[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:00.86,0:00:06.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, Doha. Hello. Salaam alaikum.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:06.28,0:00:10.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love coming to Doha. It's such an international place.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.83,0:00:14.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is like -- it feels like the United Nations just here.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.38,0:00:16.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You land at the airport, and you're welcomed by an Indian lady
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.91,0:00:21.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who takes you to Al Maha Services, where you meet a Filipino lady
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.27,0:00:23.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who hands you off to a South African lady
Dialogue: 0,0:00:23.66,0:00:25.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who then takes you to a Korean who takes you to
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.95,0:00:28.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a Pakistani guy with the luggage
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.51,0:00:29.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who takes you to the car with a Sri Lankan.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:29.93,0:00:33.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You go to the hotel and you check in. There's a Lebanese.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.05,0:00:36.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah? And then a Swedish guy showed me my room.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.44,0:00:39.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Where are the Qataris?" (Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:39.96,0:00:42.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.93,0:00:45.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They said, "No, no, it's too hot. They come out later. They're smart."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.32,0:00:49.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) "They know."
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.40,0:00:53.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course it's growing so fast, sometimes there's growing pains.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.02,0:00:55.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, like sometimes you run into people that you think
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.35,0:00:58.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,know the city well, but they don't know it that well.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.43,0:01:00.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,My Indian cab driver showed up at the W,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:00.64,0:01:03.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I asked him to take me to the Sheraton,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.49,0:01:05.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said, "No problem, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.84,0:01:08.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then we sat there for two minutes.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.10,0:01:11.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "What's wrong?"\NHe said, "One problem, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.57,0:01:13.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "What?" He goes, "Where is it?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:13.10,0:01:15.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:15.81,0:01:20.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go, "You're the driver, you should know."\NHe goes, "No, I just arrived, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.23,0:01:24.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go, "You just arrived at the W?"\N"No, I just arrived in Doha, sir.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:24.62,0:01:27.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was on my way home from the airport. I got a job.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.05,0:01:29.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm working already."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:29.82,0:01:32.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "Sir, why don't you drive?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.88,0:01:34.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go, "I don't know where we're going."\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:34.37,0:01:39.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Neither do I. It will be an adventure, sir."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.79,0:01:42.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It is an adventure. The Middle East has been an adventure the past couple years.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.75,0:01:45.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The Middle East is going crazy with the Arab Spring
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.19,0:01:47.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and revolution and all this. Are there any Lebanese here tonight?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.18,0:01:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Any Lebanese by applause? (Applause) Lebanese.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.98,0:01:52.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. The Middle East is going crazy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.35,0:01:54.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know the Middle East is going crazy
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.50,0:01:56.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when Lebanon is the most peaceful place in the region.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.69,0:01:59.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter) (Applause)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.35,0:02:04.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who would have thought? Oh my gosh.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.69,0:02:06.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. There's serious issues in the region.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.72,0:02:10.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some people don't want to talk about them. I'm here to talk about them tonight.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.43,0:02:12.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ladies and gentlemen of the Middle East,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.36,0:02:14.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here's a serious issue. When we see each other,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.01,0:02:19.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when we say hello, how many kisses are we going to do?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:19.30,0:02:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every country is different and it's confusing, okay?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.68,0:02:25.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In Lebanon, they do three. In Egypt, they do two.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.17,0:02:27.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in Lebanon, I got used to three.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.51,0:02:30.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to Egypt. I went to say hello to this one Egyptian guy,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.97,0:02:34.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went, one, two. I went for three. He wasn't into it.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.30,0:02:39.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.05,0:02:41.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I told him, I said, "No, no, no, I was just in Lebanon."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.19,0:02:48.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes, "I don't care where you were. You just stay where you are, please. Just stay where you are."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.40,0:02:51.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to Saudi Arabia. In Saudi Arabia, they go one, two,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.68,0:02:54.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then they stay on the same side -- three, four, five, six,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:54.44,0:02:59.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,seven, eight, nine, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:59.07,0:03:02.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.40,0:03:07.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Next time you see a Saudi, look closely. They're just a little bit tilted.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.16,0:03:08.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Abdul, are you okay?"\N"Yeah, I was saying hello for half an hour.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.96,0:03:12.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going to be all right."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.90,0:03:16.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Qataris, you guys do the nose to nose.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:16.22,0:03:20.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Why is that? Are you too tired to go all the way around?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.13,0:03:23.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Habibi, it's so hot. Just come here for a second. Say hello.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.25,0:03:26.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hello, Habibi. Just don't move. Just stay there please.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.01,0:03:29.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I need to rest."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.40,0:03:32.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Every country — Iranians, sometimes we do two, sometimes we do three.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.87,0:03:35.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A friend of mine explained to me, before the '79 revolution,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:35.95,0:03:40.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was two. After the revolution, three.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:40.02,0:03:42.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So with Iranians, you can tell whose side the person is on
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.36,0:03:44.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,based on the number of kisses they give you.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:44.65,0:03:48.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah, if you go one, two, three -- "I can't believe you support this regime
Dialogue: 0,0:03:48.55,0:03:53.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with your three kisses."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:53.51,0:03:56.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But no, guys, really, it is exciting to be here,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.32,0:03:59.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and like I said, you guys are doing a lot culturally,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.20,0:04:01.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, and it's amazing, and it helps change the image
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.78,0:04:04.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the Middle East in the West. Like a lot of Americans
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.36,0:04:07.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,don't know a lot about us, about the Middle East.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:07.22,0:04:10.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm Iranian and American. I'm there. I know, I've traveled here.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.78,0:04:12.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's so much, we laugh, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:12.63,0:04:15.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,People don't know we laugh. When I did the Axis of Evil comedy tour,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.28,0:04:17.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it came out on Comedy Central, I went online
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.48,0:04:20.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to see what people were saying about it. I ended up on a conservative website.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:20.80,0:04:25.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One guy wrote another guy. He said, "I never knew these people laughed."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:25.04,0:04:28.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Think about it. You never see us laughing in American film or television, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:28.46,0:04:32.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe like an evil -- like, "Wuhahaha, wuhahaha. (Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:32.70,0:04:36.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will kill you in the name of Allah, wuhahahahaha."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:36.21,0:04:40.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But never like, "ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha."
Dialogue: 0,0:04:40.55,0:04:43.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We like to laugh. We like to celebrate life.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:43.16,0:04:46.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I wish more Americans would travel here. I always encourage my friends:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.14,0:04:48.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Travel, see the Middle East, there's so much to see, so many good people.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.91,0:04:52.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's vice versa, and it helps stop problems
Dialogue: 0,0:04:52.43,0:04:55.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of misunderstanding and stereotypes from happening.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:55.74,0:04:57.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,For example, I don't know if you heard about this,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.62,0:05:00.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little while ago in the U.S. there was a Muslim family
Dialogue: 0,0:05:00.35,0:05:02.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,walking down the aisle of an airplane
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.65,0:05:05.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about the safest place to sit on the plane.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.27,0:05:07.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Some passengers overheard them, somehow misconstrued
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.67,0:05:12.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that as terrorist talk, got them kicked off the plane.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:12.07,0:05:14.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a family, a mother, father, child, walking down the aisle,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.50,0:05:16.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,talking about the seating. Now as a Middle Eastern male,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:16.66,0:05:18.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know there's certain things I'm not supposed to say
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.81,0:05:21.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on an airplane in the U.S., right?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:21.23,0:05:22.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not supposed to be, like, walking down the aisle,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:22.80,0:05:26.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and be like, "Hi, Jack." You know, that's not cool.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:26.91,0:05:28.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Even if I'm there with my friend named Jack, I say,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.69,0:05:31.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Greetings, Jack. Salutations, Jack."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.34,0:05:33.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Never "Hi, Jack."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.48,0:05:36.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:36.12,0:05:38.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But now apparently we can't even talk about
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.06,0:05:40.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the safest place to sit on an airplane.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:40.79,0:05:43.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So my advice to all my Middle Eastern friends and Muslim friends
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.33,0:05:45.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and anyone who looks Middle Eastern or Muslim,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.02,0:05:48.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so to, you know, Indians, and Latinos, everyone,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.50,0:05:51.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,if you're brown --
Dialogue: 0,0:05:51.35,0:05:54.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here's my advice to my brown friends.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:54.71,0:05:57.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next time you're on an airplane in the U.S.,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.10,0:05:58.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just speak your mother tongue.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:58.90,0:06:02.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That way no one knows what you're saying. Life goes on.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.29,0:06:04.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Granted, some mother tongues might sound
Dialogue: 0,0:06:04.35,0:06:06.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a little threatening to the average American, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:06:06.66,0:06:08.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you're walking down the aisle speaking Arabic,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.12,0:06:12.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you might freak them out, if you're walking, "[Arabic],"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:12.65,0:06:14.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they might say, "What's he talking about?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:14.64,0:06:16.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So the key, to my Arab brothers and sisters,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:16.67,0:06:19.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you gotta throw in random good words to put people at ease
Dialogue: 0,0:06:19.14,0:06:20.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as you're walking down the aisle.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.88,0:06:23.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just as you're walking down: "[Imitating Arabic] --
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.47,0:06:24.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,strawberry!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:24.93,0:06:32.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:32.09,0:06:37.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"[Imitating Arabic] -- rainbow!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:37.09,0:06:40.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"[Imitating Arabic] -- Tutti Frutti!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:40.09,0:06:43.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I think he's going to hijack the plane with some ice cream."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:43.43,0:06:45.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much. Have a good night.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:45.09,0:06:50.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you, TED. (Cheers) (Applause)