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Today I'm going to unpack for you

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three examples of iconic design,

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and it makes perfect sense

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that I should be the one to do it

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because I have a Bachelor's degree in Literature.

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(Laughter)

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But I'm also a famous

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minor television personality

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and an avid collector of

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Design Within Reach catalogs,

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so I pretty much know

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everything there is.

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Now, I'm sure you

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recognize this object;

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many of you probably saw it

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as you were landing your private zeppelins

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at Los Angeles International Airport

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over the past couple of days.

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This is known as the Theme Building;

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that is its name for reasons

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that are still very murky.

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And it is perhaps

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the best example we have in Los Angeles

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of ancient extraterrestrial architecture.

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It was first excavated in 1961

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as they were building LAX,

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although scientists believe that

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it dates back to the year 2000

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Before Common Era,

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when it was used as

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a busy transdimensional space port

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by the ancient astronauts

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who first colonized this planet

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and raised our species

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from savagery by giving us

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the gift of written language

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and technology and

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the gift of revolving restaurants.

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It is thought to have been

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a replacement for the older space ports

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located, of course, at Stonehenge

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and considered to be

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quite an improvement

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due to the uncluttered design,

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the lack of druids hanging around all the time

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and obviously, the much better

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access to parking.

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When it was uncovered,

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it ushered in a new era

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of streamlined, archaically futuristic design

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called Googie,

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which came to be synonymous with

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the Jet Age, a misnomer.

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After all, the ancient astronauts who used it

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did not travel by jet very often,

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preferring instead to travel by feathered serpent

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powered by crystal skulls.

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(Applause)

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(Music)

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Ah yes, a table.

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We use these every day.

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And on top of it,

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the juicy salif.

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This is a design by Philippe Starck,

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who I believe is in the audience at this very moment.

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And you can tell it is a Starck design

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by its precision, its playfulness,

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its innovation and

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its promise of imminent violence.

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(Laughter)

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It is a design that challenges your intuition --

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it is not what you think it is when you first see it.

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It is not a fork designed

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to grab three hors d'oeuvres at a time,

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which would be useful out in the lobby,

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I would say.

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And despite its obvious

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influence by the ancient astronauts

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and its space agey-ness and tripodism,

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it is not something

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designed to attach to your brain

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and suck out your thoughts.

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It is in fact a citrus juicer

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and when I say that,

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you never see it as anything else again.

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It is also not a monument to design,

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it is a monument to design's utility.

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You can take it home with you,

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unlike the Theme Building,

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which will stay where it is forever.

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This is affordable

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and can come home with you

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and, as such, it can sit

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on your kitchen counter --

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it can't go in your drawers;

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trust me, I found that out the hard way --

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and make your kitchen counter into

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a monument to design.

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One other thing about it,

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if you do have one at home,

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let me tell you one of the features you may not know:

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when you fall asleep,

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it comes alive

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and it walks around your house

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and goes through your mail

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and watches you as you sleep.

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(Applause)

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Okay, what is this object?

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I have no idea. I don't know what that thing is.

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It looks terrible. Is it a little hot plate?

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I don't get it.

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Does anyone know? Chi?

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It's an ... iPhone. iPhone.

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Oh yes, that's right, I remember those;

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I had my whole bathroom tiles

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redone with those back in the good old days.

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No, I have an iPhone. Of course I do.

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Here is my well-loved iPhone.

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I do so many things on this little device.

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I like to read books on it.

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More than that, I like to buy books on it

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that I never have to feel guilty about not reading

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because they go in here and I never look at them again

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and it's perfect.

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I use it every day to

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measure the weight of an ox,

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for example.

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Every now and then,

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I admit that I complete

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a phone call on it occasionally.

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And yet I forget about it all the time.

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This is a design

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that once you saw it,

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you forgot about it.

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It is easy to forget the gasp-inducement

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that occurred in 2007 when you first

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touched this thing because it became

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so quickly pervasive

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and because of how instantly

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we adopted these gestures

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and made it an extension of our life.

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Unlike the Theme Building,

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this is not alien technology.

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Or I should say,

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what it did was it took technology

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which, unlike people in this room,

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to many other people in the world,

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still feels very alien,

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and made it immediately and instantly feel

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familiar and intimate.

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And unlike the juicy salif,

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it does not threaten

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to attach itself to your brain,

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rather, it simply

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attaches itself to your brain.

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(Laughter)

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And you didn't even notice it happened.

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So there you go. My name is John Hodgman.

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I just explained design.

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Thank you very much.

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(Applause)