0:00:01.227,0:00:03.275
I was a Marine with 1/1 Weapons Company,

0:00:03.299,0:00:04.450
81's platoon,

0:00:04.474,0:00:06.479
out in Camp Pendleton, California.

0:00:06.503,0:00:07.655
Oorah!

0:00:07.679,0:00:08.831
Audience: Oorah!

0:00:08.855,0:00:09.856
(Laughter)

0:00:09.880,0:00:11.848
I joined a few months after September 11,

0:00:11.872,0:00:14.891
feeling like I think most people[br]in the country did at the time,

0:00:14.915,0:00:18.200
filled with a sense[br]of patriotism and retribution

0:00:18.224,0:00:19.866
and the desire to do something --

0:00:19.890,0:00:22.635
that, coupled with that fact[br]that I wasn't doing anything.

0:00:22.659,0:00:25.905
I was 17, just graduated[br]from high school that past summer,

0:00:25.929,0:00:28.631
living in the back room[br]of my parents' house paying rent,

0:00:28.655,0:00:31.244
in the small town I was raised in[br]in Northern Indiana,

0:00:31.268,0:00:32.426
called Mishawaka.

0:00:32.450,0:00:35.028
I can spell that later[br]for people who are interested --

0:00:35.052,0:00:36.056
(Laughter)

0:00:36.080,0:00:39.940
Mishawaka is many good things[br]but cultural hub of the world it is not,

0:00:39.964,0:00:41.860
so my only exposure to theater and film

0:00:41.884,0:00:44.013
was limited to the plays[br]I did in high school

0:00:44.037,0:00:46.265
and Blockbuster Video,[br]may she rest in peace.

0:00:46.289,0:00:47.461
(Laughter)

0:00:47.485,0:00:49.132
I was serious enough about acting

0:00:49.156,0:00:52.464
that I auditioned for Juilliard[br]when I was a senior in high school,

0:00:52.488,0:00:53.639
didn't get in,

0:00:53.663,0:00:56.389
determined college wasn't for me[br]and applied nowhere else,

0:00:56.413,0:00:57.706
which was a genius move.

0:00:57.730,0:01:01.181
I also did that Hail Mary[br]LA acting odyssey

0:01:01.205,0:01:02.840
that I always heard stories about,

0:01:02.864,0:01:05.165
of actors moving to LA[br]with, like, seven dollars

0:01:05.189,0:01:07.132
and finding work and successful careers.

0:01:07.156,0:01:10.512
I got as far as Amarillo, Texas,[br]before my car broke down.

0:01:10.536,0:01:12.263
I spent all my money repairing it,

0:01:12.287,0:01:13.932
finally made it to Santa Monica --

0:01:13.956,0:01:15.234
not even LA --

0:01:15.258,0:01:17.917
stayed for 48 hours wandering[br]the beach, basically,

0:01:17.941,0:01:19.227
got in my car, drove home,

0:01:19.251,0:01:20.957
thus ending my acting career, so --

0:01:20.981,0:01:22.259
(Laughter)

0:01:22.283,0:01:24.171
Seventeen, Mishawaka ...

0:01:24.195,0:01:28.023
parents' house, paying rent,[br]selling vacuums ...

0:01:28.047,0:01:29.602
telemarketing,

0:01:29.626,0:01:31.809
cutting grass at the local[br]4-H fairgrounds.

0:01:31.833,0:01:34.125
This was my world[br]going into September, 2001.

0:01:34.149,0:01:35.300
So after the 11th,

0:01:35.324,0:01:37.526
and feeling an overwhelming sense of duty,

0:01:37.550,0:01:39.901
and just being pissed off[br]in general -- at myself,

0:01:39.925,0:01:41.321
my parents, the government;

0:01:41.345,0:01:43.798
not having confidence,[br]not having a respectable job,

0:01:43.822,0:01:46.924
my shitty mini-fridge that I just[br]drove to California and back --

0:01:46.948,0:01:49.921
I joined the Marine Corps and loved it.[br]I loved being a Marine.

0:01:49.945,0:01:52.983
It's one of the things I'm most proud[br]of having done in my life.

0:01:53.007,0:01:54.173
Firing weapons was cool,

0:01:54.197,0:01:56.632
driving and detonating[br]expensive things was great.

0:01:56.656,0:01:58.764
But I found I loved[br]the Marine Corps the most

0:01:58.788,0:02:01.429
for the thing I was looking[br]for the least when I joined,

0:02:01.453,0:02:02.614
which was the people:

0:02:02.638,0:02:06.218
these weird dudes --[br]a motley crew of characters

0:02:06.242,0:02:08.624
from a cross section[br]of the United States --

0:02:08.648,0:02:10.979
that on the surface I had[br]nothing in common with.

0:02:11.003,0:02:12.611
And over time,

0:02:12.635,0:02:14.461
all the political and personal bravado

0:02:14.485,0:02:16.362
that led me to the military dissolved,

0:02:16.386,0:02:19.368
and for me, the Marine Corps[br]became synonymous with my friends.

0:02:19.392,0:02:21.680
And then, a few years into my service

0:02:21.704,0:02:23.783
and months away from deploying to Iraq,

0:02:23.807,0:02:26.672
I dislocated my sternum[br]in a mountain-biking accident,

0:02:26.696,0:02:28.338
and had to be medically separated.

0:02:28.362,0:02:31.295
Those never in the military[br]may find this hard to understand,

0:02:31.319,0:02:34.382
but being told I wasn't getting deployed[br]to Iraq or Afghanistan

0:02:34.406,0:02:35.849
was very devastating for me.

0:02:35.873,0:02:39.114
I have a very clear image of leaving[br]the base hospital on a stretcher

0:02:39.138,0:02:42.008
and my entire platoon is waiting[br]outside to see if I was OK.

0:02:42.032,0:02:44.466
And then, suddenly,[br]I was a civilian again.

0:02:44.490,0:02:46.695
I knew I wanted to give[br]acting another shot,

0:02:46.719,0:02:48.523
because -- again, this is me --

0:02:48.547,0:02:52.266
I thought all civilian problems[br]are small compared to the military.

0:02:52.290,0:02:55.047
I mean, what can you really[br]bitch about now, you know?

0:02:55.071,0:02:56.243
"It's hot.

0:02:56.672,0:02:58.904
Someone should turn[br]on the air conditioner."

0:02:58.928,0:03:00.728
"This coffee line is too long."

0:03:01.155,0:03:02.307
I was a Marine,

0:03:02.331,0:03:03.482
I knew how to survive.

0:03:03.506,0:03:05.444
I'd go to New York and become an actor.

0:03:05.468,0:03:06.729
If things didn't work out,

0:03:06.753,0:03:09.737
I'd live in Central Park[br]and dumpster-dive behind Panera Bread.

0:03:09.761,0:03:10.762
(Laughter)

0:03:10.786,0:03:13.476
I re-auditioned for Juilliard[br]and this time I was lucky,

0:03:13.500,0:03:14.651
I got in.

0:03:14.675,0:03:17.216
But I was surprised[br]by how complex the transition was

0:03:17.240,0:03:18.541
from military to civilian.

0:03:18.565,0:03:22.040
And I was relatively healthy; I can't[br]imagine going through that process

0:03:22.064,0:03:23.926
on top of a mental or physical injury.

0:03:23.950,0:03:25.541
But regardless, it was difficult.

0:03:25.565,0:03:27.735
In part, because I was in acting school --

0:03:27.759,0:03:31.296
I couldn't justify going[br]to voice and speech class,

0:03:31.757,0:03:34.588
throwing imaginary balls of energy[br]at the back of the room,

0:03:34.612,0:03:37.175
doing acting exercises[br]where I gave birth to myself --

0:03:37.199,0:03:38.200
(Laughter)

0:03:38.224,0:03:40.958
while my friends were serving[br]without me overseas.

0:03:40.982,0:03:43.591
But also, because I didn't[br]know how to apply the things

0:03:43.615,0:03:45.968
I learned in the military[br]to a civilian context.

0:03:45.992,0:03:48.151
I mean that both practically[br]and emotionally.

0:03:48.175,0:03:49.744
Practically, I had to get a job.

0:03:49.768,0:03:51.500
And I was an Infantry Marine,

0:03:51.524,0:03:54.080
where you're shooting machine guns[br]and firing mortars.

0:03:54.104,0:03:57.651
There's not a lot of places you can[br]put those skills in the civilian world.

0:03:57.675,0:03:58.676
(Laughter)

0:03:58.700,0:04:00.722
Emotionally, I struggled to find meaning.

0:04:01.103,0:04:03.064
In the military, everything has meaning.

0:04:03.088,0:04:05.341
Everything you do[br]is either steeped in tradition

0:04:05.365,0:04:06.693
or has a practical purpose.

0:04:06.717,0:04:08.070
You can't smoke in the field

0:04:08.094,0:04:10.445
because you don't want[br]to give away your position.

0:04:10.469,0:04:12.764
You don't touch your face --[br]you have to maintain

0:04:12.788,0:04:14.670
a personal level of health and hygiene.

0:04:14.694,0:04:16.520
You face this way when "Colors" plays,

0:04:16.544,0:04:18.734
out of respect for people[br]who went before you.

0:04:18.758,0:04:20.898
Walk this way, talk this way[br]because of this.

0:04:20.922,0:04:22.802
Your uniform is maintained to the inch.

0:04:22.826,0:04:25.319
How diligently you followed[br]those rules spoke volumes

0:04:25.343,0:04:26.978
about the kind of Marine you were.

0:04:27.002,0:04:29.030
Your rank said something[br]about your history

0:04:29.054,0:04:30.538
and the respect you had earned.

0:04:30.562,0:04:32.394
In the civilian world there's no rank.

0:04:32.418,0:04:33.857
Here you're just another body,

0:04:33.881,0:04:37.088
and I felt like I constantly had[br]to prove my worth all over again.

0:04:37.112,0:04:40.112
And the respect civilians were giving me[br]while I was in uniform

0:04:40.136,0:04:41.762
didn't exist when I was out of it.

0:04:41.786,0:04:43.539
There didn't seem to be a ...

0:04:43.563,0:04:44.763
a sense of community,

0:04:44.787,0:04:47.453
whereas in the military,[br]I felt this sense of community.

0:04:47.477,0:04:49.206
How often in the civilian world

0:04:49.748,0:04:52.982
are you put in a life-or-death situation[br]with your closest friends

0:04:53.006,0:04:56.312
and they constantly demonstrate[br]that they're not going to abandon you?

0:04:56.336,0:04:58.389
And meanwhile, at acting school ...

0:04:58.413,0:05:00.871
(Laughter)

0:05:00.895,0:05:02.569
I was really, for the first time,

0:05:02.593,0:05:04.878
discovering playwrights[br]and characters and plays

0:05:04.902,0:05:06.865
that had nothing to do with the military,

0:05:06.889,0:05:09.244
but were somehow describing[br]my military experience

0:05:09.268,0:05:11.815
in a way that before[br]to me was indescribable.

0:05:11.839,0:05:14.230
And I felt myself becoming less aggressive

0:05:14.254,0:05:17.457
as I was able to put words[br]to feelings for the first time

0:05:17.481,0:05:19.600
and realizing what[br]a valuable tool that was.

0:05:19.624,0:05:22.104
And when I was reflecting[br]on my time in the military,

0:05:22.128,0:05:24.539
I wasn't first thinking[br]on the stereotypical drills

0:05:24.563,0:05:26.015
and discipline and pain of it;

0:05:26.039,0:05:28.253
but rather, the small,[br]intimate human moments,

0:05:28.277,0:05:29.610
moments of great feeling:

0:05:29.634,0:05:32.259
friends going AWOL[br]because they missed their families,

0:05:32.283,0:05:33.518
friends getting divorced,

0:05:33.542,0:05:35.540
grieving together, celebrating together,

0:05:35.564,0:05:37.499
all within the backdrop of the military.

0:05:37.523,0:05:39.805
I saw my friends battling[br]these circumstances,

0:05:39.829,0:05:42.860
and I watched the anxiety[br]it produced in them and me,

0:05:42.884,0:05:45.470
not being able to express[br]our feelings about it.

0:05:46.026,0:05:49.074
The military and theater communities[br]are actually very similar.

0:05:49.098,0:05:51.823
You have a group of people[br]trying to accomplish a mission

0:05:51.847,0:05:53.910
greater than themselves;[br]it's not about you.

0:05:53.934,0:05:56.902
You have a role, you have to know[br]your role within that team.

0:05:56.926,0:05:59.085
Every team has a leader or director;

0:05:59.109,0:06:01.659
sometimes they're smart,[br]sometimes they're not.

0:06:01.683,0:06:04.287
You're forced to be intimate[br]with complete strangers

0:06:04.311,0:06:05.596
in a short amount of time;

0:06:05.620,0:06:07.667
the self-discipline, the self-maintenance.

0:06:08.132,0:06:10.615
I thought, how great would it be[br]to create a space

0:06:10.639,0:06:13.966
that combined these two seemingly[br]dissimilar communities,

0:06:13.990,0:06:16.225
that brought entertainment[br]to a group of people

0:06:16.249,0:06:18.344
that, considering their occupation,

0:06:18.368,0:06:20.812
could handle something[br]a bit more thought-provoking

0:06:20.836,0:06:22.669
than the typical mandatory-fun events

0:06:22.693,0:06:25.754
that I remember being[br]"volun-told" to go to in the military --

0:06:25.778,0:06:26.780
(Laughter)

0:06:26.804,0:06:29.082
all well-intended but slightly[br]offensive events,

0:06:29.106,0:06:31.757
like "Win a Date with a San Diego[br]Chargers Cheerleader,"

0:06:31.781,0:06:33.957
where you answer a question[br]about pop culture,

0:06:33.981,0:06:35.874
and if you get it right you win a date,

0:06:35.898,0:06:38.244
which was a chaperoned walk[br]around the parade deck

0:06:38.268,0:06:40.659
with this already married,[br]pregnant cheerleader --

0:06:40.683,0:06:41.850
(Laughter)

0:06:41.874,0:06:44.254
Nothing against cheerleaders,[br]I love cheerleaders.

0:06:44.278,0:06:47.390
The point is more, how great would it[br]be to have theater presented

0:06:47.414,0:06:50.638
through characters that were accessible[br]without being condescending.

0:06:50.662,0:06:53.567
So we started this nonprofit[br]called Arts in the Armed Forces,

0:06:53.591,0:06:55.246
where we tried to do that,

0:06:55.270,0:06:58.188
tried to join these two seemingly[br]dissimilar communities.

0:06:58.212,0:07:02.027
We pick a play or select monologues[br]from contemporary American plays

0:07:02.051,0:07:05.725
that are diverse in age and race[br]like a military audience is,

0:07:05.749,0:07:08.098
grab a group of incredible[br]theater-trained actors,

0:07:08.122,0:07:09.975
arm them with incredible material,

0:07:09.999,0:07:12.219
keep production value[br]as minimal as possible --

0:07:12.243,0:07:15.279
no sets, no costumes,[br]no lights, just reading it --

0:07:15.303,0:07:17.782
to throw all the emphasis on the language

0:07:17.806,0:07:20.521
and to show that theater can[br]be created at any setting.

0:07:20.545,0:07:21.725
It's a powerful thing,

0:07:21.749,0:07:24.635
getting in a room with complete strangers

0:07:24.659,0:07:27.307
and reminding ourselves of our humanity,

0:07:27.331,0:07:29.728
and that self-expression[br]is just as valuable a tool

0:07:29.752,0:07:31.109
as a rifle on your shoulder.

0:07:31.133,0:07:33.138
And for an organization like the military,

0:07:33.162,0:07:36.089
that prides itself on having[br]acronyms for acronyms,

0:07:36.113,0:07:37.536
you can get lost in the sauce

0:07:37.560,0:07:40.242
when it comes to explaining[br]a collective experience.

0:07:40.266,0:07:42.110
And I can think of no better community

0:07:42.134,0:07:44.205
to arm with a new means of self-expression

0:07:44.229,0:07:46.251
than those protecting our country.

0:07:46.275,0:07:48.755
We've gone all over[br]the United States and the world,

0:07:48.779,0:07:51.460
from Walter Reed in Bethesda, Maryland,

0:07:51.484,0:07:53.930
to Camp Pendleton,[br]to Camp Arifjan in Kuwait,

0:07:53.954,0:07:55.663
to USAG Bavaria,

0:07:55.687,0:07:57.727
on- and off-Broadway theaters in New York.

0:07:57.751,0:07:59.823
And for the performing artists we bring,

0:07:59.847,0:08:01.515
it's a window into a culture

0:08:01.539,0:08:03.699
they otherwise would not[br]have had exposure to.

0:08:03.723,0:08:05.742
And for the military, it's the exact same.

0:08:05.766,0:08:07.753
And in doing this for the past six years,

0:08:07.777,0:08:10.008
I'm always reminded[br]that acting is many things.

0:08:10.032,0:08:13.237
It's a craft, it's a political act,[br]it's a business, it's --

0:08:13.888,0:08:16.013
whatever adjective[br]is most applicable to you.

0:08:16.037,0:08:17.476
But it's also a service.

0:08:17.500,0:08:19.024
I didn't get to finish mine,

0:08:19.048,0:08:20.680
so whenever I get to be of service

0:08:20.704,0:08:23.981
to this ultimate service industry,[br]the military, for me, again --

0:08:24.005,0:08:26.052
there's not many things better than that.

0:08:26.076,0:08:27.404
Thank you.

0:08:27.428,0:08:32.016
(Applause)

0:08:32.040,0:08:35.964
We're going to be doing a piece[br]from Marco Ramirez,

0:08:35.988,0:08:37.682
called "I am not Batman."

0:08:37.706,0:08:40.734
An incredible actor[br]and good friend of mine, Jesse Perez,

0:08:40.758,0:08:41.933
is going to be reading,

0:08:41.957,0:08:44.441
and Matt Johnson,[br]who I just met a couple hours ago.

0:08:44.465,0:08:46.616
They're doing it together[br]for the first time,

0:08:46.640,0:08:47.878
so we'll see how it goes.

0:08:47.902,0:08:49.821
Jesse Perez and Matt Johnson.

0:08:49.845,0:08:52.999
(Applause)

0:09:00.669,0:09:02.636
Jesse Perez: It's the middle of the night

0:09:02.660,0:09:04.970
and the sky is glowing[br]like mad, radioactive red.

0:09:04.994,0:09:07.116
And if you squint,[br]you can maybe see the moon

0:09:07.140,0:09:10.006
through a thick layer of cigarette smoke[br]and airplane exhaust

0:09:10.030,0:09:11.321
that covers the whole city,

0:09:11.345,0:09:13.643
like a mosquito net[br]that won't let the angels in.

0:09:13.667,0:09:14.707
(Drum beat)

0:09:14.731,0:09:16.217
And if you look up high enough,

0:09:16.241,0:09:19.678
you can see me standing[br]on the edge of an 87-story building.

0:09:19.702,0:09:23.129
And up there, a place for gargoyles[br]and broken clock towers

0:09:23.153,0:09:26.129
that have stayed still and dead[br]for maybe like 100 years,

0:09:26.153,0:09:27.664
up there is me.

0:09:27.688,0:09:28.718
(Beat)

0:09:28.742,0:09:30.326
And I'm frickin' Batman.

0:09:30.350,0:09:31.389
(Beat)

0:09:31.413,0:09:33.578
And I gots Batmobiles and batarangs

0:09:33.602,0:09:35.997
and frickin' bat caves, like, for real.

0:09:36.021,0:09:37.715
And all it takes is a broom closet

0:09:37.739,0:09:39.683
or a back room or a fire escape,

0:09:39.707,0:09:42.698
and Danny's hand-me-down jeans are gone.

0:09:42.722,0:09:44.618
And my navy blue polo shirt,

0:09:44.642,0:09:48.119
the one that looks kinda good on me[br]but has that hole on it near the butt

0:09:48.143,0:09:51.167
from when it got snagged[br]on the chain-link fence behind Arturo's

0:09:51.191,0:09:53.883
but it isn't even a big deal[br]because I tuck that part in

0:09:53.907,0:09:55.126
and it's, like, all good.

0:09:55.150,0:09:57.067
That blue polo shirt -- it's gone, too!

0:09:57.091,0:10:00.098
And I get like, like ... transformational.

0:10:00.122,0:10:01.122
(Beat)

0:10:01.434,0:10:04.769
And nobody pulls out a belt[br]and whips Batman for talkin' back.

0:10:04.793,0:10:05.810
(Beat)

0:10:05.834,0:10:07.254
Or for not talkin' back.

0:10:07.278,0:10:09.602
And nobody calls Batman simple

0:10:09.626,0:10:11.175
or stupid

0:10:11.199,0:10:12.396
or skinny.

0:10:12.784,0:10:16.003
And nobody fires Batman's brother[br]from the Eastern Taxi Company

0:10:16.027,0:10:18.059
'cause they was making cutbacks, neither.

0:10:18.083,0:10:19.972
'Cause they got nothing but respect.

0:10:19.996,0:10:22.131
And not like afraid-respect,

0:10:22.155,0:10:24.534
just, like, respect-respect.

0:10:24.558,0:10:25.559
(Laughter)

0:10:25.583,0:10:27.090
'Cause nobody's afraid of you.

0:10:27.114,0:10:29.248
'Cause Batman doesn't mean nobody no harm.

0:10:29.272,0:10:30.273
(Beat)

0:10:30.297,0:10:31.851
Ever.[br](Double beat)

0:10:31.875,0:10:34.312
'Cause all Batman really wants[br]to do is save people

0:10:34.336,0:10:36.083
and maybe pay abuela's bills one day

0:10:36.107,0:10:37.258
and die happy.

0:10:37.282,0:10:39.478
And maybe get, like, mad-famous for real.

0:10:39.502,0:10:40.513
(Laughter)

0:10:40.537,0:10:41.874
Oh -- and kill the Joker.

0:10:41.898,0:10:43.358
(Drum roll)

0:10:43.382,0:10:46.040
Tonight, like most nights, I'm all alone.

0:10:46.064,0:10:48.257
And I'm watchin' and I'm waitin'

0:10:48.281,0:10:49.463
like a eagle

0:10:49.487,0:10:50.657
or like a --

0:10:50.681,0:10:52.390
no, yeah, like a eagle.

0:10:52.414,0:10:53.415
(Laughter)

0:10:53.439,0:10:56.257
And my cape is flapping in the wind[br]cause it's frickin' long

0:10:56.281,0:10:57.695
and my pointy ears are on,

0:10:57.719,0:11:00.549
and that mask that covers like half[br]my face is on, too,

0:11:00.573,0:11:04.049
and I got, like, bulletproof stuff[br]all in my chest so no one can hurt me.

0:11:04.073,0:11:05.787
And nobody -- nobody! --

0:11:05.811,0:11:07.850
is gonna come between Batman ...

0:11:07.874,0:11:09.053
and justice.

0:11:09.077,0:11:10.879
(Drums)[br](Laughter)

0:11:10.903,0:11:12.411
From where I am,

0:11:12.435,0:11:14.022
I can hear everything.

0:11:14.046,0:11:15.212
(Silence)

0:11:15.236,0:11:16.396
Somewhere in the city,

0:11:16.420,0:11:19.636
there's a old lady picking[br]Styrofoam leftovers up out of a trash can

0:11:19.660,0:11:22.510
and she's putting a piece[br]of sesame chicken someone spit out

0:11:22.534,0:11:23.845
into her own mouth.

0:11:23.869,0:11:27.178
And somewhere there's a doctor[br]with a wack haircut in a black lab coat

0:11:27.202,0:11:29.060
trying to find a cure for the diseases

0:11:29.084,0:11:32.042
that are gonna make us[br]all extinct for real one day.

0:11:32.066,0:11:33.426
And somewhere there's a man,

0:11:33.450,0:11:34.847
a man in a janitor's uniform,

0:11:34.871,0:11:36.804
stumbling home drunk and dizzy

0:11:36.828,0:11:40.580
after spending half his paycheck[br]on 40-ounce bottles of twist-off beer,

0:11:40.604,0:11:43.548
and the other half on a four-hour visit[br]to some lady's house

0:11:43.572,0:11:45.997
on a street where the lights[br]have all been shot out

0:11:46.021,0:11:49.054
by people who'd rather do[br]what they do in this city in the dark.

0:11:49.078,0:11:51.004
And half a block away from janitor man,

0:11:51.028,0:11:53.942
there's a group of good-for-nothings[br]who don't know no better,

0:11:53.966,0:11:56.490
waiting for janitor man[br]with rusted bicycle chains

0:11:56.514,0:11:58.183
and imitation Louisville Sluggers,

0:11:58.207,0:11:59.989
and if they don't find a cent on him,

0:12:00.013,0:12:01.164
which they won't,

0:12:01.188,0:12:04.546
they'll just pound at him till the muscles[br]in their arms start burning,

0:12:04.570,0:12:06.643
till there's no more teeth to crack out.

0:12:06.667,0:12:08.166
But they don't count on me.

0:12:08.664,0:12:10.911
They don't count on no Dark Knight,

0:12:10.935,0:12:13.929
with a stomach full of grocery-store[br]brand macaroni and cheese

0:12:13.953,0:12:15.542
and cut-up Vienna sausages.

0:12:15.566,0:12:16.567
(Laughter)

0:12:16.591,0:12:19.147
'Cause they'd rather believe[br]I don't exist.

0:12:19.893,0:12:23.506
And from 87 stories up, I can hear[br]one of the good-for-nothings say,

0:12:23.530,0:12:25.831
"Gimme the cash!" -- real fast like that,

0:12:25.855,0:12:27.598
just, "Gimme me the fuckin' cash!"

0:12:27.622,0:12:31.175
And I see janitor man mumble something[br]in drunk language and turn pale,

0:12:31.199,0:12:32.376
and from 87 stories up,

0:12:32.400,0:12:35.508
I can hear his stomach trying[br]to hurl its way out his Dickies.

0:12:35.532,0:12:37.413
So I swoop down, like, mad-fast

0:12:37.437,0:12:40.452
and I'm like darkness, I'm like, "Swoosh!"

0:12:40.476,0:12:42.931
And I throw a batarang[br]at the one naked lightbulb.

0:12:42.955,0:12:43.994
(Cymbal)

0:12:44.018,0:12:46.146
And they're all like, "Whoa, muthafucker!

0:12:46.170,0:12:47.761
Who just turned out the lights?"

0:12:47.785,0:12:48.786
(Laughter)

0:12:48.810,0:12:50.479
"What's that over there?"[br]"What?"

0:12:50.503,0:12:52.096
"Gimme me what you got, old man!"

0:12:52.120,0:12:53.286
"Did anybody hear that?"

0:12:53.310,0:12:57.150
"Hear what? There ain't nothing.[br]No, really -- there ain't no bat!"

0:12:57.174,0:12:58.401
But then ...

0:12:58.425,0:13:01.904
one out of the three good-for-nothings[br]gets it to the head -- pow!

0:13:01.928,0:13:04.785
And number two swings blindly[br]into the dark cape before him,

0:13:04.809,0:13:06.618
but before his fist hits anything,

0:13:06.642,0:13:08.546
I grab a trash can lid and --

0:13:08.570,0:13:09.757
right in the gut!

0:13:09.781,0:13:11.896
And number one comes[br]back with the jump kick,

0:13:11.920,0:13:14.551
but I know judo karate, too,[br]so I'm like --

0:13:14.575,0:13:18.356
(Drums)

0:13:18.380,0:13:19.531
Twice!

0:13:19.555,0:13:20.556
(Drums)

0:13:20.580,0:13:21.805
(Laughter)

0:13:21.829,0:13:23.281
(Drums)

0:13:23.305,0:13:25.065
But before I can do any more damage,

0:13:25.089,0:13:27.288
suddenly we all hear a "click-click."

0:13:28.217,0:13:30.453
And suddenly everything gets quiet.

0:13:31.049,0:13:33.065
And the one good-for-nothing left standing

0:13:33.089,0:13:35.026
grips a handgun and aims it straight up,

0:13:35.050,0:13:36.631
like he's holding Jesus hostage,

0:13:36.655,0:13:39.540
like he's threatening maybe[br]to blow a hole in the moon.

0:13:39.564,0:13:41.836
And the good-for-nothing[br]who got it to the head,

0:13:41.860,0:13:43.128
who tried to jump-kick me,

0:13:43.152,0:13:45.645
and the other good-for-nothing[br]who got it in the gut,

0:13:45.669,0:13:48.550
is both scrambling back away[br]from the dark figure before 'em.

0:13:48.574,0:13:50.257
And the drunk man, the janitor man,

0:13:50.281,0:13:52.544
is huddled in a corner,[br]praying to Saint Anthony

0:13:52.568,0:13:54.684
'cause that's the only one[br]he could remember.

0:13:54.708,0:13:55.709
(Double beat)

0:13:55.733,0:13:56.885
And there's me:

0:13:57.310,0:13:58.680
eyes glowing white,

0:13:58.704,0:14:00.711
cape blowing softly in the wind.

0:14:00.735,0:14:01.736
(Beat)

0:14:01.760,0:14:03.257
Bulletproof chest heaving,

0:14:03.281,0:14:05.821
my heart beating right through it[br]in a Morse code for:

0:14:05.845,0:14:06.996
"Fuck with me

0:14:07.020,0:14:08.171
just once

0:14:08.195,0:14:09.346
come on

0:14:09.370,0:14:10.520
just try."

0:14:10.830,0:14:12.910
And the one good-for-nothing[br]left standing,

0:14:12.934,0:14:14.249
the one with the handgun --

0:14:14.273,0:14:15.424
yeah, he laughs.

0:14:15.448,0:14:16.630
And he lowers his arm.

0:14:16.654,0:14:17.964
And he points it at me

0:14:17.988,0:14:19.439
and gives the moon a break.

0:14:19.463,0:14:21.636
And he aims it right[br]between my pointy ears,

0:14:21.660,0:14:24.609
like goal posts and he's special teams.

0:14:25.444,0:14:28.113
And janitor man is still[br]calling Saint Anthony,

0:14:28.137,0:14:29.493
but he ain't pickin' up.

0:14:30.277,0:14:31.955
And for a second,

0:14:31.979,0:14:33.233
it seems like ...

0:14:35.040,0:14:36.765
maybe I'm gonna lose.

0:14:38.899,0:14:40.057
Nah!

0:14:40.081,0:14:41.097
(Drums)

0:14:41.121,0:14:42.306
Shoot! Shoot! Fwa-ka-ka!

0:14:42.330,0:14:43.481
"Don't kill me, man!"

0:14:43.505,0:14:45.463
Snap! Wrist crack! Neck! Slash!

0:14:45.487,0:14:49.470
Skin meets acid:[br]"Ahhhhhhh!"

0:14:49.494,0:14:50.732
And he's on the floor

0:14:50.756,0:14:51.954
and I'm standing over him

0:14:51.978,0:14:53.887
and I got the gun in my hands now

0:14:53.911,0:14:56.575
and I hate guns, I hate holding 'em[br]'cause I'm Batman.

0:14:56.599,0:14:57.777
And, asterisk:

0:14:57.801,0:15:01.359
Batman don't like guns 'cause his parents[br]got iced by guns a long time ago.

0:15:01.383,0:15:02.598
But for just a second,

0:15:02.622,0:15:03.940
my eyes glow white,

0:15:03.964,0:15:05.123
and I hold this thing

0:15:05.147,0:15:07.130
for I could speak to the good-for-nothing

0:15:07.154,0:15:08.900
in a language he maybe understands.

0:15:08.924,0:15:10.471
Click-click!

0:15:10.495,0:15:11.508
(Beat)

0:15:11.532,0:15:14.097
And the good-for-nothings[br]become good-for-disappearing

0:15:14.121,0:15:17.816
into whatever toxic waste, chemical[br]sludge shithole they crawled out of.

0:15:18.784,0:15:20.760
And it's just me and janitor man.

0:15:21.555,0:15:23.025
And I pick him up,

0:15:23.049,0:15:26.182
and I wipe sweat and cheap perfume[br]off his forehead.

0:15:26.206,0:15:27.642
And he begs me not to hurt him

0:15:27.666,0:15:30.196
and I grab him tight[br]by his janitor-man shirt collar,

0:15:30.220,0:15:31.507
and I pull him to my face

0:15:31.531,0:15:33.611
and he's taller than me[br]but the cape helps,

0:15:33.635,0:15:36.028
so he listens when I look him[br]straight in the eyes.

0:15:36.052,0:15:37.773
And I say two words to him:

0:15:38.467,0:15:40.075
"Go home."

0:15:41.282,0:15:42.528
And he does,

0:15:42.552,0:15:45.020
checking behind his shoulder[br]every 10 feet.

0:15:45.044,0:15:47.633
And I swoosh from building[br]to building on his way there

0:15:47.657,0:15:49.061
'cause I know where he lives.

0:15:49.085,0:15:51.889
And I watch his hands tremble[br]as he pulls out his key chain

0:15:51.913,0:15:53.622
and opens the door to his building.

0:15:53.646,0:15:54.917
And I'm back in bed

0:15:54.941,0:15:57.213
before he even walks in[br]through the front door.

0:15:57.548,0:15:59.167
And I hear him turn on the faucet

0:15:59.191,0:16:01.447
and pour himself a glass[br]of warm tap water.

0:16:01.796,0:16:03.692
And he puts the glass back in the sink.

0:16:04.399,0:16:05.800
And I hear his footsteps.

0:16:06.630,0:16:08.685
And they get slower[br]as they get to my room.

0:16:09.758,0:16:12.883
And he creaks my door open,[br]like, mad-slow.

0:16:13.953,0:16:15.781
And he takes a step in,

0:16:15.805,0:16:17.161
which he never does.

0:16:17.677,0:16:18.677
(Beat)

0:16:19.167,0:16:20.797
And he's staring off into nowhere,

0:16:20.821,0:16:23.486
his face, the color[br]of sidewalks in summer.

0:16:23.510,0:16:25.091
And I act like I'm just waking up

0:16:25.115,0:16:27.524
and I say, "Ah, what's up, Pop?"

0:16:28.452,0:16:30.723
And janitor man says nothing to me.

0:16:31.753,0:16:32.914
But I see in the dark,

0:16:32.938,0:16:34.311
I see his arms go limp

0:16:34.335,0:16:36.449
and his head turns back, like, towards me.

0:16:36.473,0:16:38.849
And he lifts it for I can see his face,

0:16:38.873,0:16:40.739
for I could see his eyes.

0:16:40.763,0:16:43.135
And his cheeks is drippin',[br]but not with sweat.

0:16:43.704,0:16:45.485
And he just stands there breathing,

0:16:45.509,0:16:47.941
like he remembers my eyes glowing white,

0:16:47.965,0:16:50.655
like he remembers my bulletproof chest,

0:16:51.513,0:16:53.456
like he remembers he's my pop.

0:16:57.575,0:17:00.531
And for a long time I don't say nothin'.

0:17:02.583,0:17:04.609
And he turns around, hand on the doorknob.

0:17:04.633,0:17:06.061
And he ain't looking my way,

0:17:06.085,0:17:08.627
but I hear him mumble two words to me:

0:17:10.253,0:17:11.667
"I'm sorry."

0:17:14.317,0:17:17.596
And I lean over, and I open[br]my window just a crack.

0:17:18.697,0:17:20.382
If you look up high enough,

0:17:21.036,0:17:22.612
you could see me.

0:17:23.519,0:17:24.936
And from where I am --

0:17:25.641,0:17:26.912
(Cymbals)

0:17:27.692,0:17:29.442
I could hear everything.

0:17:32.076,0:17:40.500
(Applause)

0:17:40.544,0:17:41.761
Thank you.

0:17:41.801,0:17:49.140
(Applause)