1
00:00:01,227 --> 00:00:03,275
I was a Marine with 1/1 Weapons Company,

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00:00:03,299 --> 00:00:04,450
81's platoon,

3
00:00:04,474 --> 00:00:06,479
out in Camp Pendleton, California.

4
00:00:06,503 --> 00:00:07,655
Oorah!

5
00:00:07,679 --> 00:00:08,831
Audience: Oorah!

6
00:00:08,855 --> 00:00:09,856
(Laughter)

7
00:00:09,880 --> 00:00:11,848
I joined a few months after September 11,

8
00:00:11,872 --> 00:00:14,891
feeling like I think most people
in the country did at the time,

9
00:00:14,915 --> 00:00:18,200
filled with a sense
of patriotism and retribution

10
00:00:18,224 --> 00:00:19,866
and the desire to do something --

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that, coupled with that fact
that I wasn't doing anything.

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I was 17, just graduated
from high school that past summer,

13
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living in the back room
of my parents' house paying rent,

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in the small town I was raised in
in Northern Indiana,

15
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called Mishawaka.

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00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:35,028
I can spell that later
for people who are interested --

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00:00:35,052 --> 00:00:36,056
(Laughter)

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00:00:36,080 --> 00:00:39,940
Mishawaka is many good things
but cultural hub of the world it is not,

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so my only exposure to theater and film

20
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was limited to the plays
I did in high school

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and Blockbuster Video,
may she rest in peace.

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(Laughter)

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I was serious enough about acting

24
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that I auditioned for Juilliard
when I was a senior in high school,

25
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didn't get in,

26
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determined college wasn't for me
and applied nowhere else,

27
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which was a genius move.

28
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I also did that Hail Mary
LA acting odyssey

29
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that I always heard stories about,

30
00:01:02,864 --> 00:01:05,165
of actors moving to LA
with, like, seven dollars

31
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and finding work and successful careers.

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I got as far as Amarillo, Texas,
before my car broke down.

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I spent all my money repairing it,

34
00:01:12,287 --> 00:01:13,932
finally made it to Santa Monica --

35
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not even LA --

36
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stayed for 48 hours wandering
the beach, basically,

37
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got in my car, drove home,

38
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thus ending my acting career, so --

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(Laughter)

40
00:01:22,283 --> 00:01:24,171
Seventeen, Mishawaka ...

41
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parents' house, paying rent,
selling vacuums ...

42
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telemarketing,

43
00:01:29,626 --> 00:01:31,809
cutting grass at the local
4-H fairgrounds.

44
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This was my world
going into September, 2001.

45
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So after the 11th,

46
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and feeling an overwhelming sense of duty,

47
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and just being pissed off
in general -- at myself,

48
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my parents, the government;

49
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not having confidence,
not having a respectable job,

50
00:01:43,822 --> 00:01:46,924
my shitty mini-fridge that I just
drove to California and back --

51
00:01:46,948 --> 00:01:49,921
I joined the Marine Corps and loved it.
I loved being a Marine.

52
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It's one of the things I'm most proud
of having done in my life.

53
00:01:53,007 --> 00:01:54,173
Firing weapons was cool,

54
00:01:54,197 --> 00:01:56,632
driving and detonating
expensive things was great.

55
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But I found I loved
the Marine Corps the most

56
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for the thing I was looking
for the least when I joined,

57
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which was the people:

58
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these weird dudes --
a motley crew of characters

59
00:02:06,242 --> 00:02:08,624
from a cross section
of the United States --

60
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that on the surface I had
nothing in common with.

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And over time,

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all the political and personal bravado

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that led me to the military dissolved,

64
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and for me, the Marine Corps
became synonymous with my friends.

65
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And then, a few years into my service

66
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and months away from deploying to Iraq,

67
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I dislocated my sternum
in a mountain-biking accident,

68
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and had to be medically separated.

69
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Those never in the military
may find this hard to understand,

70
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but being told I wasn't getting deployed
to Iraq or Afghanistan

71
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was very devastating for me.

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I have a very clear image of leaving
the base hospital on a stretcher

73
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and my entire platoon is waiting
outside to see if I was OK.

74
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And then, suddenly,
I was a civilian again.

75
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I knew I wanted to give
acting another shot,

76
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because -- again, this is me --

77
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I thought all civilian problems
are small compared to the military.

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I mean, what can you really
bitch about now, you know?

79
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"It's hot.

80
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Someone should turn
on the air conditioner."

81
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"This coffee line is too long."

82
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I was a Marine,

83
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I knew how to survive.

84
00:03:03,506 --> 00:03:05,444
I'd go to New York and become an actor.

85
00:03:05,468 --> 00:03:06,729
If things didn't work out,

86
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I'd live in Central Park
and dumpster-dive behind Panera Bread.

87
00:03:09,761 --> 00:03:10,762
(Laughter)

88
00:03:10,786 --> 00:03:13,476
I re-auditioned for Juilliard
and this time I was lucky,

89
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I got in.

90
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But I was surprised
by how complex the transition was

91
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from military to civilian.

92
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And I was relatively healthy; I can't
imagine going through that process

93
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on top of a mental or physical injury.

94
00:03:23,950 --> 00:03:25,541
But regardless, it was difficult.

95
00:03:25,565 --> 00:03:27,735
In part, because I was in acting school --

96
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I couldn't justify going
to voice and speech class,

97
00:03:31,757 --> 00:03:34,588
throwing imaginary balls of energy
at the back of the room,

98
00:03:34,612 --> 00:03:37,175
doing acting exercises
where I gave birth to myself --

99
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(Laughter)

100
00:03:38,224 --> 00:03:40,958
while my friends were serving
without me overseas.

101
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But also, because I didn't
know how to apply the things

102
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I learned in the military
to a civilian context.

103
00:03:45,992 --> 00:03:48,151
I mean that both practically
and emotionally.

104
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Practically, I had to get a job.

105
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And I was an Infantry Marine,

106
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where you're shooting machine guns
and firing mortars.

107
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There's not a lot of places you can
put those skills in the civilian world.

108
00:03:57,675 --> 00:03:58,676
(Laughter)

109
00:03:58,700 --> 00:04:00,722
Emotionally, I struggled to find meaning.

110
00:04:01,103 --> 00:04:03,064
In the military, everything has meaning.

111
00:04:03,088 --> 00:04:05,341
Everything you do
is either steeped in tradition

112
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or has a practical purpose.

113
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You can't smoke in the field

114
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because you don't want
to give away your position.

115
00:04:10,469 --> 00:04:12,764
You don't touch your face --
you have to maintain

116
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a personal level of health and hygiene.

117
00:04:14,694 --> 00:04:16,520
You face this way when "Colors" plays,

118
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out of respect for people
who went before you.

119
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Walk this way, talk this way
because of this.

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Your uniform is maintained to the inch.

121
00:04:22,826 --> 00:04:25,319
How diligently you followed
those rules spoke volumes

122
00:04:25,343 --> 00:04:26,978
about the kind of Marine you were.

123
00:04:27,002 --> 00:04:29,030
Your rank said something
about your history

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00:04:29,054 --> 00:04:30,538
and the respect you had earned.

125
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In the civilian world there's no rank.

126
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Here you're just another body,

127
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and I felt like I constantly had
to prove my worth all over again.

128
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And the respect civilians were giving me
while I was in uniform

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didn't exist when I was out of it.

130
00:04:41,786 --> 00:04:43,539
There didn't seem to be a ...

131
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a sense of community,

132
00:04:44,787 --> 00:04:47,453
whereas in the military,
I felt this sense of community.

133
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How often in the civilian world

134
00:04:49,748 --> 00:04:52,982
are you put in a life-or-death situation
with your closest friends

135
00:04:53,006 --> 00:04:56,312
and they constantly demonstrate
that they're not going to abandon you?

136
00:04:56,336 --> 00:04:58,389
And meanwhile, at acting school ...

137
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(Laughter)

138
00:05:00,895 --> 00:05:02,569
I was really, for the first time,

139
00:05:02,593 --> 00:05:04,878
discovering playwrights
and characters and plays

140
00:05:04,902 --> 00:05:06,865
that had nothing to do with the military,

141
00:05:06,889 --> 00:05:09,244
but were somehow describing
my military experience

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00:05:09,268 --> 00:05:11,815
in a way that before
to me was indescribable.

143
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And I felt myself becoming less aggressive

144
00:05:14,254 --> 00:05:17,457
as I was able to put words
to feelings for the first time

145
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and realizing what
a valuable tool that was.

146
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And when I was reflecting
on my time in the military,

147
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I wasn't first thinking
on the stereotypical drills

148
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and discipline and pain of it;

149
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but rather, the small,
intimate human moments,

150
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moments of great feeling:

151
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friends going AWOL
because they missed their families,

152
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friends getting divorced,

153
00:05:33,542 --> 00:05:35,540
grieving together, celebrating together,

154
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all within the backdrop of the military.

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I saw my friends battling
these circumstances,

156
00:05:39,829 --> 00:05:42,860
and I watched the anxiety
it produced in them and me,

157
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not being able to express
our feelings about it.

158
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The military and theater communities
are actually very similar.

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You have a group of people
trying to accomplish a mission

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greater than themselves;
it's not about you.

161
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You have a role, you have to know
your role within that team.

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Every team has a leader or director;

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sometimes they're smart,
sometimes they're not.

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You're forced to be intimate
with complete strangers

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in a short amount of time;

166
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the self-discipline, the self-maintenance.

167
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I thought, how great would it be
to create a space

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that combined these two seemingly
dissimilar communities,

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that brought entertainment
to a group of people

170
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that, considering their occupation,

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could handle something
a bit more thought-provoking

172
00:06:20,836 --> 00:06:22,669
than the typical mandatory-fun events

173
00:06:22,693 --> 00:06:25,754
that I remember being
"volun-told" to go to in the military --

174
00:06:25,778 --> 00:06:26,780
(Laughter)

175
00:06:26,804 --> 00:06:29,082
all well-intended but slightly
offensive events,

176
00:06:29,106 --> 00:06:31,757
like "Win a Date with a San Diego
Chargers Cheerleader,"

177
00:06:31,781 --> 00:06:33,957
where you answer a question
about pop culture,

178
00:06:33,981 --> 00:06:35,874
and if you get it right you win a date,

179
00:06:35,898 --> 00:06:38,244
which was a chaperoned walk
around the parade deck

180
00:06:38,268 --> 00:06:40,659
with this already married,
pregnant cheerleader --

181
00:06:40,683 --> 00:06:41,850
(Laughter)

182
00:06:41,874 --> 00:06:44,254
Nothing against cheerleaders,
I love cheerleaders.

183
00:06:44,278 --> 00:06:47,390
The point is more, how great would it
be to have theater presented

184
00:06:47,414 --> 00:06:50,638
through characters that were accessible
without being condescending.

185
00:06:50,662 --> 00:06:53,567
So we started this nonprofit
called Arts in the Armed Forces,

186
00:06:53,591 --> 00:06:55,246
where we tried to do that,

187
00:06:55,270 --> 00:06:58,188
tried to join these two seemingly
dissimilar communities.

188
00:06:58,212 --> 00:07:02,027
We pick a play or select monologues
from contemporary American plays

189
00:07:02,051 --> 00:07:05,725
that are diverse in age and race
like a military audience is,

190
00:07:05,749 --> 00:07:08,098
grab a group of incredible
theater-trained actors,

191
00:07:08,122 --> 00:07:09,975
arm them with incredible material,

192
00:07:09,999 --> 00:07:12,219
keep production value
as minimal as possible --

193
00:07:12,243 --> 00:07:15,279
no sets, no costumes,
no lights, just reading it --

194
00:07:15,303 --> 00:07:17,782
to throw all the emphasis on the language

195
00:07:17,806 --> 00:07:20,521
and to show that theater can
be created at any setting.

196
00:07:20,545 --> 00:07:21,725
It's a powerful thing,

197
00:07:21,749 --> 00:07:24,635
getting in a room with complete strangers

198
00:07:24,659 --> 00:07:27,307
and reminding ourselves of our humanity,

199
00:07:27,331 --> 00:07:29,728
and that self-expression
is just as valuable a tool

200
00:07:29,752 --> 00:07:31,109
as a rifle on your shoulder.

201
00:07:31,133 --> 00:07:33,138
And for an organization like the military,

202
00:07:33,162 --> 00:07:36,089
that prides itself on having
acronyms for acronyms,

203
00:07:36,113 --> 00:07:37,536
you can get lost in the sauce

204
00:07:37,560 --> 00:07:40,242
when it comes to explaining
a collective experience.

205
00:07:40,266 --> 00:07:42,110
And I can think of no better community

206
00:07:42,134 --> 00:07:44,205
to arm with a new means of self-expression

207
00:07:44,229 --> 00:07:46,251
than those protecting our country.

208
00:07:46,275 --> 00:07:48,755
We've gone all over
the United States and the world,

209
00:07:48,779 --> 00:07:51,460
from Walter Reed in Bethesda, Maryland,

210
00:07:51,484 --> 00:07:53,930
to Camp Pendleton,
to Camp Arifjan in Kuwait,

211
00:07:53,954 --> 00:07:55,663
to USAG Bavaria,

212
00:07:55,687 --> 00:07:57,727
on- and off-Broadway theaters in New York.

213
00:07:57,751 --> 00:07:59,823
And for the performing artists we bring,

214
00:07:59,847 --> 00:08:01,515
it's a window into a culture

215
00:08:01,539 --> 00:08:03,699
they otherwise would not
have had exposure to.

216
00:08:03,723 --> 00:08:05,742
And for the military, it's the exact same.

217
00:08:05,766 --> 00:08:07,753
And in doing this for the past six years,

218
00:08:07,777 --> 00:08:10,008
I'm always reminded
that acting is many things.

219
00:08:10,032 --> 00:08:13,237
It's a craft, it's a political act,
it's a business, it's --

220
00:08:13,888 --> 00:08:16,013
whatever adjective
is most applicable to you.

221
00:08:16,037 --> 00:08:17,476
But it's also a service.

222
00:08:17,500 --> 00:08:19,024
I didn't get to finish mine,

223
00:08:19,048 --> 00:08:20,680
so whenever I get to be of service

224
00:08:20,704 --> 00:08:23,981
to this ultimate service industry,
the military, for me, again --

225
00:08:24,005 --> 00:08:26,052
there's not many things better than that.

226
00:08:26,076 --> 00:08:27,404
Thank you.

227
00:08:27,428 --> 00:08:32,016
(Applause)

228
00:08:32,040 --> 00:08:35,964
We're going to be doing a piece
from Marco Ramirez,

229
00:08:35,988 --> 00:08:37,682
called "I am not Batman."

230
00:08:37,706 --> 00:08:40,734
An incredible actor
and good friend of mine, Jesse Perez,

231
00:08:40,758 --> 00:08:41,933
is going to be reading,

232
00:08:41,957 --> 00:08:44,441
and Matt Johnson,
who I just met a couple hours ago.

233
00:08:44,465 --> 00:08:46,616
They're doing it together
for the first time,

234
00:08:46,640 --> 00:08:47,878
so we'll see how it goes.

235
00:08:47,902 --> 00:08:49,821
Jesse Perez and Matt Johnson.

236
00:08:49,845 --> 00:08:52,999
(Applause)

237
00:09:00,669 --> 00:09:02,636
Jesse Perez: It's the middle of the night

238
00:09:02,660 --> 00:09:04,970
and the sky is glowing
like mad, radioactive red.

239
00:09:04,994 --> 00:09:07,116
And if you squint,
you can maybe see the moon

240
00:09:07,140 --> 00:09:10,006
through a thick layer of cigarette smoke
and airplane exhaust

241
00:09:10,030 --> 00:09:11,321
that covers the whole city,

242
00:09:11,345 --> 00:09:13,643
like a mosquito net
that won't let the angels in.

243
00:09:13,667 --> 00:09:14,707
(Drum beat)

244
00:09:14,731 --> 00:09:16,217
And if you look up high enough,

245
00:09:16,241 --> 00:09:19,678
you can see me standing
on the edge of an 87-story building.

246
00:09:19,702 --> 00:09:23,129
And up there, a place for gargoyles
and broken clock towers

247
00:09:23,153 --> 00:09:26,129
that have stayed still and dead
for maybe like 100 years,

248
00:09:26,153 --> 00:09:27,664
up there is me.

249
00:09:27,688 --> 00:09:28,718
(Beat)

250
00:09:28,742 --> 00:09:30,326
And I'm frickin' Batman.

251
00:09:30,350 --> 00:09:31,389
(Beat)

252
00:09:31,413 --> 00:09:33,578
And I gots Batmobiles and batarangs

253
00:09:33,602 --> 00:09:35,997
and frickin' bat caves, like, for real.

254
00:09:36,021 --> 00:09:37,715
And all it takes is a broom closet

255
00:09:37,739 --> 00:09:39,683
or a back room or a fire escape,

256
00:09:39,707 --> 00:09:42,698
and Danny's hand-me-down jeans are gone.

257
00:09:42,722 --> 00:09:44,618
And my navy blue polo shirt,

258
00:09:44,642 --> 00:09:48,119
the one that looks kinda good on me
but has that hole on it near the butt

259
00:09:48,143 --> 00:09:51,167
from when it got snagged
on the chain-link fence behind Arturo's

260
00:09:51,191 --> 00:09:53,883
but it isn't even a big deal
because I tuck that part in

261
00:09:53,907 --> 00:09:55,126
and it's, like, all good.

262
00:09:55,150 --> 00:09:57,067
That blue polo shirt -- it's gone, too!

263
00:09:57,091 --> 00:10:00,098
And I get like, like ... transformational.

264
00:10:00,122 --> 00:10:01,122
(Beat)

265
00:10:01,434 --> 00:10:04,769
And nobody pulls out a belt
and whips Batman for talkin' back.

266
00:10:04,793 --> 00:10:05,810
(Beat)

267
00:10:05,834 --> 00:10:07,254
Or for not talkin' back.

268
00:10:07,278 --> 00:10:09,602
And nobody calls Batman simple

269
00:10:09,626 --> 00:10:11,175
or stupid

270
00:10:11,199 --> 00:10:12,396
or skinny.

271
00:10:12,784 --> 00:10:16,003
And nobody fires Batman's brother
from the Eastern Taxi Company

272
00:10:16,027 --> 00:10:18,059
'cause they was making cutbacks, neither.

273
00:10:18,083 --> 00:10:19,972
'Cause they got nothing but respect.

274
00:10:19,996 --> 00:10:22,131
And not like afraid-respect,

275
00:10:22,155 --> 00:10:24,534
just, like, respect-respect.

276
00:10:24,558 --> 00:10:25,559
(Laughter)

277
00:10:25,583 --> 00:10:27,090
'Cause nobody's afraid of you.

278
00:10:27,114 --> 00:10:29,248
'Cause Batman doesn't mean nobody no harm.

279
00:10:29,272 --> 00:10:30,273
(Beat)

280
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:31,851
Ever.
(Double beat)

281
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:34,312
'Cause all Batman really wants
to do is save people

282
00:10:34,336 --> 00:10:36,083
and maybe pay abuela's bills one day

283
00:10:36,107 --> 00:10:37,258
and die happy.

284
00:10:37,282 --> 00:10:39,478
And maybe get, like, mad-famous for real.

285
00:10:39,502 --> 00:10:40,513
(Laughter)

286
00:10:40,537 --> 00:10:41,874
Oh -- and kill the Joker.

287
00:10:41,898 --> 00:10:43,358
(Drum roll)

288
00:10:43,382 --> 00:10:46,040
Tonight, like most nights, I'm all alone.

289
00:10:46,064 --> 00:10:48,257
And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'

290
00:10:48,281 --> 00:10:49,463
like a eagle

291
00:10:49,487 --> 00:10:50,657
or like a --

292
00:10:50,681 --> 00:10:52,390
no, yeah, like a eagle.

293
00:10:52,414 --> 00:10:53,415
(Laughter)

294
00:10:53,439 --> 00:10:56,257
And my cape is flapping in the wind
cause it's frickin' long

295
00:10:56,281 --> 00:10:57,695
and my pointy ears are on,

296
00:10:57,719 --> 00:11:00,549
and that mask that covers like half
my face is on, too,

297
00:11:00,573 --> 00:11:04,049
and I got, like, bulletproof stuff
all in my chest so no one can hurt me.

298
00:11:04,073 --> 00:11:05,787
And nobody -- nobody! --

299
00:11:05,811 --> 00:11:07,850
is gonna come between Batman ...

300
00:11:07,874 --> 00:11:09,053
and justice.

301
00:11:09,077 --> 00:11:10,879
(Drums)
(Laughter)

302
00:11:10,903 --> 00:11:12,411
From where I am,

303
00:11:12,435 --> 00:11:14,022
I can hear everything.

304
00:11:14,046 --> 00:11:15,212
(Silence)

305
00:11:15,236 --> 00:11:16,396
Somewhere in the city,

306
00:11:16,420 --> 00:11:19,636
there's a old lady picking
Styrofoam leftovers up out of a trash can

307
00:11:19,660 --> 00:11:22,510
and she's putting a piece
of sesame chicken someone spit out

308
00:11:22,534 --> 00:11:23,845
into her own mouth.

309
00:11:23,869 --> 00:11:27,178
And somewhere there's a doctor
with a wack haircut in a black lab coat

310
00:11:27,202 --> 00:11:29,060
trying to find a cure for the diseases

311
00:11:29,084 --> 00:11:32,042
that are gonna make us
all extinct for real one day.

312
00:11:32,066 --> 00:11:33,426
And somewhere there's a man,

313
00:11:33,450 --> 00:11:34,847
a man in a janitor's uniform,

314
00:11:34,871 --> 00:11:36,804
stumbling home drunk and dizzy

315
00:11:36,828 --> 00:11:40,580
after spending half his paycheck
on 40-ounce bottles of twist-off beer,

316
00:11:40,604 --> 00:11:43,548
and the other half on a four-hour visit
to some lady's house

317
00:11:43,572 --> 00:11:45,997
on a street where the lights
have all been shot out

318
00:11:46,021 --> 00:11:49,054
by people who'd rather do
what they do in this city in the dark.

319
00:11:49,078 --> 00:11:51,004
And half a block away from janitor man,

320
00:11:51,028 --> 00:11:53,942
there's a group of good-for-nothings
who don't know no better,

321
00:11:53,966 --> 00:11:56,490
waiting for janitor man
with rusted bicycle chains

322
00:11:56,514 --> 00:11:58,183
and imitation Louisville Sluggers,

323
00:11:58,207 --> 00:11:59,989
and if they don't find a cent on him,

324
00:12:00,013 --> 00:12:01,164
which they won't,

325
00:12:01,188 --> 00:12:04,546
they'll just pound at him till the muscles
in their arms start burning,

326
00:12:04,570 --> 00:12:06,643
till there's no more teeth to crack out.

327
00:12:06,667 --> 00:12:08,166
But they don't count on me.

328
00:12:08,664 --> 00:12:10,911
They don't count on no Dark Knight,

329
00:12:10,935 --> 00:12:13,929
with a stomach full of grocery-store
brand macaroni and cheese

330
00:12:13,953 --> 00:12:15,542
and cut-up Vienna sausages.

331
00:12:15,566 --> 00:12:16,567
(Laughter)

332
00:12:16,591 --> 00:12:19,147
'Cause they'd rather believe
I don't exist.

333
00:12:19,893 --> 00:12:23,506
And from 87 stories up, I can hear
one of the good-for-nothings say,

334
00:12:23,530 --> 00:12:25,831
"Gimme the cash!" -- real fast like that,

335
00:12:25,855 --> 00:12:27,598
just, "Gimme me the fuckin' cash!"

336
00:12:27,622 --> 00:12:31,175
And I see janitor man mumble something
in drunk language and turn pale,

337
00:12:31,199 --> 00:12:32,376
and from 87 stories up,

338
00:12:32,400 --> 00:12:35,508
I can hear his stomach trying
to hurl its way out his Dickies.

339
00:12:35,532 --> 00:12:37,413
So I swoop down, like, mad-fast

340
00:12:37,437 --> 00:12:40,452
and I'm like darkness, I'm like, "Swoosh!"

341
00:12:40,476 --> 00:12:42,931
And I throw a batarang
at the one naked lightbulb.

342
00:12:42,955 --> 00:12:43,994
(Cymbal)

343
00:12:44,018 --> 00:12:46,146
And they're all like, "Whoa, muthafucker!

344
00:12:46,170 --> 00:12:47,761
Who just turned out the lights?"

345
00:12:47,785 --> 00:12:48,786
(Laughter)

346
00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:50,479
"What's that over there?"
"What?"

347
00:12:50,503 --> 00:12:52,096
"Gimme me what you got, old man!"

348
00:12:52,120 --> 00:12:53,286
"Did anybody hear that?"

349
00:12:53,310 --> 00:12:57,150
"Hear what? There ain't nothing.
No, really -- there ain't no bat!"

350
00:12:57,174 --> 00:12:58,401
But then ...

351
00:12:58,425 --> 00:13:01,904
one out of the three good-for-nothings
gets it to the head -- pow!

352
00:13:01,928 --> 00:13:04,785
And number two swings blindly
into the dark cape before him,

353
00:13:04,809 --> 00:13:06,618
but before his fist hits anything,

354
00:13:06,642 --> 00:13:08,546
I grab a trash can lid and --

355
00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:09,757
right in the gut!

356
00:13:09,781 --> 00:13:11,896
And number one comes
back with the jump kick,

357
00:13:11,920 --> 00:13:14,551
but I know judo karate, too,
so I'm like --

358
00:13:14,575 --> 00:13:18,356
(Drums)

359
00:13:18,380 --> 00:13:19,531
Twice!

360
00:13:19,555 --> 00:13:20,556
(Drums)

361
00:13:20,580 --> 00:13:21,805
(Laughter)

362
00:13:21,829 --> 00:13:23,281
(Drums)

363
00:13:23,305 --> 00:13:25,065
But before I can do any more damage,

364
00:13:25,089 --> 00:13:27,288
suddenly we all hear a "click-click."

365
00:13:28,217 --> 00:13:30,453
And suddenly everything gets quiet.

366
00:13:31,049 --> 00:13:33,065
And the one good-for-nothing left standing

367
00:13:33,089 --> 00:13:35,026
grips a handgun and aims it straight up,

368
00:13:35,050 --> 00:13:36,631
like he's holding Jesus hostage,

369
00:13:36,655 --> 00:13:39,540
like he's threatening maybe
to blow a hole in the moon.

370
00:13:39,564 --> 00:13:41,836
And the good-for-nothing
who got it to the head,

371
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:43,128
who tried to jump-kick me,

372
00:13:43,152 --> 00:13:45,645
and the other good-for-nothing
who got it in the gut,

373
00:13:45,669 --> 00:13:48,550
is both scrambling back away
from the dark figure before 'em.

374
00:13:48,574 --> 00:13:50,257
And the drunk man, the janitor man,

375
00:13:50,281 --> 00:13:52,544
is huddled in a corner,
praying to Saint Anthony

376
00:13:52,568 --> 00:13:54,684
'cause that's the only one
he could remember.

377
00:13:54,708 --> 00:13:55,709
(Double beat)

378
00:13:55,733 --> 00:13:56,885
And there's me:

379
00:13:57,310 --> 00:13:58,680
eyes glowing white,

380
00:13:58,704 --> 00:14:00,711
cape blowing softly in the wind.

381
00:14:00,735 --> 00:14:01,736
(Beat)

382
00:14:01,760 --> 00:14:03,257
Bulletproof chest heaving,

383
00:14:03,281 --> 00:14:05,821
my heart beating right through it
in a Morse code for:

384
00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:06,996
"Fuck with me

385
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:08,171
just once

386
00:14:08,195 --> 00:14:09,346
come on

387
00:14:09,370 --> 00:14:10,520
just try."

388
00:14:10,830 --> 00:14:12,910
And the one good-for-nothing
left standing,

389
00:14:12,934 --> 00:14:14,249
the one with the handgun --

390
00:14:14,273 --> 00:14:15,424
yeah, he laughs.

391
00:14:15,448 --> 00:14:16,630
And he lowers his arm.

392
00:14:16,654 --> 00:14:17,964
And he points it at me

393
00:14:17,988 --> 00:14:19,439
and gives the moon a break.

394
00:14:19,463 --> 00:14:21,636
And he aims it right
between my pointy ears,

395
00:14:21,660 --> 00:14:24,609
like goal posts and he's special teams.

396
00:14:25,444 --> 00:14:28,113
And janitor man is still
calling Saint Anthony,

397
00:14:28,137 --> 00:14:29,493
but he ain't pickin' up.

398
00:14:30,277 --> 00:14:31,955
And for a second,

399
00:14:31,979 --> 00:14:33,233
it seems like ...

400
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:36,765
maybe I'm gonna lose.

401
00:14:38,899 --> 00:14:40,057
Nah!

402
00:14:40,081 --> 00:14:41,097
(Drums)

403
00:14:41,121 --> 00:14:42,306
Shoot! Shoot! Fwa-ka-ka!

404
00:14:42,330 --> 00:14:43,481
"Don't kill me, man!"

405
00:14:43,505 --> 00:14:45,463
Snap! Wrist crack! Neck! Slash!

406
00:14:45,487 --> 00:14:49,470
Skin meets acid:
"Ahhhhhhh!"

407
00:14:49,494 --> 00:14:50,732
And he's on the floor

408
00:14:50,756 --> 00:14:51,954
and I'm standing over him

409
00:14:51,978 --> 00:14:53,887
and I got the gun in my hands now

410
00:14:53,911 --> 00:14:56,575
and I hate guns, I hate holding 'em
'cause I'm Batman.

411
00:14:56,599 --> 00:14:57,777
And, asterisk:

412
00:14:57,801 --> 00:15:01,359
Batman don't like guns 'cause his parents
got iced by guns a long time ago.

413
00:15:01,383 --> 00:15:02,598
But for just a second,

414
00:15:02,622 --> 00:15:03,940
my eyes glow white,

415
00:15:03,964 --> 00:15:05,123
and I hold this thing

416
00:15:05,147 --> 00:15:07,130
for I could speak to the good-for-nothing

417
00:15:07,154 --> 00:15:08,900
in a language he maybe understands.

418
00:15:08,924 --> 00:15:10,471
Click-click!

419
00:15:10,495 --> 00:15:11,508
(Beat)

420
00:15:11,532 --> 00:15:14,097
And the good-for-nothings
become good-for-disappearing

421
00:15:14,121 --> 00:15:17,816
into whatever toxic waste, chemical
sludge shithole they crawled out of.

422
00:15:18,784 --> 00:15:20,760
And it's just me and janitor man.

423
00:15:21,555 --> 00:15:23,025
And I pick him up,

424
00:15:23,049 --> 00:15:26,182
and I wipe sweat and cheap perfume
off his forehead.

425
00:15:26,206 --> 00:15:27,642
And he begs me not to hurt him

426
00:15:27,666 --> 00:15:30,196
and I grab him tight
by his janitor-man shirt collar,

427
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,507
and I pull him to my face

428
00:15:31,531 --> 00:15:33,611
and he's taller than me
but the cape helps,

429
00:15:33,635 --> 00:15:36,028
so he listens when I look him
straight in the eyes.

430
00:15:36,052 --> 00:15:37,773
And I say two words to him:

431
00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:40,075
"Go home."

432
00:15:41,282 --> 00:15:42,528
And he does,

433
00:15:42,552 --> 00:15:45,020
checking behind his shoulder
every 10 feet.

434
00:15:45,044 --> 00:15:47,633
And I swoosh from building
to building on his way there

435
00:15:47,657 --> 00:15:49,061
'cause I know where he lives.

436
00:15:49,085 --> 00:15:51,889
And I watch his hands tremble
as he pulls out his key chain

437
00:15:51,913 --> 00:15:53,622
and opens the door to his building.

438
00:15:53,646 --> 00:15:54,917
And I'm back in bed

439
00:15:54,941 --> 00:15:57,213
before he even walks in
through the front door.

440
00:15:57,548 --> 00:15:59,167
And I hear him turn on the faucet

441
00:15:59,191 --> 00:16:01,447
and pour himself a glass
of warm tap water.

442
00:16:01,796 --> 00:16:03,692
And he puts the glass back in the sink.

443
00:16:04,399 --> 00:16:05,800
And I hear his footsteps.

444
00:16:06,630 --> 00:16:08,685
And they get slower
as they get to my room.

445
00:16:09,758 --> 00:16:12,883
And he creaks my door open,
like, mad-slow.

446
00:16:13,953 --> 00:16:15,781
And he takes a step in,

447
00:16:15,805 --> 00:16:17,161
which he never does.

448
00:16:17,677 --> 00:16:18,677
(Beat)

449
00:16:19,167 --> 00:16:20,797
And he's staring off into nowhere,

450
00:16:20,821 --> 00:16:23,486
his face, the color
of sidewalks in summer.

451
00:16:23,510 --> 00:16:25,091
And I act like I'm just waking up

452
00:16:25,115 --> 00:16:27,524
and I say, "Ah, what's up, Pop?"

453
00:16:28,452 --> 00:16:30,723
And janitor man says nothing to me.

454
00:16:31,753 --> 00:16:32,914
But I see in the dark,

455
00:16:32,938 --> 00:16:34,311
I see his arms go limp

456
00:16:34,335 --> 00:16:36,449
and his head turns back, like, towards me.

457
00:16:36,473 --> 00:16:38,849
And he lifts it for I can see his face,

458
00:16:38,873 --> 00:16:40,739
for I could see his eyes.

459
00:16:40,763 --> 00:16:43,135
And his cheeks is drippin',
but not with sweat.

460
00:16:43,704 --> 00:16:45,485
And he just stands there breathing,

461
00:16:45,509 --> 00:16:47,941
like he remembers my eyes glowing white,

462
00:16:47,965 --> 00:16:50,655
like he remembers my bulletproof chest,

463
00:16:51,513 --> 00:16:53,456
like he remembers he's my pop.

464
00:16:57,575 --> 00:17:00,531
And for a long time I don't say nothin'.

465
00:17:02,583 --> 00:17:04,609
And he turns around, hand on the doorknob.

466
00:17:04,633 --> 00:17:06,061
And he ain't looking my way,

467
00:17:06,085 --> 00:17:08,627
but I hear him mumble two words to me:

468
00:17:10,253 --> 00:17:11,667
"I'm sorry."

469
00:17:14,317 --> 00:17:17,596
And I lean over, and I open
my window just a crack.

470
00:17:18,697 --> 00:17:20,382
If you look up high enough,

471
00:17:21,036 --> 00:17:22,612
you could see me.

472
00:17:23,519 --> 00:17:24,936
And from where I am --

473
00:17:25,641 --> 00:17:26,912
(Cymbals)

474
00:17:27,692 --> 00:17:29,442
I could hear everything.

475
00:17:32,076 --> 00:17:40,500
(Applause)

476
00:17:40,544 --> 00:17:41,761
Thank you.

477
00:17:41,801 --> 00:17:49,140
(Applause)