WEBVTT

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Good evening, ladies and gentlemen

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Welcome to the Criterion Theatre

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And to the tonight's performance by
the Reduced Shakespeare Company

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I have a few brief announcements
before we get underway

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The use of flash photography

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Or the recording of this show
by any means - audio or video

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Is prohibited by management

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Also please refrain from eating,
drinking or smoking anything

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In the theatre.

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Please take a moment now to locate

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The exit nearest your seat.

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Should the theatre experience
a sudden loss of pressure

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Oxygen masks will drop automatically.

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Simply place the mask
over your nose and mouth

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And continue to breath normally.

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If you are at the theatre
with a small child,

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Please, place your own mask on first,

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And let the little
bugger fend for himself.

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At this time, I'd like
to introduce myself.

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My name is Reed Martin of the
Reduced Shakespeare Company

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And this evening, we are
going to attempt a feat

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Which we believe to be unprecedented

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In the history of theatre.

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That is to capture, in a
single theatrical performance,

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The magic, the genius,
the towering grandeur,

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Of the complete works
of William Shakespeare.

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Now we've got a lot
to get through tonight,

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So at this time, I'd like to introduce
a member of the company

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Who is one of California's
preeminent Shakespearian scholars.

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He has a bachelor's degree from
the University of California at Berkely

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Where I believe he read two
books about William Shakespeare

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He is here tonight to give us a brief
preface to the complete works

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Of William Shakespeare Abridged:

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Please welcome me in joining

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Mr. Austin Tichenor!

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Thank thee. Thanks! Thank you.

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Thank you, and good evening,
ladies and gentlemen

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William Shakespeare.

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Playwright, poet, actor, philosopher.

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A man whose creative and literary genius

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Has had immeasurably profound influence

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Upon the consciousness and culture
of the entire English speaking world

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And yet, how much do we really know?

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I mean, how much do we really appreciate

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The tremendous body of work contained

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In this single volume?

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Well, not enough is the answer

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And I believe I can illustrate this by
giving a brief poll amongst the audience.

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Bob, can I get some
House lights on please?

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Oh, yes. Now, you're
a theatre-going crowd

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No doubt of an above average
cultural and literary awareness

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And yet, if I could just
have a brief show of hands:

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How many of you have ever seen
or read any play by William Shakespeare?

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Any play at all by the Bard?
Just raise your hand

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It doesn't matter which...

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We better get out of here,
they don't know...

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Austin, they don't know
Shakespeare from shinola

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Just keep going. Narrow it down.

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Let's see if we can narrow
it down a bit, shall we?

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Um, how many of you have ever
seen or read All's Well That Ends Well?

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All's Well, anyone?

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Yes, so that seems to be separating
the wheat from the chaff rather nicely

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Let's see if we can find out who the true
Shakespeare trivia champs are here tonight

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How many of you have ever seen
or read King John? King John in...

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Oh yeah, right. Well would you
mind telling us what it's all about?

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No, no, don't ask her,
no, no, no, I'm... I'm talking...

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Ladies and gentlemen, you laugh, you scoff

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but let he or she among you who is
free from sin live in a glass house

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I submit to you. I submit to you that our
society's collective capacity to comprehend

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much less attain the
genius of William Shakespeare

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Has been systematically
compromised by computers

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Vandalized by video games

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And annihilated by
Andrew Lloyd Webber

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But have no fear. The Reduced
Shakespeare Company is here

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We descend among you on a mission
from God and the literary Muse

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To spread the holy word
of the Bard to the masses

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To help you take those
first, faltering steps

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Out of the twentieth century quagmire
of fresh frozen fast food culture

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And into the future! A glorious future.

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A future in which this book will be
found in every hotel room in the world!

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That is my dream! Yes! Yes!
Thank you! Thank you!

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Yes, I feel as if I'm
preaching to the converted

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Can I get an AMEN? [Amen!]

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Oh, thank you Jesus! That's my dream!
And it begins tonight

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Join us, join us in taking those
first steps down the path

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Towards the brave new
world of intellectual redemption

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By opening your hearts, please, please,
open your hearts, and your pocket books

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Please, c'mon now, we accept any
denomination, any currency at all

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Anything except the Euro. We
have no idea what that is all about

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Y'know. C'mon, man, give us
your ca - give us your cash

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If we be friends, and deduct
it when the tax year ends!

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And now on with the show. Let us bring
it to ya', put some love in your hearts

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Gimme a Hallelujah! [Hallelujah!]

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Oh, may the Bard be with you

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Good night, thank you

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Those of you who
own a copy of this book

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Know that no volume is complete without a
brief biography of William Shakespeare

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Providing this portion of the performance

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will be the third member of the
Reduced Shakespeare Company

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Please welcome to the stage,
Mr. Adam Long!

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Oh, shit

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No, no, let me get it, they go in order

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So just let me get... I got it.

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Okay, what I did was I've just written a
few notes on Shakespeare's life

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Just to get the show off to a good start

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Just so like everybody can know
all the stuff that he did and everything

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As you can see, I'm not actually an
audience member, I completely fooled you

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Okay. Okay. William Shakespeare

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William Shakespeare was born in 1564 in the
town of Stratford-Upon-Avon, Warwickshire

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The third of eight children he was
the eldest son of John Shakespeare

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a locally prominent merchant,
and Mary Arden, daughter of a Roman...

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Catholic member of the Landed Gentry.

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In 1582, he married Anne Hathaway

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Shakespeare arrived in London in 1588

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And by 1592, he had achieved
success as an actor and a playwright

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After 1608, his dramatic production lessened, and
it seems that he spent more time in Stratford

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There he dictated to his secretary,
Rudolf Hess, the work Mein Kampf...

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In which he set forth this program for the restoration
of Germany to a dominant position in Europe

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After reoccupying the Rhineland Zone between
France and Germany and annexing Austria,

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the Sudetenland, and the
remainder of Czechoslovakia...

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Shakespeare invaded Poland
on September 1, 1939

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Thus precipitating World War II

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I never knew that before

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Okay, okay

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Shakespeare remained in Berlin when the
Russians entered the city on April 1, 1945

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And committed suicide
with his mistress, Eva Peron.

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He lies buried in the church at Stratford

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Thank you very much, that's all I've got

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And now, without further ado, the Reduced
Shakespeare Company is proud to prevent

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the Complete Works of William Shakespeare:

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Abridged!

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All the world's a stage, and all the
men and women merely players

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They have their exits and their entrances,
and one man in his time plays many parts

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One man in his time plays
many parts: how true!

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Ladies and gentlemen, where better to
begin our exploration into the complete

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works of the greatest of all English
playwrights than in Verona, Italy

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With two of his most beloved
characters, Romeo and Juliet!

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Now, Adam and Reed are going to assist me by
portraying all the major characters in Romeo and Juliet

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While I fill in with bits of crucial narration.

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We begin with the prologue.

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Two households, both alike in dignity, in

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fair Verona, where we lay our scene, from

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ancient grudge breaks a new mutiny, where

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civil blood makes civil hands unclean.

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From forth the fatal loins of these two

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foes, a pair of star-crossed lovers take

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their life. Huah! Whose misadventure

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piteous o'erthrows, do, with their death,

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bury their parents' strife.
Thank you very much

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Act 1, Scene 1. In the street
meet two men, tall and handsome

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One, Benvolio. The other named Sampson

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Their hatred fueled by an ancient feud,
for one serves Capulet, the other, Montague-d.

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Oh, it's him. I hate him,

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his family, hate his dog, hate 'em all.

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Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?

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No, sir, I do but bite my thumb.

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Do you bite your thumb at me, sir?

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No sir, I do not bite my thumb at you, sir

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but I do but bite my thumb. Do you quarrel, sir?

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Quarrel, sir? No, sir!

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But if you do, sir, I am for you,
a serve as good a man as you.

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Hah! No better.

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Yes. Better.

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You lie!

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Montague!

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I'm twisting your hand! Argh!

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This is really gonna hurt you!

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Rebellious subjects!

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Uh-oh, it's the Prince!

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Enemies to the peace, profaners
of this neighbor-stainéd steel

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You, Capulet, shall go along with me.

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Benvolio, come you this afternoon to
know our farther pleasure in this case.

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Sorry

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Oh, where is Romeo? Saw you him today,

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Right glad I am, he was not at this fray.

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Ah, but see, he comes!

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Romeo, he cried, I will know his grievance,

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Or be much denied. Good morrow, cuz.

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Is the day so young?

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But new struck nine.

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Ay, me. Sad hours seem long.

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What sadness lengthens Romeo's hours?

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Not having that which,
having, makes them short.

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In love?

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Out.

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Of love?

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Out of her favor, where I am in love.

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Alas, that love, so gentle in his view,

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Should be so rough and tyrannous in proof.

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Alas that love, whose view is muffled

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Still, should without eyes
see pathways to his will.

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Oh!

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Go ye to the feast of Capulets.

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There sups the fair Rosalind whom thou so lovest
with all the admired beauties of Verona.

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Go thither, and compare her face
with some that I shall show, oh baby

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And I shall make thee think thy swan a crow.

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I'll go along! No such sight to be shown,
but to rejoice in splendor of mine own.

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And, so much for Act 1

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It wasn't that good.

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Now to the feast of Capulet, where
Romeo is doomed to meet his Juliet

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And where, in a scene of timeless romance,
he'll try to get into Juliet's pants.

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Oh, she doth teach the torches to burn
bright. Did my heart love 'till now?

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Forswear it, sight. For I ne'er
saw true beauty 'till this night.

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If I profane with my unworthiest hand,
this holy shrine, the gentle fine is this:

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My lips, two blushing pilgrims ready stand
to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss

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Oh, good pilgrim you do wrung your hands
too much, which mannerly devotion shows in this.

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For saints have hands that pilgims' hands do touch,
and palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

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Have not saints lips and holy palmers too?

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Ay, pilgrim. Lips they must use in prayer.

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Oh then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do

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Saints do not move,
though grant for prayer's sake.

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Then move not, while
my prayer's effect I take.

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Then from my lips the
sin that they have took.

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Oh, sin from my lips? Trespass,
sweetly urged. Give me my sin again!

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- Look, I don't wanna kiss you, man.
- Look, it's on the script.

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I don't care, God, I just...

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Um, you kiss by the book

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- Oh, coming Mother...
- Is she a Capulet?

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Ay, so I fear. The more is my unrest.

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Just pretend you're not there.

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What are you doing?

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The balcony scene.

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Oh. Um. But soft! What light
through yonder window breaks?

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Oh, Romeo, Romeo,
wherefore art thou, Romeo?

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Deny thy father and refuse thy name
or if thou wilt not be but sworn my love

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And I'll no longer be a Capulet. [Snort.]

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Okay, what's in a name, anyway? That which we
call a nose by any other name could still smell

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So Romeo, what, oh, Romeo doth thy name,
and for thy name which is no part of thee take all my self

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Okay, there is

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I take thee at thy word. Call me but love,
and I shall be new baptized

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Henceforth I shall never be Romeo

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But men art thou. Art thou
not Romeo, and a Montague?

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- Neither, fair maid, if either thee dislike.
- Dost thou love me, then?

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I know thou wilt say I and I will take thy word,
yet if thou swearest thou may as prove false

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Oh, Romeo, if thou dost love,
pronounce it faithfully

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- Lady, by yonder blessed moon, I swear
- Swear not by the moon!

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What shall I swear by, then?

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I don't know. Not the moon. How 'bout her?

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- Swear by her
- Lady, by yonder blessed virgin, I swear

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I don't think so. No.

00:14:59.641 --> 00:15:03.821
No, no, do not swear at all, though I joy
in thee, I have no joy in this contract tonight

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It is too rash, too sudden,
too inadvised; too like the lightning

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Which doth cease to be
'ere one can say it lightens

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- Oh, Romeo
- Oh, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied?

00:15:13.015 --> 00:15:17.285
- What satisfaction canst thou have?
- The exchange of thy most faithful vows for mine

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Oh, I did give it thee before
thou didst request it

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Three words, gentle Romeo,
and then good night indeed

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If that thy bent of love be honorable, thy purpose
marriage, Send Word Tomorrow. One, Two, Three.

00:15:27.665 --> 00:15:31.115
Good night, good night,
parting is such sweet sorrow

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Bye-bye.

00:15:41.986 --> 00:15:44.686
Sleep well in thine eyes,
peace in thy breasts

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Oh, that I were sleep and
peace, so sweet to rest

00:15:56.261 --> 00:16:00.821
Lo, Romeo did swoon with love.
By Cupid, he'd been crippled

00:16:01.738 --> 00:16:06.988
But Juliet had a loathsome curse,
whose loathsome name was Tybalt

00:16:07.470 --> 00:16:11.080
Romeo! The love I bear thee can afford
no better trim than this: thou art a villain

00:16:11.080 --> 00:16:12.730
Therefore turn and draw!

00:16:12.730 --> 00:16:15.740
Tybalt, I do protest! I never injured thee,
but love thee, better than thou give

00:16:15.740 --> 00:16:17.840
Oh, thou wretched boy, I aim for you!

00:16:17.840 --> 00:16:19.100
Oh, I am slain.

00:16:37.408 --> 00:16:41.588
Moving right along.
From Tybalt's death onward

00:16:41.588 --> 00:16:45.108
The lovers are cursed. Despite
the best efforts of the friar and nurse

00:16:45.108 --> 00:16:48.078
Their fate persues them;
they can't seem to duck it

00:16:50.274 --> 00:16:53.454
And at the end of Act 5,
they both kick the bucket

00:16:56.307 --> 00:17:01.057
Gallop a pace, you firey-footed steeds!
And bring in cloudy night immediately.

00:17:01.057 --> 00:17:04.647
Come, night, come civil night,
come Romeo, thou day and night

00:17:04.647 --> 00:17:08.877
Come gentle night, come loving black proud night
Oh, night, night, night, night

00:17:09.967 --> 00:17:11.727
Come, come, come, come, come

00:17:15.481 --> 00:17:17.631
I didn't write it!

00:17:18.491 --> 00:17:19.781
And bring me my Romeo!

00:17:21.467 --> 00:17:23.007
Tuck your boobies in.

00:17:26.901 --> 00:17:28.341
Oh, can heaven be so envious!

00:17:28.341 --> 00:17:30.981
Oh, Romeo, Romeo, who
would have thought it, Romeo?

00:17:30.981 --> 00:17:34.361
What devil art thou to torment me, thus?
It's actually rude to torment me

00:17:35.456 --> 00:17:37.306
Is Romeo gone and Tybalt slain?

00:17:37.306 --> 00:17:40.266
No, Juliet, Tybalt is gone,
and Romeo is banished

00:17:40.268 --> 00:17:42.738
Romeo, who killed
Tybalt, he is banished

00:17:42.738 --> 00:17:46.738
Oh, God. Did Romeo's
hand shed Tybalt's blood?

00:17:46.738 --> 00:17:49.148
It did, it did,
alas the day, it did

00:17:58.248 --> 00:17:59.228
Thank you so much.

00:17:59.228 --> 00:18:00.268
Now Romeo lives

00:18:04.271 --> 00:18:06.891
Now Romeo lives who Tybalt
would have slain, and Tybalt is dead

00:18:06.891 --> 00:18:09.361
He that would have killed my husband

00:18:09.361 --> 00:18:10.701
Oh, friar Laurence!

00:18:10.701 --> 00:18:15.511
Juliet, I already know thy grief. Take now
this vial, and this distilled liquor drink thou of

00:18:15.511 --> 00:18:18.501
And presently through all thy veins,
shall run a cold and drowsy humor

00:18:18.501 --> 00:18:21.621
Oh, I feel a cold and drowsy humor
running through my veins, Obi Wan

00:18:47.239 --> 00:18:48.819
Just say no!

00:18:53.795 --> 00:18:55.915
Oh, no!

00:19:06.767 --> 00:19:13.757
Oh my love, my wife, death that has set the honey
of thy breath hath no power yet upon thy beauty

00:19:13.757 --> 00:19:16.067
- Why art thou yet so fair?
- I don't know

00:19:17.526 --> 00:19:20.256
Shall I believe that
unsubstantial death is amorous?

00:19:20.256 --> 00:19:22.326
To keep me here in the dark,
to be his paramour?

00:19:23.016 --> 00:19:24.966
Here's to my love.

00:19:24.966 --> 00:19:28.306
Oh, true apothecary,
thy drugs are quick

00:19:28.306 --> 00:19:31.496
Thus with a kiss, I die

00:19:42.348 --> 00:19:44.188
Thus, with a kiss...

00:19:47.609 --> 00:19:51.449
Get over it...
I die.

00:19:55.499 --> 00:19:58.279
Good morning!
Where, oh, where is my love?

00:19:59.741 --> 00:20:03.701
What's this? Poison, I see,
hath been my true love's timeless end

00:20:03.701 --> 00:20:07.701
Oh, churl, drunk all and left no
friendly drop to help me after

00:20:08.491 --> 00:20:11.671
Then I'll be brief.
Happy dagger this is thy sheath!

00:20:16.530 --> 00:20:18.770
That's Romeo for ya'

00:20:43.950 --> 00:20:45.830
Oh, my head!

00:20:47.591 --> 00:20:49.691
Oh, my brain!

00:20:52.955 --> 00:20:56.735
There rust, and let me die!

00:20:56.735 --> 00:21:04.295
Epilogue: A glooming peace, this morning with it brings,
the sun, for sorrow, will not show its head

00:21:04.295 --> 00:21:10.865
Go forth, to have more talk of these sad things.
Some shall be pardoned, and some, punished

00:21:10.865 --> 00:21:18.255
For never was it there a story of more woah
than this of Juliet and her Romeo

00:21:18.255 --> 00:21:25.385
And Romeo and Juliet are dead!

00:21:46.662 --> 00:21:50.612
Ladies and gentlemen, in preparing this
unprecedented complete works show

00:21:50.612 --> 00:21:56.972
We've encountered the difficulty of trying to make these
four-hundred year old plays accessible to a modern audience

00:21:56.972 --> 00:22:00.952
Now, one popular trend is to transpose
Shakespeare's tales into modern settings

00:22:00.952 --> 00:22:03.852
And we've seen evidence of this with
productions of Shakespeare's plays

00:22:03.852 --> 00:22:10.392
Set in such unusual locations as the lunar landscape,
Nazi prisoner of war camps, and even Vancouver

00:22:10.392 --> 00:22:18.102
Now - God bless you - in this vein, Austin
has traced the roots of Shakespeare's symbolism

00:22:18.102 --> 00:22:21.742
In the context of a pre-Nietzschian society

00:22:21.742 --> 00:22:26.212
Through the totality of a
jejune circular relationship of form

00:22:26.212 --> 00:22:29.182
Contrasted with the complete
otherness of metaphysical cosmologies

00:22:29.182 --> 00:22:33.822
And the ethical mores entrenched in the
collective subconscious of an agrarian race

00:22:33.822 --> 00:22:38.452
So, we now present Shakespeare's first tragedy,
Titus Andronicus, as a cooking program

00:22:41.583 --> 00:22:43.503
Good evening, ladies and gentlemen

00:22:43.503 --> 00:22:45.993
Good evening, gourmets

00:22:45.993 --> 00:22:50.063
And welcome to Roman Meals.
I'm your host, Titus Andronicus. Now look

00:22:50.063 --> 00:22:53.513
When you've had a long day,
your left hand chopped off

00:22:54.222 --> 00:22:57.422
Your sons murdered,
your daughter raped

00:22:57.422 --> 00:23:00.012
Her tongue cut out,
both her hands chopped off

00:23:01.217 --> 00:23:04.387
Well, the last thing you wanna do is cook,
you know what I mean?

00:23:04.387 --> 00:23:09.377
Unless of course, you cook the rapist
and serve him to his mother at the dinner party

00:23:10.273 --> 00:23:13.793
My daughter, Lavinia, and I will show you how!
Good evening Lavinia!

00:23:20.307 --> 00:23:22.507
And how are we feeling today?

00:23:22.507 --> 00:23:25.177
Not so good, I got my tongue chopped out.

00:23:26.401 --> 00:23:28.601
I know, it's a pisser, isn't it?

00:23:28.601 --> 00:23:30.281
But we'll have our revenge, won't we?

00:23:30.281 --> 00:23:34.671
Now, hark villain, I will grind your bones to dust,
and of your blood in it I'll make a paste

00:23:34.671 --> 00:23:39.031
and of that paste a coffin I will rear,
and make a pasty of your shameful head

00:23:39.226 --> 00:23:41.446
- Come, Lavinia, receive the blood
- Okey-dokey

00:23:41.446 --> 00:23:46.056
Now first thing you wanna do is make a nice clean
incision from the carotid artery to the jugular vein

00:23:46.056 --> 00:23:49.526
- Like so
- Oh, that's gross

00:23:49.526 --> 00:23:51.706
Yeah. Now, be sure to use a big bowl

00:23:51.706 --> 00:23:54.106
Because the human body's got
about four quarts of blood in it

00:23:54.106 --> 00:23:57.306
And you don't wanna miss
a single drop; forget about it

00:23:57.656 --> 00:24:01.656
Now, whenever he's dead, which should be, now

00:24:01.656 --> 00:24:04.466
I will grind his bones into powder small,

00:24:04.466 --> 00:24:09.446
And with this hateful liquor temperate,
and in that paste let his vile head be baked

00:24:09.447 --> 00:24:11.477
At about 350 degrees.

00:24:11.477 --> 00:24:17.377
And 40 minutes later, you have the most
delicious human-head-pie, fit to serve a king

00:24:17.377 --> 00:24:20.427
With some lovely lady fingers for desert

00:24:21.254 --> 00:24:24.674
Now, who will be the first to
try this delicious taste treat?

00:24:24.674 --> 00:24:29.244
Welcome gracious lord, welcome great queen,
will please you eat, will please you feed?

00:24:29.244 --> 00:24:31.694
C'mon, it's finger-licking good!

00:24:33.170 --> 00:24:35.180
Good one, man, high-five!

00:24:38.525 --> 00:24:41.505
Well, that's about all the time we have,
thanks so much for tuning in

00:24:41.505 --> 00:24:43.725
And do join us next week,
when our very special guest chef

00:24:43.725 --> 00:24:48.415
Timon of Athens will make a lovely
ratatouille out of the Merry Wives of Windsor

00:24:48.415 --> 00:24:52.415
And until then, BONE-Appetite!
Thank you very much!

00:24:58.810 --> 00:25:01.990
I hope no one was too
offended by Titus Andronicus

00:25:01.990 --> 00:25:06.060
Shakespeare as a young writer seems to have gone through a brief Quentin Tarantino phase

00:25:06.060 --> 00:25:10.980
But, we shall now move on to explore the genius evident in Shakespeare's more mature work

00:25:10.980 --> 00:25:16.240
As we present his dark and brooding
tragedy, Othello, the Moor of Venice

00:25:25.746 --> 00:25:31.526
Speak of me as I am, nothing extenuate,
one who loved not wisely, but too well

00:25:31.526 --> 00:25:36.816
For never was there a story of more woe
than this of Othello and his Desdemona

00:25:37.667 --> 00:25:39.367
Ah, Dese!

00:25:43.366 --> 00:25:45.616
Bob, could we have some lights, please?

00:25:45.616 --> 00:25:49.156
Uh, we left Adam on his
own to research this play

00:25:50.009 --> 00:25:53.279
Uh, apparently he looked
up 'moor' in the dictionary

00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:55.669
and thought it was a
place where you tie up boats

00:25:55.669 --> 00:25:59.289
- That's what it told me
- Which obviously in this context is obviously totally ridiculous

00:25:59.289 --> 00:26:04.949
Because, in the 16th century,
the word 'moor' referred to a black person

00:26:09.897 --> 00:26:11.707
I feel like such a dork

00:26:11.707 --> 00:26:13.957
Yeah, well, go with the feeling

00:26:13.957 --> 00:26:19.117
Look, ladies and gentlemen, we obviously
have some difficulty in even performing Othello

00:26:19.117 --> 00:26:21.577
because, as you know,
the part is written for a black actor

00:26:21.577 --> 00:26:24.977
- And we are
- I guess you might say that we're, uh, racially challenged

00:26:24.977 --> 00:26:29.447
Exactly, so the bottom line is we're not going to be able
to perform Othello for you tonight, I'm very sorry about it

00:26:29.447 --> 00:26:33.077
No, no, Austin, Austin, we can do it, we can do it.
I've got an idea that's totally boatless

00:26:33.077 --> 00:26:37.797
If we just, aham, If we just
get like a rhythm going, y'know?

00:26:37.797 --> 00:26:39.157
Like a

00:26:39.163 --> 00:26:43.533
Like a: "Here's a story of a
brother by the name of Othello"

00:26:43.533 --> 00:26:46.803
"He liked white women,
and he liked... green jello"

00:26:46.803 --> 00:26:50.313
Oh yeah, yeah
And a punk named Iago

00:26:50.313 --> 00:26:52.673
Who made himself a menace,
'cause he didn't like Othello

00:26:52.673 --> 00:26:56.523
The moor of Venice
And Othello got married to Desdemona

00:26:56.523 --> 00:26:58.873
He took her for the wars,
and left her alone-a

00:26:58.873 --> 00:27:01.563
He was a moan-a, a groan-a,
he left her alone-a

00:27:01.563 --> 00:27:04.243
He didn't write a letter,
and he didn't telephon'er

00:27:06.583 --> 00:27:09.063
Desdemona she was faithful,
she was chastity-tight

00:27:09.063 --> 00:27:11.593
She was the daughter of a Duke,
yeah, she was totally white

00:27:11.593 --> 00:27:13.963
And Iago loved Dese
like Adonis loved Venus

00:27:13.963 --> 00:27:17.093
And Dese loved Othello
'cause he had a big... SWORD

00:27:18.683 --> 00:27:20.553
Iago, he said,
"I'm gonna shaft the Moor"

00:27:20.553 --> 00:27:21.973
How you gonna do it, tell us!

00:27:21.973 --> 00:27:24.393
Well, I know his tragic flaw:
he's too damn jealous

00:27:24.393 --> 00:27:29.703
I need a dupe, a dope, a kind of schmo,
so he found himself a sucker by the name of Casio

00:27:29.703 --> 00:27:31.813
And he plants on him
Desdemona's handkercheifs

00:27:31.813 --> 00:27:34.823
So Othello gets to
wondering just maybe if

00:27:34.823 --> 00:27:40.023
While he been out fighting, commanding an army,
are Dese and Cas playin' hide the salami?

00:27:40.023 --> 00:27:42.263
S-s-s-s-sala-salami!

00:27:44.593 --> 00:27:47.295
So he comes back home
he's got a pillow in her face

00:27:47.295 --> 00:27:49.575
He kills her and soliloquizes
about his disgrace

00:27:49.575 --> 00:27:52.175
But there's Amelia at the door,
who we met in Act 4

00:27:52.175 --> 00:27:54.775
Who say, "You big dummy,
she weren't no whore!"

00:27:54.775 --> 00:27:57.345
She was pure, she was clean,
she was virginal, too

00:27:57.345 --> 00:27:59.945
So why'd you have to go,
and make her face turn blue?"

00:27:59.945 --> 00:28:01.395
It's true! It's you!

00:28:01.395 --> 00:28:05.115
Now what'chu gonna do? And Othello say,
"Damn, this is getting pretty scary"

00:28:05.115 --> 00:28:07.805
Pull out his blade,
and committed Hari-Kari

00:28:07.805 --> 00:28:11.005
Do that funky Moor-thing,
white boy!

00:28:11.005 --> 00:28:15.135
- That is so hot, man
- Iago got caught, but he probably copped a plea

00:28:15.135 --> 00:28:17.725
Lured up his bags and moved to Beverly

00:28:18.704 --> 00:28:22.044
Hills, that is. Whoo!

00:28:37.829 --> 00:28:42.359
Hey guys, uh, let's lighten up from all the heavy
tragedy, and do some of the comedies for a while

00:28:42.359 --> 00:28:44.539
- Word. Let's totally
- Okay, okay

00:28:44.539 --> 00:28:47.149
When it came to comedies,
Shakespeare was a genius


00:28:47.149 --> 00:28:51.399
At borrowing and adapting plot devices
from different theatrical traditions

00:28:51.399 --> 00:28:55.129
This influences include the
Roman plays of Plautus and Terence

00:28:55.129 --> 00:28:58.319
Ovid's "Metamorphoses",
which are hysterically funny.

00:29:00.221 --> 00:29:03.491
As well as the rich Italian
tradition of commedia dell'arte

00:29:03.491 --> 00:29:06.031
Yeah, basically, Shakespeare
stole every comedy he ever wrote

00:29:06.031 --> 00:29:08.571
No, no, STOLE is a really strong word
distilled, maybe

00:29:08.571 --> 00:29:13.201
Okay he distilled the three or four
funniest comic gimmicks of his time

00:29:13.201 --> 00:29:15.921
And then he milked them into 16 plays

00:29:15.921 --> 00:29:18.121
You see, basically Shakespeare
was a formula writer

00:29:18.121 --> 00:29:22.041
Once he found a device that worked
he used it over and over and over again

00:29:22.041 --> 00:29:24.301
So, Mr. Shakespeare,
the question we have is this:

00:29:24.301 --> 00:29:28.471
Why did you write 16 comedies,
when you could've written just one?

00:29:28.471 --> 00:29:33.501
Well, in answer to this question, we of the Reduced
Shakespeare Company have taken the liberty of condensing

00:29:33.501 --> 00:29:36.541
All 16 of Shakespeare's comedies
into a single play

00:29:36.541 --> 00:29:37.791
Which we have entitled:

00:29:37.791 --> 00:29:43.501
The comedy of two well-measured gentlemen lost in the
Merry Wives of Venice on a Midsummer's Twelfth Night in Winter

00:29:44.736 --> 00:29:49.896
Or: Cymbeline Taming Pericles, the Merchant in the
Tempest of Love As Much As You Like It For Nothing

00:29:50.461 --> 00:29:53.731
Or: Four weddings and a transvestite.

00:30:02.383 --> 00:30:06.433
Act I. A Spanish Duke
swears an oath of celibacy

00:30:06.433 --> 00:30:10.603
And turns the rule of his kingdom over
to his sadistic and tyrannical twin brother

00:30:10.603 --> 00:30:12.803
He learns some
fantastical feats of magic

00:30:12.803 --> 00:30:14.803
And sets sail for
the Golden Age of Greece

00:30:14.803 --> 00:30:19.243
Along with his daughters, three beautiful
and virginal set of identical twins

00:30:19.243 --> 00:30:22.683
While rounding the heel of Italy,
the Duke’s ship is caught in a terrible tempest

00:30:22.683 --> 00:30:25.223
Which, in its fury, casts
the Duke upon a desert island

00:30:25.223 --> 00:30:27.923
Along with the loveliest and
most virginal of his daughters

00:30:27.923 --> 00:30:33.113
Who stumbles into a cave, where she is molested
by a creature who is either a man, or a fish, or both

00:30:33.996 --> 00:30:38.906
Act II. The longlost sons of the Duke's brother,
also coincidentally three sets of identical twins

00:30:38.906 --> 00:30:41.136
Have just arrived in Italy

00:30:41.136 --> 00:30:48.066
Though still possessed of an inner nobility, they are ragged,
destitute, penniless, flea-infested shadows of the men they once were

00:30:48.066 --> 00:30:51.456
And in the utmost extremity are
forced to borrow money from an old Jew

00:30:51.456 --> 00:30:55.116
Who deceives them into putting down
their brains as collateral on the loan

00:30:55.116 --> 00:30:58.936
Now, the six brothers fall
in love with six Italian sisters

00:30:58.936 --> 00:31:02.846
Three of whom are contentious,
sharp-tongued little shrews

00:31:02.846 --> 00:31:06.186
While the other three are
submissive, airheaded little bimbos

00:31:06.499 --> 00:31:11.149
Act III. The ship wrecked, the identical daughters
of the Duke wash up on the shores of Italy

00:31:11.149 --> 00:31:16.149
Disguise themselves as men, become pages to the
shrews and matchmakers to the Duke's brother's sons

00:31:16.149 --> 00:31:20.209
They lead all the lovers into a nearby forest,
where, on a midsummer's night,

00:31:20.209 --> 00:31:25.539
A bunch of mischievous fairies squeeze the aphroditic
juice of a hermaphroditic flower into the shrews' eyes

00:31:25.539 --> 00:31:30.499
Causing them to fall in love with their own pages,
who, in turn, have fallen in love with the Duke's brother's sons

00:31:30.499 --> 00:31:34.289
While the queen of the fairies seduces
a jackass, and they all have an orgy

00:31:34.289 --> 00:31:35.549
Act IV.

00:31:35.549 --> 00:31:38.119
The elderly fathers of the Italian sisters,
finding their daughters missing

00:31:38.119 --> 00:31:41.449
Dispatch messages to the pages telling
them to kill any man in the vicinity

00:31:41.449 --> 00:31:45.739
However, unable to find men in the forest,
the faithful messengers, in a final misguided act of loyalty

00:31:45.739 --> 00:31:48.419
Deliver the messages to each
other and kill themselves

00:31:48.419 --> 00:31:52.339
Meanwhile, the fish creature and the Duke
arrive in the forest disguised as Russians

00:31:52.339 --> 00:31:56.459
And, for no apparent reason, perform a
two-man underwater version of "Uncle Vanya"

00:31:56.459 --> 00:31:59.259
Act V. The Duke commands the
fairies to right their wrongs

00:31:59.259 --> 00:32:01.919
The pages and the bimbos get into
a knock-down, drag-out fight in the mud

00:32:01.919 --> 00:32:05.009
During which the pages' clothes
get ripped off, revealing female genitalia

00:32:05.009 --> 00:32:07.029
The Duke recognizes his daughters

00:32:09.040 --> 00:32:11.140
The Duke's brother's sons
recognize their uncle

00:32:11.140 --> 00:32:13.580
One of the shrews is elected
Senator from New York

00:32:15.718 --> 00:32:17.428
And they all get married and go out to dinner

00:32:17.428 --> 00:32:20.018
Except for a minor character in the
second act, who gets eaten by a bear

00:32:20.018 --> 00:32:23.568
And the Duke's brother's sons, who,
unable to pay back the old Jew, give themselves lobotomies

00:32:23.568 --> 00:32:26.248
And they all live happily ever after
Thank you!

00:32:38.217 --> 00:32:39.987
What we would like to
do in this juncture time

00:32:39.987 --> 00:32:42.177
Is return quickly to the rest
of Shakespeare's tragedies

00:32:42.177 --> 00:32:45.637
Because, basically, we found that the
comedies are not as funny as the tragedies

00:32:46.862 --> 00:32:51.812
So, we would like to start this section of the show
with Shakespeare's Scottish play, Macbeth

00:32:55.323 --> 00:32:58.763
Which you're really not
supposed to talk about in the theatre

00:32:59.253 --> 00:33:00.963
Unless you are performing it

00:33:02.005 --> 00:33:05.375
Because it's cursed

00:33:08.845 --> 00:33:10.275
Uhu, very scary!

00:33:11.846 --> 00:33:16.256
Fortunately, our Reduced Shakespeare Company
not only performs an abbreviated version of Macbeth

00:33:18.545 --> 00:33:24.425
But, after much thorough research, we
are able to do so in perfect Scottish accents

00:33:28.654 --> 00:33:32.394
Double, double, toil, and trrrouble

00:33:32.394 --> 00:33:39.074
Stay, ye, imperrrfect (Mac)speaker.
(Mac)tell me (Mac)morrre

00:33:39.074 --> 00:33:43.074
Macbeth... Macbeth...

00:33:43.074 --> 00:33:45.734
Bewarrre Macduff

00:33:45.734 --> 00:33:48.034
No man of woman born
shall harm Macbeth

00:33:48.034 --> 00:33:52.164
'Till Birnam Wood come to
Dunsmane, don't ye know?

00:33:53.056 --> 00:33:56.936
That's dead great. Then (Mac)what
(Mac)need (mac)I (Mac)fear of Macduff?

00:33:56.936 --> 00:33:58.616
See you, Jimmy!

00:33:58.616 --> 00:34:03.026
And know that Macduff was from his mother's womb
untimely ripped! What d'ye think about that?

00:34:03.026 --> 00:34:05.286
Ooh! That's bloody disgusting!

00:34:05.286 --> 00:34:07.256
Lay on, your great
haggis-breath ye'!

00:34:07.256 --> 00:34:11.706
Ah, Macbeth! Ye killed my wife, ye murdered
my bairns, ye did a job in my stoup

00:34:11.706 --> 00:34:13.386
- Rrr, I didnae
- Rrr, you did!

00:34:14.097 --> 00:34:15.677
- Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
- Rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

00:34:16.450 --> 00:34:18.210
I hadn't throw half of it away!

00:34:26.246 --> 00:34:29.776
Behold where stands the
usurper's cursed head

00:34:29.776 --> 00:34:32.576
Ah, Macbeth! yer arse is oot the windee

00:34:33.471 --> 00:34:36.861
And know that never was there
a story of more blood and death

00:34:36.861 --> 00:34:41.001
Than this of Mr. and Mrs. Macbeth
Thank you!

00:34:49.742 --> 00:34:53.862
Meanwhile, Julius Caesar
was a much beloved tyrant

00:34:53.862 --> 00:34:55.132
All hail Julius Caesar!

00:34:55.132 --> 00:34:56.242
Hail, citizens!

00:34:56.242 --> 00:35:00.252
- Who was warned by a soothsayer
- Beware the Ides of March

00:35:02.207 --> 00:35:04.717
The great Caesar, however,
chose to ignore the warning

00:35:04.717 --> 00:35:06.647
What the hell are
the "Ides of March"?

00:35:06.647 --> 00:35:08.527
Well, that's the
15th of March

00:35:08.527 --> 00:35:09.467
That's today!

00:35:11.536 --> 00:35:12.916
Et tu, Brutus?

00:35:13.903 --> 00:35:16.743
Friends, Romans, countrymen!

00:35:16.743 --> 00:35:18.103
Lend me your ears!

00:35:18.103 --> 00:35:22.643
I come to bury Caeser, so let's bury him,
and get on to my play, Antony...

00:35:22.646 --> 00:35:24.046
And Cleopatra!

00:35:24.046 --> 00:35:28.416
Is this an asp I see before me?
Oh, I'm dying! I've been bit by a snake

00:35:32.804 --> 00:35:35.004
It's the venom!
It's all over through my blood!

00:35:36.536 --> 00:35:38.306
Adam, stop it! Adam...

00:35:38.306 --> 00:35:40.796
Poison! Will you come down? What?

00:35:40.796 --> 00:35:44.166
You have this really bizarre notion that all
of Shakespeare's tragedies' heroines

00:35:44.166 --> 00:35:48.586
Wear this really ugly wigs,
and vomit on people before they die

00:35:48.586 --> 00:35:50.326
- It's an interpretation, man!
- No!

00:35:51.721 --> 00:35:53.691
Barfing on people
is not an interpretation!

00:35:53.691 --> 00:35:55.431
Just get up here!

00:35:55.431 --> 00:35:56.781
He was into it!

00:36:00.437 --> 00:36:04.437
Antony and Cleopatra is not
some Alka-Seltzer commercial

00:36:04.437 --> 00:36:09.007
It's a romantic thriller about a geopolitical
power struggle between Egypt and Rome

00:36:11.678 --> 00:36:13.948
Oh, yeah! Like you knew!
You like all laughing...

00:36:14.480 --> 00:36:17.330
I'm sorry! I apologize!
I apologize, you know?

00:36:17.330 --> 00:36:21.000
If I had known this was Shakespeare's geopolitical play,
I wouldn't have screwed around with it

00:36:21.000 --> 00:36:23.660
because my favorite plays
are his geopolitical plays

00:36:23.660 --> 00:36:27.000
- Really, really?
- No, seriously, they're intense, man, like, um...

00:36:27.000 --> 00:36:30.170
What was that one he wrote about
nuclear energy in the former Soviet Union?

00:36:30.740 --> 00:36:35.590
It was way ahead of its time.
It was a metaphor... wrapped in an allegory

00:36:35.590 --> 00:36:40.770
It was totally intense, man. It was called
"Chernobyl Kinsmen," and it was all about this...

00:36:40.770 --> 00:36:45.000
Adam, Adam, Shakespeare wrote
a play called "Two Noble Kinsmen"

00:36:45.000 --> 00:36:48.770
Not "Chernobyl Kinsmen"!
"Two Noble Kinsmen"!

00:36:48.770 --> 00:36:50.140
- "Cher..."
- "Two"

00:36:50.140 --> 00:36:51.950
- There was definitely a "Cher"!
- "Two"! "Two"!

00:36:51.950 --> 00:36:56.360
- "Two... Noble Kinsmen"!
- "Cher...", "Cher...", "Cherno..."

00:36:56.360 --> 00:36:58.420
What's "Two Noble Kinsmen" about?

00:36:58.420 --> 00:37:00.600
"Two Noble Kinsmen" is about a
girl who goes insane with the fear

00:37:00.600 --> 00:37:03.630
That her boyfriend is going to be eaten
by wolves, and her father, hanged

00:37:05.740 --> 00:37:08.460
- And is Boris Yeltsin in it?
- No, NO!!!

00:37:08.460 --> 00:37:10.860
I never heard of that
play before, I'm sorry...

00:37:10.860 --> 00:37:13.880
Actually once...
Oh, wait a second...

00:37:13.880 --> 00:37:16.230
I should explain to these guys

00:37:16.230 --> 00:37:18.560
I'm sorry, ladies and
gentlemen, my bad! Listen!

00:37:19.151 --> 00:37:22.831
"Two Noble Kinsmen" actually falls in the
category of Shakespeare's plays

00:37:22.831 --> 00:37:25.531
That we scholars refer
to as "the apocrypha"

00:37:25.531 --> 00:37:29.081
Um, or in some literary circles
"the obscure plays"

00:37:29.081 --> 00:37:31.411
Um, and sometimes
"the lesser plays"

00:37:31.411 --> 00:37:34.071
And, um, and often quite
simply "the bad plays"

00:37:34.071 --> 00:37:38.121
But, but the part is not all of
"the apocrypha" are entirely without merit

00:37:38.121 --> 00:37:41.811
In fact, one of them, "Troilus and Cressida",
is hardly crap at all

00:37:41.811 --> 00:37:46.521
In fact, I discussed "Troilus and Cressida"
at some lenght in my new soon-to-be-released book

00:37:46.521 --> 00:37:49.801
about Shakespeare entitled
"I love my Willy"

00:37:52.173 --> 00:37:54.643
Which I’d like to whip
out for you now, if I could...

00:37:56.161 --> 00:38:00.021
What? What? No. No, it's my book

00:38:02.659 --> 00:38:04.449
Anyway, I was thinking
what we could do

00:38:04.449 --> 00:38:08.239
Is a quick, sort of improvised version of
Troilus and Cressida based on this chapter

00:38:08.239 --> 00:38:11.519
Yeah, we could do an interpretive
dance, performance art version!

00:38:11.519 --> 00:38:14.649
Performance art, I love performance art
It's so... pretentious!

00:38:16.287 --> 00:38:19.427
We could do a piece that uses
the text of Troilus and Cressida

00:38:19.427 --> 00:38:22.677
As like a jumping-off point to
explore deeper themes, you know?

00:38:22.677 --> 00:38:26.967
Like the transient nature of life, and the mythology
involved in the arising and dissipation of forms

00:38:26.967 --> 00:38:28.047
Yeah, get some props!

00:38:29.175 --> 00:38:32.355
Wait, I was thinking we could do just
a very straightforward scholarly approach

00:38:34.051 --> 00:38:35.926
- No, screw that!
- Let's go ahead!

00:38:35.926 --> 00:38:38.216
All right, okay. Let's start.
Um, Troilus and Cressida

00:38:38.216 --> 00:38:43.376
Was written in 1603, published in 1604
And is in the "First Folio"

00:38:43.376 --> 00:38:47.566
Although that version is some 166 lines longer than
the version which appears in the "Second Folio"

00:38:47.566 --> 00:38:52.416
Which is about 166 lines shorter than the
version which appears in the "First Folio"

00:38:52.416 --> 00:38:58.096
Now, they describe the play in the "First Folio"
as a "history", but later became known as a "comedy"

00:38:58.096 --> 00:39:01.566
And it's now known...

00:39:19.890 --> 00:39:22.970
No, get rid with it!
Get that out of here!

00:39:22.970 --> 00:39:26.790
Get that out of here! What the hell are you..
Get rid of it! Just go!

00:39:27.750 --> 00:39:32.410
Wait, wait, wait, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, wait, wait!

00:39:32.410 --> 00:39:34.810
Get a life, ladies and gentlemen!

00:39:34.810 --> 00:39:37.740
My book has nothing to do with Godzilla!

00:39:37.740 --> 00:39:40.440
Awesome, that's great! But there is
anything in the book about the plot?

00:39:40.440 --> 00:39:43.360
Of course I cover the plot! What
sort of scholar do you think I am?

00:39:43.360 --> 00:39:46.920
I cover the plot in-depth in the
footnote here on page 7, all right?

00:39:47.721 --> 00:39:50.811
All right, look! "Troilus, youngest
son of Priam, King of Troy"

00:39:50.811 --> 00:39:52.821
Okay, you'll be Troilus,
he'll be the King of Troy

00:39:52.821 --> 00:39:54.851
All right! "loves Cressida"

00:39:55.803 --> 00:39:57.563
- I'll get the wig!
- All right, great!

00:39:58.787 --> 00:40:01.217
And has arranged with her
uncle Pandarus for a meeting

00:40:01.217 --> 00:40:03.397
- Although she feigns indifference
- Oh, wait a minute...

00:40:03.397 --> 00:40:07.597
She is attracted to him. Meanwhile, Agamemnon,
the Greek commander, has surrounded...

00:40:07.597 --> 00:40:10.537
Kids hate to study it at
school because it’s so boring

00:40:10.537 --> 00:40:13.837
C'mon, as soon as you said
"Agamemnon", I was asleep, man!

00:40:13.837 --> 00:40:22.077
I'm sorry, but we came here to London, I told these guys,
I said, "I will not do dry, boring, vomitless Shakespeare"

00:40:22.807 --> 00:40:26.107
No, that just turns you off. That's what
happened to me when I was a kid in school

00:40:26.107 --> 00:40:27.817
And we were supposed to
be studying Shakespeare

00:40:27.817 --> 00:40:31.787
It's like I'd be boiling it out of my mind, I'd be
looking out the window, and all the kids playing ball


00:40:31.787 --> 00:40:34.927
And I'd be sitting myself like,
"why can't Shakespeare stuff be more like sports?"

00:40:34.927 --> 00:40:39.107
That's... that's what I've got!
That's what I was thinking...

00:40:39.107 --> 00:40:41.257
- You like sports?
- I did like sports, yes!

00:40:41.257 --> 00:40:42.847
And you went to High School?

00:40:42.847 --> 00:40:45.847
- Yes, in a matter of fact, I did
- Okay, well, whatever...

00:40:45.847 --> 00:40:48.747
Because, check it out, sports are
visceral, you know? They are engaging

00:40:48.747 --> 00:40:51.507
It's like, um, you know, if you
look at Shakespeare's histories

00:40:51.507 --> 00:40:54.607
In the histories, the valorous kings
They are killing each other off

00:40:54.607 --> 00:40:57.297
They are passing the throne
from one generation to the next

00:40:57.297 --> 00:41:01.837
It's exactly like American Football
Only with a dude with a crown

00:41:01.837 --> 00:41:03.947
You know what? They are kind of similar

00:41:09.367 --> 00:41:13.607
25, 42, Richard III,
Henry VI part I, II, III, hike!

00:41:13.607 --> 00:41:17.227
And the crown is snapped to Richard II,
that well spoken 14th century monarch

00:41:17.227 --> 00:41:21.307
He’s fading back to pass, looking for an heir downfield,
but there’s a heavy rush from King John

00:41:21.307 --> 00:41:23.357
My gross flesh sinks downwards!

00:41:23.357 --> 00:41:25.397
The crown is in the air,
and Henry VI comes up with it!

00:41:25.397 --> 00:41:26.577
Victory is mine!

00:41:26.577 --> 00:41:31.497
But he’s immediately hit by King John.
He’s cutting Henry VI into three parts

00:41:31.497 --> 00:41:33.637
This is going to be be the end of
the War of the Roses Cycle!

00:41:33.637 --> 00:41:35.007
King John is in the clear

00:41:35.007 --> 00:41:37.137
- My soul hath elbow room
- He’s in the 35 yard line

00:41:37.137 --> 00:41:39.057
The 30, the 25, the 20
The 15, the 10...

00:41:39.057 --> 00:41:41.737
He is poisoned on the 1 yard line
He is out of the game

00:41:41.737 --> 00:41:43.917
Replacing him now: number 72, King Lear

00:41:43.917 --> 00:41:47.307
Divide my kingdom in 3.
Cordelia, you go along

00:41:47.307 --> 00:41:49.247
All right... Whoa, whoa, hold on!

00:41:49.247 --> 00:41:51.087
Looks like there is a penalty called

00:41:52.359 --> 00:41:55.079
Fictional character on the field,
Lear is disqualified

00:41:57.542 --> 00:42:01.282
All right, Lining up now is that father-son
team of Henry IV and Prince Hal

00:42:01.282 --> 00:42:04.182
Center snaps to the quarterback.
Quarterback gives to the hunchback

00:42:04.182 --> 00:42:07.732
It looks like that limp is giving
Richard III trouble again

00:42:07.732 --> 00:42:09.682
- A horse, a horse! My kingdom for a horse!
- There’s a pile-up on the field

00:42:09.682 --> 00:42:13.542
Fumble!!! And Henry VIII comes up with it.
He’s headed to the goaline

00:42:13.542 --> 00:42:15.642
He stops at the 5 to
chop off his wife’s head

00:42:15.642 --> 00:42:16.872
Who’s your daddy?

00:42:16.872 --> 00:42:19.312
Touchdown for the Red Rose! Oh my!

00:42:19.312 --> 00:42:22.672
You gotta believe this is the
beginning of a Tudor dynasty!

00:42:22.672 --> 00:42:26.202
Henry V, Richard III.
Fellows are dark, and trousers, dirty

00:42:26.202 --> 00:42:28.032
Go Fergie!

00:42:37.945 --> 00:42:41.355
Can I just... can I borrow your program?
I'll give it right back, I promise

00:42:41.355 --> 00:42:43.245
- I just wanne check the list of plays
- What are you doing?

00:42:43.245 --> 00:42:45.845
I just wanna look at the list of plays
'Cause I think we might've don'em all already

00:42:45.845 --> 00:42:48.155
- Really?
- Sure, because we just did all the histories, right?

00:42:48.155 --> 00:42:49.485
Yeah, and we did all
the comedies all together

00:42:49.485 --> 00:42:51.375
Oh good, that just leaves the tragedies

00:42:51.375 --> 00:42:53.035
Um, Titus Andronicus I did
with all the blood

00:42:53.035 --> 00:42:56.075
Romeo and Juliet, Julius
Caesar, Troilus and Cressida

00:42:56.075 --> 00:42:59.175
- Othello was a rap, King Lear was in the football game
- Maybe we will let you guys out early tonight

00:42:59.175 --> 00:43:02.375
Um, Macbeth, the Scottish play! Yeah!

00:43:02.375 --> 00:43:04.265
- Wait, wait. Antony and Cleopatra?
- We did it!

00:43:04.265 --> 00:43:07.655
We did it totally!
I threw up on that guy in the hat!

00:43:07.655 --> 00:43:11.665
Right, that's right!
Timon of Athens I mentioned

00:43:11.665 --> 00:43:14.775
- Coriolanus?
- Oh, just... let's just skip it!

00:43:14.775 --> 00:43:17.475
Why? What...
What's the matter with Coriolanus?

00:43:18.844 --> 00:43:21.134
I don't like the "anus" part.
I just think...

00:43:21.134 --> 00:43:23.864
No, I think it's offensive.
We have some young children

00:43:23.864 --> 00:43:30.804
It's not a clever word... (I'm 13)... I don't care if you're 20!
I don't wanna hear you using language like that, young man!

00:43:30.804 --> 00:43:33.464
Is this your mommy?

00:43:38.557 --> 00:43:40.617
Don't give me the evil eye!

00:43:41.619 --> 00:43:44.339
Now I know why some animals eat
their young. You know, I swear to God

00:43:48.096 --> 00:43:52.096
I think that kid could kick your ass, so just leave him alone

00:43:52.096 --> 00:43:54.506
But I think you are right, we are all...

00:43:55.376 --> 00:43:57.586
No, no, no, NO! Look here!

00:43:58.892 --> 00:44:00.482
Oh no!

00:44:01.748 --> 00:44:03.108
Hamlet!

00:44:03.507 --> 00:44:05.007
How... how did we forget Hamlet?

00:44:05.007 --> 00:44:06.837
Shakespeare didn't write Hamlet, did he?

00:44:06.837 --> 00:44:08.317
- Yes, he did!
- Of course he did!

00:44:09.211 --> 00:44:10.191
He didn't!

00:44:12.403 --> 00:44:13.983
It's a Mel Gibson movie!

00:44:13.983 --> 00:44:15.953
It's based on the play, anyway...

00:44:15.953 --> 00:44:19.953
Well, 36 down, just 1 to go.
Perhaps the Bard's greatest play, a play of...

00:44:19.953 --> 00:44:22.743
I'm sorry, I really don't feel up for it tonight

00:44:22.743 --> 00:44:24.033
I don't... I don't...

00:44:24.033 --> 00:44:28.813
Hamlet is a very big play, it's got a lot of words,
it's got, you know, like ideas and stuff

00:44:28.813 --> 00:44:30.503
But don't quit, man!

00:44:30.503 --> 00:44:33.393
It's just that football game left me
really emotionally and phisically drained

00:44:33.393 --> 00:44:36.373
I just, you know,
I don't think I could do justice to it!

00:44:36.373 --> 00:44:38.033
We don't have to do justice to it!

00:44:39.284 --> 00:44:41.295
I mean, where have you been?
We just have to do it, you know!

00:44:42.785 --> 00:44:44.575
- The kid...
- Don't worry about the kid!

00:44:46.435 --> 00:44:48.365
The play is called
"The Complete Works of William Shakespeare"

00:44:48.365 --> 00:44:50.285
Well, let's just change
the name of the play then...

00:44:50.285 --> 00:44:53.945
We call: "The Complete Works of Shakespeare...
Except Hamlet"

00:44:53.945 --> 00:44:55.145
That's ridiculous!

00:44:55.145 --> 00:44:58.185
I think they will like to
see Hamlet, won't you?

00:45:02.976 --> 00:45:06.816
This is... this is... no...
Okay... look, okay...

00:45:06.816 --> 00:45:09.276
I you want to do it so bad,
you two do it, and I'll watch

00:45:09.276 --> 00:45:11.396
What? That doesn't make any sense!

00:45:29.241 --> 00:45:31.131
Oh, shoe... look at this shoe!

00:45:31.131 --> 00:45:32.401
No, no, no, no....

00:45:32.401 --> 00:45:34.191
I've never seen inside it before...

00:45:34.984 --> 00:45:37.284
- What? Is it a crime to take somebody's bag?
- Yes!

00:45:37.284 --> 00:45:39.494
Oh, everything I do is wrong!

00:45:39.494 --> 00:45:41.524
- What is the matter with you?
- Why don't you take away my birthday?

00:45:41.524 --> 00:45:45.214
- What?
- It just sucks! This show sucks!

00:45:46.144 --> 00:45:49.624
All right! Are you relaxed?
We are going to do Hamlet, all right?

00:45:49.624 --> 00:45:53.184
Okay, all right!
So we will start with the Battle...

00:45:53.184 --> 00:45:54.664
Oh, shit! I'm sorry!

00:45:56.083 --> 00:45:57.743
Yeah, so there is Bernardo and Horatio

00:45:58.641 --> 00:46:01.471
I think it's very sensible for
you to carry those by the way

00:46:09.508 --> 00:46:11.818
I'll kill the cameraman, I'll kill him

00:46:11.818 --> 00:46:13.578
I don't care, we've got 5
other cameramen, I don't care

00:46:34.205 --> 00:46:37.205
Austin is usually a lot faster than Adam

00:46:37.825 --> 00:46:40.265
I'm sure they will be back in just a minute

00:47:34.862 --> 00:47:43.142
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

00:48:42.541 --> 00:48:47.721
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

00:49:07.321 --> 00:49:09.881
Tell you what...
let's take an intermission here

00:49:09.881 --> 00:49:13.351
Um, go out to the lobby,
stretch your legs, have a few drinks

00:49:13.351 --> 00:49:16.541
We're always much more talented
after you had a few drinks

00:49:16.541 --> 00:49:21.811
I'll need you back here in 15 minutes
Austin and Adam should be back by then

00:49:21.811 --> 00:49:25.101
And we will proceed with
Hamlet, Prince of Denmark

00:49:25.739 --> 00:49:27.219
I hope...

00:50:22.186 --> 00:50:24.666
Please, don't patronize me!

00:50:25.191 --> 00:50:26.891
Austin and Adam aren't back yet!

00:50:27.197 --> 00:50:29.647
Well, actually, Austin
called in the intermission

00:50:29.647 --> 00:50:33.267
He said he caught Adam at the
airport trying to catch a flight to Rio

00:50:33.267 --> 00:50:38.657
And, um, he suggested that, until they get back,
I go ahead, and cover the sonnets

00:50:42.100 --> 00:50:45.930
Shakespeare wrote 154 sonnets

00:50:46.480 --> 00:50:49.560
I've reduced the
meltdown onto this card

00:50:49.560 --> 00:50:53.560
And, um, what I was thinking we
could do is pass it among the audience

00:50:53.560 --> 00:50:56.970
Like, um, say we start
here with you ma'am, right?

00:50:56.970 --> 00:51:02.730
I give you the card, you take it, read it,
enjoy it, passes to the person next to you

00:51:02.730 --> 00:51:04.000
Yeah, yeah, you!

00:51:04.000 --> 00:51:08.750
Yeah, and then down on the row like that,
and then, if you just pass it behind you

00:51:08.750 --> 00:51:13.030
And then just back and forth, and back and forth,
and back and forth, and back...

00:51:13.539 --> 00:51:16.859
And forth, and back and forth, and back
and forth, and back

00:51:16.859 --> 00:51:20.769
And, by the time it gets to you,
Austin and Adam should be here

00:51:20.769 --> 00:51:23.499
So, um, Bob, if we can have
some house lights, please

00:51:23.499 --> 00:51:25.929
As I say, ma'am, why don't
we start here with you

00:51:25.929 --> 00:51:29.929
Just take it, read it,
enjoy it, pass it along

00:51:36.373 --> 00:51:39.793
Austin and Adam,
ladies and gentlemen

00:51:49.505 --> 00:51:53.145
This is so uncool, you grabbed me
You gave me a carpet burn on my arm

00:51:53.145 --> 00:51:54.625
You should've come here earlier

00:51:54.625 --> 00:51:55.965
I don't wanna do this!

00:51:55.965 --> 00:51:58.475
- You alright? You alright?
- C'mon! C'mon!

00:51:58.475 --> 00:52:02.595
Here, here, blow, blow alright?

00:52:03.775 --> 00:52:06.115
Just take him back stage
I'll start here, okay?

00:52:10.204 --> 00:52:14.014
Bob, um, can I get some
mood lighting, please?

00:52:14.014 --> 00:52:16.814
To, um, to help me
sort of set the scene

00:52:16.814 --> 00:52:23.084
For what is perhaps the greatest play
ever written in the English language

00:52:24.196 --> 00:52:29.916
Hamlet, the tragedy of
the prince of Denmark

00:52:29.916 --> 00:52:33.406
The place... Denmark!

00:52:34.277 --> 00:52:37.627
The time... a very long time ago!

00:52:37.627 --> 00:52:42.257
The battlements of Elsinore castle.
Round about midnight. Two guards enter

00:52:46.315 --> 00:52:49.705
(Adam!) I don't wanna do this
stupid play, leave me alone!

00:52:49.705 --> 00:52:52.515
- Get off!
- Don't make me...

00:52:52.515 --> 00:52:54.375
I told you!

00:53:00.001 --> 00:53:02.051
- Who’s there?
- Nay, answer me. Stand and unfold yourself

00:53:02.051 --> 00:53:04.451
- Long live the king
- Bernardo! (He!)

00:53:05.706 --> 00:53:07.966
‘Tis now struck twelve
Get thee to bed, Horatio

00:53:07.966 --> 00:53:10.006
- For this relief, much thanks
- Well, good night

00:53:10.006 --> 00:53:13.116
Peace, break thee off
Look where it comes!

00:53:17.997 --> 00:53:23.507
- Mark it, Horatio. It would be spoke to
- What art thou? By heaven, I charge thee, speak!

00:53:27.470 --> 00:53:28.660
'Tis gone!

00:53:29.350 --> 00:53:31.400
It was about to speak
when the sock crew

00:53:31.570 --> 00:53:33.630
Break we our watch up!

00:53:38.954 --> 00:53:42.674
And by my advice, let us impart
what we have seen tonight unto

00:53:42.674 --> 00:53:44.474
Hamlet, prince of Denmark!

00:54:02.747 --> 00:54:06.627
O that this too, too
solid flesh would melt

00:54:06.627 --> 00:54:08.517
Thaw, and resolve
itself into a dew

00:54:08.517 --> 00:54:11.647
That is should come to
this, but two months dead

00:54:12.557 --> 00:54:14.567
So loving to my mother

00:54:15.227 --> 00:54:17.817
Frailty, thy name is woman!

00:54:18.747 --> 00:54:20.337
Yeah, you!

00:54:21.829 --> 00:54:24.659
Married to mine uncle,
my father’s brother

00:54:24.659 --> 00:54:28.859
The funeral baked meats did coldly
furnish forth the marriage tables

00:54:28.859 --> 00:54:30.229
- My lord!
- Horatio!

00:54:34.259 --> 00:54:37.009
- Methinks I see my father
- Where, my lord?

00:54:37.009 --> 00:54:40.109
- In my mind’s eye, Horatio
- My lord, I think I saw him yesternight

00:54:40.109 --> 00:54:41.929
- Saw who?
- The king, your father!

00:54:43.698 --> 00:54:46.478
- The king, my father? But where was this?
- Upon the platform where we watched

00:54:46.478 --> 00:54:48.288
‘Tis very strange

00:54:50.502 --> 00:54:53.352
I will watch tonight
Perchance ‘twill walk again

00:54:53.352 --> 00:54:57.512
All is not well, Horatio.
Would the night were come

00:54:57.512 --> 00:54:58.742
So...

00:55:03.564 --> 00:55:06.264
O the wind bites shrewdly. It is very cold!

00:55:06.264 --> 00:55:07.824
Look, my lord, it comes!

00:55:07.824 --> 00:55:09.754
Angels and ministers
of grace defend us

00:55:09.754 --> 00:55:12.414
Something is rotten
in the state of Denmark

00:55:13.278 --> 00:55:14.568
Mark me!

00:55:14.568 --> 00:55:16.348
Speak. I am bound to hear!

00:55:16.348 --> 00:55:18.848
So art thou to revenge
when thou shalt hear

00:55:18.848 --> 00:55:25.608
If ever thou didst thy dear father love
Revenge his foul and most unnatural murderer

00:55:25.608 --> 00:55:27.418
- Murderer!
- Murderer!

00:55:27.418 --> 00:55:31.378
The serpent that did sting thy
father’s life now wears his crown

00:55:31.378 --> 00:55:33.048
- My uncle!
- His uncle!

00:55:33.048 --> 00:55:36.668
Let not the royal bed of Denmark
become a couch for incest

00:55:36.668 --> 00:55:38.378
- Incest!
- A couch!

00:55:40.379 --> 00:55:46.789
Adieu, Hamlet, adieu!
Remember me!

00:55:49.503 --> 00:55:51.113
- My lord, this is strange!

00:55:51.113 --> 00:55:57.033
There are more things in Heaven and Earth,
Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy

00:55:57.033 --> 00:55:58.673
So piss off!

00:55:59.820 --> 00:56:04.640
I hereafter shall think meet
to put an antic disposition on

00:56:04.640 --> 00:56:11.370
The time is out of joint. O cursed
spite that ever I was born to exit right

00:56:26.477 --> 00:56:32.107
Neither a borrower nor a lender be!

00:56:51.376 --> 00:56:53.216
How now, Ophelia. What’s the matter?

00:56:53.216 --> 00:56:57.076
My lord, as I was sewing in my closet, lord
Hamlet, with no hat upon his head, pale as his shirt

00:56:57.076 --> 00:57:00.436
His knees knocking together, and with a look
So piteous in purport as if he had been loosed

00:57:00.436 --> 00:57:03.636
Out of hell to speak of horrors,
he comes before me

00:57:15.744 --> 00:57:18.784
I'd keep that dress if I were you!

00:57:26.189 --> 00:57:27.909
- Mad for thy love?

00:57:32.119 --> 00:57:33.559
O my Lord, I know not!

00:57:33.559 --> 00:57:36.929
Why, this is the very ecstasy of love.
I have found the cause of Hamlet’s lunacy

00:57:36.929 --> 00:57:40.249
Since brevity is the soul of wit,
I will be brief: he is mad

00:57:45.378 --> 00:57:47.488
How does my good lord Hamlet?

00:57:47.488 --> 00:57:50.088
- Well, God mercy!
- Do you know me, my lord?

00:57:50.088 --> 00:57:54.028
- Excellent well. You are a fishmonger
- What do you read, my lord?

00:57:54.028 --> 00:57:58.128
- Word, words, words
- Though this be madness, yet there’s method in’t

00:57:58.128 --> 00:58:01.778
Daddy, the players are here, and they
said they wanna do a play-within-a-play

00:58:01.778 --> 00:58:04.438
So you'd better come see what
they want because they won't talk...

00:58:11.419 --> 00:58:15.169
I am but mad north-northwest
When the wind is southerly

00:58:15.169 --> 00:58:17.619
I know a hawk from
a hawk from a handsaw

00:58:18.615 --> 00:58:19.645
I don't know...

00:58:21.459 --> 00:58:26.269
I’ll have these players play something like
the murder of my father before mine uncle

00:58:26.269 --> 00:58:31.539
I’ll observe his looks. If he do
but blench, I will know my course

00:58:31.803 --> 00:58:37.243
The play’s the thing wherein
I’ll catch the conscience of the king!

00:59:12.655 --> 00:59:14.055
Shut up, please!

00:59:24.493 --> 00:59:25.553
Shut up!

00:59:36.746 --> 00:59:39.846
What part of "shut up!"
don't you understand?

00:59:47.039 --> 00:59:49.089
To be...

00:59:51.953 --> 00:59:55.233
Austin, Austin, you can...
turn on the lights for a second!

00:59:55.233 --> 00:59:57.913
Did you do the
"to be or not to be" speech?

00:59:57.913 --> 01:00:00.093
Of course I didn't!
They are laughing at me!

01:00:00.093 --> 01:00:03.263
- They are not laughing at you!
- They were laughing with you!

01:00:03.263 --> 01:00:07.963
No, no! That guy right there!
It was that guy right there!

01:00:07.963 --> 01:00:10.943
Calm down, man!
He's on drugs or something...

01:00:11.634 --> 01:00:15.094
- (...) speech!
- I know, I know, it's a, it's, it's...

01:00:15.094 --> 01:00:17.994
I'm sorry about this, everybody!
I think Austin is really...

01:00:17.994 --> 01:00:23.284
You know, he takes this very seriously!
I think emotionally it's maybe too much for him tonight


01:00:23.284 --> 01:00:25.434
I think we'll just skip the
"to be or not to be" speech

01:00:25.434 --> 01:00:27.654
I'm sorry if anybody feels...

01:00:27.654 --> 01:00:32.084
- Well, that's...
- You shoulda thought about that before you laughed at him

01:00:32.084 --> 01:00:35.594
This is the risk you take at live theatre
Anything can happen, okay?

01:00:35.594 --> 01:00:39.014
You know, like, if this was "Miss Saigon",
Maybe the helicopter wouldn't come in

01:00:39.774 --> 01:00:43.394
It's an overrated speech anyway, Hamlet is
supposed to be thinking about killing his uncle

01:00:43.394 --> 01:00:46.564
And, instead, Shakespeare is like
"I'm contemplating suicide", you know?

01:00:46.564 --> 01:00:49.034
We think it just weakens the character

01:00:49.034 --> 01:00:50.934
It just makes some wishy washy

01:00:50.934 --> 01:00:52.824
Right, so we'll skip to the
play-within-a-play scene

01:00:52.824 --> 01:00:55.824
Yeah, pergfect, okay, yeah! What we'll
do is skip to the play-within-a-play scene

01:00:55.824 --> 01:00:57.514
You guys do the setting
I'll give Austin...

01:00:57.514 --> 01:00:59.234
Whoa, and the nunnery
speech of Hamlet?

01:00:59.234 --> 01:01:01.434
Whoa, that piece of work speech,
I think we should just cut it

01:01:01.434 --> 01:01:03.224
I don't know, it's kind of important!

01:01:08.517 --> 01:01:12.057
Okay, there is just this one speech that
comes before the play-within-a-play scene

01:01:12.057 --> 01:01:14.687
That just goes:
"I have of late, but wherefore I know not

01:01:14.687 --> 01:01:19.547
Lost all my mirth, forgone all custom of exercise,
and indeed it goes so heavily with my disposition

01:01:19.547 --> 01:01:23.347
That this goodly frame, the Earth,
seems to me a sterile promontory

01:01:23.347 --> 01:01:26.757
This most excellent canopy, the air, look
you, this brave o’erhanging firmament

01:01:26.757 --> 01:01:30.007
This majestic roof
fretted with golden fire

01:01:30.007 --> 01:01:34.177
Why it appears to me no other than a
foul and pestilent congregation of vapors

01:01:34.177 --> 01:01:39.547
What a piece of work is man;
how noble in reason, how infinite in faculty

01:01:39.547 --> 01:01:42.267
In form and moving how
express and admirable

01:01:42.267 --> 01:01:45.997
In action how like an angel
In apprehension how like a god

01:01:45.997 --> 01:01:48.477
The beauty of the world,
the paragon of animals

01:01:48.477 --> 01:01:55.237
Yet to me, what is this quintessence
of dust? Man delights not me?

01:01:56.700 --> 01:02:00.120
Right, so we'll cut that speech,
and go right to the killer

01:02:07.919 --> 01:02:10.149
Guys, what about the
"get thee to a nunnery" scene?

01:02:10.149 --> 01:02:12.309
Let's just skip that one

01:02:14.418 --> 01:02:16.888
Because "get thee to a nunnery"
scene is an Ophelia scene, man!

01:02:16.888 --> 01:02:19.618
And Ophelia is a dificult
and complex character

01:02:19.618 --> 01:02:24.238
No, no, she's not. No, it's,
Ophelia is you in a wig, you know?

01:02:26.247 --> 01:02:28.627
Anybody can play Ophelia,
My mother could play Ophelia

01:02:28.627 --> 01:02:30.437
That lady right there
could play Ophelia

01:02:31.063 --> 01:02:32.963
- Well, let's get her!
- No, no...

01:02:38.503 --> 01:02:39.803
Thank you so much!

01:02:44.645 --> 01:02:46.745
We are going to perform...

01:02:46.745 --> 01:02:48.395
No, no, no, wait.
Whatcha doin'?

01:02:48.395 --> 01:02:50.015
Getting that
impostor out of here!

01:02:50.015 --> 01:02:51.275
She's not an imposter!

01:02:53.382 --> 01:02:55.122
You can't just throw
her back, you know?

01:02:55.122 --> 01:02:57.422
- I'll do it!
- It's too late!

01:02:57.422 --> 01:03:01.252
You got her up here, she's wearing
this nice wig, it's gonna be fine! (It's my scene!)

01:03:01.252 --> 01:03:04.672
It's my scene! What am I
supposed to do? I'm... I'm like...

01:03:04.672 --> 01:03:06.752
Just watch and learn, you know?

01:03:06.752 --> 01:03:09.452
I'm watching? I'm learning?
Is this what I'm supposed to do?

01:03:09.452 --> 01:03:12.022
- You had your chance!
- You come back, take that mic off!

01:03:12.022 --> 01:03:13.642
- No, no!
- This is stupid!

01:03:13.642 --> 01:03:15.342
No, it will be fine!
It will be great! Just watch!

01:03:15.342 --> 01:03:18.392
You're just gonna do the scene with
your new friend, and I'm supposed to...

01:03:18.392 --> 01:03:21.052
- You had your chance!
- We are gonna show you how simple it is, alright?

01:03:21.052 --> 01:03:23.602
That's fine, I don't care!
I think the show sucks anyway!

01:03:23.602 --> 01:03:26.782
Oh, c'mon! It's not that big of a...

01:03:26.782 --> 01:03:28.892
Thanks for breaking
up the group, Yoko!

01:03:31.760 --> 01:03:33.260
Bullshit!

01:03:34.459 --> 01:03:38.049
I'm very sorry about that! Listen,
thank you very much for helping us out!

01:03:38.049 --> 01:03:39.389
- I'm sorry, what's your name?
- Tiffany!

01:03:39.389 --> 01:03:40.529
- Tiffany?
- Tiffany!

01:03:40.529 --> 01:03:42.949
That's, um,
do you mind if we call you Bob?

01:03:42.949 --> 01:03:45.229
That's just easier for us to remember

01:03:45.229 --> 01:03:50.509
Um, anyway, um,
the scene between Ophelia and Hamlet

01:03:50.509 --> 01:03:53.759
- It's a very simple scene!
- It's not a simple scene!

01:03:53.759 --> 01:03:55.679
If you're gonna humiliate her,
be honest with her!

01:03:55.679 --> 01:03:56.969
We are not gonna humiliate her!

01:03:56.969 --> 01:03:59.029
We are not humiliating
anybody, you calm down!

01:03:59.029 --> 01:04:01.409
You calm down! (You calm down!)
You calm down, man!

01:04:01.409 --> 01:04:04.239
You know, I'll, I'll hit you so hard,
I'll kill your whole family, man!

01:04:05.915 --> 01:04:07.895
You take your medicine! Okay!

01:04:07.895 --> 01:04:09.995
- Uhhhh, get her!
- Okay!

01:04:12.005 --> 01:04:16.085
A little bit of background: Hamlet and Ophelia
have had this relationship together in the past

01:04:16.085 --> 01:04:20.085
Yeah, among everything that is going on with his
mother, and is uncle, and his father, and...

01:04:20.814 --> 01:04:22.984
He doesn't wanna deal
with her anymore, alright?

01:04:22.984 --> 01:04:25.804
He gets all worked up, and he
tells her to get out of his life!

01:04:25.804 --> 01:04:28.784
He says to her:
"get thee to a nunnery!"

01:04:28.784 --> 01:04:34.104
Alright, now, in our version of the scene,
all that Ophelia does in response is: she screams!

01:04:34.104 --> 01:04:36.364
- That's not all she does!
- It's all she does!

01:04:36.364 --> 01:04:38.314
- There is more to it than that!
- No, there is not!

01:04:38.314 --> 01:04:41.624
Hamlet says "get thee to a nunnery!",
Ophelia screams, okay?

01:04:41.624 --> 01:04:45.744
So, let's try that, alright?
And I'll give you a cue, alright?

01:04:47.911 --> 01:04:49.801
- Hey, good luck!
- Hay, Adam!

01:04:49.801 --> 01:04:52.081
I didn't touch her,
she hit me with the shoulder!

01:04:52.081 --> 01:04:53.941
- Oh, c'mon!
- She started it, man!

01:04:55.051 --> 01:04:57.661
She's provoking me since she
came in here, that's all I'm saying!

01:04:57.661 --> 01:05:00.821
- Sit down!
- Okay, screw over, kid!

01:05:05.493 --> 01:05:09.213
Okay, now are you all set?
Alright, I'll give it to you, I'll, I'm sorry, let me...

01:05:09.213 --> 01:05:11.493
Let me just step into
the character here!

01:05:14.843 --> 01:05:16.673
Get thee to a nunnery!

01:05:26.931 --> 01:05:29.431
No, please, shut up,
ladies and gentlemen!

01:05:29.431 --> 01:05:31.911
- Hey, hey, I thought that was good!
- Yeah, it was pretty good!

01:05:31.911 --> 01:05:36.001
No, it sucked, man!
Even the frame setting sucked!

01:05:36.001 --> 01:05:43.441
I'm sorry I shout at you, I felt threatened 'cause they
brought you up here to do my part, you are not an actress!

01:05:43.441 --> 01:05:47.301
- Maybe
- You think so? (Maybe)

01:05:47.301 --> 01:05:49.151
I think not!

01:05:49.151 --> 01:05:55.591
No, she showed a lot of heart, a lot of courage - as Shakespeare would say, chutzpah.

01:05:55.591 --> 01:06:00.221
No, I think there was something lacking
There was no inner life to the character

01:06:00.221 --> 01:06:02.701
You know, there is little depth...

01:06:02.701 --> 01:06:04.661
No, I know what you mean,
that's actually very good note

01:06:04.661 --> 01:06:08.401
- 'Cause, Bob, actors use what they call subtext
- Yes, or inner module

01:06:08.401 --> 01:06:11.591
Exactly, inner module,
that's something you didn't have

01:06:11.591 --> 01:06:15.421
And that's why your
performance was just flat

01:06:15.421 --> 01:06:19.441
No, but I think she showed promise,
and I don't think we should let this go

01:06:19.441 --> 01:06:23.571
I think this is like riding a bicycle, you fall off,
you get on a horse, you just keep going, man!

01:06:23.571 --> 01:06:28.751
In fact I think we should get everybody involved here
for just a few seconds to workshop this, you know?

01:06:28.751 --> 01:06:34.071
Like, um, bring up the house lights I think everybody
should act on what is inside, the feels in his head for Bob

01:06:34.071 --> 01:06:36.291
Help her understand
the character like, like...

01:06:36.291 --> 01:06:39.531
If we divide everybody into
Ophelia's Ego and Superego!

01:06:39.531 --> 01:06:42.811
Oh, yeah, yeah,
like it's a Freudian analysis

01:06:42.811 --> 01:06:44.141
With an union undertone (yes, yes!)

01:06:44.141 --> 01:06:49.841
An Ego! We need an Ego!
Let's get an Ego out there!

01:06:57.276 --> 01:06:59.536
So, this gentleman is gonna
represent your Ego!

01:07:00.011 --> 01:07:02.051
Oh, this guy can play an Ego!

01:07:02.881 --> 01:07:06.211
Very powerful lumberjack-like Ego!

01:07:06.211 --> 01:07:12.281
At this point of the play, her Ego has become
frightened, it's flighty, it's an Ego on the run

01:07:12.281 --> 01:07:18.041
To symbolize the Ego on the run, why don't we
have Bob here, I'm sorry, mind if I call you Bob?

01:07:18.041 --> 01:07:23.351
Why don't we have Bob here symbolize the Ego on
the run by running back and forth across the stage?

01:07:23.351 --> 01:07:26.251
Yes, yes, just go...

01:07:33.314 --> 01:07:35.264
Such an energy!

01:07:35.264 --> 01:07:37.634
We have an Egomaniac here!

01:07:37.634 --> 01:07:41.464
Okay, now, if you just
hear her subconscious

01:07:41.464 --> 01:07:44.454
Why don't we have everyone on
the forth here in this folding chairs

01:07:44.454 --> 01:07:46.424
Represent Ophelia's head for us

01:07:46.424 --> 01:07:49.904
Now, at this point of the play,
her id is confused, is wishy washy

01:07:49.904 --> 01:07:52.654
It's a wash in a sea of alternatives

01:07:52.654 --> 01:07:55.304
Oh, that was very...
(Thank you, thank you very much!)

01:07:59.889 --> 01:08:05.969
So, to represent this confused id, why don't we have everybody
on these folding chair put both hands up your heads like this

01:08:07.541 --> 01:08:12.351
And we are gonna say this, we are
gonna say: "maybe, maybe not"

01:08:12.351 --> 01:08:20.511
"Maybe, maybe not", "maybe, maybe not"
"maybe, maybe not", (okay, good!)

01:08:20.511 --> 01:08:22.541
Save it for later, okay!

01:08:23.443 --> 01:08:25.753
Alright, you! third line,
what's your problem?

01:08:26.581 --> 01:08:30.691
Everybody is doing a great "maybe,
maybe not", "maybe, maybe not"

01:08:30.691 --> 01:08:32.481
He is like this

01:08:34.303 --> 01:08:36.663
Does not play well with other children!

01:08:37.405 --> 01:08:39.825
You know what that means, don't you, Bob?

01:08:39.825 --> 01:08:43.135
That means that you'll
have to do it all by yourself

01:08:45.896 --> 01:08:48.486
C'mon, man! Get'em up! Get'em up! Great!

01:08:48.486 --> 01:08:51.696
And don't worry about a thing, man!
'Cause nobody is looking, alright?

01:08:51.696 --> 01:08:55.696
Okay, okay, let's hear him:
"maybe, maybe not"

01:09:06.911 --> 01:09:08.711
I feel a lot of love in this room

01:09:08.711 --> 01:09:13.801
I don't know, maybe it's just the.. okay So we got the id,
we got the Ego, we got a single misfiring greencell right here


01:09:13.801 --> 01:09:17.901
It's great to know, why don't we get everybody
behind the seats to be the Superego?

01:09:17.901 --> 01:09:21.101
This is the final psychological
componenet, the Superego

01:09:21.101 --> 01:09:24.581
It's like all the struggling voices within
your head telling you what to do

01:09:24.581 --> 01:09:27.221
Very powerful voices that
are very difficult to shake

01:09:27.221 --> 01:09:30.131
Some people never shake them
in the whole lifetime, you know?

01:09:30.131 --> 01:09:32.081
So, like Catholicism or something

01:09:32.081 --> 01:09:37.791
So why don't we, why don't we divide the
Superego into three parts to symbolize the complexity

01:09:37.791 --> 01:09:42.551
So if we get everyone from where Reed is
indicating to my left to be Section A of the Superego

01:09:42.551 --> 01:09:47.361
Everybody from Reed to where Austin
is indicating to be Section B of the Superego

01:09:47.361 --> 01:09:51.151
And everybody from Austin
to my right, you're Section C

01:09:51.151 --> 01:09:54.461
Yeah, it's not that difficult,
is it? You got the idea!

01:09:54.461 --> 01:09:57.701
Now, Section A, you're the masculine
voice in Ophelia pyche, alright?

01:09:57.701 --> 01:10:01.421
You're like the voice of all men in her
life that have been bossing her around

01:10:01.421 --> 01:10:07.211
And, um, we'll use Hamlet's line for this
I'd like all of you to say "get thee to a nunnery!"

01:10:07.211 --> 01:10:11.041
Let's give it a try, Section A:
"Get thee to a nunnery!"

01:10:11.041 --> 01:10:12.701
Section A, that was awful!

01:10:12.701 --> 01:10:19.831
Please, people, work with me on this, we wanna make it
very loud, very powerful, very stiking, Section A:

01:10:19.831 --> 01:10:21.921
"Get thee to a nunnery!"

01:10:21.921 --> 01:10:24.291
Oh, yeah, that was
much less totally pathetic!

01:10:24.291 --> 01:10:28.381
Okay, now Section B, you're the
voice of Ophelia's libido, okay?

01:10:28.381 --> 01:10:31.341
So, this is the part of the psiche
that wants to be attracted to Hamlet

01:10:31.341 --> 01:10:35.531
You're saying, "look, do something wth yourself",
"for God sake, put some makeup or something!"

01:10:35.531 --> 01:10:37.971
Just, no offense...

01:10:38.961 --> 01:10:42.091
This is straight out of
Shakesperian text, okay?

01:10:42.091 --> 01:10:45.461
I'd like all of you to say,
"Paint an inch thick!"

01:10:45.461 --> 01:10:47.671
"Paint an inch thick!"

01:10:50.053 --> 01:10:52.903
I think Section A could learn
something from Section B

01:10:52.903 --> 01:10:54.593
Possibly, they're small,
but they're plaque

01:10:54.593 --> 01:11:00.153
Now finally, Section C, we saved you for last
because I think waht we'll do is use Section C


01:11:00.153 --> 01:11:04.803
To draw this into a modern context because we
wanna make Ophelia relevant to women of today

01:11:04.803 --> 01:11:08.193
Maybe she wants power,
but she doesn't wanna lose her femininity

01:11:08.193 --> 01:11:11.693
She wanna be Corporate Executive,
but, you know, she wants babies at the same time

01:11:11.693 --> 01:11:14.983
She is tired of being pushed around by Hamlet,
and she wants to assure herself

01:11:14.983 --> 01:11:20.033
she feels like saying, “Look, cut the crap, Hamlet,
my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!"

01:11:20.033 --> 01:11:22.163
Whoa, whoa, wait, you know what...

01:11:26.887 --> 01:11:33.927
Yeah, we'll have you say, "cut the crap, Hamlet,
my biological clock is ticking and I want babies now!"

01:11:37.665 --> 01:11:39.955
Yeah, your mommy
will explain it later, kid!

01:11:41.889 --> 01:11:43.269
Biology class

01:11:45.002 --> 01:11:47.202
So, let's give it a try,
Section C:

01:11:47.202 --> 01:11:53.662
"Cut the crap, Hamlet, my biological
clock is ticking and I want babies now!"

01:12:02.401 --> 01:12:06.121
Alright, everybody, what I
think we should do now is

01:12:06.121 --> 01:12:10.341
We'll get all the psychological elements
into play simultaneously, right?

01:12:10.341 --> 01:12:16.031
id, Ego, Superego, biological clock,
and the voices "maybe, maybe not!"

01:12:16.031 --> 01:12:19.491
And your job as an actress, Bob,
is to take all of this energy in

01:12:19.491 --> 01:12:22.471
Synthesize it within your soul, right?

01:12:22.471 --> 01:12:28.131
And, at that moment of truth, we'll build everyone
into a might frenzy, then stop everything, all attention is to you

01:12:28.131 --> 01:12:30.061
And you let out with that
scream that epitomizes Ophelia

01:12:30.061 --> 01:12:31.591
No problem!

01:12:34.893 --> 01:12:37.313
- Well, we'll see!
- Oh, she can't wait!

01:12:37.313 --> 01:12:41.313
Everybody, let's all,
okay, focus, please!

01:12:41.313 --> 01:12:44.923
Alright, everyone?
Let's all take a deep breath together!

01:12:48.917 --> 01:12:50.827
Yeah, let it out, kid

01:12:50.827 --> 01:12:53.437
He's turning grace, keep an eye on him!

01:12:53.437 --> 01:12:55.487
Right, you stand back here!

01:12:55.487 --> 01:12:58.827
Right (perfect!), yeah, right there!

01:12:58.827 --> 01:13:02.827
Excellent! And remember, no matter
what happens, act natural!

01:13:05.177 --> 01:13:08.067
- Starting with the Ego!
- The starting line here, Bob!

01:13:08.067 --> 01:13:11.297
Alright, here we go!
Okay, and...

01:13:11.297 --> 01:13:12.587
On your marks!

01:13:15.500 --> 01:13:17.940
Like a Colts you are, huh?

01:13:17.940 --> 01:13:21.520
We are not gonna have to check
you for steroids after this, are we?

01:13:22.490 --> 01:13:26.110
I recognize you, you were on the
East Germany women's track team

01:13:27.135 --> 01:13:28.985
His name was Helga, I swear to God!

01:13:28.985 --> 01:13:31.705
Glad to see they finally dropped, alright!

01:13:33.778 --> 01:13:35.698
You know what I mean, alright!

01:13:35.698 --> 01:13:42.588
Alright? On your mark, set, go!
"Maybe, maybe not"

01:13:42.588 --> 01:13:43.998
Section A

01:13:44.488 --> 01:13:46.348
Section B

01:13:47.112 --> 01:13:48.222
C

01:14:05.754 --> 01:14:06.924
Stop!

01:14:42.029 --> 01:14:46.249
It's just that you are beautiful,
and erotic, and sensual!

01:14:50.449 --> 01:14:53.169
I think we really shared
something, didn't we?

01:14:53.169 --> 01:14:57.079
But back to Hamlet, Act III, Scene II,
the famous “play-within-a-play scene”

01:14:57.079 --> 01:15:01.869
In which Hamlet discovers conclusive
evidence that his uncle murdered his father

01:15:14.977 --> 01:15:19.087
“Speak the speech, I pray you, as I
pronounced it to you, trippingly on the tongue

01:15:19.087 --> 01:15:24.747
Suit the action to the word, the word to the action,
and hold, as ‘twere, the mirror up to nature

01:15:24.747 --> 01:15:28.927
- Will my lord hear this piece of work?
- Aye, and the king, too, presently

01:15:34.885 --> 01:15:37.205
And now, how does my
cousin Hamlet, and my son?

01:15:37.205 --> 01:15:39.175
A little more than kin,
and less than kind

01:15:39.175 --> 01:15:41.545
I have nothing with this answer,
Hamlet; these words are not mine

01:15:41.545 --> 01:15:43.565
- My lord, have a seat
- Alright, I'll seat here

01:15:43.565 --> 01:15:45.205
Screw over, kid!
I'm doing ya'

01:15:45.205 --> 01:15:46.915
Hey, good show, huh?

01:15:46.915 --> 01:15:51.035
My lord, the Royal Theatre of Denmark is
proud to present "The Murder of Gonzago"

01:15:51.035 --> 01:15:52.915
Bravo, bravo, yeah, uhu!

01:15:52.915 --> 01:15:55.185
Oh, it's a puppet show!
I love it! I love it!

01:15:55.185 --> 01:15:56.985
My lord, Act I

01:16:22.943 --> 01:16:24.473
Hubba hubba

01:16:37.006 --> 01:16:40.446
Hey, hey, no, no, no. Hey, hey!

01:16:42.836 --> 01:16:46.016
Oh, the wheels on the
bus go round and round....

01:16:46.640 --> 01:16:48.600
Okay, I'm sorry... I didn't...

01:16:50.836 --> 01:16:54.836
- How likes my lord the play?
- The lady doth protest too much, methinks!

01:16:54.836 --> 01:16:57.326
Haha, whoa, she protests too much, get it?

01:16:57.326 --> 01:17:00.076
Get it? Get it? Whoa. She
doesn't get it. That's okay!

01:17:00.076 --> 01:17:02.546
(I'll explain it later)
My lord, Act II

01:17:02.546 --> 01:17:03.616
Gesundheit!

01:17:29.920 --> 01:17:31.890
I’ll take the ghost’s word
for a thousand pound!

01:17:31.890 --> 01:17:33.980
My lord, the queen would
speak with you in her closet

01:17:33.980 --> 01:17:38.060
- Then will I come to my mother
- Behind the arras I’ll convey myself to hear the process

01:17:39.620 --> 01:17:44.490
- Now, mother, what’s the matter?
- Hamlet, thou hast thy father much offended

01:17:44.490 --> 01:17:49.060
- Mother, you have my father much offended
- What wilt thou do? Thou wilt not murder me? Help!

01:17:49.060 --> 01:17:51.230
Help! Help!

01:17:51.230 --> 01:17:52.600
How now? A rat!

01:17:53.485 --> 01:17:57.625
Nooooo... noooooo...

01:17:57.625 --> 01:18:00.995
It will hurt...

01:18:03.408 --> 01:18:06.558
I told you so...

01:18:11.980 --> 01:18:14.050
Dead for a ducat, aww

01:18:15.170 --> 01:18:16.640
- Where's Polonius?
- At supper!

01:18:16.640 --> 01:18:20.640
- At supper? Where?
- Not where he eats, but where he is eaten

01:18:20.640 --> 01:18:22.910
- O no, it’s Laertes!
- Son of Polonius

01:18:22.910 --> 01:18:24.750
- Brother to Ophelia!
- And a snappy dresser!

01:18:24.750 --> 01:18:28.630
Why, thanks. O, thou vile king!
Give me my father! How came he dead?

01:18:28.630 --> 01:18:31.070
I’ll be revenged for Polonius’s murder!

01:18:36.515 --> 01:18:38.455
How now, what noise is this?


01:18:42.766 --> 01:18:45.956
Dear maid, kind sister, sweet, Ophelia!

01:18:55.348 --> 01:18:57.688
I'm mad! I'm out
of my tiny little mind!

01:18:57.688 --> 01:19:00.838
I'm screwy-louie, I'm...
See, this is acting!

01:19:00.838 --> 01:19:04.668
Here’s rue for you, here is
rosemary for remembrance

01:19:04.668 --> 01:19:09.788
and I would have given you violets,
but they withered all when my father died

01:19:11.754 --> 01:19:13.324
I’m starting to feel
a little nauseous here

01:19:16.804 --> 01:19:17.824
I'm about to die!

01:19:17.824 --> 01:19:21.824
Hamlet comes back. What would I undertake
to show myself, my father's son, in deed...

01:19:21.824 --> 01:19:24.214
Wait, hold on, Reed, before you
go on to the next scene with Ophelia

01:19:24.214 --> 01:19:25.514
There's no more scenes with Ophelia

01:19:25.514 --> 01:19:27.594
- C'mon, I'm up for it!
- No, that's all Shakespeare wrote!

01:19:27.594 --> 01:19:29.614
- What happens to her?
- She drowns!

01:19:31.153 --> 01:19:32.353
- Okay, cool!
- Okay!

01:19:33.711 --> 01:19:37.371
To cut his throat in the church;
I'll do that, and I'll anoint my sword...

01:19:51.061 --> 01:19:54.201
I’ll anoint my sword with an unction
so mortal that where it draws blood

01:19:54.201 --> 01:19:56.791
No cataplasm can save
the thing from this compulsion

01:19:57.622 --> 01:19:59.242
I don't know what it means either!

01:20:06.239 --> 01:20:10.239
This skull had a tongue in it,
and could sing once

01:20:10.239 --> 01:20:14.079
but then came the
Nutrisystem Weight Loss Program!

01:20:15.717 --> 01:20:18.527
Alas, poor Yorick!
I knew him!

01:20:19.037 --> 01:20:21.817
But soft! Here comes the queen!
Couch me awhile, and mark!

01:20:21.817 --> 01:20:25.697
Lay her in the earth; and from her fair
and unpolluted flesh, may violets spring

01:20:25.697 --> 01:20:28.747
Sweets to the sweet Ophelia. Farewell!

01:20:28.747 --> 01:20:31.987
Hold off the earth awhile, ‘till I have
caught her once more in mine arms

01:20:31.987 --> 01:20:39.037
What is he worse grief bears such an emphasis?
Haya! This is I, Hamlet the great Dane!

01:20:44.203 --> 01:20:47.193
I will fight with him until
my eyelids no longer wag

01:20:47.193 --> 01:20:51.423
The cat will mew, and the dog will
have his day. Come! Give us the foils!

01:20:51.423 --> 01:20:53.983
- Come, one for me!
- Now be careful. Those are sharp!

01:20:55.078 --> 01:20:56.658
- Come, sir!
- Come, my lord!

01:20:58.176 --> 01:20:59.556
Look! Amelia Earhart!

01:20:59.556 --> 01:21:00.716
- Where?
- There!

01:21:00.716 --> 01:21:02.166
One! (No!) Judgement?

01:21:02.166 --> 01:21:03.866
A hit, a hit; a very palpable hit!

01:21:03.866 --> 01:21:05.736
Yeah, Hamlet, drink off this cup!

01:21:06.976 --> 01:21:09.250
- Nay!
- Yeah, Hamlet, drink off this cup!

01:21:09.480 --> 01:21:13.840
Nay, set it by awhile, mother!
Father, uncle, whatever the hell you are...

01:21:15.726 --> 01:21:17.826
Come again, Laertes!

01:21:18.982 --> 01:21:21.332
- Another hit, what say you?
- A touch, a touch, I do confess!

01:21:21.332 --> 01:21:23.802
- O take this! (No!)
- The queen carouses to thy fortune, Hamlet

01:21:23.802 --> 01:21:26.212
- Madam, do not drink!
- I will, my lord. I pray you pardon me

01:21:26.212 --> 01:21:27.972
It is the poisoned cup! It is too late!

01:21:29.032 --> 01:21:30.602
Come again, Laertes!

01:21:30.602 --> 01:21:31.722
For the third!

01:21:42.794 --> 01:21:45.584
- How fair is the Queen?
- She swoons to see thee bleed

01:21:45.786 --> 01:21:51.896
No. The drink! The drink! I am poisoned!

01:21:54.163 --> 01:21:57.823
O villainy! Treachery! Seek it out!

01:21:57.823 --> 01:22:03.223
It is here, Hamlet. Here I lie, never to rise again
I can no more. The king. The king’s to blame

01:22:03.223 --> 01:22:07.213
What? The point envenom'd too?
Then, venom, to thy work!

01:22:07.213 --> 01:22:16.233
Here, thou murd'rous, incestuous...
cross-dressing Dane: Follow my mother!

01:22:20.638 --> 01:22:25.638
Forgive me, Hamlet. I am justly
killed by mine own treachery

01:22:27.876 --> 01:22:34.446
Heaven make thee free of it...
I follow thee!

01:22:35.984 --> 01:22:42.504
You that look pale, or tremble at this chance
That are but mutes, or audience to this act

01:22:43.094 --> 01:22:48.734
If ever thou did’st hold me in thy hearts
Absent thee from felicity awhile

01:22:49.792 --> 01:23:01.272
And in this harsh world draw thy breath in pain
To tell my story... The rest is silence!

01:23:39.294 --> 01:23:43.014
Ladies and gentlemen,
we shall have an encore!

01:23:48.067 --> 01:23:49.767
Okay, thank you!
We got about 3 more minutes

01:23:49.767 --> 01:23:52.227
so we are gonna go through Hamlet
one more time very quickly for you

01:23:52.227 --> 01:23:55.457
I just need to make one quick announcement
because we have a few children here tonight

01:23:55.457 --> 01:23:58.347
As we go through this, we are
gonna be moving very fast this time

01:23:58.347 --> 01:24:01.977
Now, there's a lot of sharp swords
that we use, there's falls that we take

01:24:01.977 --> 01:24:05.397
There's props that we send flying
back and forth, we make it look easy

01:24:05.397 --> 01:24:08.117
But it's actually very difficult
and very dangerous, so...

01:24:08.117 --> 01:24:13.177
As you watch us do it, please, keep in mind
that the 3 of us are trained professionals, okay?

01:24:13.177 --> 01:24:15.577
Do not try this at home!

01:24:15.577 --> 01:24:16.997
Right, kid?

01:24:17.722 --> 01:24:20.452
Yeah, go over to a friend's
house, it's much safer...

01:24:28.101 --> 01:24:31.841
- O that this too too solid flesh would melt
- My lord, I think I saw your father yesternight

01:24:31.841 --> 01:24:34.091
- Would the night were come
- Mark me!

01:24:34.091 --> 01:24:35.911
- Something is rotten in the state of Denmark
- Revenge my murder

01:24:35.911 --> 01:24:36.871
My lord, this is strange

01:24:36.871 --> 01:24:38.851
Well, there are more things
in heaven and earth, so piss off

01:24:38.851 --> 01:24:40.761
To be or not to be, that is the question...

01:24:40.761 --> 01:24:41.991
Get thee to a nunnery!

01:24:41.991 --> 01:24:44.121
Speak the speech,
trippingly on the tongue

01:24:44.631 --> 01:24:48.551
I’ll take the ghost’s word for a thousand
pound. Now, mother, what’s the matter?

01:24:48.551 --> 01:24:50.071
Thou wilt not murder me. Help!

01:24:50.071 --> 01:24:51.831
Help! Help!

01:24:51.831 --> 01:24:54.041
How now, a rat! Dead for a ducat, dead!

01:24:54.041 --> 01:24:56.251
- Now, Hamlet, where’s Polonius?
- At supper

01:24:56.251 --> 01:24:57.351
- Where is my father?
- Dead!

01:24:58.083 --> 01:24:59.383
Sweet Ophelia!

01:24:59.383 --> 01:25:01.783
Alas, poor Yorick! But soft,
here comes the Queen

01:25:01.783 --> 01:25:03.583
- Lay her in the earth!
- Sweet to the sweet

01:25:03.583 --> 01:25:06.433
- Hold off the earth awhile
- It is I, Omelet the cheese Danish

01:25:06.433 --> 01:25:08.123
- The devil take thy soul!
- Give us the foils!

01:25:08.123 --> 01:25:10.903
- One for me. O! I am slain!
- O, I am poisoned!

01:25:10.903 --> 01:25:12.353
I follow thee. The rest is silence!

01:25:30.322 --> 01:25:34.932
Ladies and gentlemen,
we shall do it... faster!

01:25:37.514 --> 01:25:38.954
O my brain!

01:26:07.412 --> 01:26:13.432
Ladies and gentlemen, you have been a
fantastic audience. We shall do it... backwards!

01:26:19.410 --> 01:26:21.180
I got caught up in the moment!

01:26:21.549 --> 01:26:23.159
How the hell is that gonna work?

01:26:31.565 --> 01:26:32.645
This could be you!

01:26:42.118 --> 01:26:46.118
Oh, yeah, be sure to listen
for the satanic messages

01:26:49.730 --> 01:26:52.300
Silence is rest the. Thee follow I

01:26:52.300 --> 01:26:53.910
Frank Sinatra is gone!

01:26:54.523 --> 01:26:55.483
Slain am I O!

01:26:56.463 --> 01:26:59.223
Foils the us give.
Dane the Hamlet, I is this

01:26:59.223 --> 01:27:01.023
- Earth the off hold
- Sweet the to sweets

01:27:01.023 --> 01:27:04.413
- Earth the in her lay
- Queen the comes here. Yorick poor, alas

01:27:04.413 --> 01:27:05.563
Ophelia sweet!

01:27:06.270 --> 01:27:08.510
- Father my is where?
- Dead. Ducat a for dead

01:27:12.423 --> 01:27:15.003
Tongue the on trippingly
speech the speak

01:27:15.950 --> 01:27:17.390
Nunnery a to thee get!

01:27:17.390 --> 01:27:18.990
- Lord my good
- Be to not or be to

01:27:18.990 --> 01:27:21.440
Off piss, Horatio, earth and
heaven in things more are there

01:27:21.440 --> 01:27:22.390
Strange is this, lord my

01:27:23.458 --> 01:27:25.248
Denmark of state the
in rotten is something

01:27:25.248 --> 01:27:26.857
Yesternight father your
saw I think I, Lord my

01:27:26.857 --> 01:27:29.857
Melt would flesh solid
too too this that O

01:27:29.857 --> 01:27:31.297
You thank!

01:27:31.297 --> 01:27:32.637
Thank you!