WEBVTT

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If I am here before you today,

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me, Karine, a 42-year-old woman,

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it's to share a human experience with you.

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No, I didn't invent the light bulb,

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not even the butter slicer,

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and besides, I wouldn't even be able to.

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If I am here before you,

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while my legs, my hands
are shaking like never before,

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and my insides at this moment
are turning into a liquid state,

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(Laughter)

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it's to talk to you
of this ability we all have,

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I am sure of it,

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to transform every hardship,
however painful,

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into something positive,
first of all for yourself

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and for others as well.

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I am here before you
but I should be dead.

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But not from sickness, no,

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not as a consequence
of a serious accident,

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no, none of that,
but I'll come back to it later.

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There was a time when I had everything,

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an exciting job,

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my soulmate as a husband

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and a child, a girl.

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My existence was following
a perfectly peaceful path.

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We both had careers,

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we changed cars regularly,

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we went on vacations,
we owned an apartment

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and then we began to dream
of a house, a beautiful house.

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My husband would have drawn the plans,
I'd have thought about the decoration,

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There would have been a yard for the kids,

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yes, we had decided to have others,

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and for the cat as well.

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In short, everything was perfect,

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comfortably commonplace.

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And then everything fell apart:

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for 3 years, violent events
came up one after another

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with relentless regularity.

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First my professional life

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paid the price
of a labor court procedure.

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I was the one who took it on.

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Psychological harassment.

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At first, I won,

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then without too much explaining,

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justice took away with one hand

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what they had given me with another.

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I have to say that psychological
harassment is so subtle.

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Above all, I lost a lot of money
and self-esteem.

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In the middle of all this,
I was pregnant with my second child.

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Another girl though, but we were happy.

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I also lost her,

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at birth.

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She died in my womb,

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I had to give birth to her,

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and accept that I would never
hear her cry.

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Accept that she had left me forever.

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She was so beautiful, so perfect.

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And then, my husband that left me,

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4 months after
the birth of our third child.

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I was strongly set on recovering
from my failures though,

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but I lost him too.

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There, that was the final blow.

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That's how I ended up

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lost, alone in the world,

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alone in my world

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that had become a real nightmare.

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A permanent nightmare!

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Filled with suffering, grief,

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fear, and emptiness.

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I had no husband, no job,

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no money,

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with two young dependent children
and tons of mourning to do.

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All my dreams had gone up in smoke.

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Getting back on my feet?
I thought it was an impossible mission.

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Anyway, each attempt
to get myself out of this situation

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by sheer mental force

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ended in failure.

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Finding a job: failed!

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Finding love, in my state,

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failed!

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Oh when it has us in its grip!

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Yes, at that moment, I almost jumped.

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It was from the top of my balcony
on the 5th floor,

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one July evening almost 5 years ago.

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I didn't do it, but, you will admit,
given my situation,

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the idea was rather tempting.

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No, that day, I made the difficult
choice to stay alive.

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I say difficult, because at that instant,
to die would almost have been a relief.

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But I made the choice to stay alive,
at least in appearance.


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For many months, I was unable to move,

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I just survived,

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with an empty heart,

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a stomach full of heavy hardships,

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that were indigestible.

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The more time went by,

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the more I began to shut myself
in my victim skin

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that ended up fitting me wonderfully:

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I had become a master
in the art of negativity.

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I am completely useless,
I'll never get anywhere.

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Why does fate deal such a cruel hand?

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What did I do to deserve all of this?

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When will the tide finally turn?

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Do you know what happens
when you have nothing left to lose?

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Because then, I must say,
I had nothing left to lose.

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When you have reached that low,
you want it to stop, to change.

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If I was to live,

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I was ready to try everything
as long as it changed the state I was in.

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Everything or almost,
I remained vigilant, attentive.

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My survival instinct
still worked, after all.

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Nevertheless, something strange happened.

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I let go of my last mental resistances.

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I gave up control,

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and everything opened up,

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everything became possible.

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I first met someone,
and then another and another.

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New people, some were strangers,

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it was as if we had to be put
on the same path

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not for nothing, not by chance.

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It was as if we had to meet, to talk,

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everything sounded very right.

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These people,
with simplicity and benevolence,

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showed me a whole different way
of seeing things

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with such good sense.

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They taught me about changing posture,

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And what I was hoping for finally came.

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It changed everything.

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Eventually, a part of me decided
to get back on my feet.

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A part of me decided
to face things head-on,

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pushed me to look
at myself right in the face.

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Me, enclosed in my self-victimization,

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I was finally able to take a step back,

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to look at the events from a distance.

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Look, it's like a movie theater,

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If you fix the eye of the camera

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on an element of the setting
that is particularly terrifying

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then zoom out again, again, and again,

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put this element back
into its global context,

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into its place, all of a sudden,
it becomes a lot less frightening.

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I was finally able to bring

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the tragic events 
of my existence into perspective.

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I was finally able to see the space
that remained for the rest.

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And since I was alive,
that space was immense.

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Changing posture
allowed me to review the story

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while keeping in mind 
my share of responsibility.

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That's right, we all have 
a share of responsibility

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in everything that happens to us
in our life.

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And saying that doesn't mean
beating yourself up,

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on the contrary.

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There is our share,

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which we can act on,
understand, intergrate,

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ingest, heal if needs be,

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to change our manner of being,
to no longer imitate.

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And there is the share
of responsibility of others.

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That which has to be left to them.

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The share that is 
impossible to intercede on.

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That which you have to let go of,
accepting being powerless.

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How arrogant, if we think about it,

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to believe that we have
the ability to intervene

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on the part of others' responsibility.

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How exhausting really.

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I want justice to be fair.

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I want my daughter to live.

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I want my husband to stay.

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All this, I let go of

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and I already felt a lot lighter.

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Well I have to confess to you,

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changing posture
didn't happen in one day. No.

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Obviously, I made a few round trips

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here and there.

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And obviously, the victim in me
came out on a few occasions

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and by the way, it still does sometimes.

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But I see it coming now,
and I face it head-on right away.

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It became a reflex.

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Imagine how magic changing posture is,

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how it changes everything.

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Our view of ourselves, of others,

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of life in general.

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It even allows for humor.

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It opens doors, horizons, possibilites,

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and at times even,

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it reveals hidden treasures
here, there, on the inside,

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that we didn't imagine.

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Inside me, since childhood
there was a hidden desire to write.

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I was doing it, well, it was my career,

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but I decided to do it differently,

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for pleasure.

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So I wrote a text,

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texts filled with humor,

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stuffed with irony

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to talk about my experiences,

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about women, kids, men,

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about women with kids
who are looking for men

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and about society in general.

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I wrote one, then two, then 13,

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then I opened a Facebook page
to share them,

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and it worked.

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"Bravo, it's basically my life",

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said the comments.

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One day, I compiled them,

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then I sent them to an editor
found by chance on the internet.

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The editor needed 40 pages,
I had exactly 40.

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I still remember the day he replied,

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this "Yes",

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this setence full of compliments

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that talked about the unanimity
of the reading commity.

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Joy brings about joy,

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it brings about effort,
the desire to move forward,

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to leave the past behind you,

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without ignoring it, oh no,

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but transforming it.

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Transforming indigestible things
into positive things.

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Transforming hardship
into experience for what comes next.

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And then I started my own business.

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I had no job,

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I created one fit to my size, made for me.

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Writing for others,
articles, brochures, okay.

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But also portraits, story-telling,

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recounting stories.

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Recounting those that do
and what motivates to do,

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in depth.

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To find their meaning
and to bring it to light.

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I don't really know
what life has in store for me,

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but I am no longer afraid.

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I love my life down
to the smallest details,

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and if I were to do it again,

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I wouldn't change a thing.

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Because I know that the hardships
that I experienced

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contributed to the woman
that I am today.

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What a gift!

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I am still writing,

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there is a new manuscript
that is circulated in the editors' office.

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Because through my story,
I intend to bear witness

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of this power, our power,
to change posture

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in order to overcome,
to transform everything.

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Hardship into experience,
Experience into the power of life,

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yes, I intend to bear witness

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because I know that hardships,

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small or large,

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can affect each and every one of us.

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They have no race, culture, or border.

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In my close environment 
at the moment,

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there is a woman whose husband
is dying from cancer,

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and to stick the knife deeper, their only
child has a degenerative disease

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and he will perhaps not
be able to grow old.

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I know what this woman will go through.

00:12:46.251 --> 00:12:48.557
Perhaps she will find herself
in her turn.

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Perhaps she will not believe 
herself capable of picking herself up.

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So if my account 
could help her a little...

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But beyond tragic situations,
I must tell you,

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changing posture works every time.

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So there are many situations
in everyday's life

00:13:04.760 --> 00:13:08.262
that can put you on
the small floating victim's island.

00:13:09.022 --> 00:13:10.532
Imagine,

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your youngest chooses the day

00:13:16.269 --> 00:13:19.506
of that unavoidable business meeting

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to get up in the morning
with a 104 degree fever

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"Shit! This kid! This can't
be happening, I can't handle this!"

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You light the last candle,
the meal is ready,

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you're wearing your 
special romantic evening dress.

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The telephone rings, it's your husband,
he seems embarrassed,

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"Yes, honey, it's me,
I'm calling you quickly, I am sorry,

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tonight I'm coming home late,
I have a meeting."

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"I'm fed up with this guy!"

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Your boss asks you, kindly but firmly,

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to postpone the day
you leave for vacation,

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when your bags are already packed

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and in the trunk of your car,
your family is waiting,

00:14:09.031 --> 00:14:11.513
the plane takes off in 2 hours...

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So tired of this shit job.

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Last case, an old lady,

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totally impolite but sure of herself,

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cuts you in the line at the till
at the super market,

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pushing you.

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Old hag!
Floating victim's island.

00:14:36.015 --> 00:14:38.283
Change your posture immediately!

00:14:42.493 --> 00:14:45.794
What is your share of responsibility 
in what is happening to you?

00:14:46.764 --> 00:14:49.262
What is making you suffer so much?

00:14:49.262 --> 00:14:51.520
What had you planned?

00:14:51.520 --> 00:14:53.771
What are you a victim of?

00:14:53.771 --> 00:14:56.782
And by the way, are you the victim?

00:14:57.752 --> 00:15:01.413
And then, leave the share
of responsibility to the others.

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Finally, open up here.
Let the creativity come.

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Invent, imagine, laugh, transform!

00:15:16.018 --> 00:15:18.759
It is almost 5 years
that I should have been dead.

00:15:20.249 --> 00:15:24.765
If I had been told 
that I'd be here, now,

00:15:24.765 --> 00:15:28.287
sharing my human experience with you...

00:15:30.777 --> 00:15:33.773
that changing my posture saved me

00:15:33.773 --> 00:15:36.509
and then that it still saves me
everyday.

00:15:37.269 --> 00:15:39.760
Because it allows me to be alive,

00:15:39.760 --> 00:15:42.771
so alive, and happy to be it.

00:15:43.251 --> 00:15:44.294
Thank you.

00:15:44.774 --> 00:15:49.688
(Applause)