[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.60,0:00:03.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was the middle of summer\Nand well past closing time
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.21,0:00:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in the downtown Berkeley bar\Nwhere my friend Polly and I
Dialogue: 0,0:00:05.90,0:00:08.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,worked together as bartenders.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.69,0:00:12.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Usually at the end of our shift\Nwe had a drink -- but not that night.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.73,0:00:14.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm pregnant.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:15.22,0:00:18.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not sure what I'm going\Nto do yet," I told Polly.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:18.73,0:00:21.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Without hesitation, she replied,\N"I've had an abortion."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:22.82,0:00:27.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before Polly, no one had ever told me\Nthat she'd had an abortion.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.63,0:00:31.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd graduated from college\Njust a few months earlier
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.34,0:00:34.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was in a new relationship\Nwhen I found out that I was pregnant.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.80,0:00:40.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I thought about my choices,\NI honestly did not know how to decide,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:40.53,0:00:42.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what criteria I should use.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.46,0:00:45.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How would I know what\Nthe right decision was?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.41,0:00:49.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I worried that I would regret \Nan abortion later.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.04,0:00:53.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Coming of age on the beaches\Nof Southern California,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.78,0:00:56.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I grew up in the middle of \Nour nation's abortion wars.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:57.65,0:01:02.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was born in a trailer on the third\Nanniversary of Roe vs. Wade.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.58,0:01:06.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Our community was surfing Christians.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.26,0:01:09.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We cared about God, the less fortunate,\Nand the ocean.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.02,0:01:11.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Everyone was pro-life.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.41,0:01:18.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a kid, the idea of abortion made me so\Nsad that I knew if I ever got pregnant
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.12,0:01:19.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I could never have one.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.41,0:01:22.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I did.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.79,0:01:26.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a step towards the unknown.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.53,0:01:30.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But Polly had given me\Na very special gift:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.30,0:01:32.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the knowledge that I wasn't alone
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.69,0:01:36.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the realization that abortion\Nwas something that we can talk about.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:37.06,0:01:38.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Abortion is common.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.37,0:01:42.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,According to the Guttmacher Institute,\None in three women in America
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.71,0:01:45.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,will have an abortion in their lifetime.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.15,0:01:52.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But for the last few decades, the dialogue\Naround abortion in the United States
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.05,0:01:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,has left little room for anything beyond \Npro-life and pro-choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:55.94,0:01:58.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's political and polarizing.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.69,0:02:02.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But as much as abortion is hotly debated,\Nit's still rare for us,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.98,0:02:06.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,whether as fellow women\Nor even just as fellow people,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.90,0:02:10.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to talk with one another\Nabout the abortions that we have.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.03,0:02:13.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is a gap.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.43,0:02:17.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Between what happens in politics\Nand what happens in real life,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.22,0:02:19.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and in that gap, a battlefield mentality.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.79,0:02:22.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,An "are you with us \Nor against us?" stance takes root.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.06,0:02:26.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This isn't just about abortion.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:26.66,0:02:31.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are so many important issues \Nthat we can't talk about.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:32.28,0:02:37.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And so finding ways to shift the conflict\Nto a place of conversation
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.52,0:02:39.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is the work of my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.41,0:02:44.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There are two main ways to get started.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.33,0:02:46.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One way is to listen closely.\N
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.63,0:02:49.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the other way is to share stories.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.07,0:02:54.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, 15 years ago, I cofounded\Nan organization called Exhale
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.66,0:02:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to start listening to people \Nwho have had abortions.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.59,0:03:01.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The first thing we did was create \Na talk-line, where women and men
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.96,0:03:04.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,could call to get emotional support.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:04.86,0:03:09.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Free of judgment and politics,\Nbelieve it or not, nothing like our sevice
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.06,0:03:10.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,had ever existed.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.26,0:03:16.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We needed a new framework that could \Nhold all the experiences that we were
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.47,0:03:18.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,hearing on our talk-line.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.93,0:03:21.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The feminist who regrets her abortion.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.56,0:03:24.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Catholic who is grateful for hers.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.13,0:03:28.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The personal experiences that weren't \Nfitting neatly into one box or the other.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.42,0:03:32.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We didn't think it was right \Nto ask women to pick a side.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.47,0:03:38.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We wanted to show them that\Nthe whole world was on their side,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.47,0:03:42.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as they were going through this deeply\Npersonal experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.96,0:03:44.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So we invented "pro-voice."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.19,0:03:50.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Beyond abortion, pro-voice works on hard\Nissues that we've struggled with globally
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.75,0:03:51.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,for years,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.02,0:03:57.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,issues like immigration, religious\Ntolerance, violence against women.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:57.32,0:04:01.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It also works on deeply personal topics \Nthat might only matter to you
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.37,0:04:03.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and your immediate family and friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.99,0:04:07.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They have a terminal illness, \Ntheir mother just died,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.88,0:04:11.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they have a child with special needs\Nand they can't talk about it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.64,0:04:18.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Listening and storytelling are\Nthe hallmarks of pro-voice practice.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.30,0:04:20.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Listening and storytelling.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.48,0:04:23.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That sounds pretty nice.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:23.55,0:04:26.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Sounds maybe, easy?\NWe could all do that.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.15,0:04:29.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not easy.\NIt's very hard.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.35,0:04:36.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pro-voice is hard because we are talking\Nabout things everyone's fighting about
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.23,0:04:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or the things that no one \Nwants to talk about.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.41,0:04:46.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I could tell you that when you \Ndecide to be pro-voice, that you'll find
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.36,0:04:50.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,beautiful moments of breakthrough \Nand gardens full of flowers,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.62,0:04:54.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where listening and storytelling\Ncreates wonderful "a-ha" moments.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.22,0:04:59.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wish I could tell you that there would\Nbe a feminist welcoming party for you,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.28,0:05:02.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or that there's a long-lost sisterhood\Nof people who are just ready
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.64,0:05:05.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to have your back when you get slammed.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:06.30,0:05:10.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it can be vulnerable and exhausting \Nto tell our own stories
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.55,0:05:12.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when it feels like nobody cares.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.52,0:05:18.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And if we truly listen to one another,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.76,0:05:24.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we will hear things that demand\Nthat we shift our own perceptions.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.92,0:05:28.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is no perfect time\Nand there is no perfect place
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.83,0:05:31.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to start a difficult conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.81,0:05:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's never a time when everyone will be\Non the same page, share the same lens,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.41,0:05:39.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or know the same history.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.15,0:05:46.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, let's talk about listening\Nand how to be a good listener.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.65,0:05:50.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's lots of ways to be a good listener\Nand I'm going to give you just a couple.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:50.90,0:05:53.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One is to ask open-ended questions.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.81,0:05:56.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can ask yourself or someone \Nthat you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:56.52,0:05:59.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"How are you feeling?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.52,0:06:01.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What was that like?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.17,0:06:04.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What do you hope for, now?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.37,0:06:10.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Another way to be a good listener \Nis to use reflective language.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.76,0:06:13.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If someone is talking about\Ntheir own personal experience,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.66,0:06:16.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,use the words that they use.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.17,0:06:19.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If someone is talking about an abortion\Nand they say the word "baby,"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.54,0:06:21.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can say "baby."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.48,0:06:23.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If they say "fetus,"\Nyou can say "fetus."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.48,0:06:27.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If someone describes themselves\Nas gender queer to you,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:27.22,0:06:28.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you can say "gender queer."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:29.78,0:06:33.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If someone kind of looks like a he,\Nbut they say they're a she -- it's cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.62,0:06:35.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Call that person a she.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.08,0:06:39.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we reflect the language of the person\Nwho is sharing their own story,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.65,0:06:44.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we are conveying that we are interested\Nin understanding who they are
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.03,0:06:46.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and what they're going through.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.74,0:06:51.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The same way that we hope people are \Ninterested in knowing us.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.06,0:06:56.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I'll never forget being in one \Nof the Exhale counselor meetings,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.47,0:07:00.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,listening to a volunteer talk about how\Nshe was getting a lot of calls
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.37,0:07:03.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,from Christian women who \Nwere talking about God.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:04.11,0:07:08.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, some of our volunteers are religious,\Nbut this particular one was not.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.25,0:07:12.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,At first, it felt a little weird for her \Nto talk to callers about God.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.85,0:07:15.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, she decided to get comfortable.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:15.28,0:07:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she stood in front of her mirror \Nat home, and she said the word "God."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.67,0:07:20.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"God."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:20.78,0:07:21.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"God."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.50,0:07:22.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"God."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.22,0:07:22.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"God."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:23.32,0:07:24.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"God."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:24.28,0:07:24.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"God."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.80,0:07:29.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Over and over and over again\Nuntil the word no longer felt strange
Dialogue: 0,0:07:29.08,0:07:31.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,coming out her mouth.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:31.46,0:07:35.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Saying the word God did not turn this \Nvolunteer into a Christian,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:35.40,0:07:40.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but it did make her a much \Nbetter listener of Christian women.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:42.69,0:07:46.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, another way to be pro-voice\Nis to share stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.58,0:07:50.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and one risk that you take on, when you\Nshare your story with someone else,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:50.80,0:07:53.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that given the same\Nset of circumstances as you
Dialogue: 0,0:07:53.98,0:07:56.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they might actually\Nmake a different decision.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.23,0:08:01.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, if you're telling a story \Nabout your abortion,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:01.42,0:08:04.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,realize that she might have had the baby.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:06.28,0:08:08.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She might have placed for adoption.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:09.79,0:08:13.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She might have told her parents \Nand her partner -- or not.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:14.50,0:08:20.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She might have felt relief and confidence,\Neven though you felt sad and lost.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:20.45,0:08:22.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is okay.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:23.72,0:08:29.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Empathy gets created the moment we\Nimagine ourselves in someone else's shoes.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:29.61,0:08:33.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It doesn't mean we all have \Nto end up in the same place.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:34.73,0:08:40.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's not agreement, it's not sameness\Nthat pro-voice is after.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.21,0:08:46.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It creates a culture and a society that \Nvalues what make us special and unique.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.57,0:08:52.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It values what makes us human,\Nour flaws and our imperfections.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:52.93,0:08:57.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And this way of thinking allows us to see\Nour differences with respect,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:57.55,0:08:59.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,instead of fear.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:00.39,0:09:02.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it generates the empathy that we need
Dialogue: 0,0:09:02.60,0:09:06.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to overcome all the ways\Nthat we try to hurt one another.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.03,0:09:11.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Stigma, shame, prejudice, \Ndiscrimination, oppression.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.69,0:09:17.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pro-voice is contagious,\Nand the more it's practiced
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.60,0:09:19.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the more it spreads.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:23.15,0:09:25.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, last year I was pregnant again.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.25,0:09:29.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This time I was looking forward \Nto the birth of my son.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.35,0:09:36.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And while pregnant, I had never been asked\Nhow I was feeling so much in all my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:36.93,0:09:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.35,0:09:42.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And however I replied, whether I was\Nfeeling wonderful and excited
Dialogue: 0,0:09:42.41,0:09:45.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or scared and totally freaked out,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:45.22,0:09:49.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there was always someone there\Ngiving me a "been there" response.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.58,0:09:51.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was awesome.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.35,0:09:56.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a welcome, yet dramatic\Ndeparture from what I experience
Dialogue: 0,0:09:56.52,0:10:00.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when I talk about\Nmy mixed feelings of my abortion.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.09,0:10:04.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pro-voice is about the real stories\Nof real people
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.86,0:10:07.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,making an impact on the way abortion
Dialogue: 0,0:10:07.44,0:10:11.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so many other politicized\Nand stigmatized issues
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.54,0:10:13.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are understood and discussed.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.86,0:10:18.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,From sexuality and mental health\Nto poverty and incarceration.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:19.56,0:10:23.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Far beyond definition\Nas single right or wrong decisions,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:23.05,0:10:26.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our experiences can exist on a spectrum.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:28.48,0:10:32.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Pro-voice focuses that conversation\Non human experience
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.80,0:10:37.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it makes support and respect\Npossible for all.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:38.76,0:10:40.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.39,0:10:43.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)