1 00:00:02,098 --> 00:00:04,588 Gonna level with you guys, I'm gonna keep it real here... 2 00:00:04,588 --> 00:00:06,965 I, uh, wear hearing aids. In both ears. 3 00:00:07,205 --> 00:00:09,558 Not exactly street legal. Keep that on the DL. 4 00:00:09,558 --> 00:00:12,329 - [Audience laughs] - That doesn't mean anything. 5 00:00:12,529 --> 00:00:14,190 [Audience laughs] 6 00:00:14,190 --> 00:00:16,300 I do wear hearing aids, but I don't want any pity. 7 00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:17,360 No sympathy. 8 00:00:17,410 --> 00:00:20,151 I love my hearing aids. In fact, you guys should be jealous 9 00:00:20,151 --> 00:00:24,165 'cause I take my hearing aids out to sleep, I sleep like a baby. 10 00:00:24,165 --> 00:00:25,753 Oh, man. I don't hear a thing. 11 00:00:25,753 --> 00:00:28,411 I wake up feeling so refreshed. It's amazing. 12 00:00:28,411 --> 00:00:30,932 It really makes you wonder who has the disability. 13 00:00:30,942 --> 00:00:32,873 It does. It really does. 14 00:00:33,923 --> 00:00:36,038 No, it's me. I have the disability for sure. 15 00:00:36,038 --> 00:00:38,643 - [Audience laughs] - Absolutely. This guy. 16 00:00:41,719 --> 00:00:43,370 Since I take my hearing aids out to sleep, 17 00:00:43,370 --> 00:00:45,251 I don't use the same alarm clock you guys use. 18 00:00:45,251 --> 00:00:48,258 I use a vibrating alarm clock. I put it under my pillow 19 00:00:48,478 --> 00:00:50,911 and it vibrates so powerfully...it's amazing. 20 00:00:50,911 --> 00:00:52,629 It's a life saver. I love it. 21 00:00:52,629 --> 00:00:54,197 But it's also terrifying. 22 00:00:54,737 --> 00:00:56,095 So scary. 23 00:00:56,255 --> 00:00:58,333 Because all my dreams end in an earthquake. 24 00:00:58,333 --> 00:01:01,641 [Audience laughs] 25 00:01:03,601 --> 00:01:06,349 And my hearing aids aren't waterproof, which is ridiculous, 26 00:01:06,349 --> 00:01:08,453 so I have to take them out when I'm taking a shower, 27 00:01:08,453 --> 00:01:09,737 or when I go swimming. 28 00:01:09,737 --> 00:01:11,883 So, you know, pool parties are a nightmare. 29 00:01:12,343 --> 00:01:14,360 I'm not very good at the game Marco Polo. 30 00:01:16,740 --> 00:01:17,972 That's not my game. 31 00:01:18,992 --> 00:01:22,098 Not a whole lot of "polo" happening when I'm playing that game. 32 00:01:22,648 --> 00:01:26,179 - Lots of Marco, but uh... - [Audience laughs] 33 00:01:26,599 --> 00:01:28,101 When I first started doing comedy 34 00:01:28,101 --> 00:01:30,363 I didn't even want to do any jokes about my hearing aids. 35 00:01:30,363 --> 00:01:32,559 I didn't want to be the "hearing aid" guy. 36 00:01:32,559 --> 00:01:35,562 I was watching this interview with a really famous comedian. 37 00:01:35,692 --> 00:01:39,467 And he talked about how he became famous, for doing a certain type of joke. 38 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:42,013 And when he tried to do other stuff, people didn't want to hear it. 39 00:01:42,013 --> 00:01:43,214 'Cause they pigeonholed him. 40 00:01:43,214 --> 00:01:45,099 And as soon as I heard that I was just like, "You know what?" 41 00:01:45,099 --> 00:01:47,307 I'm not doing any jokes about my hearing aids. 42 00:01:47,307 --> 00:01:49,241 Ain't nobody putting this guy in a box. 43 00:01:49,521 --> 00:01:51,530 That's what I said, and I meant it. 44 00:01:52,030 --> 00:01:53,794 And then a couple minutes later 45 00:01:53,794 --> 00:01:56,159 In the same interview, he talked about how he made 46 00:01:56,159 --> 00:01:58,485 20 million dollars last year. 47 00:02:01,875 --> 00:02:03,897 That changed my perspective quite a bit. 48 00:02:05,297 --> 00:02:07,845 I remember when I heard that part, I screamed so loud 49 00:02:07,845 --> 00:02:09,230 my hearing aids broke. 50 00:02:10,220 --> 00:02:13,001 'Cause I wear hearing aids. I have a disability. 51 00:02:13,001 --> 00:02:18,462 [Audience laughs and applauds] 52 00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:22,634 I'm the hearing aid guy. I assume you guys are laughing. 53 00:02:22,634 --> 00:02:24,221 I can't hear. I'm really deaf. 54 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:29,810 Anyways, guys, I wear hearing aids. 55 00:02:29,810 --> 00:02:33,602 And, come on, that 20 million dollars, 56 00:02:33,602 --> 00:02:35,151 are you kidding me? 57 00:02:35,241 --> 00:02:37,468 I'm not leaving that kind of money on the table. 58 00:02:37,468 --> 00:02:38,698 Honestly, for $20 million 59 00:02:38,698 --> 00:02:41,041 I'd go full Helen Keller. Full Helen Keller. 60 00:02:41,041 --> 00:02:47,824 [Audience laughing] 61 00:02:49,314 --> 00:02:51,418 I'm after that Helen Keller money, baby. 62 00:02:51,898 --> 00:02:55,055 Oh man, could you imagine? Full Helen Keller? 20 mil? 63 00:02:55,215 --> 00:02:57,262 Oh man, I'd buy myself a yacht. 64 00:02:57,672 --> 00:03:00,962 I'd be out on the open water, just taking in all the beautiful smells. 65 00:03:01,302 --> 00:03:02,362 What a dream. 66 00:03:06,992 --> 00:03:09,755 Me and my partner broke up recently. 67 00:03:09,885 --> 00:03:10,907 And, uh-- 68 00:03:10,907 --> 00:03:12,062 (silence) 69 00:03:12,062 --> 00:03:13,799 Ooh, it got really quiet in here. 70 00:03:13,799 --> 00:03:15,366 [Audience laughs] 71 00:03:15,406 --> 00:03:17,693 Or did it? No, I heard that. It did. 72 00:03:18,168 --> 00:03:21,765 I wear hearing aids, yeah, in both ears. 73 00:03:23,685 --> 00:03:24,891 I know why it got quiet. 74 00:03:24,891 --> 00:03:27,063 It got quiet because I said "partner", right? 75 00:03:27,453 --> 00:03:30,164 And as soon as somebody says partner, 76 00:03:30,544 --> 00:03:32,004 and you don't know them well, 77 00:03:32,114 --> 00:03:34,593 You can't even focus on the rest of the conversation. 78 00:03:34,593 --> 00:03:37,512 You're just trying to solve the mystery. 79 00:03:37,762 --> 00:03:40,082 Hmm, "partner", huh? 80 00:03:41,312 --> 00:03:42,662 I don't care either way, man. 81 00:03:42,662 --> 00:03:43,873 I just need to know! 82 00:03:45,693 --> 00:03:48,586 You're all looking at me, trying to crack the case right now. 83 00:03:51,266 --> 00:03:52,612 Well, he's kinda got that lisp. 84 00:03:52,612 --> 00:03:54,279 But that could be the hearing impairment. 85 00:03:54,279 --> 00:03:55,573 I don't know... 86 00:03:56,883 --> 00:03:58,497 what you could attribute that to. 87 00:04:02,417 --> 00:04:05,411 No, me and my girlfriend broke up, to clear up that mystery. 88 00:04:06,921 --> 00:04:10,982 - 'Cause I realized I was gay. - [Audience laughs] 89 00:04:10,982 --> 00:04:12,992 Thank you very much, guys! I'm the Hearing Aids Guy!