0:00:00.581,0:00:02.827
I'd like to talk to you today

0:00:02.851,0:00:07.013
about a whole new way to think[br]about sexual activity

0:00:07.037,0:00:11.086
and sexuality education, by comparison.

0:00:11.110,0:00:13.752
If you talk to someone today in America

0:00:13.776,0:00:15.576
about sexual activity,

0:00:15.600,0:00:19.224
you'll find pretty soon[br]you're not just talking

0:00:19.248,0:00:20.882
about sexual activity.

0:00:20.906,0:00:23.928
You're also talking about baseball.

0:00:23.952,0:00:28.162
Because baseball is the dominant[br]cultural metaphor

0:00:28.186,0:00:30.680
that Americans use to think about

0:00:30.704,0:00:33.529
and talk about sexual activity,

0:00:33.553,0:00:35.077
and we know that because there's

0:00:35.101,0:00:37.661
all this language in English

0:00:37.685,0:00:40.606
that seems to be talking about baseball

0:00:40.630,0:00:44.465
but that's really talking[br]about sexual activity.

0:00:44.489,0:00:47.664
So, for example, you can[br]be a pitcher or a catcher,

0:00:47.688,0:00:49.591
and that corresponds to whether you

0:00:49.615,0:00:53.359
perform a sexual act[br]or receive a sexual act.

0:00:53.383,0:00:54.365
Of course, there are the bases,

0:00:54.389,0:00:57.583
which refer to specific sexual activities

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that happen in a very specific order,

0:01:00.822,0:01:03.576
ultimately resulting in scoring a run

0:01:03.600,0:01:04.580
or hitting a home run,

0:01:04.604,0:01:06.888
which is usually having[br]vaginal intercourse

0:01:06.912,0:01:08.600
to the point of orgasm,

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at least for the guy.

0:01:11.017,0:01:12.922
(Laughter)

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You can strike out, which means

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you don't get to have any sexual activity.

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And if you're a benchwarmer,

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you might be a virgin or somebody who for

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whatever reason isn't in the game,

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maybe because of your age[br]or because of your ability

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or because of your skillset.

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A bat's a penis,

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and a nappy dugout[br]is a vulva, or a vagina.

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A glove or a catcher's mitt is a condom.

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A switch-hitter is a bisexual person,

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and we gay and lesbian folks[br]play for the other team.

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And then there's this one:

0:01:47.168,0:01:51.168
"if there's grass[br]on the field, play ball."

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And that usually refers to

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if a young person, specifically[br]often a young woman,

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is old enough to have pubic hair,

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she's old enough to have sex with.

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This baseball model[br]is incredibly problematic.

0:02:04.393,0:02:06.720
It's sexist. It's heterosexist.

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It's competitive. It's goal-directed.

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And it can't result in healthy sexuality

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developing in young people or in adults.

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So we need a new model.

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I'm here today to offer[br]you that new model.

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And it's based on

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pizza.

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Now pizza is something[br]that is universally understood

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and that most people associate[br]with a positive experience.

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So let's do this.

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Let's take baseball[br]and pizza and compare it

0:02:33.126,0:02:36.546
when talking about three aspects[br]of sexual activity:

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the trigger for sexual activity,

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what happens during sexual activity,

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and the expected outcome[br]of sexual activity.

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So when do you play baseball?

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You play baseball when[br]it's baseball season

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and when there's a game on the schedule.

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It's not exactly your choice.

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So if it's prom night or a wedding night

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or at a party or if our parents[br]aren't home,

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hey, it's just batter up.

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Can you imagine saying to your coach,

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"Uh, I'm not really feeling it today,

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I think I'll sit this game out."

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That's just not the way it happens.

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And when you get together[br]to play baseball,

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immediately you're[br]with two opposing teams,

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one playing offense, one playing defense,

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somebody's trying to move[br]deeper into the field.

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That's usually a sign to the boy.

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Somebody's trying to defend[br]people moving into the field.

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That's often given to the girl.

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It's competitive.

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We're not playing with each other.

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We're playing against each other.

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And when you show up to play baseball,

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nobody needs to talk[br]about what we're going to do

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or how this baseball game[br]might be good for us.

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Everybody knows the rules.

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You just take your position[br]and play the game.

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But when do you have pizza?

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Well, you have pizza when[br]you're hungry for pizza.

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It starts with an internal sense,[br]an internal desire, or a need.

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"Huh. I could go for some pizza."

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(Laughter)

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And because it's an internal desire,

0:04:03.915,0:04:06.249
we actually have some sense[br]of control over that.

0:04:06.273,0:04:07.803
I could decide that I'm hungry

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but know that it's not[br]a great time to eat.

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And then when we get together[br]with someone for pizza,

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we're not competing with them,

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we're looking for an experience

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that both of us will share

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that's satisfying for both of us,

0:04:21.630,0:04:24.611
and when you get together[br]for pizza with somebody,

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what's the first thing you do?

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You talk about it.

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You talk about what you want.

0:04:29.636,0:04:31.105
You talk about what you like.

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You may even negotiate it.

0:04:32.685,0:04:35.430
"How do you feel[br]about pepperoni?" (Laughter)

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"Not so much, I'm kind[br]of a mushroom guy myself."

0:04:38.081,0:04:40.123
"Well, maybe we can go half and half."

0:04:40.147,0:04:42.147
And even if you've had pizza with somebody

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for a very long time,

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don't you still say things like,

0:04:47.268,0:04:49.237
"Should we get the usual?"

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(Laughter)

0:04:50.424,0:04:54.157
"Or maybe something[br]a little more adventurous?"

0:04:54.181,0:04:55.991
Okay, so when you're playing baseball,

0:04:56.015,0:04:58.109
so if we talk[br]about during sexual activity,

0:04:58.133,0:04:59.514
when you're playing baseball,

0:04:59.538,0:05:02.042
you're just supposed to round the bases

0:05:02.066,0:05:04.522
in the proper order one at a time.

0:05:04.546,0:05:06.737
You can't hit the ball[br]and run to right field.

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That doesn't work.

0:05:07.983,0:05:10.277
And you also can't get[br]to second base and say,

0:05:10.301,0:05:14.677
"I like it here. I'm going to stay here."

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No.

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And also, of course,[br]with baseball, there's, like,

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the specific equipment[br]and a specific skill set.

0:05:21.027,0:05:24.630
Not everybody can play baseball.[br]It's pretty exclusive.

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Okay, but what about pizza?

0:05:26.312,0:05:28.884
When we're trying to figure[br]out what's good for pizza,

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isn't it all about what's our pleasure?

0:05:31.593,0:05:33.301
There are a million different[br]kinds of pizza.

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There's a million different toppings.

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There's a million different[br]ways to eat pizza.

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And none of them are wrong.[br]They're different.

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And in this case, difference is good,

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because that's going[br]to increase the chance

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that we're having a satisfying experience.

0:05:47.466,0:05:50.402
And lastly, what's the expected[br]outcome of baseball?

0:05:50.426,0:05:54.100
Well, in baseball, you play to win.

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You score as many runs as you can.

0:05:56.657,0:05:58.621
There's always a winner in baseball,

0:05:58.645,0:06:02.042
and that means there's always[br]a loser in baseball.

0:06:02.066,0:06:03.698
But what about pizza?

0:06:03.722,0:06:05.909
Well, in pizza, we're not really --

0:06:05.933,0:06:09.576
there's no winning. How do you win pizza?

0:06:09.600,0:06:12.831
You don't. But you do look for,

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"Are we satisfied?"

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And sometimes that can[br]be different amounts

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over different times[br]or with different people

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or on different days.

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And we get to decide[br]when we feel satisfied.

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If we're still hungry,[br]we might have some more.

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If you eat too much, though,

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you just feel gross.

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(Laughter)

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So what if we could take this pizza model

0:06:35.238,0:06:38.586
and overlay it on top[br]of sexuality education?

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A lot of sexuality education[br]that happens today

0:06:41.149,0:06:44.551
is so influenced by the baseball model,

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and it sets up education that can't help

0:06:48.368,0:06:52.077
but produce unhealthy[br]sexuality in young people.

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And those young people[br]become older people.

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But if we could create sexuality education

0:06:57.823,0:07:00.148
that was more like pizza,

0:07:00.172,0:07:03.596
we could create education[br]that invites people

0:07:03.620,0:07:05.891
to think about their own desires,

0:07:05.915,0:07:09.143
to make deliberate decisions[br]about what they want,

0:07:09.167,0:07:11.775
to talk about it with their partners,

0:07:11.799,0:07:13.448
and to ultimately look for

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not some external outcome

0:07:16.616,0:07:19.749
but for what feels satisfying,

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and we get to decide that.

0:07:22.292,0:07:23.029
You may have noticed

0:07:23.053,0:07:25.908
in the baseball and pizza comparison,

0:07:25.932,0:07:28.748
under the baseball, it's all commands.

0:07:28.772,0:07:30.845
They're all exclamation points.

0:07:30.869,0:07:33.914
But under the pizza[br]model, they're questions.

0:07:33.938,0:07:35.796
And who gets to answer those questions?

0:07:35.820,0:07:39.456
You do. I do.

0:07:39.480,0:07:41.356
So remember, when we're thinking about

0:07:41.380,0:07:44.102
sexuality education and sexual activity,

0:07:44.126,0:07:46.292
baseball, you're out.

0:07:46.316,0:07:49.524
Pizza is the way to think about healthy,

0:07:49.548,0:07:51.964
satisfying sexual activity,

0:07:51.988,0:07:54.904
and good, comprehensive[br]sexuality education.

0:07:54.928,0:07:57.134
Thank you very much for your time.

0:07:57.158,0:08:01.820
(Applause)