WEBVTT

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Two years ago, I studied Latin


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and realized that I've been
diagnosed with cancer.

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At least that it felt like
I had to study Latin

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to understand what the doctor
who just examined me was saying.

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He says, "You have testis cancer."

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I say, "I have to test what, to get what?"
(Laughter)

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"No no no, no you have testis cancer."

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Testicular cancer,
testis is in Latin, means testicular.

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I don't know if it were
because of my obvious Latin look.

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(Laughter)

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He felt the need to tell me in Latin
what the problem was.

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And — actually as a comedian
for the last 16 years,

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I found it quite ironic that he told me
I might die in a language that's dead.

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(Laughter)

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(Applause)

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But this little Latin session 
actually became quite symbolic to me,

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when I experienced the following
one and a half years,

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as I realized how hard it is for people

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to talk to people 
who have a serious illness,

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and not just for you and me
but also for doctors.

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And it really became clear to me
when the cancer spread to my lung

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that even my wife and mother 
became awkward

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about the communication with me.

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My wife withdrew and held back

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and she didn't want to ask me
too many questions of how I felt,

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and she was afraid 
to put too much stress on me,

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and my mom, she was
a seriously concerned mom,

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no one wants to see her child sick.

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So she was too uncomfortable
about calling me,

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and —

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so we decided that I should just call her
when I had the energy to do it.

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But if there's someone

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you really want to be in charge with
when you're sick

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is your mom and you wife.

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You want a thousand questions a day,

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and you want a thousand missed calls
from your mother a day.

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And I heard from a lot of my friends
they say, 


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"Yeah, we didn't want to contact you,

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we're afraid we're going to cry
or you're going to cry,


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we weren't certain that what we say
will be profound enough."

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And my advice to anyone who knows
anyone who's seriously ill,

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there's nothing you can say or do
that's wrong,

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the only wrong you can do
it's doing nothing at all.

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And just a small "I'm thinking of you"
is enough,

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it doesn't have to be long [unclear].

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And — my mom doesn't have
a mobile or a computer,

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so she couldn't text me or send an email,

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but you know we all have - 
except for my mom,


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(Laughter)
this little device here,

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and if you know someone who's ill


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you know, this is accessible 24/7.

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Send them a text, an email,
a facebook, a twitter

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and let them know that you are thinking
of them and their loved ones.

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And you know I remember when I was -

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it wasn't always I got hundreds
of messages from friends and family

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and it wasn't always
I had the strength to read them,

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but on good days
you know when I turn on my phone,

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hearing these messages coming in 
and seeing them

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you know it really kept me going
and made my day.

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And especially the ones
that made me laugh.

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There was few moments where I laughed
I forgot that I was ill.

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I'll give you an example:
I had long hair

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I had to go through chemotherapy
and lost my hair,

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I had long hair for 20 years,
it was my brand, it was my image,

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and I got a text from a stand-up comedian
one of my colleagues

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with a picture of him
wearing a long hear wig,

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(Laughter)

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saying, "Don't worry my friend
I'll do your gigs for you,"

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(Laughter)

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"And of course keep the money."
(Laughter)

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I worked at a radio station at the moment
and my boss came round

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with 6 chocolate balls.

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I had my testicles removed and —
(Laughter)

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he thought I need a replacement
(Laughter)

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and they're all different sizes
as he didn't know my exact size.

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(Laughter)

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When I was declared cancer-free

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which is 1 year and 8 days ago,

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I posted on...
(Applause)

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Thank you.
(Applause)

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(Applause)

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And I posted it on my Facebook
enthusiastically,

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"Yeah I beat cancer, it's so great,"

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and I got 4000 likes,
4000 people like my update!

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And I showed it to my nurse,
"Look, 4000 people like my update,"

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She just looked and said,
"Well, you have 50,000 fans!"

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(Laughter)

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So does that mean that 46,000
was like 'Oh, fuck'?. (Laughter)

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And I texted all my friends and family

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150 to be exact,

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and I said,
"Yeah I'm back, I'm alive, I beat cancer."

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and 149 wrote back,

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"That's amazing, that's amazing
we love you, we love life."

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Except for one guy, my friend Uve,
from my university,

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he wrote, "Oh dear Geo, 
this is so great, good news.

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I myself have been ill lately,
I've had a little bit of fever.

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(Laughter)

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And I've also been dizzy,
but I'm all right now!

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(Laughter)


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And I just booked tickets to Mexico,
It's going to be great."

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I had to go back,
I wrote to Uve,

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and he was,
"Yeah I've been struggling,

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fighting against cancer
for the last 1 and half years,

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I beat it, I might be mentally, 
physically and financially broke,

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but who cares I'm alive!"

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"I've been a little bit dizzy."
(Laughter)

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But it just shows, I mean,
these four examples

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show how extreme it can be

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and still, you know they all meant well,

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Uve meant well, his text
might have been a bit off (Laughter)

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but it certainly made me glad

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and it made me laugh for sure.
(Laughter)

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But my point is Uve did something

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and I see - now I've my phone out

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and I see you have your phones out,

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and I'm done here in a few seconds and -

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when I'm done I want you to

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text or call a person
who needs to hear from you.

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And remember, you can't do 
or say anything wrong

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the only wrong you could do is
not doing anything.

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Thank you very much.

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(Applause)

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(Cheers)