1
00:00:06,146 --> 00:00:07,821
There's so many of you.

2
00:00:07,845 --> 00:00:09,433
(Laughter)

3
00:00:12,685 --> 00:00:15,272
When I was a kid,

4
00:00:15,296 --> 00:00:17,780
I hid my heart under the bed,
because my mother said,

5
00:00:17,804 --> 00:00:20,669
"If you're not careful,
someday someone's going to break it."

6
00:00:21,438 --> 00:00:24,478
Take it from me: Under the bed
is not a good hiding spot.

7
00:00:25,057 --> 00:00:27,433
I know because I've been
shot down so many times,

8
00:00:27,457 --> 00:00:30,364
I get altitude sickness
just from standing up for myself.

9
00:00:31,350 --> 00:00:32,956
But that's what we were told.

10
00:00:33,350 --> 00:00:34,882
"Stand up for yourself."

11
00:00:35,648 --> 00:00:38,612
And that's hard to do
if you don't know who you are.

12
00:00:38,636 --> 00:00:42,376
We were expected to define ourselves
at such an early age,

13
00:00:42,400 --> 00:00:45,138
and if we didn't do it,
others did it for us.

14
00:00:45,718 --> 00:00:47,203
Geek. Fatty.

15
00:00:47,227 --> 00:00:48,972
Slut. Fag.

16
00:00:50,160 --> 00:00:53,627
And at the same time we were
being told what we were,

17
00:00:53,651 --> 00:00:54,976
we were being asked,

18
00:00:55,000 --> 00:00:57,508
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

19
00:00:57,953 --> 00:01:00,055
I always thought
that was an unfair question.

20
00:01:00,079 --> 00:01:03,024
It presupposes that we can't be
what we already are.

21
00:01:03,429 --> 00:01:04,595
We were kids.

22
00:01:05,285 --> 00:01:07,339
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a man.

23
00:01:08,355 --> 00:01:10,534
I wanted a registered
retirement savings plan

24
00:01:10,558 --> 00:01:13,677
that would keep me in candy
long enough to make old age sweet.

25
00:01:13,701 --> 00:01:14,882
(Laughter)

26
00:01:14,906 --> 00:01:16,922
When I was a kid, I wanted to shave.

27
00:01:17,366 --> 00:01:19,184
Now, not so much.

28
00:01:19,208 --> 00:01:20,635
(Laughter)

29
00:01:21,096 --> 00:01:24,487
When I was eight,
I wanted to be a marine biologist.

30
00:01:24,511 --> 00:01:26,416
When I was nine, I saw the movie "Jaws,"

31
00:01:26,440 --> 00:01:28,353
and thought to myself, "No, thank you."

32
00:01:28,377 --> 00:01:29,590
(Laughter)

33
00:01:29,893 --> 00:01:31,044
And when I was 10,

34
00:01:31,068 --> 00:01:33,901
I was told that my parents left
because they didn't want me.

35
00:01:33,925 --> 00:01:35,886
When I was 11, I wanted to be left alone.

36
00:01:35,910 --> 00:01:39,259
When I was 12, I wanted to die.
When I was 13, I wanted to kill a kid.

37
00:01:39,283 --> 00:01:42,696
When I was 14, I was asked
to seriously consider a career path.

38
00:01:43,339 --> 00:01:45,021
I said, "I'd like to be a writer."

39
00:01:45,783 --> 00:01:48,044
And they said,
"Choose something realistic."

40
00:01:48,655 --> 00:01:50,873
So I said, "Professional wrestler."

41
00:01:52,111 --> 00:01:53,793
And they said, "Don't be stupid."

42
00:01:54,439 --> 00:01:57,175
See, they asked me what I wanted to be,

43
00:01:57,199 --> 00:01:58,937
then told me what not to be.

44
00:01:59,563 --> 00:02:01,135
And I wasn't the only one.

45
00:02:01,802 --> 00:02:04,037
We were being told
that we somehow must become

46
00:02:04,061 --> 00:02:06,024
what we are not, sacrificing what we are

47
00:02:06,048 --> 00:02:08,436
to inherit the masquerade
of what we will be.

48
00:02:08,952 --> 00:02:12,747
I was being told to accept the identity
that others will give me.

49
00:02:13,588 --> 00:02:16,692
And I wondered, what made
my dreams so easy to dismiss?

50
00:02:17,661 --> 00:02:21,004
Granted, my dreams are shy,

51
00:02:21,028 --> 00:02:22,305
because they're Canadian.

52
00:02:22,745 --> 00:02:25,218
(Laughter)

53
00:02:25,878 --> 00:02:28,885
My dreams are self-conscious
and overly apologetic.

54
00:02:29,258 --> 00:02:31,544
They're standing alone
at the high school dance,

55
00:02:31,568 --> 00:02:33,020
and they've never been kissed.

56
00:02:34,131 --> 00:02:36,370
See, my dreams got called names too.

57
00:02:36,961 --> 00:02:39,054
Silly. Foolish.

58
00:02:39,619 --> 00:02:40,770
Impossible.

59
00:02:40,794 --> 00:02:42,057
But I kept dreaming.

60
00:02:42,542 --> 00:02:45,140
I was going to be a wrestler.
I had it all figured out.

61
00:02:45,164 --> 00:02:46,784
I was going to be The Garbage Man.

62
00:02:46,808 --> 00:02:47,809
(Laughter)

63
00:02:47,833 --> 00:02:51,262
My finishing move was going
to be The Trash Compactor.

64
00:02:51,286 --> 00:02:54,404
My saying was going to be,
"I'm taking out the trash!"

65
00:02:54,428 --> 00:02:57,264
(Laughter)

66
00:02:57,288 --> 00:03:01,040
(Applause)

67
00:03:01,064 --> 00:03:05,812
And then this guy,
Duke "The Dumpster" Droese,

68
00:03:05,836 --> 00:03:07,556
stole my entire shtick.

69
00:03:07,580 --> 00:03:09,147
(Laughter)

70
00:03:09,171 --> 00:03:11,273
I was crushed,

71
00:03:11,297 --> 00:03:13,122
as if by a trash compactor.

72
00:03:13,146 --> 00:03:15,361
(Laughter)

73
00:03:15,668 --> 00:03:18,192
I thought to myself,
"What now? Where do I turn?"

74
00:03:19,239 --> 00:03:20,652
Poetry.

75
00:03:20,676 --> 00:03:22,054
(Laughter)

76
00:03:22,078 --> 00:03:25,056
Like a boomerang,
the thing I loved came back to me.

77
00:03:25,586 --> 00:03:28,239
One of the first lines of poetry
I can remember writing

78
00:03:28,263 --> 00:03:30,883
was in response to a world
that demanded I hate myself.

79
00:03:30,907 --> 00:03:33,303
From age 15 to 18, I hated myself

80
00:03:33,327 --> 00:03:36,127
for becoming the thing that I loathed:

81
00:03:36,151 --> 00:03:37,324
a bully.

82
00:03:37,728 --> 00:03:40,492
When I was 19, I wrote,

83
00:03:40,516 --> 00:03:43,041
"I will love myself
despite the ease with which

84
00:03:43,065 --> 00:03:44,889
I lean toward the opposite."

85
00:03:46,183 --> 00:03:49,389
Standing up for yourself
doesn't have to mean

86
00:03:49,413 --> 00:03:51,016
embracing violence.

87
00:03:51,862 --> 00:03:53,715
When I was a kid,

88
00:03:53,739 --> 00:03:56,446
I traded in homework
assignments for friendship,

89
00:03:56,470 --> 00:03:59,469
then gave each friend a late slip
for never showing up on time,

90
00:03:59,493 --> 00:04:01,119
and in most cases, not at all.

91
00:04:01,143 --> 00:04:04,253
I gave myself a hall pass
to get through each broken promise.

92
00:04:04,277 --> 00:04:06,604
And I remember this plan,
born out of frustration

93
00:04:06,628 --> 00:04:08,823
from a kid who kept calling me "Yogi,"

94
00:04:08,847 --> 00:04:11,849
then pointed at my tummy and said,
"Too many picnic baskets."

95
00:04:12,588 --> 00:04:15,010
Turns out it's not that hard
to trick someone,

96
00:04:15,034 --> 00:04:16,606
and one day before class, I said,

97
00:04:16,630 --> 00:04:18,675
"Yeah, you can copy my homework,"

98
00:04:18,699 --> 00:04:22,650
and I gave him all the wrong answers
that I'd written down the night before.

99
00:04:22,674 --> 00:04:25,180
He got his paper back
expecting a near-perfect score,

100
00:04:25,204 --> 00:04:29,015
and couldn't believe it when he looked
across the room at me and held up a zero.

101
00:04:29,039 --> 00:04:32,085
I knew I didn't have to hold up
my paper of 28 out of 30,

102
00:04:32,109 --> 00:04:35,117
but my satisfaction was complete
when he looked at me, puzzled,

103
00:04:35,141 --> 00:04:38,599
and I thought to myself, "Smarter
than the average bear, motherfucker."

104
00:04:38,623 --> 00:04:40,405
(Laughter)

105
00:04:40,429 --> 00:04:46,659
(Applause)

106
00:04:46,683 --> 00:04:48,472
This is who I am.

107
00:04:49,585 --> 00:04:51,943
This is how I stand up for myself.

108
00:04:53,283 --> 00:04:55,533
When I was a kid,

109
00:04:55,557 --> 00:04:59,469
I used to think that pork chops
and karate chops were the same thing.

110
00:05:00,446 --> 00:05:02,208
I thought they were both pork chops.

111
00:05:02,615 --> 00:05:04,369
My grandmother thought it was cute,

112
00:05:04,393 --> 00:05:07,203
and because they were my favorite,
she let me keep doing it.

113
00:05:07,227 --> 00:05:08,680
Not really a big deal.

114
00:05:08,704 --> 00:05:12,463
One day, before I realized fat kids
are not designed to climb trees,

115
00:05:12,487 --> 00:05:15,641
I fell out of a tree
and bruised the right side of my body.

116
00:05:15,994 --> 00:05:17,717
I didn't want to tell my grandmother

117
00:05:17,741 --> 00:05:19,611
because I was scared I'd get in trouble

118
00:05:19,635 --> 00:05:21,742
for playing somewhere
I shouldn't have been.

119
00:05:21,766 --> 00:05:25,396
The gym teacher noticed the bruise,
and I got sent to the principal's office.

120
00:05:25,420 --> 00:05:28,699
From there, I was sent to another
small room with a really nice lady

121
00:05:28,723 --> 00:05:31,572
who asked me all kinds of questions
about my life at home.

122
00:05:32,834 --> 00:05:34,191
I saw no reason to lie.

123
00:05:34,731 --> 00:05:36,992
As far as I was concerned,
life was pretty good.

124
00:05:37,492 --> 00:05:40,934
I told her, whenever I'm sad,
my grandmother gives me karate chops.

125
00:05:40,958 --> 00:05:47,921
(Laughter)

126
00:05:48,902 --> 00:05:52,713
This led to a full-scale investigation,

127
00:05:52,737 --> 00:05:55,639
and I was removed
from the house for three days,

128
00:05:55,663 --> 00:05:58,524
until they finally decided
to ask how I got the bruises.

129
00:05:59,201 --> 00:06:02,345
News of this silly little story
quickly spread through the school,

130
00:06:02,369 --> 00:06:04,008
and I earned my first nickname:

131
00:06:04,841 --> 00:06:05,995
Porkchop.

132
00:06:06,896 --> 00:06:09,255
To this day,

133
00:06:09,279 --> 00:06:11,181
I hate pork chops.

134
00:06:13,156 --> 00:06:16,180
I'm not the only kid who grew up this way,

135
00:06:16,204 --> 00:06:18,902
surrounded by people
who used to say that rhyme

136
00:06:18,926 --> 00:06:21,338
about sticks and stones,

137
00:06:21,362 --> 00:06:24,106
as if broken bones hurt more
than the names we got called,

138
00:06:24,130 --> 00:06:25,617
and we got called them all.

139
00:06:26,066 --> 00:06:29,626
So we grew up believing
no one would ever fall in love with us,

140
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:31,955
that we'd be lonely forever,

141
00:06:31,979 --> 00:06:34,691
that we'd never meet someone
to make us feel like the sun

142
00:06:34,715 --> 00:06:37,073
was something they built
for us in their toolshed.

143
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:38,922
So broken heartstrings bled the blues,

144
00:06:38,946 --> 00:06:41,456
and we tried to empty ourselves
so we'd feel nothing.

145
00:06:41,480 --> 00:06:43,835
Don't tell me that hurts
less than a broken bone,

146
00:06:43,859 --> 00:06:46,492
that an ingrown life
is something surgeons can cut away,

147
00:06:46,516 --> 00:06:49,139
that there's no way
for it to metastasize; it does.

148
00:06:49,163 --> 00:06:50,865
She was eight years old,

149
00:06:50,889 --> 00:06:53,707
our first day of grade three
when she got called ugly.

150
00:06:54,159 --> 00:06:56,089
We both got moved to the back of class

151
00:06:56,113 --> 00:06:59,071
so we would stop
getting bombarded by spitballs.

152
00:06:59,095 --> 00:07:01,066
But the school halls were a battleground.

153
00:07:01,090 --> 00:07:03,619
We found ourselves outnumbered
day after wretched day.

154
00:07:03,643 --> 00:07:06,666
We used to stay inside for recess,
because outside was worse.

155
00:07:06,989 --> 00:07:09,088
Outside, we'd have
to rehearse running away,

156
00:07:09,112 --> 00:07:12,505
or learn to stay still like statues,
giving no clues that we were there.

157
00:07:12,529 --> 00:07:15,316
In grade five, they taped
a sign to the front of her desk

158
00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:17,010
that read, "Beware of dog."

159
00:07:17,970 --> 00:07:19,589
To this day,

160
00:07:19,613 --> 00:07:23,186
despite a loving husband,
she doesn't think she's beautiful,

161
00:07:23,210 --> 00:07:26,594
because of a birthmark that takes up
a little less than half her face.

162
00:07:26,618 --> 00:07:28,857
Kids used to say,
"She looks like a wrong answer

163
00:07:28,881 --> 00:07:32,041
that someone tried to erase,
but couldn't quite get the job done."

164
00:07:32,065 --> 00:07:35,002
And they'll never understand
that she's raising two kids

165
00:07:35,026 --> 00:07:39,137
whose definition of beauty
begins with the word "Mom,"

166
00:07:39,161 --> 00:07:41,615
because they see her heart
before they see her skin,

167
00:07:41,639 --> 00:07:43,735
because she's only ever
always been amazing.

168
00:07:44,678 --> 00:07:48,678
He was a broken branch grafted
onto a different family tree,

169
00:07:48,702 --> 00:07:50,591
adopted,

170
00:07:50,615 --> 00:07:53,545
not because his parents opted
for a different destiny.

171
00:07:54,465 --> 00:07:56,418
He was three when he became a mixed drink

172
00:07:56,442 --> 00:07:59,735
of one part left alone
and two parts tragedy,

173
00:07:59,759 --> 00:08:01,917
started therapy in eighth grade,

174
00:08:01,941 --> 00:08:04,745
had a personality
made up of tests and pills,

175
00:08:04,769 --> 00:08:08,537
lived like the uphills were mountains
and the downhills were cliffs,

176
00:08:08,561 --> 00:08:11,945
four-fifths suicidal,
a tidal wave of antidepressants,

177
00:08:11,969 --> 00:08:14,855
and an adolescent being called "Popper,"

178
00:08:14,879 --> 00:08:16,951
one part because of the pills,

179
00:08:16,975 --> 00:08:19,055
99 parts because of the cruelty.

180
00:08:19,713 --> 00:08:22,253
He tried to kill himself in grade 10

181
00:08:22,277 --> 00:08:24,896
when a kid who could still
go home to Mom and Dad

182
00:08:24,920 --> 00:08:27,720
had the audacity to tell him,
"Get over it."

183
00:08:28,323 --> 00:08:30,768
As if depression is something
that could be remedied

184
00:08:30,792 --> 00:08:33,434
by any of the contents
found in a first-aid kit.

185
00:08:33,458 --> 00:08:37,034
To this day, he is a stick of TNT
lit from both ends,

186
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,561
could describe to you in detail
the way the sky bends

187
00:08:39,585 --> 00:08:41,514
in the moment before it's about to fall,

188
00:08:41,538 --> 00:08:44,506
and despite an army of friends
who all call him an inspiration,

189
00:08:44,530 --> 00:08:47,827
he remains a conversation piece
between people who can't understand

190
00:08:47,851 --> 00:08:50,856
sometimes being drug-free
has less to do with addiction

191
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:53,082
and more to do with sanity.

192
00:08:53,965 --> 00:08:56,424
We weren't the only kids
who grew up this way.

193
00:08:57,210 --> 00:08:59,801
To this day, kids are still
being called names.

194
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:05,343
The classics were
"Hey, stupid," "Hey, spaz."

195
00:09:05,809 --> 00:09:08,565
Seems like every school
has an arsenal of names

196
00:09:08,589 --> 00:09:10,203
getting updated every year.

197
00:09:10,787 --> 00:09:13,930
And if a kid breaks in a school
and no one around chooses to hear,

198
00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:15,304
do they make a sound?

199
00:09:15,328 --> 00:09:18,469
Are they just background noise
from a soundtrack stuck on repeat,

200
00:09:18,493 --> 00:09:21,709
when people say things like,
"Kids can be cruel."

201
00:09:22,528 --> 00:09:25,753
Every school was a big top circus tent,

202
00:09:25,777 --> 00:09:28,592
and the pecking order
went from acrobats to lion tamers,

203
00:09:28,616 --> 00:09:31,965
from clowns to carnies,
all of these miles ahead of who we were.

204
00:09:31,989 --> 00:09:33,411
We were freaks --

205
00:09:33,435 --> 00:09:36,032
lobster-claw boys and bearded ladies,

206
00:09:36,056 --> 00:09:38,142
oddities juggling
depression and loneliness,

207
00:09:38,166 --> 00:09:39,895
playing solitaire, spin the bottle,

208
00:09:39,919 --> 00:09:42,539
trying to kiss the wounded
parts of ourselves and heal,

209
00:09:42,563 --> 00:09:45,160
but at night, while the others slept,

210
00:09:45,184 --> 00:09:46,866
we kept walking the tightrope.

211
00:09:47,810 --> 00:09:50,064
It was practice, and yes, some of us fell.

212
00:09:51,640 --> 00:09:54,641
But I want to tell them that all of this

213
00:09:54,665 --> 00:09:56,680
is just debris

214
00:09:56,704 --> 00:10:01,408
left over when we finally decide to smash
all the things we thought we used to be,

215
00:10:01,432 --> 00:10:05,352
and if you can't see anything
beautiful about yourself,

216
00:10:05,376 --> 00:10:10,059
get a better mirror, look
a little closer, stare a little longer,

217
00:10:10,083 --> 00:10:13,000
because there's something inside you
that made you keep trying

218
00:10:13,024 --> 00:10:14,924
despite everyone who told you to quit.

219
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,991
You built a cast around your broken heart

220
00:10:17,015 --> 00:10:19,056
and signed it yourself, "They were wrong."

221
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,683
Because maybe you didn't belong
to a group or a clique.

222
00:10:21,707 --> 00:10:24,764
Maybe they decided to pick you last
for basketball or everything.

223
00:10:24,788 --> 00:10:28,648
Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken
teeth to show-and-tell, but never told,

224
00:10:28,672 --> 00:10:30,395
because how can you hold your ground

225
00:10:30,419 --> 00:10:32,850
if everyone around you
wants to bury you beneath it?

226
00:10:32,874 --> 00:10:34,833
You have to believe that they were wrong.

227
00:10:36,435 --> 00:10:37,879
They have to be wrong.

228
00:10:39,118 --> 00:10:41,364
Why else would we still be here?

229
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:45,089
We grew up learning
to cheer on the underdog

230
00:10:45,113 --> 00:10:46,931
because we see ourselves in them.

231
00:10:47,851 --> 00:10:49,975
We stem from a root planted in the belief

232
00:10:49,999 --> 00:10:51,946
that we are not what we were called.

233
00:10:52,724 --> 00:10:57,013
We are not abandoned cars stalled out
and sitting empty on some highway,

234
00:10:57,037 --> 00:10:58,932
and if in some way we are, don't worry.

235
00:10:58,956 --> 00:11:00,949
We only got out to walk and get gas.

236
00:11:00,973 --> 00:11:04,252
We are graduating members
from the class of We Made It,

237
00:11:04,276 --> 00:11:06,276
not the faded echoes of voices crying out,

238
00:11:06,300 --> 00:11:08,056
"Names will never hurt me."

239
00:11:11,014 --> 00:11:13,879
Of course they did.

240
00:11:15,586 --> 00:11:19,204
But our lives will only ever always
continue to be a balancing act

241
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:22,283
that has less to do with pain

242
00:11:23,593 --> 00:11:24,968
and more to do with beauty.

243
00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:34,403
(Applause)