0:00:06.146,0:00:07.821
There's so many of you.

0:00:07.845,0:00:09.433
(Laughter)

0:00:12.685,0:00:15.272
When I was a kid,

0:00:15.296,0:00:17.780
I hid my heart under the bed,[br]because my mother said,

0:00:17.804,0:00:20.669
"If you're not careful,[br]someday someone's going to break it."

0:00:21.438,0:00:24.478
Take it from me: Under the bed[br]is not a good hiding spot.

0:00:25.057,0:00:27.433
I know because I've been[br]shot down so many times,

0:00:27.457,0:00:30.364
I get altitude sickness[br]just from standing up for myself.

0:00:31.350,0:00:32.956
But that's what we were told.

0:00:33.350,0:00:34.882
"Stand up for yourself."

0:00:35.648,0:00:38.612
And that's hard to do[br]if you don't know who you are.

0:00:38.636,0:00:42.376
We were expected to define ourselves[br]at such an early age,

0:00:42.400,0:00:45.138
and if we didn't do it,[br]others did it for us.

0:00:45.718,0:00:47.203
Geek. Fatty.

0:00:47.227,0:00:48.972
Slut. Fag.

0:00:50.160,0:00:53.627
And at the same time we were[br]being told what we were,

0:00:53.651,0:00:54.976
we were being asked,

0:00:55.000,0:00:57.508
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"

0:00:57.953,0:01:00.055
I always thought[br]that was an unfair question.

0:01:00.079,0:01:03.024
It presupposes that we can't be[br]what we already are.

0:01:03.429,0:01:04.595
We were kids.

0:01:05.285,0:01:07.339
When I was a kid, I wanted to be a man.

0:01:08.355,0:01:10.534
I wanted a registered[br]retirement savings plan

0:01:10.558,0:01:13.677
that would keep me in candy[br]long enough to make old age sweet.

0:01:13.701,0:01:14.882
(Laughter)

0:01:14.906,0:01:16.922
When I was a kid, I wanted to shave.

0:01:17.366,0:01:19.184
Now, not so much.

0:01:19.208,0:01:20.635
(Laughter)

0:01:21.096,0:01:24.487
When I was eight,[br]I wanted to be a marine biologist.

0:01:24.511,0:01:26.416
When I was nine, I saw the movie "Jaws,"

0:01:26.440,0:01:28.353
and thought to myself, "No, thank you."

0:01:28.377,0:01:29.590
(Laughter)

0:01:29.893,0:01:31.044
And when I was 10,

0:01:31.068,0:01:33.901
I was told that my parents left[br]because they didn't want me.

0:01:33.925,0:01:35.886
When I was 11, I wanted to be left alone.

0:01:35.910,0:01:39.259
When I was 12, I wanted to die.[br]When I was 13, I wanted to kill a kid.

0:01:39.283,0:01:42.696
When I was 14, I was asked[br]to seriously consider a career path.

0:01:43.339,0:01:45.021
I said, "I'd like to be a writer."

0:01:45.783,0:01:48.044
And they said,[br]"Choose something realistic."

0:01:48.655,0:01:50.873
So I said, "Professional wrestler."

0:01:52.111,0:01:53.793
And they said, "Don't be stupid."

0:01:54.439,0:01:57.175
See, they asked me what I wanted to be,

0:01:57.199,0:01:58.937
then told me what not to be.

0:01:59.563,0:02:01.135
And I wasn't the only one.

0:02:01.802,0:02:04.037
We were being told[br]that we somehow must become

0:02:04.061,0:02:06.024
what we are not, sacrificing what we are

0:02:06.048,0:02:08.436
to inherit the masquerade[br]of what we will be.

0:02:08.952,0:02:12.747
I was being told to accept the identity[br]that others will give me.

0:02:13.588,0:02:16.692
And I wondered, what made[br]my dreams so easy to dismiss?

0:02:17.661,0:02:21.004
Granted, my dreams are shy,

0:02:21.028,0:02:22.305
because they're Canadian.

0:02:22.745,0:02:25.218
(Laughter)

0:02:25.878,0:02:28.885
My dreams are self-conscious[br]and overly apologetic.

0:02:29.258,0:02:31.544
They're standing alone[br]at the high school dance,

0:02:31.568,0:02:33.020
and they've never been kissed.

0:02:34.131,0:02:36.370
See, my dreams got called names too.

0:02:36.961,0:02:39.054
Silly. Foolish.

0:02:39.619,0:02:40.770
Impossible.

0:02:40.794,0:02:42.057
But I kept dreaming.

0:02:42.542,0:02:45.140
I was going to be a wrestler.[br]I had it all figured out.

0:02:45.164,0:02:46.784
I was going to be The Garbage Man.

0:02:46.808,0:02:47.809
(Laughter)

0:02:47.833,0:02:51.262
My finishing move was going[br]to be The Trash Compactor.

0:02:51.286,0:02:54.404
My saying was going to be,[br]"I'm taking out the trash!"

0:02:54.428,0:02:57.264
(Laughter)

0:02:57.288,0:03:01.040
(Applause)

0:03:01.064,0:03:05.812
And then this guy,[br]Duke "The Dumpster" Droese,

0:03:05.836,0:03:07.556
stole my entire shtick.

0:03:07.580,0:03:09.147
(Laughter)

0:03:09.171,0:03:11.273
I was crushed,

0:03:11.297,0:03:13.122
as if by a trash compactor.

0:03:13.146,0:03:15.361
(Laughter)

0:03:15.668,0:03:18.192
I thought to myself,[br]"What now? Where do I turn?"

0:03:19.239,0:03:20.652
Poetry.

0:03:20.676,0:03:22.054
(Laughter)

0:03:22.078,0:03:25.056
Like a boomerang,[br]the thing I loved came back to me.

0:03:25.586,0:03:28.239
One of the first lines of poetry[br]I can remember writing

0:03:28.263,0:03:30.883
was in response to a world[br]that demanded I hate myself.

0:03:30.907,0:03:33.303
From age 15 to 18, I hated myself

0:03:33.327,0:03:36.127
for becoming the thing that I loathed:

0:03:36.151,0:03:37.324
a bully.

0:03:37.728,0:03:40.492
When I was 19, I wrote,

0:03:40.516,0:03:43.041
"I will love myself[br]despite the ease with which

0:03:43.065,0:03:44.889
I lean toward the opposite."

0:03:46.183,0:03:49.389
Standing up for yourself[br]doesn't have to mean

0:03:49.413,0:03:51.016
embracing violence.

0:03:51.862,0:03:53.715
When I was a kid,

0:03:53.739,0:03:56.446
I traded in homework[br]assignments for friendship,

0:03:56.470,0:03:59.469
then gave each friend a late slip[br]for never showing up on time,

0:03:59.493,0:04:01.119
and in most cases, not at all.

0:04:01.143,0:04:04.253
I gave myself a hall pass[br]to get through each broken promise.

0:04:04.277,0:04:06.604
And I remember this plan,[br]born out of frustration

0:04:06.628,0:04:08.823
from a kid who kept calling me "Yogi,"

0:04:08.847,0:04:11.849
then pointed at my tummy and said,[br]"Too many picnic baskets."

0:04:12.588,0:04:15.010
Turns out it's not that hard[br]to trick someone,

0:04:15.034,0:04:16.606
and one day before class, I said,

0:04:16.630,0:04:18.675
"Yeah, you can copy my homework,"

0:04:18.699,0:04:22.650
and I gave him all the wrong answers[br]that I'd written down the night before.

0:04:22.674,0:04:25.180
He got his paper back[br]expecting a near-perfect score,

0:04:25.204,0:04:29.015
and couldn't believe it when he looked[br]across the room at me and held up a zero.

0:04:29.039,0:04:32.085
I knew I didn't have to hold up[br]my paper of 28 out of 30,

0:04:32.109,0:04:35.117
but my satisfaction was complete[br]when he looked at me, puzzled,

0:04:35.141,0:04:38.599
and I thought to myself, "Smarter[br]than the average bear, motherfucker."

0:04:38.623,0:04:40.405
(Laughter)

0:04:40.429,0:04:46.659
(Applause)

0:04:46.683,0:04:48.472
This is who I am.

0:04:49.585,0:04:51.943
This is how I stand up for myself.

0:04:53.283,0:04:55.533
When I was a kid,

0:04:55.557,0:04:59.469
I used to think that pork chops[br]and karate chops were the same thing.

0:05:00.446,0:05:02.208
I thought they were both pork chops.

0:05:02.615,0:05:04.369
My grandmother thought it was cute,

0:05:04.393,0:05:07.203
and because they were my favorite,[br]she let me keep doing it.

0:05:07.227,0:05:08.680
Not really a big deal.

0:05:08.704,0:05:12.463
One day, before I realized fat kids[br]are not designed to climb trees,

0:05:12.487,0:05:15.641
I fell out of a tree[br]and bruised the right side of my body.

0:05:15.994,0:05:17.717
I didn't want to tell my grandmother

0:05:17.741,0:05:19.611
because I was scared I'd get in trouble

0:05:19.635,0:05:21.742
for playing somewhere[br]I shouldn't have been.

0:05:21.766,0:05:25.396
The gym teacher noticed the bruise,[br]and I got sent to the principal's office.

0:05:25.420,0:05:28.699
From there, I was sent to another[br]small room with a really nice lady

0:05:28.723,0:05:31.572
who asked me all kinds of questions[br]about my life at home.

0:05:32.834,0:05:34.191
I saw no reason to lie.

0:05:34.731,0:05:36.992
As far as I was concerned,[br]life was pretty good.

0:05:37.492,0:05:40.934
I told her, whenever I'm sad,[br]my grandmother gives me karate chops.

0:05:40.958,0:05:47.921
(Laughter)

0:05:48.902,0:05:52.713
This led to a full-scale investigation,

0:05:52.737,0:05:55.639
and I was removed[br]from the house for three days,

0:05:55.663,0:05:58.524
until they finally decided[br]to ask how I got the bruises.

0:05:59.201,0:06:02.345
News of this silly little story[br]quickly spread through the school,

0:06:02.369,0:06:04.008
and I earned my first nickname:

0:06:04.841,0:06:05.995
Porkchop.

0:06:06.896,0:06:09.255
To this day,

0:06:09.279,0:06:11.181
I hate pork chops.

0:06:13.156,0:06:16.180
I'm not the only kid who grew up this way,

0:06:16.204,0:06:18.902
surrounded by people[br]who used to say that rhyme

0:06:18.926,0:06:21.338
about sticks and stones,

0:06:21.362,0:06:24.106
as if broken bones hurt more[br]than the names we got called,

0:06:24.130,0:06:25.617
and we got called them all.

0:06:26.066,0:06:29.626
So we grew up believing[br]no one would ever fall in love with us,

0:06:29.650,0:06:31.955
that we'd be lonely forever,

0:06:31.979,0:06:34.691
that we'd never meet someone[br]to make us feel like the sun

0:06:34.715,0:06:37.073
was something they built[br]for us in their toolshed.

0:06:37.097,0:06:38.922
So broken heartstrings bled the blues,

0:06:38.946,0:06:41.456
and we tried to empty ourselves[br]so we'd feel nothing.

0:06:41.480,0:06:43.835
Don't tell me that hurts[br]less than a broken bone,

0:06:43.859,0:06:46.492
that an ingrown life[br]is something surgeons can cut away,

0:06:46.516,0:06:49.139
that there's no way[br]for it to metastasize; it does.

0:06:49.163,0:06:50.865
She was eight years old,

0:06:50.889,0:06:53.707
our first day of grade three[br]when she got called ugly.

0:06:54.159,0:06:56.089
We both got moved to the back of class

0:06:56.113,0:06:59.071
so we would stop[br]getting bombarded by spitballs.

0:06:59.095,0:07:01.066
But the school halls were a battleground.

0:07:01.090,0:07:03.619
We found ourselves outnumbered[br]day after wretched day.

0:07:03.643,0:07:06.666
We used to stay inside for recess,[br]because outside was worse.

0:07:06.989,0:07:09.088
Outside, we'd have[br]to rehearse running away,

0:07:09.112,0:07:12.505
or learn to stay still like statues,[br]giving no clues that we were there.

0:07:12.529,0:07:15.316
In grade five, they taped[br]a sign to the front of her desk

0:07:15.340,0:07:17.010
that read, "Beware of dog."

0:07:17.970,0:07:19.589
To this day,

0:07:19.613,0:07:23.186
despite a loving husband,[br]she doesn't think she's beautiful,

0:07:23.210,0:07:26.594
because of a birthmark that takes up[br]a little less than half her face.

0:07:26.618,0:07:28.857
Kids used to say,[br]"She looks like a wrong answer

0:07:28.881,0:07:32.041
that someone tried to erase,[br]but couldn't quite get the job done."

0:07:32.065,0:07:35.002
And they'll never understand[br]that she's raising two kids

0:07:35.026,0:07:39.137
whose definition of beauty[br]begins with the word "Mom,"

0:07:39.161,0:07:41.615
because they see her heart[br]before they see her skin,

0:07:41.639,0:07:43.735
because she's only ever[br]always been amazing.

0:07:44.678,0:07:48.678
He was a broken branch grafted[br]onto a different family tree,

0:07:48.702,0:07:50.591
adopted,

0:07:50.615,0:07:53.545
not because his parents opted[br]for a different destiny.

0:07:54.465,0:07:56.418
He was three when he became a mixed drink

0:07:56.442,0:07:59.735
of one part left alone[br]and two parts tragedy,

0:07:59.759,0:08:01.917
started therapy in eighth grade,

0:08:01.941,0:08:04.745
had a personality[br]made up of tests and pills,

0:08:04.769,0:08:08.537
lived like the uphills were mountains[br]and the downhills were cliffs,

0:08:08.561,0:08:11.945
four-fifths suicidal,[br]a tidal wave of antidepressants,

0:08:11.969,0:08:14.855
and an adolescent being called "Popper,"

0:08:14.879,0:08:16.951
one part because of the pills,

0:08:16.975,0:08:19.055
99 parts because of the cruelty.

0:08:19.713,0:08:22.253
He tried to kill himself in grade 10

0:08:22.277,0:08:24.896
when a kid who could still[br]go home to Mom and Dad

0:08:24.920,0:08:27.720
had the audacity to tell him,[br]"Get over it."

0:08:28.323,0:08:30.768
As if depression is something[br]that could be remedied

0:08:30.792,0:08:33.434
by any of the contents[br]found in a first-aid kit.

0:08:33.458,0:08:37.034
To this day, he is a stick of TNT[br]lit from both ends,

0:08:37.058,0:08:39.561
could describe to you in detail[br]the way the sky bends

0:08:39.585,0:08:41.514
in the moment before it's about to fall,

0:08:41.538,0:08:44.506
and despite an army of friends[br]who all call him an inspiration,

0:08:44.530,0:08:47.827
he remains a conversation piece[br]between people who can't understand

0:08:47.851,0:08:50.856
sometimes being drug-free[br]has less to do with addiction

0:08:50.880,0:08:53.082
and more to do with sanity.

0:08:53.965,0:08:56.424
We weren't the only kids[br]who grew up this way.

0:08:57.210,0:08:59.801
To this day, kids are still[br]being called names.

0:09:00.920,0:09:05.343
The classics were[br]"Hey, stupid," "Hey, spaz."

0:09:05.809,0:09:08.565
Seems like every school[br]has an arsenal of names

0:09:08.589,0:09:10.203
getting updated every year.

0:09:10.787,0:09:13.930
And if a kid breaks in a school[br]and no one around chooses to hear,

0:09:13.954,0:09:15.304
do they make a sound?

0:09:15.328,0:09:18.469
Are they just background noise[br]from a soundtrack stuck on repeat,

0:09:18.493,0:09:21.709
when people say things like,[br]"Kids can be cruel."

0:09:22.528,0:09:25.753
Every school was a big top circus tent,

0:09:25.777,0:09:28.592
and the pecking order[br]went from acrobats to lion tamers,

0:09:28.616,0:09:31.965
from clowns to carnies,[br]all of these miles ahead of who we were.

0:09:31.989,0:09:33.411
We were freaks --

0:09:33.435,0:09:36.032
lobster-claw boys and bearded ladies,

0:09:36.056,0:09:38.142
oddities juggling[br]depression and loneliness,

0:09:38.166,0:09:39.895
playing solitaire, spin the bottle,

0:09:39.919,0:09:42.539
trying to kiss the wounded[br]parts of ourselves and heal,

0:09:42.563,0:09:45.160
but at night, while the others slept,

0:09:45.184,0:09:46.866
we kept walking the tightrope.

0:09:47.810,0:09:50.064
It was practice, and yes, some of us fell.

0:09:51.640,0:09:54.641
But I want to tell them that all of this

0:09:54.665,0:09:56.680
is just debris

0:09:56.704,0:10:01.408
left over when we finally decide to smash[br]all the things we thought we used to be,

0:10:01.432,0:10:05.352
and if you can't see anything[br]beautiful about yourself,

0:10:05.376,0:10:10.059
get a better mirror, look[br]a little closer, stare a little longer,

0:10:10.083,0:10:13.000
because there's something inside you[br]that made you keep trying

0:10:13.024,0:10:14.924
despite everyone who told you to quit.

0:10:14.948,0:10:16.991
You built a cast around your broken heart

0:10:17.015,0:10:19.056
and signed it yourself, "They were wrong."

0:10:19.080,0:10:21.683
Because maybe you didn't belong[br]to a group or a clique.

0:10:21.707,0:10:24.764
Maybe they decided to pick you last[br]for basketball or everything.

0:10:24.788,0:10:28.648
Maybe you used to bring bruises and broken[br]teeth to show-and-tell, but never told,

0:10:28.672,0:10:30.395
because how can you hold your ground

0:10:30.419,0:10:32.850
if everyone around you[br]wants to bury you beneath it?

0:10:32.874,0:10:34.833
You have to believe that they were wrong.

0:10:36.435,0:10:37.879
They have to be wrong.

0:10:39.118,0:10:41.364
Why else would we still be here?

0:10:42.768,0:10:45.089
We grew up learning[br]to cheer on the underdog

0:10:45.113,0:10:46.931
because we see ourselves in them.

0:10:47.851,0:10:49.975
We stem from a root planted in the belief

0:10:49.999,0:10:51.946
that we are not what we were called.

0:10:52.724,0:10:57.013
We are not abandoned cars stalled out[br]and sitting empty on some highway,

0:10:57.037,0:10:58.932
and if in some way we are, don't worry.

0:10:58.956,0:11:00.949
We only got out to walk and get gas.

0:11:00.973,0:11:04.252
We are graduating members[br]from the class of We Made It,

0:11:04.276,0:11:06.276
not the faded echoes of voices crying out,

0:11:06.300,0:11:08.056
"Names will never hurt me."

0:11:11.014,0:11:13.879
Of course they did.

0:11:15.586,0:11:19.204
But our lives will only ever always[br]continue to be a balancing act

0:11:20.617,0:11:22.283
that has less to do with pain

0:11:23.593,0:11:24.968
and more to do with beauty.

0:11:27.403,0:11:34.403
(Applause)