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Shereen el Feki: So when I was in Morocco,

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in Casablanca, not so long ago,

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I met a young unmarried mother called Faiza.

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Faiza showed me photos of her infant son

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and she told me the story of his conception,
pregnancy, and delivery.

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It was a remarkable tale,

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but Faiza saved the best for last.

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You know, I am a virgin, she told me.

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I have two medical certificates to prove it.

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This is the modern Middle East,

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where two millenia after the coming of Christ,

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virgin births are still a fact of life.

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Faiza's story is just one of hundreds I've heard 
over the years, traveling across the Arab region

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talking to people about sex.

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Now I know this might sound like a dream job,

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or possibly a highly dubious occupation.

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But for me, it's something else all together.

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I'm half Egyptian, and I'm Muslim.

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But I grew up in Canada, far from my Arab roots.

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Like so many who straddle East and West,

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I've been drawn, over the years, to try to better
understand my origins.

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That I chose to look at sex comes from 
my background in HIV/AIDS,

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as a writer, and a researcher, and an activist.

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Sex lies at the heart of an emerging epidemic
in the Middle East and North Africa,

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which is one of only two regions in the world
where HIV/AIDS is still on the rise.

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Now sexuality is an incredibly powerful lens

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with which to study any society,

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because what happens in our intimate lives

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is reflected by forces on a bigger stage:

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in politics and economics, in religion and tradition, 
in gender and generations.

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As I found, if you really want to know a people,

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you start by looking inside their bedrooms.

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Now to be sure, the Arab world is vast and varied.

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But running across it are three red lines --

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these are topics you are not supposed 
to challenge in word or deed.

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The first of these is politics.

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But the Arab Spring has changed all that,

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in uprisings which have blossomed 
across the region since 2011.

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Now while those in power, old and new,

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continue to cling to business as usual,

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millions are still pushing back,

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and pushing forward to what they hope
will be a better life.

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That second red line is religion.

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But now religion and politics are connected,

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with the rise of such groups as the 
Muslim Brotherhood.

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And some people, at least, are starting 
to ask questions

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about the role of Islam in public and private life.

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You know, as for that third red line, 
that off-limits subject,

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what do you think it might be?

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(Audience members: Sex.)

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SEF: Louder, I can't hear you.

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(Audience members: Sex.)

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SEF: Again, please don't be shy.

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(Audience members: Sex.)

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SEF: Absolutely, that's right, it's sex. (Laughter)

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Across the Arab region, the only accepted
context for sex is marriage.

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Approved by your parents, sanctioned by religion,

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and registered by the state.

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Marriage is your ticket to adulthood.

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If you don't tie the knot, you can't move out of your
parent's place,

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and you're not supposed to be having sex,

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and you're definitely not supposed 
to be having children.

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It's a social citadel, it's an impregnable fortress

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which resists any assault, any alternative.

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And around the fortress is this vast field of taboo,

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against pre-marital sex, against condoms,

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against abortion, against homosexuality,

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you name it.

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Faiza was living proof of this.

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Her virginity statement was 
not a piece of wishful thinking.

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Although the major religions of the region
extoll premarital chastity,

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in a patriarchy, boys will be boys.

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Men have sex before marriage,

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and people more or less turn a blind eye.

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Not so for women,

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who are expected to be virgins 
on their wedding night,

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that is, to turn up with your hymen intact.

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This is not a question of individual concern,

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this is a matter of family honor, 
and in particular, men's honor.

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And so women and their relatives

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will go to great lengths to preserve 
this tiny piece of anatomy:

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from female genital mutilation,

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to virginity testing, to hymen repair surgery.

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Faiza chose a different route:

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non-vaginal sex.

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Only she became pregnant all the same.

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But Faiza didn't actually realize this,

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because there's so little 
sexuality education in schools,

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and so little communication in the family.

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When her condition became hard to hide,

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Faiza's mother helped her flee 
her father and brothers.

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This is because honor killings are a real threat

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for untold numbers of women in the Arab region.

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And so when Faiza eventually fetched up at 
a hospital in Casablanca,

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the man who offered to help her,

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instead tried to rape her.

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Sadly, Faiza is not alone.

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In Egypt, where my research is focused,

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I have seen plenty of trouble 
in and out of the citadel.

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There are legions of young men

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who can't afford to get married,

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because marriage has become 
a very expensive proposition.

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They are expected to bear the burden
of costs in married life,

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but they can't find jobs.

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This is one of the major drivers 
of the recent uprisings,

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and it is one of the reasons for the 
rising age of marriage

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in much of the Arab region.

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There are career women who want to get married,

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but can't find a husband,

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because they defy gender expectations,

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or as one young female doctor 
in Tunisia put it to me,

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the women, they are becoming more and more open.

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But the man, he is still at the prehistoric stage.
(Laughter)

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And then there are men and women who 
cross the heterosexual line,

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who have sex with their own sex,

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or who have a different gender identity.

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They are on the receiving end of laws
which punish their activities,

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even their appearance.

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And they face a daily struggle with social stigma,

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with family despair,

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and with religious fire and brimstone.

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Now it's not as if it's all rosy 
in the marital bed either.

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Couples who are looking for greater happiness,

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greater sexual happiness in their married lives,

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but are at a loss of how to achieve it,

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especially wives who are afraid of being seen as 'bad women'

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if they show some spark in the bedroom.

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And then there are those whose marriages

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are actually a veil for prostitution.

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They have been sold by their families,

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often to wealthy Arab tourists.

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This is just one face of a booming 
sex trade across the Arab region.

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Now raise your hand if any of 
this is sounding familiar to you,

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from your part of the world.

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Yeah. It's not as if the Arab world
has a monopoly on sexual hangups.

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And although we don't yet have
an Arab Kinsey Report

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to tell us exactly what's happening 
inside bedrooms across the Arab region,

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It's pretty clear that 
something is not right.

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Double standards for men and women,

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sex as a source of shame,

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family control limiting individual choices,

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and a vast gulf between appearance and reality:

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what people are doing

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and what they're willing to admit to,

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and a general reluctance to move 
beyond private whispers

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to a serious and sustained public discussion.

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As one doctor in Cairo summed it up for me,

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here, sex is the opposite of sport.

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Football, everybody talks about it,

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but hardly anyone plays.

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But sex, everybody is doing it,

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but nobody wants to talk about it. 
(Laughter)

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(Music and Arabic narration)

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SEF: "I want to give you a piece of advice,

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"which if you follow it,
will make you happy in life."

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"When your husband reaches out to you,

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"when he seizes a part of your body,

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"sigh deeply and look at him lustily."

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"When he penetrates you with his penis,

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"try to talk flirtatiously and 
move yourself in harmony with him."

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Hot stuff!

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And it might sound that these handy hints

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come from the Joy of Sex or YouPorn.

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But in fact, they come from
a 10th-century Arabic book

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called the Encyclopedia of Pleasure,

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which covers sex from aphrodisiacs to zoophilia,

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and everything in between.

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The Encyclopedia is just one 
in a long line of Arabic erotica,

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much of it written by religious scholars.

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Going right back to the Prophet Muhammad,

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there is a rich tradition in Islam

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of talking frankly about sex:

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not just its problems, but also its pleasures,

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and not just for men, but also for women.

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A thousand years ago, we used to have 
whole dictionaries of sex in Arabic.

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Words to cover every conceivable sexual feature,

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position, and preference, a body of language

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that was rich enough to make up the body 
of the woman you see on this page.

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Today, this history is largely unknown 
in the Arab region.

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Even by educated people, who often
feel more comfortable talking about sex

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in a foreign language than they do
in their own tongue.

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Today's sexual landscape looks
a lot like Europe and America

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on the brink of the sexual revolution.

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But while the West has opened on sex,

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what we found is that Arab societies appear
to have been moving in the opposite direction.

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In Egypt and many of its neighbors,

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this closing down is part of a wider closing

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in political, social, and cultural thought.

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And it is the product of a complex historical process,

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one which has gained ground with the rise 
of Islamic conservatism

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since the late 1970s.

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"Just say no" is what conservatives 
around the world

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say to any challenge to the sexual status quo.

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In the Arab region, they brand these attempts
as a Western conspiracy

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to undermine traditional Arab
and Islamic values.

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But what's really at stake here

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is one of their most powerful tools of control:

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sex wrapped up in religion.

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But history shows us that 
even as recently

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as our fathers' and grandfathers' day,

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there have been times of greater pragmatism,

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and tolerance, and a willingness
to consider other interpretations:

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be it abortion, or masturbation, or even 
the incendiary topic of homosexuality.

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it is not black and white,
as conservatives would have us believe.

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In these, as in so many other matters,

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Islam offers us at least 50 shades of grey.

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(Laughter)

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Over my travels,

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I've met men and women 
across the Arab region

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who've been exploring that spectrum.

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Sexologists who are trying
to help couples

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find greater happiness in their marriages,

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innovators who are managing to get 
sexuality education into schools,

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small groups of men and women,

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lesbian, gay, transgendered, transsexual,

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who are reaching out to their peers

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with online initiatives and real-world support.

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Women, and increasingly men,
who are starting to speak out

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and push back against sexual violence

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on the streets and in the home.

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Groups that are trying to help sex workers
protect themselves against HIV

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and other occupational hazards,

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and NGOs that are helping unwed mothers like Faiza

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find a place in society, and critically,
stay with their kids.

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Now these efforts are small, 
they're often underfunded,

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and they face formidable opposition.

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But I am optimistic that, in the long run,

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times are changing, and they and their ideas

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will gain ground.

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Social change doesn't happen in the Arab region
through dramatic confrontation;

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beating, or indeed baring of breasts,

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but rather through negotiation.

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What we're talking here is not about a 
sexual revolution,

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but a sexual evolution, 
learning from other parts of the world,

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adapting to local conditions,

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forging our own path,
not following one blazed by another.

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That path, I hope, will one day lead us 
to the right to control our own bodies,

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and to access the information 
and services we need

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to lead satisfying and safe sexual lives.

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The right to express our ideas freely,

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to marry whom we choose, 
to choose our own partners,

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to be sexually active or not,
to decide whether to have children, and when,

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all this without violence or force or discrimination.

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Now we are very far from this 
across the Arab region,

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and so much needs to change:

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law, education, media, the economy,

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the list goes on and on,

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and it is the work of a generation, at least.

249
00:14:40,164 --> 00:14:43,326
But it begins with a journey that I myself have made,

250
00:14:43,326 --> 00:14:46,295
asking hard questions of received wisdoms

251
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in sexual life.

252
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And it is a journey which has
only served to strengthen my faith,

253
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and my appreciation of local histories and cultures

254
00:14:56,134 --> 00:15:01,929
by showing me possibilities 
where I once only saw absolutes.

255
00:15:01,929 --> 00:15:05,386
Now given the turmoil in many
countries in the Arab region,

256
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talking about sex, 
challenging the taboos,

257
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seeking alternatives might sound like
something of a luxury.

258
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But, at this critical moment in history,

259
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if we do not anchor freedom and justice,

260
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dignity and equality,

261
00:15:22,601 --> 00:15:27,843
privacy and autonomy in our personal lives,
in our sexual lives,

262
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we will find it very hard to achieve in public life.

263
00:15:32,144 --> 00:15:38,899
The political and the sexual are intimate bedfellows,
and that is true for us all.

264
00:15:38,899 --> 00:15:42,310
no matter where we live and love.

265
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:43,826
Thank you.

266
00:15:43,826 --> 00:15:48,267
(Applause)