(Sold)
(Loan)
[Off voice] The American Dream.
There's a reason to call it a dream.
[cock cries] [Man] Who's there?
[Off voice] Cockadoodledo, pal!
[knocking] (Foreclosed)
[Man] No, no, no, no no!
I don't have any more money!
My job sucks right now, please!
I'll have more money next month!
(Bank)
You can't take my house!
[Bank employee] Is that your signature? (Loan contract signed Pile)
[Dog whines]
[Man -> Pile] OK, just tell me we'll work something out, OK?
I mean you said I'm a good credit guy, right?
Hey, wait! My dog is in there!
No, don't take my dream! [He weeps]
Oh, how did this happen?
[Explosion and flare noise]
(OUTATIME)
Hartman? Is that you?
[Hartman] It's been a long time since the fourth grade.
[Pile] Is that a time machine?
[Hartman] There's no need to concern yourself with my stern (?) accomplishments.
Just get in. There's not much time.
[Pile] Well, I got to go down to the bank to get my life back.
They took everything!
[Hartman] Bank ain't gonna help you now.
.... in the trunk.
It's a set of balls. Put them on, you're going to need them.
[Pile] You're going to get my dream back?
[Hartman] No, pal: you are. I'm here to show you how.
(E=mc squared)
(Winter of 2006)
[Hartman] Submitted for your approval: 1. First National Bank.
What is a bank, you ask?
A curious place where both space, time and irony exist -
- and yet, don't.
[Pile] Are you going to be doing that the whole time?
[Hartman] Pay attention, pal.
Exhibit A: those who have come to deposit and safely store their earned monies.
Exhibit B: Those who need to borrow said money for purposes unknown.
[A voice] Hey, that's me! (Not so prime)
Here we go.
Exhibit C: The bank only has so much money in the vault to lend out to people such as you.
[Pile] Hey! Hey, that's the guy! He took my house!
[Hartman] Really screwing my vibe (?) here, pal.
Space-time continuum: he can't hear you. Just let me narrate.
Now where was I?
So you see, by the time he got to you, pal, his bank was out of money.
[Pile] But he gave me lots of money and charged me a lot of interest.
[Hartman] Yes: that's the only way banks make money,
by making debt loans: debt equals money, pal. (DEBT=MONEY)
Remember that: debt equals money.
The more loans they make, the more money they make.
[Pile] But if they don't have any money, then where did my money come from?
[Hartman] You're going to want to take a step back. (FED)
[Pile] Whoa! No way!
[Hartman] Yes way. And that's nothing.
[Banker] Hey, buddy! Need some money?
(BUM)
[Pile, offscreen] They didn't do that!?
[Hartman] Oh, they did exactly that, pal.
Remember: banks make money by making loans, by selling debt, even to -
bad credit risks.
[Banker] Yo! Have some money, dude!
Just sign here.
[Pile] Oh my gosh!
[Hartman] Mmm! They called it free money.
[Pile] Yeah! That's exactly what MY loan guy told me: free money! (Loan contract signed Pile)
[Hartman] But it ain't free!
The worst part was offering money to people who don't even need it. (We own your ass!)
People, Pal, like you. (New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)
[Van honks] (Bank like family!)
[Pile] You're right! I didn't need ..... I was happy here.
I didn't need it! (4:17) (New Home Magazine - New Bank Offers)