0:00:00.373,0:00:05.729
Please do not edit these "English" subtitles, and do not translate them into other languages. [br]Due to a glitch explained in the comments to the main page, the complete English subs are in the "English, British" subtitle track: please use that for translations.

0:00:33.899,0:00:36.416
The American dream

0:00:37.083,0:00:39.961
There's a reason that they called it a dream

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Ah!

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Who's there?

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Cock-a-doddle-do Pile.

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<i>knocking</i>

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No no no no no

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I don't have any more money.

0:00:52.810,0:00:55.215
My job sucks right now, please!

0:00:55.215,0:00:57.218
I'll have more money next month.

0:00:58.951,0:01:00.601
You can't take my house!

0:01:00.601,0:01:02.141
Is that your signature?

0:01:04.121,0:01:07.211
Oookay well just help me work something out, okay?

0:01:07.211,0:01:08.580
I mean you said I'm a good credit guy right?

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I mean...hey, wait!

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My dog is in there!

0:01:11.940,0:01:14.700
Nooo, don't take my Dream!

0:01:14.700,0:01:17.330
<i>sobbing</i>

0:01:18.378,0:01:20.448
Oh, how did this happen?

0:01:20.955,0:01:24.955
<i>BOOM</i>

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Huh?

0:01:27.875,0:01:30.035
Hartman? Is that you?

0:01:30.243,0:01:32.555
Been a long time since the fourth grade.

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Is that a time machine?

0:01:43.280,0:01:45.110
There's no need to concern yourself

0:01:45.110,0:01:46.550
with my stand accomplishments.

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Best get in.

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There's not much time.

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<i>crying</i> I gotta go down to the bank

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to get my life back.

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They took everything!

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Ooh! Bank ain't gonna help you now.

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Towel in the trunk.

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Extra set of balls.

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Put 'em on, you're gonna need 'em.

0:02:00.595,0:02:02.275
<i>crying</i> you're gonna get my Dream back?

0:02:02.275,0:02:05.165
No, Pile. You are. I'm here to show you how.

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<i>ZOOM</i>

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<i>"The Twilight Zone" theme music</i>

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Submitted for your approval,

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one First National Bank.

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What is a bank, you ask?

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A curious place

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where both space, time, and irony exist.

0:02:22.023,0:02:22.623
And yet...

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don't.

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Uh, are you gonna be doin' that the

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whole time?

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Pay attention, Pile.

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Exhibit A:

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Those who have come to deposit and safely

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store their earned monies.

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Exhibit B:

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Those who need to borrow said money

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for purposes...unknown.

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Hey!

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That's me!

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Ergo, exhibit C.

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The bank only has so much money

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in the vault to lend out.

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To people

0:02:46.157,0:02:46.937
such as you.

0:02:47.667,0:02:48.227
Hey!

0:02:48.274,0:02:49.144
Hey that's the guy!

0:02:49.283,0:02:50.400
He took my house!

0:02:50.424,0:02:52.439
Really screwin' my vibe here, Pile.

0:02:52.582,0:02:54.762
Space-time continuum, he can't hear you.

0:02:54.762,0:02:56.467
Just let me narrate.

0:02:56.467,0:02:57.837
Now, where was I? <i>clears throat</i>

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So you see,

0:02:59.131,0:03:00.801
by the time he got to you, Pile,

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His bank was out of money

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But

0:03:04.371,0:03:05.532
he gave me lots of money

0:03:05.532,0:03:07.150
and charged me a lot of interest.

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Yes.

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That's the only way banks make money.

0:03:10.290,0:03:11.599
By making debt loans.

0:03:11.599,0:03:13.301
Debt equals money, pal.

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Remember that.

0:03:14.773,0:03:16.195
Debt equals money.

0:03:16.278,0:03:18.958
The more loans they make, the more money they make.

0:03:19.188,0:03:20.610
But if they don't have any money,

0:03:20.610,0:03:22.260
then where did my money come from?

0:03:22.570,0:03:24.569
<i>beeping</i> You're gonna wanna take a step back, Pile.

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Woah!

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No way!

0:03:30.423,0:03:31.073
Yes way.

0:03:31.295,0:03:32.145
And that's nothing.

0:03:32.749,0:03:35.157
Hey buddy, need some money?

0:03:37.456,0:03:39.306
They didn't do that!

0:03:39.688,0:03:41.798
Aw, they did exactly that, Pile.

0:03:41.931,0:03:44.311
Remember, banks make money by making loans,

0:03:44.311,0:03:46.473
by selling debt, even to

0:03:47.165,0:03:49.197
...bad credit risks.

0:03:49.197,0:03:51.817
<i>hip hop music</i>

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Yo, have some money, dude.

0:03:54.282,0:03:55.677
Just sign here.

0:03:55.927,0:03:57.220
Oh my gosh!

0:03:57.220,0:03:59.313
Mm-hm, they called it "free money".

0:03:59.382,0:04:02.060
Yeah, that's exactly what my loan guy told me,

0:04:02.060,0:04:03.142
free money!

0:04:03.317,0:04:04.597
But it ain't free,

0:04:04.723,0:04:06.172
The worst part was offering money

0:04:06.172,0:04:07.755
to people who don't even need it.

0:04:07.755,0:04:09.743
People, Pile, like you.

0:04:10.491,0:04:11.771
<i>horn honking</i>

0:04:12.152,0:04:12.912
You were right,

0:04:13.031,0:04:14.431
I didn't need him

0:04:14.431,0:04:15.841
I was happy here,

0:04:15.841,0:04:17.031
I didn't need it!

0:04:24.307,0:04:26.632
Why's he sad? He's makin' all that money.

0:04:26.987,0:04:29.087
Shhhhh...he's thinkin'.

0:04:31.670,0:04:33.080
Now wait fo it...

0:04:33.853,0:04:35.733
Now wait for it...

0:04:36.509,0:04:37.409
Bingo.

0:04:37.994,0:04:40.354
See the bank has loaned to everyone in town,

0:04:40.437,0:04:42.091
but to make more money they have

0:04:42.091,0:04:43.424
to loan even more.

0:04:43.977,0:04:44.607
More?

0:04:44.895,0:04:46.425
How much money do they need?

0:04:46.520,0:04:48.020
More.

0:04:48.824,0:04:50.374
<i>ominous music</i> Waah? What's that?

0:04:50.374,0:04:52.574
Oh ho, a black horse ridin'...

0:04:53.404,0:04:59.204
credit cards.

0:05:12.298,0:05:13.293
Wow! Look,

0:05:13.553,0:05:15.040
I mean it's gonna be okay.

0:05:15.040,0:05:16.690
Everything's gonna be okay.

0:05:16.978,0:05:17.738
What now?

0:05:17.897,0:05:18.637
Now?

0:05:19.107,0:05:20.677
We're powered with all this money,

0:05:21.071,0:05:23.430
we might as well...party.

0:05:29.024,0:05:31.665
Oh ho, this is awesome.

0:05:31.665,0:05:33.379
I needed to get my head clear

0:05:33.379,0:05:35.201
When I get back, I'm gonna straighten

0:05:35.201,0:05:36.372
all this out

0:05:36.372,0:05:38.265
I just hope Dream is doin' okay.

0:05:38.265,0:05:40.589
<i>wolves howling</i>

0:05:40.589,0:05:42.955
<i>Dog barking</i>

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I'm going to get you, my pretty

0:05:47.796,0:05:48.406
Yup,

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he is,

0:05:49.126,0:05:50.236
I'm sure he is.

0:05:50.236,0:05:50.886
<i>belches</i>

0:05:50.886,0:05:53.306
Thank you, you can put it on his tab.

0:05:53.306,0:05:55.773
Little somethin' for yourself. Mhm.

0:05:56.207,0:05:56.987
Sweet.

0:05:58.022,0:05:58.852
You know...

0:05:59.048,0:06:00.163
Wait a second, Hartman,

0:06:00.163,0:06:01.684
I just thought of something.

0:06:01.684,0:06:03.691
If I got this money from the bank...

0:06:03.691,0:06:05.441
and the bank got it from the federal reserve

0:06:05.441,0:06:06.440
dump trucks....

0:06:06.987,0:06:08.167
Go on...

0:06:08.577,0:06:10.457
Then...where does the federal reserve

0:06:10.457,0:06:11.627
get their money?

0:06:12.102,0:06:13.653
Real nice time, ladies.

0:06:13.706,0:06:14.596
Real nice.

0:06:14.737,0:06:16.530
Excuse me while I borrow these.

0:06:16.530,0:06:18.013
<i>women scream</i>

0:06:18.187,0:06:19.357
Say, Hartman...

0:06:19.357,0:06:21.636
why am I wearing a burglar bikini top?

0:06:22.119,0:06:23.379
because no one is allowed

0:06:23.379,0:06:24.429
inside the Fed.

0:06:24.621,0:06:26.051
Not you, not me

0:06:26.051,0:06:27.141
no American citizen

0:06:27.141,0:06:28.791
no duly elected member

0:06:28.791,0:06:29.810
of our Congress.

0:06:29.810,0:06:31.110
Not the Supreme Court.

0:06:31.110,0:06:32.550
Not the Supreme Court?

0:06:32.550,0:06:33.961
Not the Supreme Court.

0:06:33.961,0:06:36.371
Not the Justice Department, not the CIA

0:06:36.371,0:06:40.294
DIA, FBI, ATF, ATE, NBC

0:06:40.294,0:06:43.463
Not even G-O-D

0:06:43.463,0:06:45.113
<i>knocks</i>

0:06:45.606,0:06:47.336
Well. how come the government isn't

0:06:47.336,0:06:48.896
allowed inside its own building?

0:06:48.896,0:06:49.636
Government?

0:06:49.636,0:06:51.424
Pile, the Fed is a private bank,

0:06:51.424,0:06:52.944
owned by private stockholders.

0:06:52.944,0:06:55.194
Do not let the name "Federal" fool you,

0:06:55.194,0:06:56.984
this place about as federal as

0:06:56.984,0:06:58.124
"Federal Express"

0:06:58.317,0:07:00.177
A-a private bank?

0:07:00.247,0:07:01.717
But...private?!

0:07:02.070,0:07:03.490
Ssh!

0:07:05.597,0:07:07.557
Best to keep your voice down, Pile.

0:07:07.604,0:07:09.564
<i>phone rings</i>

0:07:09.731,0:07:11.131
This is Ethan Federal Reserve

0:07:11.209,0:07:13.129
Hey Ethan! Bill here, First National.

0:07:13.408,0:07:14.778
Hi there Bill, how are ya?

0:07:14.952,0:07:17.502
Good, good. We're running a little low on money.

0:07:17.594,0:07:19.014
No problem, how much you need?

0:07:19.054,0:07:20.834
Oh, how does 20 million sound?

0:07:21.029,0:07:21.729
What?

0:07:21.729,0:07:22.429
<i>slaps</i>

0:07:22.457,0:07:24.417
Excellent, we'll ship it over first thing

0:07:24.417,0:07:25.127
tomorrow

0:07:25.127,0:07:26.987
We-he can just call up the Fed

0:07:26.987,0:07:28.557
and ask for more money

0:07:28.557,0:07:30.167
and they give them whatever they want?

0:07:30.167,0:07:30.917
No, Pile.

0:07:31.104,0:07:33.224
The Fed don't give the banks money

0:07:33.224,0:07:35.697
the Fed loans the banks money.

0:07:37.787,0:07:39.387
The banks have to pay it back

0:07:39.387,0:07:40.672
with interest. Now come on,

0:07:40.672,0:07:41.412
time to go.

0:07:41.412,0:07:43.896
Wait, wait, wait, I still don't understand

0:07:43.896,0:07:45.727
Where does the Fed get their money?

0:07:45.727,0:07:47.367
I mean, if they're a private bank.

0:07:47.367,0:07:48.747
You said they're a private bank, right?

0:07:48.747,0:07:50.797
Okay, so who puts money into the Fed bank?

0:07:52.058,0:07:53.830
<i>phone rings</i>

0:07:54.187,0:07:55.747
This is Mal, United States Mint.

0:07:55.885,0:07:57.315
Hiya Mal, First National needs

0:07:57.315,0:07:58.305
another 20 millies.

0:07:58.457,0:08:00.317
We're already running the presses full

0:08:00.317,0:08:01.417
steam here, Ethan.

0:08:01.417,0:08:02.657
Gotta keep makin' loans

0:08:02.657,0:08:04.047
gotta keep the money flowin'.

0:08:04.047,0:08:05.997
Ahhh, alright, you're the Fed.

0:08:05.997,0:08:07.527
Whatever you guys say.

0:08:07.527,0:08:09.251
20 million more, by mornin'.

0:08:09.398,0:08:10.998
<i>fog horn blows</i>

0:08:10.998,0:08:12.518
But I don't get it...

0:08:12.518,0:08:14.146
...what's so wrong about the Fed

0:08:14.146,0:08:15.106
printing money?

0:08:15.413,0:08:17.833
Because it's unconstitutional, Pile.

0:08:18.286,0:08:20.696
Our treasury is supposed to create

0:08:20.696,0:08:21.396
our money

0:08:21.396,0:08:23.106
But now the Fed controls the printing

0:08:23.106,0:08:23.915
of America's money.

0:08:24.121,0:08:26.371
Nobody gets a friggin' dollar

0:08:26.371,0:08:28.451
that the Fed didn't print.

0:08:28.598,0:08:29.458
So?

0:08:29.543,0:08:30.533
They print the money,

0:08:30.533,0:08:31.983
then they loan it to the government,

0:08:31.983,0:08:33.943
then they charge the government interest

0:08:33.943,0:08:36.093
then the government taxes you to pay for it.

0:08:36.183,0:08:37.323
Wake up, Pile!

0:08:37.436,0:08:39.956
Gah, I don't see what the big deal is.

0:08:40.346,0:08:41.866
You know, you're right, Pile.

0:08:41.866,0:08:43.360
Wait, wait...I am?

0:08:43.360,0:08:44.060
Yeah.

0:08:44.060,0:08:46.060
I forget how effective they are at keeping

0:08:46.060,0:08:47.094
you ignorant.

0:08:47.094,0:08:48.694
Well, that's okay...hey!

0:08:48.694,0:08:49.804
I'm not ignorant!

0:08:49.804,0:08:51.864
Do you even know what money is, Pile?

0:08:51.864,0:08:52.604
<i>claps</i>

0:08:57.420,0:09:00.240
In the long, long ago, when people bartered

0:09:00.240,0:09:01.801
they traded things they had

0:09:01.801,0:09:02.951
for things they wanted

0:09:02.951,0:09:04.781
I'll trade you my raspberries

0:09:04.781,0:09:06.374
for that there pot pie

0:09:06.512,0:09:07.902
I-I don't want your berries.

0:09:08.090,0:09:09.240
Come on, Pile

0:09:09.633,0:09:10.743
They're sweet berries.

0:09:10.743,0:09:12.263
They're not sweet, they're old,

0:09:12.263,0:09:13.399
and I don't like berries.

0:09:13.399,0:09:14.574
Gimme that pot pie!

0:09:14.574,0:09:15.004
No!

0:09:15.152,0:09:17.574
As you can see, this bartering situation

0:09:17.574,0:09:19.114
created some problems.

0:09:19.114,0:09:21.597
Then one day, a goldsmith walked up and said

0:09:22.427,0:09:24.611
Now, everybody thinks gold is valuable

0:09:24.611,0:09:26.299
so why doesn't everybody trade gold

0:09:26.299,0:09:27.591
for things they need.

0:09:27.591,0:09:29.341
<i>cheering</i>

0:09:29.341,0:09:30.913
The price was set for gold

0:09:30.913,0:09:33.253
and now it was very easy to conduct commerce

0:09:33.253,0:09:35.149
because people could trade gold for all

0:09:35.149,0:09:37.216
the things they needed.

0:09:38.495,0:09:41.625
Hartman, wow, look at all my gold!

0:09:41.625,0:09:42.495
<i>chuckling</i>

0:09:42.495,0:09:45.335
Hey, stop them! That's my gold!

0:09:45.335,0:09:46.588
Damn thieves.

0:09:47.076,0:09:47.896
Say there, Pile.

0:09:47.896,0:09:49.847
Look, I've got a vault and some guards.

0:09:49.847,0:09:51.751
I can keep your gold safe for you.

0:09:51.751,0:09:53.264
For a small fee.

0:09:53.526,0:09:55.106
Yeah, sure, that'd be awesome!

0:09:55.106,0:09:56.009
You see, Pile.

0:09:56.009,0:09:58.799
This is how the first bank made money.

0:09:59.157,0:10:00.207
There you go, Pile.

0:10:00.207,0:10:02.429
I.O.U 100 gold coins.

0:10:02.893,0:10:04.343
Okay, great!

0:10:04.488,0:10:06.508
Come back any time and redeem your gold

0:10:06.508,0:10:07.418
when you want it.

0:10:07.418,0:10:08.610
It'll be right here.

0:10:08.961,0:10:10.171
In my vault.

0:10:11.400,0:10:13.350
Now you're holding the very first paper

0:10:13.350,0:10:14.050
money, Pile.

0:10:14.705,0:10:15.955
Wow, this is

0:10:15.955,0:10:17.859
great, it all makes sense.

0:10:17.859,0:10:19.789
Oh, that's right, it was good.

0:10:19.789,0:10:22.249
And everybody started using I.O.Us

0:10:22.249,0:10:24.639
because everybody knew the I.O.U was

0:10:24.639,0:10:26.954
as good as gold.

0:10:27.504,0:10:28.214
Wow,

0:10:28.214,0:10:31.304
this candy is really a good price, one I.O.U

0:10:31.304,0:10:33.346
I'm getting some more for later.

0:10:33.650,0:10:34.410
Hey!

0:10:34.410,0:10:36.540
Wait a minute, it was just one I.O.U

0:10:36.540,0:10:38.699
10 I.O.Us for chocolate?!

0:10:38.699,0:10:41.109
He can't just raise prices like that.

0:10:41.109,0:10:43.165
Oh, the candy man can!

0:10:43.165,0:10:47.015
<i>sings</i> Oh the candy man can!

0:10:47.015,0:10:49.527
Wait, that is just freakin' wrong!

0:10:49.598,0:10:51.378
It's called inflation, Pile.

0:10:51.378,0:10:54.147
It makes your I.O.Us worth less and less

0:10:54.147,0:10:56.050
until they are worth nothin'.

0:10:56.050,0:10:57.780
Less bang for the buck,

0:10:57.780,0:10:59.770
dollar ain't what it used to be.

0:11:00.488,0:11:01.948
But I worked hard and I baked

0:11:01.948,0:11:02.888
all those pot pies.

0:11:03.133,0:11:05.063
Now I have to work harder to make less?

0:11:05.063,0:11:06.013
That's not fair.

0:11:06.319,0:11:08.049
Oh, if you think that's not fair...

0:11:08.049,0:11:09.886
you're gonna love the next part.

0:11:11.773,0:11:13.203
W-what's he doin'?

0:11:13.555,0:11:15.355
How do banks make money, Pile?

0:11:15.533,0:11:17.863
Uh, by making more loans?

0:11:17.897,0:11:19.757
Oh, that's right. He's good.

0:11:19.952,0:11:21.912
See, he prints more I.O.U.s without

0:11:21.912,0:11:24.052
any more gold, loans 'em out for interest

0:11:24.052,0:11:26.394
makes a pretty penny and nobody is the wiser

0:11:26.716,0:11:27.566
Unless...

0:11:27.958,0:11:30.648
Everybody wanted their gold back at the same time.

0:11:30.920,0:11:32.610
N-n-n-no, that's my gold.

0:11:33.400,0:11:35.000
Not anymore.

0:11:35.443,0:11:37.743
What are you talking about?

0:11:37.808,0:11:39.878
I'd like to redeem my I.O.U.s please.

0:11:40.588,0:11:41.778
Thank ya very much.

0:11:42.235,0:11:43.025
Hey!

0:11:43.025,0:11:45.931
<i>crowd yelling</i>

0:11:45.931,0:11:47.944
I want my gold back now!

0:11:48.370,0:11:50.130
Thief! Thief!

0:11:50.238,0:11:51.698
Gotta love the bank run

0:11:51.698,0:11:53.208
Bringin' people together

0:11:53.208,0:11:54.840
See they all found out he was stealin'

0:11:55.067,0:11:57.977
made a run of the bank and as you can see

0:11:59.976,0:12:01.446
There ain't no gold to get.

0:12:01.778,0:12:02.688
Hartman!

0:12:02.766,0:12:04.866
Don't worry, Pile. Back in these times

0:12:04.866,0:12:06.995
vengeance will be yours.

0:12:07.136,0:12:09.419
Three things in this world you don't do:

0:12:09.504,0:12:11.524
Never mess with another man's woman,

0:12:11.524,0:12:13.657
never mess with another man's ego, and

0:12:13.657,0:12:15.079
most importantly,

0:12:15.079,0:12:19.079
you never mess with another man's money.

0:12:21.402,0:12:24.010
Else, the man will mess with you.

0:12:24.302,0:12:25.472
My god!

0:12:25.472,0:12:26.427
You hung him?

0:12:26.663,0:12:27.793
Yes, Pile!

0:12:27.846,0:12:30.556
Oh, we hung him. We hung him high.

0:12:30.630,0:12:32.490
And do you know why?