WEBVTT 00:00:00.958 --> 00:00:03.158 So when I was in Morocco, 00:00:03.158 --> 00:00:05.692 in Casablanca, not so long ago, 00:00:05.692 --> 00:00:10.168 I met a young unmarried mother called Faiza. 00:00:10.168 --> 00:00:13.505 Faiza showed me photos of her infant son 00:00:13.505 --> 00:00:19.640 and she told me the story of his conception, pregnancy, and delivery. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:19.640 --> 00:00:21.600 It was a remarkable tale, 00:00:21.600 --> 00:00:25.280 but Faiza saved the best for last. 00:00:25.280 --> 00:00:28.850 "You know, I am a virgin," she told me. 00:00:28.850 --> 00:00:33.254 "I have two medical certificates to prove it." NOTE Paragraph 00:00:33.254 --> 00:00:35.878 This is the modern Middle East, 00:00:35.878 --> 00:00:38.510 where two millennia after the coming of Christ, 00:00:38.510 --> 00:00:42.738 virgin births are still a fact of life. NOTE Paragraph 00:00:42.738 --> 00:00:48.395 Faiza's story is just one of hundreds I've heard over the years, traveling across the Arab region 00:00:48.395 --> 00:00:51.683 talking to people about sex. 00:00:51.683 --> 00:00:54.899 Now, I know this might sound like a dream job, 00:00:54.899 --> 00:00:58.167 or possibly a highly dubious occupation, NOTE Paragraph 00:00:58.167 --> 00:01:01.523 but for me, it's something else altogether. 00:01:01.523 --> 00:01:04.111 I'm half Egyptian, and I'm Muslim. 00:01:04.111 --> 00:01:07.902 But I grew up in Canada, far from my Arab roots. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:07.902 --> 00:01:10.536 Like so many who straddle East and West, 00:01:10.536 --> 00:01:15.459 I've been drawn, over the years, to try to better understand my origins. 00:01:15.459 --> 00:01:19.579 That I chose to look at sex comes from my background in HIV/AIDS, 00:01:19.579 --> 00:01:23.666 as a writer and a researcher and an activist. 00:01:23.666 --> 00:01:28.790 Sex lies at the heart of an emerging epidemic in the Middle East and North Africa, 00:01:28.790 --> 00:01:35.335 which is one of only two regions in the world where HIV/AIDS is still on the rise. NOTE Paragraph 00:01:35.335 --> 00:01:38.376 Now sexuality is an incredibly powerful lens 00:01:38.376 --> 00:01:41.100 with which to study any society, 00:01:41.100 --> 00:01:43.609 because what happens in our intimate lives 00:01:43.609 --> 00:01:47.783 is reflected by forces on a bigger stage: 00:01:47.783 --> 00:01:53.857 in politics and economics, in religion and tradition, in gender and generations. 00:01:53.857 --> 00:01:57.144 As I found, if you really want to know a people, 00:01:57.144 --> 00:02:01.668 you start by looking inside their bedrooms. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:01.668 --> 00:02:05.860 Now to be sure, the Arab world is vast and varied. 00:02:05.860 --> 00:02:08.521 But running across it are three red lines -- 00:02:08.521 --> 00:02:13.735 these are topics you are not supposed to challenge in word or deed. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:13.735 --> 00:02:16.150 The first of these is politics. 00:02:16.150 --> 00:02:18.578 But the Arab Spring has changed all that, 00:02:18.578 --> 00:02:23.600 in uprisings which have blossomed across the region since 2011. 00:02:23.600 --> 00:02:26.461 Now while those in power, old and new, 00:02:26.461 --> 00:02:29.263 continue to cling to business as usual, 00:02:29.263 --> 00:02:31.869 millions are still pushing back, 00:02:31.869 --> 00:02:36.984 and pushing forward to what they hope will be a better life. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:36.984 --> 00:02:40.164 That second red line is religion. 00:02:40.164 --> 00:02:42.995 But now religion and politics are connected, 00:02:42.995 --> 00:02:46.139 with the rise of such groups as the Muslim Brotherhood. 00:02:46.139 --> 00:02:49.599 And some people, at least, are starting to ask questions 00:02:49.599 --> 00:02:54.667 about the role of Islam in public and private life. NOTE Paragraph 00:02:54.667 --> 00:02:58.418 You know, as for that third red line, that off-limits subject, 00:02:58.418 --> 00:03:00.196 what do you think it might be? NOTE Paragraph 00:03:00.196 --> 00:03:01.258 Audience: Sex. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:01.258 --> 00:03:02.558 Shereen El Feki: Louder, I can't hear you. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:02.558 --> 00:03:03.414 Audience: Sex. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:03.414 --> 00:03:05.036 SEF: Again, please don't be shy. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:05.036 --> 00:03:06.088 Audience: Sex. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:06.088 --> 00:03:13.145 SEF: Absolutely, that's right, it's sex. (Laughter) 00:03:13.145 --> 00:03:19.353 Across the Arab region, the only accepted context for sex is marriage -- 00:03:19.353 --> 00:03:23.131 approved by your parents, sanctioned by religion 00:03:23.131 --> 00:03:25.671 and registered by the state. 00:03:25.671 --> 00:03:28.554 Marriage is your ticket to adulthood. 00:03:28.554 --> 00:03:32.379 If you don't tie the knot, you can't move out of your parents' place, 00:03:32.379 --> 00:03:34.680 and you're not supposed to be having sex, 00:03:34.680 --> 00:03:37.827 and you're definitely not supposed to be having children. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:37.827 --> 00:03:41.193 It's a social citadel; it's an impregnable fortress 00:03:41.193 --> 00:03:45.658 which resists any assault, any alternative. 00:03:45.658 --> 00:03:49.666 And around the fortress is this vast field of taboo 00:03:49.666 --> 00:03:54.639 against premarital sex, against condoms, 00:03:54.639 --> 00:03:57.583 against abortion, against homosexuality, 00:03:57.583 --> 00:03:59.754 you name it. NOTE Paragraph 00:03:59.754 --> 00:04:02.978 Faiza was living proof of this. 00:04:02.978 --> 00:04:07.259 Her virginity statement was not a piece of wishful thinking. 00:04:07.259 --> 00:04:12.582 Although the major religions of the region extoll premarital chastity, 00:04:12.582 --> 00:04:15.886 in a patriarchy, boys will be boys. 00:04:15.886 --> 00:04:17.839 Men have sex before marriage, 00:04:17.839 --> 00:04:21.629 and people more or less turn a blind eye. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:21.629 --> 00:04:23.845 Not so for women, 00:04:23.845 --> 00:04:26.889 who are expected to be virgins on their wedding night -- 00:04:26.889 --> 00:04:31.139 that is, to turn up with your hymen intact. 00:04:31.139 --> 00:04:34.814 This is not a question of individual concern, 00:04:34.814 --> 00:04:39.956 this is a matter of family honor, and in particular, men's honor. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:39.956 --> 00:04:41.714 And so women and their relatives 00:04:41.714 --> 00:04:46.073 will go to great lengths to preserve this tiny piece of anatomy -- 00:04:46.073 --> 00:04:48.278 from female genital mutilation, 00:04:48.278 --> 00:04:52.639 to virginity testing, to hymen repair surgery. NOTE Paragraph 00:04:52.639 --> 00:04:55.645 Faiza chose a different route: 00:04:55.645 --> 00:04:58.028 non-vaginal sex. 00:04:58.028 --> 00:05:00.637 Only she became pregnant all the same. 00:05:00.637 --> 00:05:03.377 But Faiza didn't actually realize this, 00:05:03.377 --> 00:05:07.152 because there's so little sexuality education in schools, 00:05:07.152 --> 00:05:11.174 and so little communication in the family. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:11.174 --> 00:05:13.929 When her condition became hard to hide, 00:05:13.929 --> 00:05:18.376 Faiza's mother helped her flee her father and brothers. 00:05:18.376 --> 00:05:21.397 This is because honor killings are a real threat 00:05:21.397 --> 00:05:25.171 for untold numbers of women in the Arab region. 00:05:25.171 --> 00:05:30.221 And so when Faiza eventually fetched up at a hospital in Casablanca, 00:05:30.221 --> 00:05:32.898 the man who offered to help her, 00:05:32.898 --> 00:05:36.262 instead tried to rape her. NOTE Paragraph 00:05:38.350 --> 00:05:41.459 Sadly, Faiza is not alone. 00:05:41.459 --> 00:05:43.245 In Egypt, where my research is focused, 00:05:43.245 --> 00:05:48.843 I have seen plenty of trouble in and out of the citadel. 00:05:48.843 --> 00:05:52.182 There are legions of young men 00:05:52.182 --> 00:05:54.289 who can't afford to get married, 00:05:54.289 --> 00:05:57.713 because marriage has become a very expensive proposition. 00:05:57.713 --> 00:06:01.272 They are expected to bear the burden of costs in married life, 00:06:01.272 --> 00:06:03.576 but they can't find jobs. 00:06:03.576 --> 00:06:06.750 This is one of the major drivers of the recent uprisings, 00:06:06.750 --> 00:06:09.915 and it is one of the reasons for the rising age of marriage 00:06:09.915 --> 00:06:12.946 in much of the Arab region. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:12.946 --> 00:06:15.721 There are career women who want to get married, 00:06:15.721 --> 00:06:17.319 but can't find a husband, 00:06:17.319 --> 00:06:20.504 because they defy gender expectations, 00:06:20.504 --> 00:06:24.291 or as one young female doctor in Tunisia put it to me, 00:06:24.291 --> 00:06:26.998 "The women, they are becoming more and more open. 00:06:26.998 --> 00:06:32.801 But the man, he is still at the prehistoric stage." NOTE Paragraph 00:06:32.801 --> 00:06:36.691 And then there are men and women who cross the heterosexual line, 00:06:36.691 --> 00:06:38.593 who have sex with their own sex, 00:06:38.593 --> 00:06:41.602 or who have a different gender identity. 00:06:41.602 --> 00:06:45.555 They are on the receiving end of laws which punish their activities, 00:06:45.555 --> 00:06:47.613 even their appearance. 00:06:47.613 --> 00:06:51.448 And they face a daily struggle with social stigma, 00:06:51.448 --> 00:06:53.083 with family despair, 00:06:53.083 --> 00:06:57.251 and with religious fire and brimstone. NOTE Paragraph 00:06:57.251 --> 00:07:01.449 Now, it's not as if it's all rosy in the marital bed either. 00:07:01.449 --> 00:07:03.975 Couples who are looking for greater happiness, 00:07:03.975 --> 00:07:06.614 greater sexual happiness in their married lives, 00:07:06.614 --> 00:07:08.973 but are at a loss of how to achieve it, 00:07:08.973 --> 00:07:13.495 especially wives, who are afraid of being seen as bad women 00:07:13.495 --> 00:07:16.699 if they show some spark in the bedroom. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:16.699 --> 00:07:18.623 And then there are those whose marriages 00:07:18.623 --> 00:07:21.729 are actually a veil for prostitution. 00:07:21.729 --> 00:07:23.887 They have been sold by their families, 00:07:23.887 --> 00:07:26.768 often to wealthy Arab tourists. 00:07:26.768 --> 00:07:32.369 This is just one face of a booming sex trade across the Arab region. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:32.369 --> 00:07:36.557 Now raise your hand if any of this is sounding familiar to you, 00:07:36.557 --> 00:07:40.527 from your part of the world. 00:07:40.527 --> 00:07:46.537 Yeah. It's not as if the Arab world has a monopoly on sexual hangups. NOTE Paragraph 00:07:46.537 --> 00:07:49.507 And although we don't yet have an Arab Kinsey Report 00:07:49.507 --> 00:07:53.920 to tell us exactly what's happening inside bedrooms across the Arab region, 00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:57.863 It's pretty clear that something is not right. 00:07:57.863 --> 00:08:00.551 Double standards for men and women, 00:08:00.551 --> 00:08:03.810 sex as a source of shame, 00:08:03.810 --> 00:08:07.961 family control limiting individual choices, 00:08:07.961 --> 00:08:11.708 and a vast gulf between appearance and reality: 00:08:11.708 --> 00:08:13.278 what people are doing 00:08:13.294 --> 00:08:15.639 and what they're willing to admit to, 00:08:15.639 --> 00:08:19.615 and a general reluctance to move beyond private whispers 00:08:19.615 --> 00:08:23.703 to a serious and sustained public discussion. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:23.703 --> 00:08:27.192 As one doctor in Cairo summed it up for me, 00:08:27.192 --> 00:08:30.517 "Here, sex is the opposite of sport. 00:08:30.517 --> 00:08:32.683 Football, everybody talks about it, 00:08:32.683 --> 00:08:34.653 but hardly anyone plays. 00:08:34.653 --> 00:08:36.626 But sex, everybody is doing it, 00:08:36.626 --> 00:08:40.775 but nobody wants to talk about it." (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:08:40.775 --> 00:08:51.348 (Music) (In Arabic) NOTE Paragraph 00:08:51.348 --> 00:08:54.007 SEF: I want to give you a piece of advice, 00:08:54.007 --> 00:08:58.101 which if you follow it, will make you happy in life. NOTE Paragraph 00:08:58.101 --> 00:09:00.476 When your husband reaches out to you, 00:09:00.476 --> 00:09:03.288 when he seizes a part of your body, 00:09:03.288 --> 00:09:06.654 sigh deeply and look at him lustily. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:06.654 --> 00:09:09.177 When he penetrates you with his penis, 00:09:09.177 --> 00:09:14.470 try to talk flirtatiously and move yourself in harmony with him. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:14.470 --> 00:09:15.913 Hot stuff! 00:09:15.928 --> 00:09:17.922 And it might sound that these handy hints 00:09:17.922 --> 00:09:21.033 come from "The Joy of Sex" or YouPorn. 00:09:21.033 --> 00:09:24.885 But in fact, they come from a 10th-century Arabic book 00:09:24.885 --> 00:09:27.217 called "The Encyclopedia of Pleasure," 00:09:27.217 --> 00:09:31.365 which covers sex from aphrodisiacs to zoophilia, 00:09:31.365 --> 00:09:34.438 and everything in between. NOTE Paragraph 00:09:34.438 --> 00:09:38.496 The Encyclopedia is just one in a long line of Arabic erotica, 00:09:38.496 --> 00:09:41.725 much of it written by religious scholars. 00:09:41.725 --> 00:09:44.086 Going right back to the Prophet Muhammad, 00:09:44.086 --> 00:09:46.503 there is a rich tradition in Islam 00:09:46.503 --> 00:09:49.083 of talking frankly about sex: 00:09:49.083 --> 00:09:52.378 not just its problems, but also its pleasures, 00:09:52.378 --> 00:09:56.953 and not just for men, but also for women. 00:09:56.953 --> 00:10:02.820 A thousand years ago, we used to have whole dictionaries of sex in Arabic. 00:10:02.820 --> 00:10:06.973 Words to cover every conceivable sexual feature, 00:10:06.973 --> 00:10:10.565 position and preference, a body of language 00:10:10.565 --> 00:10:17.096 that was rich enough to make up the body of the woman you see on this page. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:17.096 --> 00:10:20.699 Today, this history is largely unknown in the Arab region. 00:10:20.699 --> 00:10:25.503 Even by educated people, who often feel more comfortable talking about sex 00:10:25.503 --> 00:10:30.481 in a foreign language than they do in their own tongue. 00:10:30.481 --> 00:10:34.204 Today's sexual landscape looks a lot like Europe and America 00:10:34.204 --> 00:10:36.937 on the brink of the sexual revolution. NOTE Paragraph 00:10:36.937 --> 00:10:39.985 But while the West has opened on sex, 00:10:39.985 --> 00:10:46.618 what we found is that Arab societies appear to have been moving in the opposite direction. 00:10:46.618 --> 00:10:48.873 In Egypt and many of its neighbors, 00:10:48.873 --> 00:10:51.750 this closing down is part of a wider closing 00:10:51.750 --> 00:10:55.333 in political, social and cultural thought. 00:10:55.333 --> 00:10:59.389 And it is the product of a complex historical process, 00:10:59.389 --> 00:11:03.182 one which has gained ground with the rise of Islamic conservatism 00:11:03.182 --> 00:11:06.183 since the late 1970s. 00:11:06.183 --> 00:11:09.858 "Just say no" is what conservatives around the world 00:11:09.858 --> 00:11:14.320 say to any challenge to the sexual status quo. 00:11:14.320 --> 00:11:18.606 In the Arab region, they brand these attempts as a Western conspiracy 00:11:18.606 --> 00:11:22.908 to undermine traditional Arab and Islamic values. 00:11:22.908 --> 00:11:24.907 But what's really at stake here 00:11:24.907 --> 00:11:28.801 is one of their most powerful tools of control: 00:11:28.801 --> 00:11:32.958 sex wrapped up in religion. NOTE Paragraph 00:11:32.958 --> 00:11:36.103 But history shows us that even as recently 00:11:36.103 --> 00:11:39.012 as our fathers' and grandfathers' day, 00:11:39.012 --> 00:11:41.961 there have been times of greater pragmatism, 00:11:41.961 --> 00:11:47.481 and tolerance, and a willingness to consider other interpretations: 00:11:47.481 --> 00:11:54.400 be it abortion, or masturbation, or even the incendiary topic of homosexuality. 00:11:54.400 --> 00:11:59.266 It is not black and white, as conservatives would have us believe. 00:11:59.266 --> 00:12:02.473 In these, as in so many other matters, 00:12:02.473 --> 00:12:05.894 Islam offers us at least 50 shades of gray. 00:12:05.894 --> 00:12:08.308 (Laughter) NOTE Paragraph 00:12:08.308 --> 00:12:09.457 Over my travels, 00:12:09.457 --> 00:12:12.065 I've met men and women across the Arab region 00:12:12.065 --> 00:12:15.058 who've been exploring that spectrum -- 00:12:15.058 --> 00:12:17.762 sexologists who are trying to help couples 00:12:17.762 --> 00:12:21.684 find greater happiness in their marriages, 00:12:21.684 --> 00:12:27.366 innovators who are managing to get sexuality education into schools, 00:12:27.366 --> 00:12:29.733 small groups of men and women, 00:12:29.733 --> 00:12:32.449 lesbian, gay, transgendered, transsexual, 00:12:32.449 --> 00:12:34.130 who are reaching out to their peers 00:12:34.130 --> 00:12:38.788 with online initiatives and real-world support. 00:12:38.788 --> 00:12:42.751 Women, and increasingly men, who are starting to speak out 00:12:42.751 --> 00:12:45.837 and push back against sexual violence 00:12:45.837 --> 00:12:49.393 on the streets and in the home. 00:12:49.393 --> 00:12:54.126 Groups that are trying to help sex workers protect themselves against HIV 00:12:54.126 --> 00:12:56.993 and other occupational hazards, 00:12:56.993 --> 00:13:00.921 and NGOs that are helping unwed mothers like Faiza 00:13:00.921 --> 00:13:06.702 find a place in society, and critically, stay with their kids. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:06.702 --> 00:13:10.113 Now these efforts are small, they're often underfunded, 00:13:10.113 --> 00:13:13.416 and they face formidable opposition. 00:13:13.416 --> 00:13:16.944 But I am optimistic that, in the long run, 00:13:16.944 --> 00:13:20.321 times are changing, and they and their ideas 00:13:20.321 --> 00:13:22.250 will gain ground. 00:13:22.250 --> 00:13:27.902 Social change doesn't happen in the Arab region through dramatic confrontation, 00:13:27.902 --> 00:13:31.289 beating or indeed baring of breasts, 00:13:31.289 --> 00:13:33.754 but rather through negotiation. NOTE Paragraph 00:13:33.754 --> 00:13:37.424 What we're talking here is not about a sexual revolution, 00:13:37.424 --> 00:13:41.898 but a sexual evolution, learning from other parts of the world, 00:13:41.898 --> 00:13:44.274 adapting to local conditions, 00:13:44.274 --> 00:13:50.161 forging our own path, not following one blazed by another. 00:13:50.161 --> 00:13:56.604 That path, I hope, will one day lead us to the right to control our own bodies, 00:13:56.604 --> 00:13:59.674 and to access the information and services we need 00:13:59.674 --> 00:14:04.078 to lead satisfying and safe sexual lives. 00:14:04.078 --> 00:14:06.648 The right to express our ideas freely, 00:14:06.648 --> 00:14:11.303 to marry whom we choose, to choose our own partners, 00:14:11.303 --> 00:14:16.155 to be sexually active or not, to decide whether to have children and when, 00:14:16.155 --> 00:14:22.534 all this without violence or force or discrimination. NOTE Paragraph 00:14:22.534 --> 00:14:25.938 Now we are very far from this across the Arab region, 00:14:25.938 --> 00:14:29.045 and so much needs to change: 00:14:29.045 --> 00:14:32.973 law, education, media, the economy, 00:14:32.973 --> 00:14:35.846 the list goes on and on, 00:14:35.846 --> 00:14:40.164 and it is the work of a generation, at least. NOTE Paragraph 00:14:40.164 --> 00:14:43.326 But it begins with a journey that I myself have made, 00:14:43.326 --> 00:14:46.295 asking hard questions of received wisdoms 00:14:46.295 --> 00:14:48.103 in sexual life. 00:14:48.103 --> 00:14:52.616 And it is a journey which has only served to strengthen my faith, 00:14:52.616 --> 00:14:56.134 and my appreciation of local histories and cultures 00:14:56.134 --> 00:15:01.929 by showing me possibilities where I once only saw absolutes. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:01.929 --> 00:15:05.386 Now given the turmoil in many countries in the Arab region, 00:15:05.386 --> 00:15:08.463 talking about sex, challenging the taboos, 00:15:08.463 --> 00:15:13.799 seeking alternatives might sound like something of a luxury. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:13.799 --> 00:15:16.591 But at this critical moment in history, 00:15:16.591 --> 00:15:20.969 if we do not anchor freedom and justice, 00:15:20.969 --> 00:15:22.601 dignity and equality, 00:15:22.601 --> 00:15:27.843 privacy and autonomy in our personal lives, in our sexual lives, 00:15:27.843 --> 00:15:32.144 we will find it very hard to achieve in public life. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:32.144 --> 00:15:38.899 The political and the sexual are intimate bedfellows, and that is true for us all. 00:15:38.899 --> 00:15:42.310 no matter where we live and love. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:42.310 --> 00:15:43.826 Thank you. NOTE Paragraph 00:15:43.826 --> 00:15:48.267 (Applause)