[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:02.10,0:00:04.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Gonna level with you guys,\NI'm gonna keep it real here...
Dialogue: 0,0:00:04.59,0:00:06.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I, uh, wear hearing aids. \NIn both ears.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:07.20,0:00:09.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not exactly street legal.\NKeep that on the DL.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:09.56,0:00:12.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- [Audience laughs]\N- That doesn't mean anything.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.53,0:00:14.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Audience laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:00:14.19,0:00:16.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I do wear hearing aids, \Nbut I don't want any pity.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.30,0:00:17.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No sympathy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.41,0:00:20.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I love my hearing aids. \NIn fact, you guys should be jealous
Dialogue: 0,0:00:20.15,0:00:24.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'cause I take my hearing aids \Nout to sleep, I sleep like a baby.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.16,0:00:25.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh, man. I don't hear a thing.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.75,0:00:28.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wake up feeling so refreshed. \NIt's amazing.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.41,0:00:30.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It really makes you wonder \Nwho has the disability.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:30.94,0:00:32.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It does. \NIt really does.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:33.92,0:00:36.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, it's me. \NI have the disability for sure.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:36.04,0:00:38.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- [Audience laughs]\N- Absolutely. This guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.72,0:00:43.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Since I take my hearing aids out to sleep,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.37,0:00:45.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't use the same \Nalarm clock you guys use.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.25,0:00:48.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I use a vibrating alarm clock. \NI put it under my pillow
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.48,0:00:50.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and it vibrates \Nso powerfully...it's amazing.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:50.91,0:00:52.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's a life saver. \NI love it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:52.63,0:00:54.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But it's also terrifying.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.74,0:00:56.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So scary.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.26,0:00:58.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because all my dreams\Nend in an earthquake.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.33,0:01:01.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Audience laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:03.60,0:01:06.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And my hearing aids aren't waterproof,\Nwhich is ridiculous,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.35,0:01:08.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so I have to take them \Nout when I'm taking a shower,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:08.45,0:01:09.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or when I go swimming.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.74,0:01:11.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, you know, \Npool parties are a nightmare.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:12.34,0:01:14.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not very good at the game Marco Polo.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.74,0:01:17.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's not my game.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.99,0:01:22.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not a whole lot of "polo" happening \Nwhen I'm playing that game.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:22.65,0:01:26.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- Lots of Marco, but uh...\N- [Audience laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:01:26.60,0:01:28.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When I first started doing comedy
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.10,0:01:30.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't even want to do any jokes\Nabout my hearing aids.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.36,0:01:32.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't want to be the "hearing aid" guy.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.56,0:01:35.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was watching this interview \Nwith a really famous comedian.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.69,0:01:39.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he talked about how he became famous, \Nfor doing a certain type of joke. \N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.47,0:01:42.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And when he tried to do other stuff, \Npeople didn't want to hear it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.01,0:01:43.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause they pigeonholed him.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:43.21,0:01:45.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as soon as I heard that\NI was just like, "You know what?"
Dialogue: 0,0:01:45.10,0:01:47.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not doing any jokes \Nabout my hearing aids.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.31,0:01:49.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ain't nobody putting \Nthis guy in a box.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:49.52,0:01:51.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what I said, \Nand I meant it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.03,0:01:53.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then a couple minutes later
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.79,0:01:56.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,In the same interview, he talked\Nabout how he made
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.16,0:01:58.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,20 million dollars last year.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.88,0:02:03.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That changed my perspective \Nquite a bit.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:05.30,0:02:07.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember when I heard \Nthat part, I screamed so loud
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.84,0:02:09.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my hearing aids broke.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.22,0:02:13.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,'Cause I wear hearing aids. \NI have a disability.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:13.00,0:02:18.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Audience laughs and applauds]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.76,0:02:22.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm the hearing aid guy. \NI assume you guys are laughing.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:22.63,0:02:24.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't hear.\NI'm really deaf.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.78,0:02:29.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Anyways, guys, I wear hearing aids.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:29.81,0:02:33.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, come on, that 20\Nmillion dollars,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:33.60,0:02:35.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,are you kidding me?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:35.24,0:02:37.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not leaving that kind \Nof money on the table.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.47,0:02:38.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Honestly, for $20 million
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.70,0:02:41.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd go full Helen Keller. \NFull Helen Keller.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.04,0:02:47.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Audience laughing]
Dialogue: 0,0:02:49.31,0:02:51.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm after that Helen Keller\Nmoney, baby.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:51.90,0:02:55.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh man, could you imagine? \NFull Helen Keller? 20 mil?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.22,0:02:57.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Oh man, I'd buy myself a yacht.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:57.67,0:03:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd be out on the open water,\Njust taking in all the beautiful smells.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:01.30,0:03:02.36,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What a dream.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.99,0:03:09.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Me and my partner\Nbroke up recently.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.88,0:03:10.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, uh--
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.91,0:03:12.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(silence)
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.06,0:03:13.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Ooh, it got really quiet in here.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.80,0:03:15.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,[Audience laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.41,0:03:17.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Or did it?\NNo, I heard that. It did.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:18.17,0:03:21.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wear hearing aids, yeah, \Nin both ears.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.68,0:03:24.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I know why it got quiet.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:24.89,0:03:27.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It got quiet because \NI said "partner", right?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:27.45,0:03:30.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as soon as \Nsomebody says partner,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.54,0:03:32.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and you don't know them well,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.11,0:03:34.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't even focus \Non the rest of the conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.59,0:03:37.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're just trying to solve\Nthe mystery.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.76,0:03:40.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hmm, "partner", huh?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:41.31,0:03:42.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't care \Neither way, man.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.66,0:03:43.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just need to know!
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.69,0:03:48.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're all looking at me,\Ntrying to crack the case right now.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.27,0:03:52.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, he's kinda got that lisp.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.61,0:03:54.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that could be \Nthe hearing impairment.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.28,0:03:55.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know...
Dialogue: 0,0:03:56.88,0:03:58.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what you could attribute that to.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.42,0:04:05.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No, me and my girlfriend broke up,\Nto clear up that mystery.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.92,0:04:10.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- 'Cause I realized I was gay. \N- [Audience laughs]
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.98,0:04:12.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you very much, guys!\NI'm the Hearing Aids Guy!