[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.86,0:00:02.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, Doha. Hello!
Dialogue: 0,0:00:03.66,0:00:04.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Salaam alaikum.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.46,0:00:10.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love coming to Doha.\NIt's such an international place.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.83,0:00:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It feels like the United Nations here.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.38,0:00:17.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You land at the airport,\Nand you're welcomed by an Indian lady
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.68,0:00:21.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who takes you to Al Maha Services,\Nwhere you meet a Filipino lady
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.56,0:00:23.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who hands you off to a South African lady
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.80,0:00:25.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who then takes you to a Korean
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.55,0:00:28.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who takes you to a Pakistani guy\Nwith the luggage
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.37,0:00:30.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who takes you to the car\Nwith a Sri Lankan.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.41,0:00:33.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go to the hotel and you check in.\NThere's a Lebanese.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.24,0:00:36.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah? And then a Swedish guy\Nshowed me my room.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.44,0:00:38.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Where are the Qataris?"
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.29,0:00:39.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.96,0:00:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.93,0:00:46.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They said, "No, no, it's too hot.\NThey come out later. They're smart."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:46.29,0:00:47.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"They know."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.46,0:00:49.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.20,0:00:52.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, it's growing so fast,\Nsometimes there's growing pains.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.02,0:00:55.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, like sometimes\Nyou run into people
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.32,0:00:58.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you think know the city well,\Nbut they don't know it that well.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.60,0:01:01.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My Indian cab driver showed up at the W,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.20,0:01:03.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I asked him to take me\Nto the Sheraton,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.49,0:01:05.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said, "No problem, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.02,0:01:08.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then we sat there for two minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.10,0:01:10.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "What's wrong?"\NHe said, "One problem, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.63,0:01:11.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.70,0:01:13.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.58,0:01:15.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.02,0:01:18.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go, "You're the driver,\Nyou should know."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.08,0:01:19.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.47,0:01:23.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go, "You just arrived at the W?"\N"No, I just arrived in Doha, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.73,0:01:24.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.79,0:01:26.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I was on my way home from the airport,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.71,0:01:28.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I got a job. I'm working already."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.36,0:01:29.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.88,0:01:32.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.04,0:01:33.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.09,0:01:34.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I don't know where we're going."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.70,0:01:36.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Neither do I. It will be\Nan adventure, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.83,0:01:38.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.67,0:01:43.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Middle East has been\Nan adventure the past couple of years.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.30,0:01:46.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is going crazy with the Arab Spring\Nand revolution and all this.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:46.48,0:01:48.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Are there any Lebanese\Nhere tonight, by applause?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:48.88,0:01:49.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheering)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.91,0:01:51.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Lebanese, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.09,0:01:52.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Middle East is going crazy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.62,0:01:54.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know the Middle East is going crazy
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.56,0:01:57.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when Lebanon is the most peaceful\Nplace in the region.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:57.28,0:01:59.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.86,0:02:01.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who would have thought?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.28,0:02:02.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.80,0:02:04.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh my gosh.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.95,0:02:06.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, there's serious issues in the region.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.93,0:02:10.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people don't want to talk about them.\NI'm here to talk about them tonight.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.68,0:02:13.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East,\Nhere's a serious issue.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.72,0:02:16.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When we see each other, when we say hello,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:16.05,0:02:17.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how many kisses are we going to do?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.82,0:02:19.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.30,0:02:21.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every country is different\Nand it's confusing, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.80,0:02:23.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Lebanon, they do three.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.63,0:02:25.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Egypt, they do two.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.36,0:02:27.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in Lebanon, I got used to three.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.95,0:02:31.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to Egypt. I went to say hello\Nto this one Egyptian guy,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.27,0:02:33.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went, one, two. I went for three --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.14,0:02:34.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He wasn't into it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.37,0:02:39.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.29,0:02:41.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I told him, I said, "No, no,\NI was just in Lebanon."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.77,0:02:45.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "I don't care where you were.\NYou just stay where you are, please."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.40,0:02:47.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.00,0:02:50.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to Saudi Arabia.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.38,0:02:53.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two,\Nand then they stay on the same side:
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.81,0:02:56.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,three, four, five, six,\Nseven, eight, nine,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.35,0:02:59.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.07,0:03:01.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.76,0:03:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next time you see a Saudi, look closely.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.70,0:03:05.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're just a little bit tilted.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:05.40,0:03:07.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.12,0:03:08.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Abdul, are you okay?"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.32,0:03:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I was saying hello\Nfor half an hour. I'll be all right."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.01,0:03:12.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.77,0:03:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.22,0:03:19.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is that? Are you too tired\Nto go all the way around?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.07,0:03:20.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.13,0:03:23.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here\Nfor a second. Say hello.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.25,0:03:25.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, Habibi. Just don't move.\NJust stay there, please.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.01,0:03:27.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need to rest."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.26,0:03:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.40,0:03:33.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Iranians, sometimes we do two,\Nsometimes we do three.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:33.51,0:03:36.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A friend of mine explained to me,\Nbefore the '79 revolution, it was two.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.98,0:03:38.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.04,0:03:40.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After the revolution, three.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.02,0:03:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So with Iranians, you can tell\Nwhose side the person is on
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.77,0:03:44.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,based on the number\Nof kisses they give you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.88,0:03:48.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, if you go one, two, three --\N"I can't believe you support this regime!"
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.55,0:03:49.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.57,0:03:51.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"With your three kisses."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.12,0:03:53.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.81,0:03:56.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But no, guys, really,\Nit is exciting to be here,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.32,0:03:59.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and like I said, you guys\Nare doing a lot culturally,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.20,0:04:00.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, and it's amazing,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:00.89,0:04:03.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it helps change the image\Nof the Middle East in the West.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:03.78,0:04:07.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of Americans don't know\Na lot about us, about the Middle East.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.32,0:04:10.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm Iranian and American. I'm there.\NI know, I've traveled here.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.78,0:04:12.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's so much, we laugh, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.52,0:04:13.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People don't know we laugh.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.91,0:04:17.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour,\Nit came out on Comedy Central,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.27,0:04:19.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went online to see\Nwhat people were saying.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.40,0:04:21.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I ended up on a conservative website.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:21.22,0:04:24.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One guy wrote another guy. He said,\N"I never knew these people laughed."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.04,0:04:28.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think about it. You never see us laughing\Nin American film or television, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.87,0:04:31.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe like an evil laugh: "Wuhahaha."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:31.49,0:04:32.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.56,0:04:35.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I will kill you in the name\Nof Allah, wuhahahahaha."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:35.69,0:04:36.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.87,0:04:38.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But never like, "Ha ha ha ha la."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.80,0:04:40.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.55,0:04:43.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We like to laugh.\NWe like to celebrate life.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.24,0:04:45.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wish more Americans\Nwould travel here.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:45.32,0:04:46.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I always encourage my friends:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.78,0:04:48.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Travel, see the Middle East,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.26,0:04:50.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's so much to see,\Nso many good people."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.42,0:04:52.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's vice versa,\Nand it helps stop problems
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.70,0:04:55.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of misunderstanding\Nand stereotypes from happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.74,0:04:58.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, I don't know\Nif you heard about this,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:58.12,0:05:00.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little while ago in the US,\Nthere was a Muslim family
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.78,0:05:02.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,walking down the aisle of an airplane,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.80,0:05:05.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about the safest place\Nto sit on the plane.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.49,0:05:07.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some passengers overheard them,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.07,0:05:10.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,somehow misconstrued that\Nas terrorist talk,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.34,0:05:12.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,got them kicked off the plane.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.16,0:05:15.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a family, a mother, father, child,\Ntalking about the seating.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.47,0:05:16.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As a Middle Eastern male,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.75,0:05:19.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know there's certain things\NI'm not supposed to say
Dialogue: 0,0:05:19.52,0:05:21.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on an airplane in the US, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.23,0:05:23.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not supposed to be\Nwalking down the aisle,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.43,0:05:25.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and be like, "Hi, Jack." That's not cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.46,0:05:26.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.91,0:05:29.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if I'm there with my friend\Nnamed Jack, I say,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.36,0:05:31.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.84,0:05:33.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Never "Hi, Jack."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.06,0:05:35.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.98,0:05:38.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But now, apparently we can't even talk
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.19,0:05:40.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about the safest place\Nto sit on an airplane.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.69,0:05:43.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So my advice to all my Middle Eastern\Nfriends and Muslim friends
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.80,0:05:46.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and anyone who looks\NMiddle Eastern or Muslim,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:46.11,0:05:49.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos,\Neveryone, if you're brown --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:49.64,0:05:51.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.35,0:05:53.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Here's my advice to my brown friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.63,0:05:54.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.71,0:05:57.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next time you're\Non an airplane in the US,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.10,0:05:58.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just speak your mother tongue.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:59.13,0:06:01.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That way no one knows\Nwhat you're saying. Life goes on.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:01.73,0:06:02.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.78,0:06:05.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Granted, some mother tongues\Nmight sound a little threatening
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.71,0:06:06.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to the average American.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.90,0:06:09.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're walking\Ndown the aisle speaking Arabic,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.23,0:06:10.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might freak them out --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:10.62,0:06:12.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Imitating Arabic)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.94,0:06:14.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They might say, "What's he talking about?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.02,0:06:17.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The key, to my Arab brothers and sisters,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.04,0:06:19.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to throw in random\Ngood words to put people at ease
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.60,0:06:21.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as you're walking down the aisle.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:21.21,0:06:22.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just as you're walking down --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:22.66,0:06:24.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Imitating Arabic)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.03,0:06:25.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Strawberry!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:25.23,0:06:32.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.42,0:06:33.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Imitating Arabic)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.93,0:06:35.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Rainbow!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:35.10,0:06:37.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.09,0:06:38.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Imitating Arabic)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:38.38,0:06:39.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Tutti Frutti!
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.55,0:06:40.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.68,0:06:43.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I think he's going to hijack\Nthe plane with some ice cream."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.85,0:06:45.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much. Have a good night.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.81,0:06:46.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you, TED.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:46.99,0:06:50.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Cheers) (Applause)