like failure\Nor rejection or loneliness.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.04,0:02:33.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they can also get worse\Nif we ignore them,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.83,0:02:36.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they can impact our lives\Nin dramatic ways.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.28,0:02:41.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And yet, even though there are\Nscientifically proven techniques
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.49,0:02:45.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we could use to treat these\Nkinds of psychological injuries,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.80,0:02:46.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we don't.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.37,0:02:49.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't even occur to us\Nthat we should.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.43,0:02:54.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, you're feeling depressed?\NJust shake it off; it's all in your head."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.19,0:02:58.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imagine saying that\Nto somebody with a broken leg:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.09,0:03:00.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Oh, just walk it off;\Nit's all in your leg."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.91,0:03:02.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.25,0:03:06.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is time we closed the gap
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.13,0:03:09.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,between our physical\Nand our psychological health.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.24,0:03:11.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's time we made them more equal,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.38,0:03:14.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,more like twins.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.15,0:03:18.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Speaking of which,\Nmy brother is also a psychologist.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.94,0:03:21.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he's not a real doctor, either.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.40,0:03:23.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.71,0:03:25.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We didn't study together, though.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.70,0:03:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, the hardest thing\NI've ever done in my life
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.12,0:03:32.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is move across the Atlantic\Nto New York City
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.89,0:03:34.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get my doctorate in psychology.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.70,0:03:38.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were apart then\Nfor the first time in our lives,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.68,0:03:41.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the separation was brutal\Nfor both of us.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.30,0:03:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But while he remained\Namong family and friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.57,0:03:47.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was alone in a new country.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.25,0:03:49.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We missed each other terribly,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.100,0:03:53.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but international phone calls\Nwere really expensive then,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.17,0:03:57.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and we could only afford to speak\Nfor five minutes a week.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.46,0:03:59.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When our birthday rolled around,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.01,0:04:02.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was the first\Nwe wouldn't be spending together.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.58,0:04:03.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We decided to splurge,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.94,0:04:06.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that week,\Nwe would talk for 10 minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.13,0:04:07.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.44,0:04:11.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I spent the morning pacing around my room,\Nwaiting for him to call --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.15,0:04:13.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and waiting ...
Dialogue: 0,0:04:14.10,0:04:15.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and waiting.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.82,0:04:17.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But the phone didn't ring.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:18.12,0:04:20.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Given the time difference, I assumed,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.17,0:04:22.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"OK, he's out with friends,\Nhe'll call later."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.49,0:04:23.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There were no cell phones then.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.80,0:04:26.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But he didn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.17,0:04:31.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I began to realize\Nthat after being away for over 10 months,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.25,0:04:35.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he no longer missed me\Nthe way I missed him.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.03,0:04:38.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew he would call in the morning,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.56,0:04:43.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but that night was one of the saddest\Nand longest nights of my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.72,0:04:46.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I woke up the next morning.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.69,0:04:48.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I glanced down at the phone,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.36,0:04:51.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I realized\NI had kicked it off the hook
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.14,0:04:52.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when pacing the day before.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.61,0:04:56.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I stumbled out of bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:56.29,0:04:59.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I put the phone back on the receiver,\Nand it rang a second later.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.76,0:05:01.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was my brother,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.45,0:05:03.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and boy, was he pissed.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:03.14,0:05:05.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.37,0:05:08.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the saddest and longest\Nnight of his life as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.13,0:05:11.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, I tried to explain\Nwhat happened, but he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.56,0:05:12.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't understand.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.80,0:05:14.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you saw I wasn't calling you,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.74,0:05:17.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why didn't you just pick up\Nthe phone and call me?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.06,0:05:20.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was right.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.84,0:05:22.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why didn't I call him?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.19,0:05:24.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't have an answer then.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.61,0:05:27.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I do today,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.08,0:05:28.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's a simple one:
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.69,0:05:30.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,loneliness.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.95,0:05:35.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness creates a deep\Npsychological wound,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.02,0:05:39.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one that distorts our perceptions\Nand scrambles our thinking.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.23,0:05:45.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It makes us believe that those around us\Ncare much less than they actually do.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.03,0:05:48.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It make us really afraid to reach out,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.35,0:05:52.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because why set yourself up\Nfor rejection and heartache
Dialogue: 0,0:05:52.47,0:05:55.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when your heart is already aching\Nmore than you can stand?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.43,0:05:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in the grips\Nof real loneliness back then,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.54,0:06:03.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was surrounded by people all day,\Nso it never occurred to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.27,0:06:07.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But loneliness is defined\Npurely subjectively.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.42,0:06:14.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It depends solely on whether you feel\Nemotionally or socially disconnected
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.20,0:06:15.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from those around you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.38,0:06:16.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I did.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.25,0:06:22.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is a lot of research on loneliness,\Nand all of it is horrifying.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.50,0:06:25.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness won't just make you miserable;
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.31,0:06:27.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it will kill you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.79,0:06:28.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not kidding.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.98,0:06:32.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chronic loneliness increases\Nyour likelihood of an early death
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.60,0:06:34.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by 14 percent.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:34.90,0:06:36.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Fourteen percent!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.78,0:06:39.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness causes high blood pressure,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.62,0:06:40.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,high cholesterol.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.81,0:06:44.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It even suppress the functioning\Nof your immune system,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.56,0:06:48.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making you vulnerable to all kinds\Nof illnesses and diseases.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:48.61,0:06:52.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, scientists have concluded\Nthat taken together,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.18,0:06:55.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,chronic loneliness\Nposes as significant a risk
Dialogue: 0,0:06:55.86,0:06:58.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for your long-term health and longevity
Dialogue: 0,0:06:58.65,0:06:59.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as cigarette smoking.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.46,0:07:04.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, cigarette packs come with warnings\Nsaying, "This could kill you."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:05.03,0:07:06.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But loneliness doesn't.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:07.40,0:07:09.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's why it's so important
Dialogue: 0,0:07:09.28,0:07:12.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we prioritize\Nour psychological health,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.37,0:07:15.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that we practice emotional hygiene.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.52,0:07:18.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because you can't treat\Na psychological wound
Dialogue: 0,0:07:18.38,0:07:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you don't even know you're injured.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.08,0:07:24.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Loneliness isn't the only\Npsychological wound
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.94,0:07:27.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that distorts our perceptions\Nand misleads us.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:28.54,0:07:30.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Failure does that as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.82,0:07:34.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I once visited a day care center,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:34.10,0:07:38.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where I saw three toddlers\Nplay with identical plastic toys.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.14,0:07:43.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You had to slide the red button,\Nand a cute doggie would pop out.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:43.82,0:07:48.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One little girl tried pulling\Nthe purple button, then pushing it,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.41,0:07:51.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then she just sat back\Nand looked at the box
Dialogue: 0,0:07:51.23,0:07:53.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with her lower lip trembling.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.03,0:07:56.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The little boy next to her\Nwatched this happen,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:56.10,0:07:59.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then turned to his box and burst\Ninto tears without even touching it.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.14,0:08:04.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Meanwhile, another little girl\Ntried everything she could think of
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.61,0:08:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,until she slid the red button,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.42,0:08:09.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the cute doggie popped out,\Nand she squealed with delight.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:10.42,0:08:14.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So: three toddlers\Nwith identical plastic toys,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.23,0:08:17.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but with very different\Nreactions to failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:17.89,0:08:21.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first two toddlers were perfectly\Ncapable of sliding a red button.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:22.46,0:08:25.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The only thing that prevented\Nthem from succeeding
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.59,0:08:29.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that their mind tricked them\Ninto believing they could not.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.92,0:08:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, adults get tricked this way\Nas well, all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.03,0:08:39.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In fact, we all have a default set\Nof feelings and beliefs
Dialogue: 0,0:08:39.20,0:08:43.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that gets triggered whenever\Nwe encounter frustrations and setbacks.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:43.32,0:08:46.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are you aware of how\Nyour mind reacts to failure?
Dialogue: 0,0:08:46.78,0:08:48.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You need to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:48.03,0:08:52.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because if your mind tries to convince you\Nyou're incapable of something,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.43,0:08:53.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you believe it,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:53.96,0:08:57.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then like those two toddlers,\Nyou'll begin to feel helpless
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.26,0:09:00.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you'll stop trying too soon,\Nor you won't even try at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.86,0:09:03.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then you'll be even more\Nconvinced you can't succeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:03.97,0:09:08.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, that's why so many people\Nfunction below their actual potential.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:08.95,0:09:12.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because somewhere along the way,\Nsometimes a single failure
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.26,0:09:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,convinced them that they couldn't\Nsucceed, and they believed it.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:16.90,0:09:21.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Once we become convinced of something,\Nit's very difficult to change our mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.83,0:09:25.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned that lesson the hard way\Nwhen I was a teenager with my brother.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.03,0:09:29.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We were driving with friends\Ndown a dark road at night,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:29.39,0:09:31.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when a police car stopped us.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:31.09,0:09:34.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There had been a robbery in the area\Nand they were looking for suspects.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.68,0:09:38.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The officer approached the car,\Nand shined his flashlight on the driver,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.84,0:09:40.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,then on my brother in the front seat,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:41.28,0:09:42.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then on me.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.48,0:09:44.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And his eyes opened wide and he said,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.28,0:09:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Where have I seen your face before?"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:47.15,0:09:49.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:50.08,0:09:51.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.68,0:09:53.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"In the front seat."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:53.38,0:09:55.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.40,0:09:58.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that made no sense to him whatsoever,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.55,0:10:00.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so now he thought I was on drugs.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:00.51,0:10:02.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:02.10,0:10:04.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he drags me out of the car,\Nhe searches me,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.69,0:10:06.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he marches me over to the police car,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:06.54,0:10:10.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and only when he verified\NI didn't have a police record,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:10.07,0:10:13.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could I show him\NI had a twin in the front seat.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:14.42,0:10:16.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But even as we were driving away,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:16.21,0:10:19.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you could see by the look\Non his face he was convinced
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.22,0:10:21.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that I was getting away with something.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:21.29,0:10:22.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.29,0:10:26.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our mind is hard to change\Nonce we become convinced.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.67,0:10:30.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So it might be very natural\Nto feel demoralized
Dialogue: 0,0:10:30.13,0:10:31.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and defeated after you fail.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:31.84,0:10:36.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you cannot allow yourself\Nto become convinced you can't succeed.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.24,0:10:39.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to fight\Nfeelings of helplessness.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:39.11,0:10:42.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to gain control\Nover the situation.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:42.39,0:10:44.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And you have to break\Nthis kind of negative cycle
Dialogue: 0,0:10:45.01,0:10:46.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,before it begins.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.25,0:10:48.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Stop Emotional Bleeding]
Dialogue: 0,0:10:48.19,0:10:50.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our minds and our feelings --
Dialogue: 0,0:10:50.63,0:10:53.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they're not the trustworthy friends\Nwe thought they were.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:53.99,0:10:56.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're more like a really moody friend,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:56.86,0:11:01.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who can be totally supportive one minute,\Nand really unpleasant the next.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:02.18,0:11:05.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I once worked with this woman\Nwho, after 20 years marriage
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.88,0:11:08.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and an extremely ugly divorce,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:08.31,0:11:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was finally ready for her first date.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:10.57,0:11:12.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She had met this guy online,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.62,0:11:15.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he seemed nice\Nand he seemed successful,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:15.07,0:11:18.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and most importantly,\Nhe seemed really into her.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:18.63,0:11:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So she was very excited,\Nshe bought a new dress,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:21.41,0:11:25.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and they met at an upscale\NNew York City bar for a drink.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:25.67,0:11:29.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ten minutes into the date,\Nthe man stands up and says,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:29.47,0:11:31.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm not interested," and walks out.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:33.80,0:11:36.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rejection is extremely painful.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.50,0:11:39.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The woman was so hurt she couldn't move.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.04,0:11:41.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All she could do was call a friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.20,0:11:46.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's what the friend said:\N"Well, what do you expect?
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.82,0:11:50.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have big hips,\Nyou have nothing interesting to say.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.49,0:11:53.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why would a handsome,\Nsuccessful man like that
Dialogue: 0,0:11:53.05,0:11:55.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,ever go out with a loser like you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:57.09,0:12:00.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Shocking, right, that a friend\Ncould be so cruel?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.53,0:12:03.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it would be much less shocking
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.16,0:12:05.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I told you it wasn't\Nthe friend who said that.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:05.96,0:12:07.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's what the woman said to herself.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:08.89,0:12:10.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's something we all do,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:11.33,0:12:13.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially after a rejection.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:13.25,0:12:16.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We all start thinking of all our faults\Nand all our shortcomings,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:16.72,0:12:18.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what we wish we were,\Nwhat we wish we weren't.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.91,0:12:20.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We call ourselves names.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.29,0:12:22.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe not as harshly, but we all do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:23.27,0:12:24.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's interesting that we do,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.92,0:12:27.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because our self-esteem\Nis already hurting.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.19,0:12:30.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why would we want to go\Nand damage it even further?
Dialogue: 0,0:12:31.24,0:12:33.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We wouldn't make a physical injury\Nworse on purpose.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.88,0:12:36.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You wouldn't get a cut on your arm\Nand decide, "Oh! I know --
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.81,0:12:40.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to take a knife and see\Nhow much deeper I can make it."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:40.37,0:12:43.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But we do that with psychological\Ninjuries all the time.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:43.97,0:12:47.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why? Because of poor emotional hygiene.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:47.44,0:12:50.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because we don't prioritize\Nour psychological health.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.86,0:12:54.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We know from dozens of studies\Nthat when your self-esteem is lower,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.45,0:12:57.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are more vulnerable\Nto stress and to anxiety;
Dialogue: 0,0:12:57.93,0:13:00.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that failures and rejections hurt more,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:00.63,0:13:02.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it takes longer to recover from them.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:03.51,0:13:06.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you get rejected,\Nthe first thing you should be doing
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.78,0:13:08.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to revive your self-esteem,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:08.87,0:13:11.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,not join Fight Club\Nand beat it into a pulp.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:13.18,0:13:14.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you're in emotional pain,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.46,0:13:18.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,treat yourself with the same compassion
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.52,0:13:21.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you would expect from a truly good friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.36,0:13:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Protect Your Self-Esteem]
Dialogue: 0,0:13:23.27,0:13:27.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We have to catch our unhealthy\Npsychological habits and change them.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:27.60,0:13:31.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And one of unhealthiest and most common\Nis called rumination.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:32.23,0:13:34.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,To ruminate means to chew over.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:34.75,0:13:36.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's when your boss yells at you
Dialogue: 0,0:13:36.96,0:13:39.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or your professor\Nmakes you feel stupid in class,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.61,0:13:41.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or you have big fight with a friend
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.88,0:13:45.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you just can't stop replaying\Nthe scene in your head for days,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.97,0:13:48.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sometimes for weeks on end.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:48.49,0:13:53.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, ruminating about upsetting events\Nin this way can easily become a habit,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:53.52,0:13:54.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it's a very costly one,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:55.43,0:14:00.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because by spending so much time focused\Non upsetting and negative thoughts,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.18,0:14:03.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you are actually putting yourself\Nat significant risk
Dialogue: 0,0:14:03.15,0:14:04.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for developing clinical depression,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:05.37,0:14:06.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,alcoholism,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:06.66,0:14:07.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,eating disorders,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:07.85,0:14:09.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and even cardiovascular disease.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:10.68,0:14:11.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The problem is,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.90,0:14:15.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the urge to ruminate can feel\Nreally strong and really important,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:15.86,0:14:17.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so it's a difficult habit to stop.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.80,0:14:20.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know this for a fact,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:20.45,0:14:23.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because a little over a year ago,\NI developed the habit myself.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:24.54,0:14:30.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, my twin brother was diagnosed\Nwith stage 3 non-Hodgkin's lymphoma.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.96,0:14:33.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His cancer was extremely aggressive.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:33.13,0:14:36.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had visible tumors all over his body.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:36.90,0:14:40.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he had to start a harsh course\Nof chemotherapy.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:41.63,0:14:45.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I couldn't stop thinking\Nabout what he was going through.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:46.59,0:14:49.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I couldn't stop thinking\Nabout how much he was suffering,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.32,0:14:53.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,even though he never complained, not once.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:54.07,0:14:56.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had this incredibly positive attitude.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:57.02,0:14:59.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,His psychological health was amazing.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:00.21,0:15:04.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was physically healthy,\Nbut psychologically, I was a mess.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:05.30,0:15:06.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I knew what to do.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:06.57,0:15:11.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Studies tell us that even a two-minute\Ndistraction is sufficient
Dialogue: 0,0:15:11.24,0:15:13.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to break the urge to ruminate\Nin that moment.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.11,0:15:17.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so each time I had a worrying,\Nupsetting, negative thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.78,0:15:22.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I forced myself to concentrate\Non something else until the urge passed.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.16,0:15:26.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And within one week,\Nmy whole outlook changed
Dialogue: 0,0:15:26.65,0:15:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and became more positive and more hopeful.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:29.51,0:15:31.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Battle Negative Thinking]
Dialogue: 0,0:15:31.27,0:15:35.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nine weeks after he started chemotherapy,\Nmy brother had a CAT scan,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:36.17,0:15:38.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was by his side\Nwhen he got the results.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:39.12,0:15:40.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,All the tumors were gone.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:42.30,0:15:45.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He still had three more rounds\Nof chemotherapy to go,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.30,0:15:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we knew he would recover.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:47.66,0:15:50.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This picture was taken two weeks ago.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:53.81,0:15:56.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,By taking action when you're lonely,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:56.98,0:15:59.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by changing your responses to failure,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:00.22,0:16:02.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by protecting your self-esteem,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.64,0:16:04.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by battling negative thinking,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:04.95,0:16:08.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you won't just heal\Nyour psychological wounds,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:08.20,0:16:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will build emotional resilience,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:10.79,0:16:12.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you will thrive.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:12.66,0:16:16.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A hundred years ago, people began\Npracticing personal hygiene,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:17.27,0:16:21.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and life expectancy rates\Nrose by over 50 percent
Dialogue: 0,0:16:21.54,0:16:23.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in just a matter of decades.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:23.95,0:16:28.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I believe our quality of life\Ncould rise just as dramatically
Dialogue: 0,0:16:28.06,0:16:31.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if we all began practicing\Nemotional hygiene.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:32.19,0:16:34.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you imagine\Nwhat the world would be like
Dialogue: 0,0:16:34.28,0:16:36.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if everyone was psychologically healthier?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:36.84,0:16:39.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If there were less loneliness\Nand less depression?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:40.24,0:16:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If people knew how to overcome failure?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:43.22,0:16:46.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they felt better about themselves\Nand more empowered?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:46.51,0:16:48.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they were happier and more fulfilled?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.76,0:16:53.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can, because that's the world\NI want to live in.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:54.02,0:16:57.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And that's the world\Nmy brother wants to live in as well.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:58.37,0:17:03.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if you just become informed\Nand change a few simple habits, well --
Dialogue: 0,0:17:04.00,0:17:06.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's the world we can all live in.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:07.37,0:17:08.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:08.56,0:17:11.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)