0:00:00.819,0:00:02.770
So I'm a woman with chronic schizophrenia.

0:00:02.770,0:00:04.579
I've spent hundreds of days

0:00:04.579,0:00:06.066
in psychiatric hospitals.

0:00:06.066,0:00:07.871
I might have ended up spending

0:00:07.871,0:00:09.698
most of my life on the back ward of a hospital,

0:00:09.698,0:00:11.898
but that isn't how my life turned out.

0:00:11.898,0:00:15.346
In fact, I've managed to stay clear of hospitals

0:00:15.346,0:00:16.835
for almost three decades,

0:00:16.835,0:00:18.778
perhaps my proudest accomplishment.

0:00:18.778,0:00:20.972
That's not to say that I've remained clear

0:00:20.972,0:00:22.579
of all psychiatric struggles.

0:00:22.579,0:00:25.004
After I graduated from the Yale Law School and

0:00:25.004,0:00:28.010
got my first law job, my New Haven analyst, Dr. White,

0:00:28.010,0:00:30.595
announced to me that he was going to close his practice

0:00:30.595,0:00:32.475
in three months, several years

0:00:32.475,0:00:34.172
before I had planned to leave New Haven.

0:00:34.172,0:00:36.941
White had been enormously helpful to me,

0:00:36.941,0:00:37.998
and the thought of his leaving

0:00:37.998,0:00:39.884
shattered me.

0:00:39.884,0:00:41.354
My best friend Steve,

0:00:41.354,0:00:43.106
sensing that something was terribly wrong,

0:00:43.106,0:00:44.938
flew out to New Haven to be with me.

0:00:44.938,0:00:47.026
Now I'm going to quote from some of my writings:

0:00:47.026,0:00:49.541
"I opened the door to my studio apartment.

0:00:49.541,0:00:51.714
Steve would later tell me that,

0:00:51.714,0:00:54.450
for all the times he had seen me psychotic, nothing

0:00:54.450,0:00:56.451
could have prepared him for what he saw that day.

0:00:56.451,0:00:59.124
For a week or more, I had barely eaten.

0:00:59.124,0:01:01.684
I was gaunt. I walked

0:01:01.684,0:01:03.298
as though my legs were wooden.

0:01:03.298,0:01:06.325
My face looked and felt like a mask.

0:01:06.325,0:01:09.169
I had closed all the curtains in the apartment, so

0:01:09.169,0:01:10.124
in the middle of the day

0:01:10.124,0:01:12.138
the apartment was in near total darkness.

0:01:12.138,0:01:14.890
The air was fetid, the room a shambles.

0:01:14.890,0:01:18.206
Steve, both a lawyer and a psychologist, has treated

0:01:18.206,0:01:21.339
many patients with severe mental illness, and to this day

0:01:21.339,0:01:24.027
he'll say I was as bad as any he had ever seen.

0:01:24.027,0:01:27.106
'Hi,' I said, and then I returned to the couch,

0:01:27.106,0:01:29.230
where I sat in silence for several moments.

0:01:29.230,0:01:31.075
'Thank you for coming, Steve.

0:01:31.075,0:01:35.126
Crumbling world, word, voice.

0:01:35.126,0:01:36.995
Tell the clocks to stop.

0:01:36.995,0:01:38.786
Time is. Time has come.'

0:01:38.786,0:01:42.027
'White is leaving,' Steve said somberly.

0:01:42.027,0:01:45.458
'I'm being pushed into a grave. The situation is grave,' I moan.

0:01:45.458,0:01:47.085
'Gravity is pulling me down.

0:01:47.085,0:01:49.218
I'm scared. Tell them to get away.'"

0:01:49.218,0:01:52.930
As a young woman, I was in a psychiatric hospital

0:01:52.930,0:01:55.434
on three different occasions for lengthy periods.

0:01:55.434,0:01:58.226
My doctors diagnosed me with chronic schizophrenia,

0:01:58.226,0:02:00.821
and gave me a prognosis of "grave."

0:02:00.821,0:02:04.251
That is, at best, I was expected to live in a board and care,

0:02:04.251,0:02:05.955
and work at menial jobs.

0:02:05.955,0:02:07.955
Fortunately, I did not actually

0:02:07.955,0:02:09.730
enact that grave prognosis.

0:02:09.730,0:02:12.571
Instead, I'm a chaired Professor of Law, Psychology

0:02:12.571,0:02:15.196
and Psychiatry at the USC Gould School of Law,

0:02:15.196,0:02:16.826
I have many close friends

0:02:16.826,0:02:20.011
and I have a beloved husband, Will, who's here with us today.

0:02:20.011,0:02:24.538
(Applause) Thank you.

0:02:26.554,0:02:29.812
He's definitely the star of my show.

0:02:29.812,0:02:32.610
I'd like to share with you how that happened, and also

0:02:32.610,0:02:35.379
describe my experience of being psychotic.

0:02:35.379,0:02:37.859
I hasten to add that it's my experience,

0:02:37.859,0:02:40.515
because everyone becomes psychotic in his or her own way.

0:02:40.515,0:02:43.576
Let's start with the definition of schizophrenia.

0:02:43.576,0:02:45.797
Schizophrenia is a brain disease.

0:02:45.797,0:02:48.222
Its defining feature is psychosis, or being

0:02:48.222,0:02:49.814
out of touch with reality.

0:02:49.814,0:02:51.636
Delusions and hallucinations

0:02:51.636,0:02:53.190
are hallmarks of the illness.

0:02:53.190,0:02:55.942
Delusions are fixed and false beliefs that aren't responsive

0:02:55.942,0:02:59.758
to evidence, and hallucinations are false sensory experiences.

0:02:59.758,0:03:02.108
For example, when I'm psychotic I often have

0:03:02.108,0:03:04.359
the delusion that I've killed hundreds of thousands

0:03:04.359,0:03:05.936
of people with my thoughts.

0:03:05.936,0:03:07.641
I sometimes have the idea that

0:03:07.641,0:03:10.136
nuclear explosions are about to be set off in my brain.

0:03:10.136,0:03:12.472
Occasionally, I have hallucinations,

0:03:12.472,0:03:14.240
like one time I turned around and saw a man

0:03:14.240,0:03:15.817
with a raised knife.

0:03:15.817,0:03:18.609
Imagine having a nightmare while you're awake.

0:03:18.609,0:03:21.819
Often, speech and thinking become disorganized

0:03:21.819,0:03:23.365
to the point of incoherence.

0:03:23.365,0:03:26.244
Loose associations involves putting together words

0:03:26.244,0:03:29.027
that may sound a lot alike but don't make sense,

0:03:29.027,0:03:31.417
and if the words get jumbled up enough, it's called "word salad."

0:03:31.417,0:03:35.855
Contrary to what many people think, schizophrenia is not

0:03:35.855,0:03:39.270
the same as multiple personality disorder or split personality.

0:03:39.270,0:03:42.821
The schizophrenic mind is not split, but shattered.

0:03:42.821,0:03:45.400
Everyone has seen a street person,

0:03:45.400,0:03:47.423
unkempt, probably ill-fed,

0:03:47.423,0:03:50.000
standing outside of an office building muttering

0:03:50.000,0:03:51.813
to himself or shouting.

0:03:51.813,0:03:54.410
This person is likely to have some form of schizophrenia.

0:03:54.410,0:03:56.741
But schizophrenia presents itself across a wide array

0:03:56.741,0:03:59.565
of socioeconomic status, and there are people

0:03:59.565,0:04:02.095
with the illness who are full-time professionals

0:04:02.095,0:04:04.447
with major responsibilities.

0:04:04.447,0:04:05.658
Several years ago, I decided

0:04:05.658,0:04:09.093
to write down my experiences and my personal journey,

0:04:09.093,0:04:11.391
and I want to share some more of that story with you today

0:04:11.391,0:04:13.054
to convey the inside view.

0:04:13.054,0:04:15.839
So the following episode happened the seventh week

0:04:15.839,0:04:18.702
of my first semester of my first year at Yale Law School.

0:04:18.702,0:04:20.907
Quoting from my writings:

0:04:20.907,0:04:24.376
"My two classmates, Rebel and Val, and I had made the date

0:04:24.376,0:04:27.337
to meet in the law school library on Friday night

0:04:27.337,0:04:29.621
to work on our memo assignment together.

0:04:29.621,0:04:31.423
But we didn't get far before I was talking in ways

0:04:31.423,0:04:32.946
that made no sense.

0:04:32.946,0:04:36.010
'Memos are visitations,' I informed them.

0:04:36.010,0:04:38.530
'They make certain points. The point is on your head.

0:04:38.530,0:04:40.985
Pat used to say that. Have you killed you anyone?'

0:04:40.985,0:04:43.001
Rebel and Val looked at me

0:04:43.001,0:04:44.672
as if they or I had been

0:04:44.672,0:04:46.252
splashed in the face with cold water.

0:04:46.252,0:04:47.808
'What are you talking about, Elyn?'

0:04:47.808,0:04:50.817
'Oh, you know, the usual. Who's what, what's who,

0:04:50.817,0:04:53.072
heaven and hell. Let's go out on the roof.

0:04:53.072,0:04:54.648
It's a flat surface. It's safe.'

0:04:54.648,0:04:56.232
Rebel and Val followed

0:04:56.232,0:04:57.681
and they asked what had gotten into me.

0:04:57.681,0:04:59.544
'This is the real me,' I announced,

0:04:59.544,0:05:01.089
waving my arms above my head.

0:05:01.089,0:05:03.864
And then, late on a Friday night, on the roof

0:05:03.864,0:05:05.021
of the Yale Law School,

0:05:05.021,0:05:07.313
I began to sing, and not quietly either.

0:05:07.313,0:05:10.417
'Come to the Florida sunshine bush.

0:05:10.417,0:05:11.728
Do you want to dance?'

0:05:11.728,0:05:14.203
'Are you on drugs?' one asked. 'Are you high?'

0:05:14.203,0:05:16.659
'High? Me? No way, no drugs.

0:05:16.659,0:05:19.226
Come to the Florida sunshine bush,

0:05:19.226,0:05:22.499
where there are lemons, where they make demons.'

0:05:22.499,0:05:25.193
'You're frightening me,' one of them said, and Rebel and Val

0:05:25.193,0:05:26.972
headed back into the library.

0:05:26.972,0:05:29.089
I shrugged and followed them.

0:05:29.089,0:05:32.456
Back inside, I asked my classmates if they were

0:05:32.456,0:05:34.673
having the same experience of words jumping around

0:05:34.673,0:05:36.017
our cases as I was.

0:05:36.017,0:05:40.040
'I think someone's infiltrated my copies of the cases,' I said.

0:05:40.040,0:05:41.544
'We've got to case the joint.

0:05:41.544,0:05:43.127
I don't believe in joints, but

0:05:43.127,0:05:44.592
they do hold your body together.'" --

0:05:44.592,0:05:46.961
It's an example of loose associations. --

0:05:46.961,0:05:49.345
"Eventually I made my way back to my dorm room,

0:05:49.345,0:05:51.704
and once there, I couldn't settle down.

0:05:51.704,0:05:53.529
My head was too full of noise,

0:05:53.529,0:05:57.216
too full of orange trees and law memos I could not write

0:05:57.216,0:05:59.848
and mass murders I knew I would be responsible for.

0:05:59.848,0:06:03.193
Sitting on my bed, I rocked back and forth,

0:06:03.193,0:06:05.225
moaning in fear and isolation."

0:06:05.225,0:06:08.352
This episode led to my first hospitalization in America.

0:06:08.352,0:06:10.592
I had two earlier in England.

0:06:10.592,0:06:12.153
Continuing with the writings:

0:06:12.153,0:06:14.617
"The next morning I went to my professor's office to ask

0:06:14.617,0:06:16.194
for an extension on the memo assignment,

0:06:16.194,0:06:18.351
and I began gibbering unintelligably

0:06:18.351,0:06:19.697
as I had the night before,

0:06:19.697,0:06:21.370
and he eventually brought me to the emergency room.

0:06:21.370,0:06:25.171
Once there, someone I'll just call 'The Doctor'

0:06:25.171,0:06:27.138
and his whole team of goons swooped down,

0:06:27.138,0:06:28.547
lifted me high into the air,

0:06:28.547,0:06:30.220
and slammed me down on a metal bed

0:06:30.220,0:06:32.572
with such force that I saw stars.

0:06:32.572,0:06:35.130
Then they strapped my legs and arms to the metal bed

0:06:35.130,0:06:36.797
with thick leather straps.

0:06:36.797,0:06:40.143
A sound came out of my mouth that I'd never heard before:

0:06:40.143,0:06:42.171
half groan, half scream,

0:06:42.171,0:06:45.515
barely human and pure terror.

0:06:45.515,0:06:47.186
Then the sound came again,

0:06:47.186,0:06:49.110
forced from somewhere deep inside my belly

0:06:49.110,0:06:50.707
and scraping my throat raw."

0:06:50.707,0:06:54.986
This incident resulted in my involuntary hospitalization.

0:06:54.986,0:06:58.527
One of the reasons the doctors gave for hospitalizing me

0:06:58.527,0:06:59.812
against my will was that I was

0:06:59.812,0:07:01.219
"gravely disabled."

0:07:01.219,0:07:04.315
To support this view, they wrote in my chart that I was unable

0:07:04.315,0:07:06.107
to do my Yale Law School homework.

0:07:06.107,0:07:09.148
I wondered what that meant about much of the rest of New Haven.

0:07:09.148,0:07:10.754
(Laughter)

0:07:10.754,0:07:13.443
During the next year, I would

0:07:13.443,0:07:15.595
spend five months in a psychiatric hospital.

0:07:15.595,0:07:19.074
At times, I spent up to 20 hours in mechanical restraints,

0:07:19.074,0:07:22.564
arms tied, arms and legs tied down,

0:07:22.564,0:07:25.083
arms and legs tied down with a net tied

0:07:25.083,0:07:26.891
tightly across my chest.

0:07:26.891,0:07:28.938
I never struck anyone.

0:07:28.938,0:07:31.844
I never harmed anyone. I never made any direct threats.

0:07:31.844,0:07:34.618
If you've never been restrained yourself, you may have

0:07:34.618,0:07:37.315
a benign image of the experience.

0:07:37.315,0:07:39.290
There's nothing benign about it.

0:07:39.290,0:07:41.075
Every week in the United States,

0:07:41.075,0:07:43.995
it's been estimated that one to three people die in restraints.

0:07:43.995,0:07:46.611
They strangle, they aspirate their vomit,

0:07:46.611,0:07:48.764
they suffocate, they have a heart attack.

0:07:48.764,0:07:51.290
It's unclear whether using mechanical restraints

0:07:51.290,0:07:53.810
is actually saving lives or costing lives.

0:07:53.810,0:07:56.604
While I was preparing to write my student note

0:07:56.604,0:07:58.804
for the Yale Law Journal on mechanical restraints,

0:07:58.804,0:08:01.156
I consulted an eminent law professor who was also

0:08:01.156,0:08:02.241
a psychiatrist,

0:08:02.241,0:08:03.954
and said surely he would agree

0:08:03.954,0:08:06.250
that restraints must be degrading,

0:08:06.250,0:08:07.786
painful and frightening.

0:08:07.786,0:08:09.897
He looked at me in a knowing way, and said,

0:08:09.897,0:08:12.226
"Elyn, you don't really understand:

0:08:12.226,0:08:13.964
These people are psychotic.

0:08:13.964,0:08:15.485
They're different from me and you.

0:08:15.485,0:08:18.249
They wouldn't experience restraints as we would."

0:08:18.249,0:08:21.083
I didn't have the courage to tell him in that moment that,

0:08:21.083,0:08:23.084
no, we're not that different from him.

0:08:23.084,0:08:25.442
We don't like to be strapped down to a bed

0:08:25.442,0:08:27.772
and left to suffer for hours any more than he would.

0:08:27.772,0:08:29.924
In fact, until very recently,

0:08:29.924,0:08:31.906
and I'm sure some people still hold it as a view,

0:08:31.906,0:08:34.938
that restraints help psychiatric patients feel safe.

0:08:34.938,0:08:37.370
I've never met a psychiatric patient

0:08:37.370,0:08:38.764
who agreed with that view.

0:08:38.764,0:08:41.475
Today, I'd like to say I'm very pro-psychiatry

0:08:41.475,0:08:42.978
but very anti-force.

0:08:42.978,0:08:45.969
I don't think force is effective as treatment, and I think

0:08:45.969,0:08:48.706
using force is a terrible thing to do to another person

0:08:48.706,0:08:50.065
with a terrible illness.

0:08:50.065,0:08:52.786
Eventually, I came to Los Angeles

0:08:52.786,0:08:55.284
to teach at the University of Southern California Law School.

0:08:55.284,0:08:57.604
For years, I had resisted medication,

0:08:57.604,0:08:59.594
making many, many efforts to get off.

0:08:59.594,0:09:02.269
I felt that if I could manage without medication,

0:09:02.269,0:09:04.307
I could prove that, after all,

0:09:04.307,0:09:07.057
I wasn't really mentally ill, it was some terrible mistake.

0:09:07.057,0:09:10.364
My motto was the less medicine, the less defective.

0:09:10.364,0:09:13.452
My L.A. analyst, Dr. Kaplan, was urging me

0:09:13.452,0:09:15.952
just to stay on medication and get on with my life,

0:09:15.952,0:09:19.427
but I decided I wanted to make one last college try to get off.

0:09:19.427,0:09:20.859
Quoting from the text:

0:09:20.859,0:09:24.499
"I started the reduction of my meds, and within a short time

0:09:24.499,0:09:26.611
I began feeling the effects.

0:09:26.611,0:09:29.452
After returning from a trip to Oxford, I marched into

0:09:29.452,0:09:32.829
Kaplan's office, headed straight for the corner, crouched down,

0:09:32.829,0:09:35.062
covered my face, and began shaking.

0:09:35.062,0:09:38.217
All around me I sensed evil beings poised with daggers.

0:09:38.217,0:09:40.385
They'd slice me up in thin slices

0:09:40.385,0:09:42.027
or make me swallow hot coals.

0:09:42.027,0:09:45.404
Kaplan would later describe me as 'writhing in agony.'

0:09:45.404,0:09:48.489
Even in this state, what he accurately described as

0:09:48.489,0:09:50.180
acutely and forwardly psychotic,

0:09:50.180,0:09:52.193
I refused to take more medication.

0:09:52.193,0:09:54.993
The mission is not yet complete.

0:09:54.993,0:09:57.611
Immediately after the appointment with Kaplan,

0:09:57.611,0:09:59.909
I went to see Dr. Marder, a schizophrenia expert

0:09:59.909,0:10:02.217
who was following me for medication side effects.

0:10:02.217,0:10:05.238
He was under the impression that I had a mild psychotic illness.

0:10:05.238,0:10:08.666
Once in his office, I sat on his couch, folded over,

0:10:08.666,0:10:10.305
and began muttering.

0:10:10.305,0:10:12.535
'Head explosions and people trying to kill.

0:10:12.535,0:10:15.000
Is it okay if I totally trash your office?'

0:10:15.000,0:10:17.632
'You need to leave if you think you're going to do that,'

0:10:17.632,0:10:18.615
said Marder.

0:10:18.615,0:10:21.767
'Okay. Small. Fire on ice. Tell them not to kill me.

0:10:21.767,0:10:23.415
Tell them not to kill me. What have I done wrong?

0:10:23.415,0:10:25.992
Hundreds of thousands with thoughts, interdiction.'

0:10:25.992,0:10:27.727
'Elyn, do you feel like you're

0:10:27.727,0:10:29.224
dangerous to yourself or others?

0:10:29.224,0:10:31.639
I think you need to be in the hospital.

0:10:31.639,0:10:33.496
I could get you admitted right away, and the whole thing

0:10:33.496,0:10:34.631
could be very discrete.'

0:10:34.631,0:10:36.312
'Ha, ha, ha.

0:10:36.312,0:10:38.649
You're offering to put me in hospitals?

0:10:38.649,0:10:41.592
Hospitals are bad, they're mad, they're sad.

0:10:41.592,0:10:45.256
One must stay away. I'm God, or I used to be.'"

0:10:45.256,0:10:46.839
At that point in the text,

0:10:46.839,0:10:48.744
where I said "I'm God, or I used to be," my husband

0:10:48.744,0:10:49.769
made a marginal note.

0:10:49.769,0:10:51.376
He said, "Did you quit or were you fired?"

0:10:51.376,0:10:53.607
(Laughter)

0:10:53.607,0:10:57.359
"'I give life and I take it away.

0:10:57.359,0:10:59.056
Forgive me, for I know not what I do.'

0:10:59.056,0:11:02.370
Eventually, I broke down in front of friends, and

0:11:02.370,0:11:04.878
everybody convinced me to take more medication.

0:11:04.878,0:11:06.824
I could no longer deny the truth,

0:11:06.824,0:11:08.346
and I could not change it.

0:11:08.346,0:11:10.995
The wall that kept me, Elyn, Professor Saks,

0:11:10.995,0:11:14.108
separate from that insane woman hospitalized years past,

0:11:14.108,0:11:16.219
lay smashed and in ruins."

0:11:16.219,0:11:18.892
Everything about this illness says I shouldn't be here,

0:11:18.892,0:11:21.766
but I am. And I am, I think, for three reasons:

0:11:21.766,0:11:24.158
First, I've had excellent treatment.

0:11:24.158,0:11:27.104
Four- to five-day-a-week psychoanalytic psychotherapy

0:11:27.104,0:11:30.088
for decades and continuing, and excellent psychopharmacology.

0:11:30.088,0:11:34.132
Second, I have many close family members and friends who know me

0:11:34.132,0:11:35.386
and know my illness.

0:11:35.386,0:11:37.710
These relationships have given my life a meaning

0:11:37.710,0:11:39.877
and a depth, and they also helped me navigate

0:11:39.877,0:11:41.845
my life in the face of symptoms.

0:11:41.845,0:11:45.013
Third, I work at an enormously supportive workplace

0:11:45.013,0:11:46.598
at USC Law School.

0:11:46.598,0:11:49.623
This is a place that not only accommodates my needs

0:11:49.623,0:11:51.014
but actually embraces them.

0:11:51.014,0:11:54.045
It's also a very intellectually stimulating place,

0:11:54.045,0:11:56.637
and occupying my mind with complex problems

0:11:56.637,0:12:00.070
has been my best and most powerful and most reliable

0:12:00.070,0:12:01.790
defense against my mental illness.

0:12:01.790,0:12:05.093
Even with all that — excellent treatment, wonderful family and

0:12:05.093,0:12:07.009
friends, supportive work environment —

0:12:07.009,0:12:09.342
I did not make my illness public

0:12:09.342,0:12:10.775
until relatively late in life,

0:12:10.775,0:12:13.294
and that's because the stigma against mental illness

0:12:13.294,0:12:15.902
is so powerful that I didn't feel safe with people knowing.

0:12:15.902,0:12:18.318
If you hear nothing else today,

0:12:18.318,0:12:21.752
please hear this: There are not "schizophrenics."

0:12:21.752,0:12:24.903
There are people with schizophrenia, and these people

0:12:24.903,0:12:26.998
may be your spouse, they may be your child,

0:12:26.998,0:12:29.422
they may be your neighbor, they may be your friend,

0:12:29.422,0:12:30.846
they may be your coworker.

0:12:30.846,0:12:33.702
So let me share some final thoughts.

0:12:33.702,0:12:37.134
We need to invest more resources into research and treatment

0:12:37.134,0:12:38.374
of mental illness.

0:12:38.374,0:12:40.430
The better we understand these illnesses, the better

0:12:40.430,0:12:42.638
the treatments we can provide, and the better the treatments

0:12:42.638,0:12:45.078
we can provide, the more we can offer people care,

0:12:45.078,0:12:46.526
and not have to use force.

0:12:46.526,0:12:49.478
Also, we must stop criminalizing mental illness.

0:12:49.478,0:12:53.526
It's a national tragedy and scandal that the L.A. County Jail

0:12:53.526,0:12:56.168
is the biggest psychiatric facility in the United States.

0:12:56.168,0:13:00.084
American prisons and jails are filled with people who suffer

0:13:00.084,0:13:02.568
from severe mental illness, and many of them are there[br]

0:13:02.568,0:13:04.545
because they never received adequate treatment.

0:13:04.545,0:13:07.974
I could have easily ended up there or on the streets myself.

0:13:07.974,0:13:11.198
A message to the entertainment industry and to the press:

0:13:11.198,0:13:15.262
On the whole, you've done a wonderful job fighting stigma

0:13:15.262,0:13:17.078
and prejudice of many kinds.

0:13:17.078,0:13:20.078
Please, continue to let us see characters in your movies,

0:13:20.078,0:13:22.206
your plays, your columns,

0:13:22.206,0:13:24.030
who suffer with severe mental illness.

0:13:24.030,0:13:25.790
Portray them sympathetically,

0:13:25.790,0:13:28.429
and portray them in all the richness and depth

0:13:28.429,0:13:31.956
of their experience as people and not as diagnoses.

0:13:31.956,0:13:34.232
Recently, a friend posed a question:

0:13:34.232,0:13:36.007
If there were a pill I could take

0:13:36.007,0:13:37.818
that would instantly cure me, would I take it?

0:13:37.818,0:13:40.511
The poet Rainer Maria Rilke

0:13:40.511,0:13:41.983
was offered psychoanalysis.

0:13:41.983,0:13:44.295
He declined, saying, "Don't take my devils away,

0:13:44.295,0:13:46.054
because my angels may flee too."

0:13:46.054,0:13:48.247
My psychosis, on the other hand,

0:13:48.247,0:13:50.919
is a waking nightmare in which my devils are so terrifying

0:13:50.919,0:13:52.855
that all my angels have already fled.

0:13:52.855,0:13:56.759
So would I take the pill? In an instant.

0:13:56.759,0:13:59.440
That said, I don't wish to be seen as regretting

0:13:59.440,0:14:01.833
the life I could have had if I'd not been mentally ill,

0:14:01.833,0:14:04.115
nor am I asking anyone for their pity.

0:14:04.115,0:14:07.246
What I rather wish to say is that the humanity we all share

0:14:07.261,0:14:09.879
is more important than the mental illness we may not.

0:14:09.879,0:14:12.337
What those of us who suffer with mental illness want

0:14:12.337,0:14:13.791
is what everybody wants:

0:14:13.791,0:14:16.325
in the words of Sigmund Freud, "to work and to love."

0:14:16.325,0:14:19.348
Thank you. (Applause)

0:14:19.348,0:14:20.025
(Applause)

0:14:20.025,0:14:24.818
Thank you. Thank you. You're very kind. (Applause)

0:14:24.818,0:14:31.425
Thank you. (Applause)