0:00:00.909,0:00:03.908 [cheering][br]Man's voice: It has been quite a year. 0:00:03.908,0:00:07.962 A lot has happened,[br]and we're stronger. 0:00:08.903,0:00:10.517 And this time ... 0:00:11.217,0:00:14.560 we're ready -- to -- win. 0:00:14.800,0:00:19.337 [girl singing][br]♪ There is a unicorn, his name is Gumdrop ♪ 0:00:20.227,0:00:22.660 Hello! My name is Michael Champagne. 0:00:22.660,0:00:24.380 I'm a proud pageant dad. 0:00:26.007,0:00:27.774 It's a full-time job, 0:00:28.634,0:00:29.985 and I love it. 0:00:30.431,0:00:32.350 This is my daughter Annette. 0:00:32.350,0:00:34.568 We named her after Annette Funicello. 0:00:34.608,0:00:37.611 I love allll things Disney: 0:00:38.291,0:00:41.501 the parks, and the figurines, 0:00:43.469,0:00:44.983 and Zac Efron. 0:00:46.063,0:00:48.680 So my daughter Annette,[br]she just turned five this year, 0:00:48.680,0:00:52.069 and she has had quite a growth spurt,[br]so I want you to meet her. 0:00:52.069,0:00:54.013 She's out here.[br]We'll sneak up on her, though, 0:00:54.013,0:00:57.355 'cause she's real shy. Not like me.[br]She doesn't understand the camera, 0:00:57.355,0:00:59.853 y'know, unlike this one right here. [br]C'mon, let's go. 0:01:00.783,0:01:02.303 [laughing] 0:01:02.923,0:01:05.502 [Annette singing in a little-girl voice] 0:01:05.552,0:01:06.901 Michael: There she is! 0:01:08.521,0:01:12.359 ♪ and he eats jelly bean pizza[br]for breakfast ♪ 0:01:13.559,0:01:16.892 When I grow up,[br]I'm gonna be a princess. 0:01:17.592,0:01:20.840 Michael: I make sure to tell her,[br]each and every day, 0:01:20.840,0:01:23.381 that you can be anything you wanna be. 0:01:23.441,0:01:29.601 A pretty, pretty princess,[br]who lives in a big tower, 0:01:30.761,0:01:33.372 so no Jews can get me. 0:01:33.372,0:01:36.636 Who the [bleep] left the god[bleep][br]water hose goin'? 0:01:36.636,0:01:40.619 This is my sweetness, my, uh,[br]beautiful wife Ribina, 0:01:40.929,0:01:43.691 proud mother of our beautiful baby girl. 0:01:45.251,0:01:46.337 Yay! 0:01:46.763,0:01:48.638 I'm colored. 0:01:49.201,0:01:52.951 Ribina: I still ain't convinced she mine.[br]Not fully. 0:01:53.201,0:01:55.477 Michael: We're actually able[br]to do these pageants 0:01:55.477,0:01:57.321 because of this wonderful woman[br]right here. 0:01:57.321,0:01:59.035 I mean, she brings home the bacon. 0:01:59.065,0:02:00.364 I smoke for a livin'. 0:02:00.414,0:02:03.025 Ribina is a professional smoker. 0:02:03.205,0:02:06.100 You've heard of professional shoppers,[br]that they got? 0:02:06.100,0:02:09.351 Well, the United Tobacco Smoking Agency -- 0:02:09.351,0:02:12.425 Association of America,[br]get it right, bitch. 0:02:12.425,0:02:14.941 Association of America. [br]Association of America! 0:02:14.941,0:02:18.144 pays Ribina to test all their products[br]full-time. 0:02:18.144,0:02:20.551 'Cause I think it's important[br]to do work that matters. 0:02:20.551,0:02:21.303 Yeah. 0:02:21.303,0:02:23.163 [Annette singing about[br]her magical canoe] 0:02:23.163,0:02:25.341 Michael, on phone:[br]I did not order the color fuchsia. 0:02:25.341,0:02:27.033 I ordered the color flamingo. 0:02:27.033,0:02:29.205 Totally different,[br]different colors. Absolutely. 0:02:29.205,0:02:30.893 And I just -- hold on a second. 0:02:30.893,0:02:34.461 Um, sweetness, could you get the door[br]for me, help me with all this stuff? 0:02:34.461,0:02:36.386 Can't you see I'm at work? 0:02:36.386,0:02:37.758 God[bleep]! 0:02:37.758,0:02:39.078 Annette, echoing her: God[bleep]! 0:02:39.078,0:02:40.300 Blind [bleep]er! 0:02:40.370,0:02:42.333 Blind [bleep]er! 0:02:42.333,0:02:44.540 Which one did I have? 0:02:44.540,0:02:45.982 I can't [bleep]in' tell! 0:02:45.982,0:02:47.974 So between her income smoking, 0:02:47.974,0:02:52.152 and the, um, settlement that we got[br]from the fine folks at Taymag -- 0:02:52.152,0:02:53.345 Ribina: Lint fire. 0:02:53.345,0:02:55.480 Michael: You don't think[br]it's gonna happen to you. 0:02:55.480,0:02:56.961 Ribina: Dryer tried to kill me. 0:02:56.961,0:02:59.222 Michael: Yeah, you really gotta[br]clean that drawer out. 0:02:59.222,0:03:01.260 Ribina: That [bleep]in' dryer[br]tried to kill me. 0:03:01.260,0:03:02.835 Michael: It did. 0:03:03.195,0:03:06.510 One time, Mommy's cigarettes[br]made the dryer go boom. 0:03:06.510,0:03:09.580 Michael, laughing: Hush, now, Annette.[br]No no no, that's not what happened. 0:03:09.580,0:03:13.721 Yes it is! I was there, I saw it.[br]Mommy's cigarettes made the dryer go -- 0:03:13.721,0:03:15.961 OK, what'd I tell you about [br]tellin' tall tales? 0:03:15.961,0:03:18.557 Um, could you turn that off[br]for a second, please? 0:03:18.557,0:03:20.883 Just cut, or whatever you say? 0:03:20.913,0:03:22.076 Cut. 0:03:22.136,0:03:24.858 Michael: We are rehearsing[br]for the Miss Star Eyes Pageant, 0:03:24.858,0:03:29.875 which we had to drop out of last year[br]at the very last minute. 0:03:30.385,0:03:32.087 I had a hysterectomy. 0:03:32.177,0:03:33.762 She had pink eye. 0:03:33.812,0:03:37.503 Michael: OK, Annette, let's tell them![br]We're here to -- 0:03:37.733,0:03:39.127 Win! 0:03:39.337,0:03:40.981 And if we don't win, it's -- 0:03:40.981,0:03:42.405 OK! 0:03:42.405,0:03:44.123 As long as we don't lose -- 0:03:44.193,0:03:46.223 To a Mexican. 0:03:47.669,0:03:49.461 Our heart. 0:03:49.812,0:03:51.809 As long as we don't lose our heart. 0:03:51.809,0:03:56.240 Daddy says that Mexicans[br]are lazy and dirty. 0:03:56.240,0:03:59.345 Honestly, I don't know where she[br]comes up with this stuff. 0:03:59.345,0:04:01.758 I don't know. It just goes and goes. 0:04:01.758,0:04:04.677 Annette: That's what he says. [br]He says lazy, dirty Mexicans. 0:04:04.677,0:04:07.161 She watches too much TV, [br]her mother lets her, 0:04:07.161,0:04:09.859 she jabbajabbajabba,[br]and doesn't make a lick o'sense. 0:04:10.019,0:04:13.549 Michael: I love Mexicans! [br]I love every kind of Mexican. 0:04:13.619,0:04:16.738 I love Salma Hayek,[br]I love Christopher Walken, 0:04:19.107,0:04:22.303 Annette is gonna clean up[br]in the talent portion. 0:04:22.433,0:04:25.146 She lights up a stage! 0:04:26.736,0:04:28.677 [click, click] 0:04:28.707,0:04:30.610 [BOOM!] 0:04:30.610,0:04:32.319 [theme song] [br]♪ There is a unicorn ♪ 0:04:32.319,0:04:35.461 ♪ and his name is Gumdrop ♪ 0:04:35.461,0:04:38.481 ♪ and he lives on Gumdrop Mountain ♪ 0:04:38.481,0:04:42.488 ♪ and he likes to eat[br]jelly bean pizza for breakfast ♪ 0:04:42.488,0:04:46.900 ♪ and he has a magic hula hoop ♪ 0:04:47.864,0:04:51.312 ♪ and his favorite number is 8 ♪ 0:04:51.312,0:04:57.187 ♪ which just also happens[br]to be my favorite number ♪ 0:04:57.187,0:05:01.840 ♪ His name is Gumdrop the Unicorn ♪ 0:05:01.840,0:05:06.210 ♪ and then last Tuesday ♪ 0:05:06.320,0:05:09.228 ♪ he died ♪