WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.000 I'd like to talk to you today 00:00:02.000 --> 00:00:07.000 about a whole new way to think about sexual activity 00:00:07.000 --> 00:00:11.000 and sexuality education, by comparison. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:11.000 --> 00:00:13.000 If you talk to someone today in America 00:00:13.000 --> 00:00:15.000 about sexual activity, 00:00:15.000 --> 00:00:19.000 you'll find pretty soon you're not just talking 00:00:19.000 --> 00:00:20.000 about sexual activity. 00:00:20.000 --> 00:00:23.000 You're also talking about baseball. 00:00:23.000 --> 00:00:28.000 Because baseball is the dominant cultural metaphor 00:00:28.000 --> 00:00:30.000 that Americans use to think about 00:00:30.000 --> 00:00:33.000 and talk about sexual activity, 00:00:33.000 --> 00:00:35.000 and we know that because there's 00:00:35.000 --> 00:00:37.000 all this language in English 00:00:37.000 --> 00:00:40.000 that seems to be talking about baseball 00:00:40.000 --> 00:00:44.000 but that's really talking about sexual activity. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:44.000 --> 00:00:47.000 So, for example, you can be a pitcher or a catcher, 00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:49.000 and that corresponds to whether you 00:00:49.000 --> 00:00:53.000 perform a sexual act or receive a sexual act. 00:00:53.000 --> 00:00:54.000 Of course, there are the bases, 00:00:54.000 --> 00:00:57.000 which refer to specific sexual activities 00:00:57.000 --> 00:01:00.000 that happen in a very specific order, 00:01:00.000 --> 00:01:03.000 ultimately resulting in scoring a run 00:01:03.000 --> 00:01:04.000 or hitting a home run, 00:01:04.000 --> 00:01:06.000 which is usually having vaginal intercourse 00:01:06.000 --> 00:01:08.000 to the point of orgasm, 00:01:08.000 --> 00:01:11.000 at least for the guy. 00:01:11.000 --> 00:01:12.000 (Laughter) 00:01:12.000 --> 00:01:14.000 You can strike out, which means 00:01:14.000 --> 00:01:16.000 you don't get to have any sexual activity. 00:01:16.000 --> 00:01:18.000 And if you're a benchwarmer, 00:01:18.000 --> 00:01:20.000 you might be a virgin or somebody who for 00:01:20.000 --> 00:01:22.000 whatever reason isn't in the game, 00:01:22.000 --> 00:01:26.000 maybe because of your age or because of your ability 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:29.000 or because of your skillset. 00:01:29.000 --> 00:01:30.000 A bat's a penis, 00:01:30.000 --> 00:01:34.000 and a nappy dugout is a vulva, or a vagina. 00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:37.000 A glove or a catcher's mitt is a condom. 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:40.000 A switch-hitter is a bisexual person, 00:01:40.000 --> 00:01:44.000 and we gay and lesbian folks play for the other team. 00:01:44.000 --> 00:01:47.000 And then there's this one: 00:01:47.000 --> 00:01:51.000 "if there's grass on the field, play ball." 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:53.000 And that usually refers to 00:01:53.000 --> 00:01:56.000 if a young person, specifically often a young woman, 00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:58.000 is old enough to have pubic hair, 00:01:58.000 --> 00:02:01.000 she's old enough to have sex with. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:01.000 --> 00:02:04.000 This baseball model is incredibly problematic. 00:02:04.000 --> 00:02:06.000 It's sexist. It's heterosexist. 00:02:06.000 --> 00:02:09.000 It's competitive. It's goal-directed. 00:02:09.000 --> 00:02:11.000 And it can't result in healthy sexuality 00:02:11.000 --> 00:02:14.000 developing in young people or in adults. 00:02:14.000 --> 00:02:16.000 So we need a new model. 00:02:16.000 --> 00:02:19.000 I'm here today to offer you that new model. 00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:21.000 And it's based on 00:02:21.000 --> 00:02:22.000 pizza. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:22.000 --> 00:02:26.000 Now pizza is something that is universally understood 00:02:26.000 --> 00:02:29.000 and that most people associate with a positive experience. 00:02:29.000 --> 00:02:30.000 So let's do this. 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:33.000 Let's take baseball and pizza and compare it 00:02:33.000 --> 00:02:36.000 when talking about three aspects of sexual activity: 00:02:36.000 --> 00:02:38.000 the trigger for sexual activity, 00:02:38.000 --> 00:02:40.000 what happens during sexual activity, 00:02:40.000 --> 00:02:43.000 and the expected outcome of sexual activity. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:43.000 --> 00:02:46.000 So when do you play baseball? 00:02:46.000 --> 00:02:48.000 You play baseball when it's baseball season 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:51.000 and when there's a game on the schedule. 00:02:51.000 --> 00:02:53.000 It's not exactly your choice. 00:02:53.000 --> 00:02:56.000 So if it's prom night or a wedding night 00:02:56.000 --> 00:02:59.000 or at a party or if our parents aren't home, 00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:02.000 hey, it's just batter up. 00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:03.000 Can you imagine saying to your coach, 00:03:03.000 --> 00:03:06.000 "Uh, I'm not really feeling it today, 00:03:06.000 --> 00:03:08.000 I think I'll sit this game out." 00:03:08.000 --> 00:03:10.000 That's just not the way it happens. 00:03:10.000 --> 00:03:12.000 And when you get together to play baseball, 00:03:12.000 --> 00:03:15.000 immediately you're with two opposing teams, 00:03:15.000 --> 00:03:17.000 one playing offense, one playing defense, 00:03:17.000 --> 00:03:20.000 somebody's trying to move deeper into the field. 00:03:20.000 --> 00:03:22.000 That's usually a sign to the boy. 00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:25.000 Somebody's trying to defend people moving into the field. 00:03:25.000 --> 00:03:27.000 That's often given to the girl. 00:03:27.000 --> 00:03:28.000 It's competitive. 00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:30.000 We're not playing with each other. 00:03:30.000 --> 00:03:31.000 We're playing against each other. 00:03:31.000 --> 00:03:33.000 And when you show up to play baseball, 00:03:33.000 --> 00:03:36.000 nobody needs to talk about what we're going to do 00:03:36.000 --> 00:03:38.000 or how this baseball game might be good for us. 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:39.000 Everybody knows the rules. 00:03:39.000 --> 00:03:44.000 You just take your position and play the game. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:44.000 --> 00:03:46.000 But when do you have pizza? 00:03:46.000 --> 00:03:50.000 Well, you have pizza when you're hungry for pizza. 00:03:50.000 --> 00:03:55.000 It starts with an internal sense, an internal desire, or a need. 00:03:55.000 --> 00:03:58.000 "Huh. I could go for some pizza." 00:03:58.000 --> 00:04:00.000 (Laughter) 00:04:00.000 --> 00:04:03.000 And because it's an internal desire, 00:04:03.000 --> 00:04:05.000 we actually have some sense of control over that. 00:04:05.000 --> 00:04:07.000 I could decide that I'm hungry 00:04:07.000 --> 00:04:11.000 but know that it's not a great time to eat. 00:04:11.000 --> 00:04:14.000 And then when we get together with someone for pizza, 00:04:14.000 --> 00:04:16.000 we're not competing with them, 00:04:16.000 --> 00:04:18.000 we're looking for an experience 00:04:18.000 --> 00:04:19.000 that both of us will share 00:04:19.000 --> 00:04:21.000 that's satisfying for both of us, 00:04:21.000 --> 00:04:24.000 and when you get together for pizza with somebody, 00:04:24.000 --> 00:04:26.000 what's the first thing you do? 00:04:26.000 --> 00:04:28.000 You talk about it. 00:04:28.000 --> 00:04:29.000 You talk about what you want. 00:04:29.000 --> 00:04:31.000 You talk about what you like. 00:04:31.000 --> 00:04:32.000 You may even negotiate it. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:32.000 --> 00:04:35.000 "How do you feel about pepperoni?" (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:38.000 "Not so much, I'm kind of a mushroom guy myself." NOTE Paragraph 00:04:38.000 --> 00:04:40.000 "Well, maybe we can go half and half." NOTE Paragraph 00:04:40.000 --> 00:04:42.000 And even if you've had pizza with somebody 00:04:42.000 --> 00:04:45.000 for a very long time, 00:04:45.000 --> 00:04:47.000 don't you still say things like, 00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:49.000 "Should we get the usual?" 00:04:49.000 --> 00:04:50.000 (Laughter) 00:04:50.000 --> 00:04:54.000 "Or maybe something a little more adventurous?" NOTE Paragraph 00:04:54.000 --> 00:04:56.000 Okay, so when you're playing baseball, 00:04:56.000 --> 00:04:58.000 so if we talk about during sexual activity, 00:04:58.000 --> 00:04:59.000 when you're playing baseball, 00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:02.000 you're just supposed to round the bases 00:05:02.000 --> 00:05:04.000 in the proper order one at a time. 00:05:04.000 --> 00:05:06.000 You can't hit the ball and run to right field. 00:05:06.000 --> 00:05:07.000 That doesn't work. 00:05:07.000 --> 00:05:10.000 And you also can't get to second base and say, 00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:14.000 "I like it here. I'm going to stay here." 00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:16.000 No. 00:05:16.000 --> 00:05:18.000 And also, of course, with baseball, there's, like, 00:05:18.000 --> 00:05:20.000 the specific equipment and a specific skill set. 00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:24.000 Not everybody can play baseball. It's pretty exclusive. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:26.000 Okay, but what about pizza? 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:28.000 When we're trying to figure out what's good for pizza, 00:05:28.000 --> 00:05:31.000 isn't it all about what's our pleasure? 00:05:31.000 --> 00:05:33.000 There are a million different kinds of pizza. 00:05:33.000 --> 00:05:35.000 There's a million different toppings. 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:37.000 There's a million different ways to eat pizza. 00:05:37.000 --> 00:05:40.000 And none of them are wrong. They're different. 00:05:40.000 --> 00:05:42.000 And in this case, difference is good, 00:05:42.000 --> 00:05:44.000 because that's going to increase the chance 00:05:44.000 --> 00:05:47.000 that we're having a satisfying experience. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:47.000 --> 00:05:50.000 And lastly, what's the expected outcome of baseball? 00:05:50.000 --> 00:05:54.000 Well, in baseball, you play to win. 00:05:54.000 --> 00:05:56.000 You score as many runs as you can. 00:05:56.000 --> 00:05:58.000 There's always a winner in baseball, 00:05:58.000 --> 00:06:02.000 and that means there's always a loser in baseball. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:02.000 --> 00:06:03.000 But what about pizza? 00:06:03.000 --> 00:06:05.000 Well, in pizza, we're not really -- 00:06:05.000 --> 00:06:09.000 there's no winning. How do you win pizza? 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:12.000 You don't. But you do look for, 00:06:12.000 --> 00:06:14.000 "Are we satisfied?" 00:06:14.000 --> 00:06:16.000 And sometimes that can be different amounts 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:18.000 over different times or with different people 00:06:18.000 --> 00:06:20.000 or on different days. 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:23.000 And we get to decide when we feel satisfied. 00:06:23.000 --> 00:06:26.000 If we're still hungry, we might have some more. 00:06:26.000 --> 00:06:28.000 If you eat too much, though, 00:06:28.000 --> 00:06:30.000 you just feel gross. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:32.000 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:06:32.000 --> 00:06:35.000 So what if we could take this pizza model 00:06:35.000 --> 00:06:38.000 and overlay it on top of sexuality education? 00:06:38.000 --> 00:06:41.000 A lot of sexuality education that happens today 00:06:41.000 --> 00:06:44.000 is so influenced by the baseball model, 00:06:44.000 --> 00:06:48.000 and it sets up education that can't help 00:06:48.000 --> 00:06:52.000 but produce unhealthy sexuality in young people. 00:06:52.000 --> 00:06:54.000 And those young people become older people. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:54.000 --> 00:06:57.000 But if we could create sexuality education 00:06:57.000 --> 00:07:00.000 that was more like pizza, 00:07:00.000 --> 00:07:03.000 we could create education that invites people 00:07:03.000 --> 00:07:05.000 to think about their own desires, 00:07:05.000 --> 00:07:09.000 to make deliberate decisions about what they want, 00:07:09.000 --> 00:07:11.000 to talk about it with their partners, 00:07:11.000 --> 00:07:13.000 and to ultimately look for 00:07:13.000 --> 00:07:16.000 not some external outcome 00:07:16.000 --> 00:07:19.000 but for what feels satisfying, 00:07:19.000 --> 00:07:22.000 and we get to decide that. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:22.000 --> 00:07:23.000 You may have noticed 00:07:23.000 --> 00:07:25.000 in the baseball and pizza comparison, 00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:28.000 under the baseball, it's all commands. 00:07:28.000 --> 00:07:30.000 They're all exclamation points. 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:33.000 But under the pizza model, they're questions. 00:07:33.000 --> 00:07:35.000 And who gets to answer those questions? 00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:39.000 You do. I do. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:39.000 --> 00:07:41.000 So remember, when we're thinking about 00:07:41.000 --> 00:07:44.000 sexuality education and sexual activity, 00:07:44.000 --> 00:07:46.000 baseball, you're out. 00:07:46.000 --> 00:07:49.000 Pizza is the way to think about healthy, 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:51.000 satisfying sexual activity, 00:07:51.000 --> 00:07:54.000 and good, comprehensive sexuality education. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:57.000 Thank you very much for your time. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:57.000 --> 00:08:01.000 (Applause)