[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.00,0:00:02.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: So how do you know an idea is good enough
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.45,0:00:03.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you never try it on stage?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.100,0:00:05.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: Well, there is a few different ...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.99,0:00:09.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's some ideas I just know.\NSome ideas you just go
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.82,0:00:12.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause you've been repeated \Nthe rhythm so many times
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.12,0:00:14.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,being on stage and talking\Nand getting laughs
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.07,0:00:14.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Right.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.52,0:00:16.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: I'll have a thought and I'll go\NOh that's ju.. oh that's a bit
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.76,0:00:18.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: 'Cause you know it from \Nall the years of doing it ?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.72,0:00:19.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah you just know
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.49,0:00:21.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then there's other bit things where I go
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.32,0:00:22.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't think anyone would ever like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.80,0:00:24.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This actually might be troubling\Nto some crowds.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.85,0:00:26.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wanna try it anyway.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.87,0:00:30.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Give me an example, if\Nyou could think of one,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.07,0:00:33.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you said to yourself this could be really good
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.29,0:00:35.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but troubling to the crowd and then you got up
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.45,0:00:37.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it just totally--
Dialogue: 0,0:00:37.04,0:00:38.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like the crowd was just disturbed by it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.45,0:00:40.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Like, I'm pretty sure my crowd was disturbed
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.70,0:00:41.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by Richard's bestiality brackets.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.98,0:00:44.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[CK laughing]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:44.62,0:00:45.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Don't you think--
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.55,0:00:48.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are you thinking about now
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.08,0:00:49.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that can possibly go wrong, or did in the past?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.62,0:00:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: These days, well, I don't \Nknow about these days, uh,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.35,0:00:56.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean I had one bit that never quite made it
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.71,0:00:58.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I didn't -- and I could've made it work.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.64,0:01:00.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Because you were having a dark thought?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.33,0:01:01.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.10,0:01:01.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: It was dark?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.97,0:01:02.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: Yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.24,0:01:03.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: What was this dark thought?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.62,0:01:05.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: Well last year, I think I did\Nthis on the show actually,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.73,0:01:07.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on the series. I think I put it in there.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.78,0:01:10.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it was a thing about, uh, you know
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.19,0:01:11.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people hate child molesters so much.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.85,0:01:13.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They hate them worse than murderers
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.07,0:01:13.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or anybody else.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.87,0:01:14.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Right, right.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.77,0:01:17.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: So getting caught child \Nmolesting is just,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.15,0:01:17.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's the end.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:17.90,0:01:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: That's the worse.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.76,0:01:20.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: It's really the end of your life in every way.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.04,0:01:20.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: That's right.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.95,0:01:22.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: Whatever you had is gone.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.02,0:01:25.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right, so uh, that's why a lot of kids
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.52,0:01:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that get molested get killed.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.22,0:01:29.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause whatever got you to the moment
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.54,0:01:31.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where you molested a kid,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.42,0:01:32.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,once you hit that moment,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.84,0:01:34.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you're like, "I can't let this kid go now,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.48,0:01:35.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I'm fucked if this kid
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.86,0:01:36.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,goes home and tells anybody."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.88,0:01:37.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So you kill the kid.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.92,0:01:41.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the bit was that if we could hate child
Dialogue: 0,0:01:41.49,0:01:42.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,molesting a little less,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.94,0:01:46.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we might get some kids back.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.34,0:01:47.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughing]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.38,0:01:48.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: That is a brilliant thought.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.28,0:01:49.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: If somebody could go,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.43,0:01:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughing]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:50.30,0:01:52.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,say to themselves, "Alright I've\Nmolested--"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.32,0:01:54.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, someone could call you and go,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.02,0:01:55.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Hey, I molested your kid.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.36,0:01:56.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you want him back after soccer?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.56,0:01:57.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you want me to drop him off\Nafter his game?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.95,0:02:00.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Does he have any allergies I \Nshould know about?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.47,0:02:02.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: So, we're hurting children by
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.52,0:02:04.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hating child molesters so much.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.16,0:02:05.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: That's right. Well, I wasn't able to
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.96,0:02:07.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,come to that conclusion.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.30,0:02:09.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The way I made the bit work, for me,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.49,0:02:11.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and made it palpable for some audiences,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.97,0:02:14.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like 20%, was to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.03,0:02:17.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't -- that what I just said is true,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.01,0:02:19.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that if we hated child molesters less,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.31,0:02:20.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,less children would die.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:20.59,0:02:23.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know what to do\Nwith that information."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.35,0:02:24.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughing]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.61,0:02:25.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Like you don't know where to go.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.76,0:02:27.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: I don't know what to do with it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.13,0:02:28.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: You came to the right place today.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.50,0:02:30.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, this is the place to air those
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.39,0:02:32.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kinds of thoughts. Wow.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.19,0:02:33.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: So that was a bit where I thought--
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.23,0:02:35.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Maybe the bit was you
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.30,0:02:37.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,starting a group. I dont, I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.63,0:02:38.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[laughing]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.72,0:02:39.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: When I hit that moment
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.71,0:02:40.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I had that thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.97,0:02:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought, "I'm fucked,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:42.81,0:02:43.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because I know that's funny
Dialogue: 0,0:02:43.99,0:02:45.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and people are gonna get upset."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.64,0:02:46.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I had to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.48,0:02:47.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: But yeah, you have to do that
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.81,0:02:48.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,because it's so great.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.99,0:02:51.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: It's a smart, fun thing to say,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.36,0:02:53.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I know I'm gonna upset some people
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.31,0:02:54.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'm gonna go ahead and do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.87,0:02:56.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: To me, one of the most
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.17,0:02:57.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,brilliant hours of stand up
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.37,0:02:58.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was when I heard Chris Rock
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.44,0:03:00.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,do that -- I forget what the special was called
Dialogue: 0,0:03:00.98,0:03:03.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on HBO but it was all about, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.08,0:03:06.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,race issues and, um, black people who,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.39,0:03:08.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,uh books were like kryptonite --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.19,0:03:10.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mean it was the darkest fucking
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.100,0:03:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,most like honest appraisal of everything.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.98,0:03:16.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I mean, I bet you there was a time
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.06,0:03:17.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where he went, "Man, I even don't know
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.07,0:03:18.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if I can do this stuff."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.14,0:03:18.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: Well the thing is,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.70,0:03:19.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to with all comedy,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.94,0:03:21.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to be willing to fail
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.26,0:03:22.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to get something to work.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:22.29,0:03:24.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And a lot of bits that I've done
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.32,0:03:25.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,have started off bombing,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:25.83,0:03:26.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,like when I started doing that bit,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.97,0:03:28.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,people'd just go "Oh."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.48,0:03:31.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not even like, uh -- just the bottom
Dialogue: 0,0:03:31.81,0:03:32.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,would drop out of the room,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.60,0:03:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's a bad feeling.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.62,0:03:35.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Afraid to laugh.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.06,0:03:38.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: Yes, just, "Oh no" and \Nlike murmuring, "Oh my goodness."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.21,0:03:40.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Woman: And then they don't know what to\Nthink of the rest of your material.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.75,0:03:42.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,CK: No, and then you lose credibility\Nwith the audience,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.82,0:03:43.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then you get a film of sweat,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:43.88,0:03:47.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you go, "Here I am, and I just said\Nthis shit, and I'm gonna try to save it."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.70,0:03:50.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But if you repeat that a few times, if you're
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.30,0:03:53.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,willing to do that, the bit gets stronger\Nand stronger, and you find ways
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.33,0:03:55.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to make it work for people.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.02,0:03:57.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stern: Yeah, man, oh my God. \NThat's just so great.