0:00:17.028,0:00:19.574
What keeps us healthy and happy

0:00:19.574,0:00:21.338
as we go through life?

0:00:22.128,0:00:24.684
If you were going to invest now

0:00:25.033,0:00:26.796
in your future best self,

0:00:26.986,0:00:30.628
where would you put your time[br]and your energy?

0:00:31.647,0:00:34.096
There are lots of answers out there.

0:00:34.323,0:00:38.394
We're bombarded with images[br]of what's most important in life.

0:00:39.530,0:00:42.767
The media are filled with stories[br]of people who are rich

0:00:43.141,0:00:45.862
and famous and building empires at work.

0:00:47.379,0:00:49.352
And we believe those stories.

0:00:50.011,0:00:52.736
There was a recent survey of millennials

0:00:52.760,0:00:57.936
asking them what their[br]most important life goals were,

0:00:58.260,0:01:00.276
and over 80 percent said

0:01:00.300,0:01:04.436
that a major life goal for them[br]was to get rich.

0:01:05.660,0:01:09.996
And another 50 percent[br]of those same young adults

0:01:10.020,0:01:12.556
said that another major life goal

0:01:12.580,0:01:14.420
was to become famous.

0:01:15.660,0:01:16.876
(Laughter)

0:01:17.300,0:01:23.956
And we're constantly told[br]to lean in to work, to push harder

0:01:23.980,0:01:26.036
and achieve more.

0:01:26.060,0:01:29.716
We're given the impression that these[br]are the things that we need to go after

0:01:29.740,0:01:31.556
in order to have a good life.

0:01:32.445,0:01:33.601
But is that true?

0:01:34.434,0:01:38.267
Is that really what keeps people happy[br]as they go through life?

0:01:39.980,0:01:42.196
Pictures of entire lives,

0:01:42.220,0:01:47.436
of the choices that people make[br]and how those choices work out for them,

0:01:47.460,0:01:50.340
those pictures[br]are almost impossible to get.

0:01:51.580,0:01:54.636
Most of what we know about human life

0:01:54.660,0:01:58.116
we know from asking people[br]to remember the past,

0:01:58.640,0:02:03.416
and as we know, hindsight[br]is anything but 20/20.

0:02:03.440,0:02:07.136
We forget vast amounts[br]of what happens to us in life,

0:02:07.160,0:02:10.039
and sometimes memory[br]is downright creative.

0:02:10.669,0:02:12.438
Mark Twain understood this.

0:02:13.780,0:02:15.470
He's quoted as saying,

0:02:16.244,0:02:20.124
"Some of the worst things in my life[br]never happened."

0:02:20.184,0:02:23.243
(Laughter)

0:02:23.776,0:02:28.315
And research shows us that we actually[br]remember the past more positively

0:02:28.345,0:02:29.501
as we get older.

0:02:30.427,0:02:33.172
I'm reminded of a bumper sticker[br]that says,

0:02:33.196,0:02:36.196
"It's never too late[br]to have a happy childhood."

0:02:36.228,0:02:38.767
(Laughter)

0:02:39.600,0:02:43.976
But what if we could watch entire lives

0:02:44.000,0:02:46.856
as they unfold through time?

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What if we could study people[br]from the time that they were teenagers

0:02:50.880,0:02:53.616
all the way into old age

0:02:53.640,0:02:57.000
to see what really keeps people[br]happy and healthy?

0:02:58.217,0:02:59.417
We did that.

0:03:00.440,0:03:02.656
The Harvard Study of Adult Development

0:03:02.680,0:03:07.439
may be the longest study[br]of adult life that's ever been done.

0:03:08.360,0:03:14.480
For 75 years, we've tracked[br]the lives of 724 men,

0:03:16.160,0:03:20.656
year after year, asking about their work,[br]their home lives, their health,

0:03:20.680,0:03:25.056
and of course asking all along the way[br]without knowing how their life stories

0:03:25.080,0:03:26.520
were going to turn out.

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Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

0:03:31.720,0:03:35.776
Almost all projects of this kind[br]fall apart within a decade

0:03:35.800,0:03:38.976
because too many people[br]drop out of the study,

0:03:39.000,0:03:41.896
or funding for the research dries up,

0:03:41.920,0:03:44.176
or the researchers get distracted,

0:03:44.200,0:03:48.280
or they die, and nobody moves the ball[br]further down the field.

0:03:49.080,0:03:51.336
But through a combination of luck

0:03:51.360,0:03:55.056
and the persistence[br]of several generations of researchers,

0:03:55.080,0:03:56.640
this study has survived.

0:03:57.320,0:04:01.816
About 60 of our original 724 men

0:04:01.840,0:04:03.136
are still alive,

0:04:03.160,0:04:05.336
still participating in the study,

0:04:05.360,0:04:07.400
most of them in their 90s.

0:04:08.360,0:04:10.256
And we are now beginning to study

0:04:10.280,0:04:13.640
the more than 2,000 children of these men.

0:04:14.480,0:04:16.800
And I'm the fourth director of the study.

0:04:18.200,0:04:22.936
Since 1938, we've tracked the lives[br]of two groups of men.

0:04:22.960,0:04:25.096
The first group started in the study

0:04:25.120,0:04:27.516
when they were sophomores[br]at Harvard College.

0:04:27.802,0:04:31.428
The were from what Tom Brokaw has called[br]"the greatest generation".

0:04:31.740,0:04:34.556
They all finished college[br]during World War II,

0:04:34.580,0:04:37.020
and then most went off[br]to serve in the war.

0:04:37.980,0:04:40.116
And the second group that we've followed

0:04:40.140,0:04:44.316
was a group of boys[br]from Boston's poorest neighborhoods,

0:04:44.340,0:04:46.356
boys who were chosen for the study

0:04:46.380,0:04:49.716
specifically because they were[br]from some of the most troubled

0:04:49.740,0:04:51.596
and disadvantaged families

0:04:51.620,0:04:54.356
in the Boston of the 1930s.

0:04:54.380,0:04:58.980
Most lived in tenements,[br]many without hot and cold running water.

0:05:01.220,0:05:03.116
When they entered the study,

0:05:03.140,0:05:06.076
all of these teenagers were interviewed.

0:05:06.100,0:05:08.316
They were given medical exams.

0:05:08.340,0:05:11.876
We went to their homes[br]and we interviewed their parents.

0:05:11.900,0:05:14.276
And then these teenagers[br]grew up into adults

0:05:14.300,0:05:16.716
who entered all walks of life.

0:05:16.740,0:05:22.836
They became factory workers and lawyers[br]and bricklayers and doctors,

0:05:22.860,0:05:25.220
one President of the United States.

0:05:26.860,0:05:31.100
Some developed alcoholism.[br]A few developed schizophrenia.

0:05:32.020,0:05:34.316
Some climbed the social ladder

0:05:34.340,0:05:37.556
from the bottom[br]all the way to the very top,

0:05:37.580,0:05:40.860
and some made that journey[br]in the opposite direction.

0:05:42.220,0:05:45.156
The founders of this study

0:05:45.180,0:05:47.196
would never in their wildest dreams

0:05:47.220,0:05:51.756
have imagined that I would be[br]standing here today, 75 years later,

0:05:51.780,0:05:54.860
telling you that[br]the study still continues.

0:05:55.980,0:05:59.596
Every two years, our patient[br]and dedicated research staff

0:05:59.620,0:06:02.676
calls up our men[br]and asks them if we can send them

0:06:02.700,0:06:05.820
yet one more set of questions[br]about their lives.

0:06:06.740,0:06:10.316
Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

0:06:10.340,0:06:14.220
"Why do you keep wanting to study me?[br]My life just isn't that interesting."

0:06:15.300,0:06:17.676
The Harvard men never ask that question.

0:06:17.700,0:06:22.900
(Laughter)

0:06:27.620,0:06:30.476
To get the clearest picture[br]of these lives,

0:06:30.500,0:06:33.436
we don't just send them questionnaires.

0:06:33.460,0:06:35.916
We interview them in their living rooms.

0:06:36.640,0:06:39.576
We get their medical records[br]from their doctors.

0:06:39.600,0:06:42.096
We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

0:06:42.120,0:06:43.816
we talk to their children.

0:06:43.840,0:06:49.096
We videotape them talking with their wives[br]about their deepest concerns.

0:06:49.120,0:06:52.656
And when, about a decade ago,[br]we finally asked the wives

0:06:52.680,0:06:55.056
if they would join us[br]as members of the study,

0:06:55.080,0:06:57.776
many of the women said,[br]"You know, it's about time."

0:06:57.800,0:06:58.856
(Laughter)

0:07:00.580,0:07:02.276
So what have we learned?

0:07:02.300,0:07:07.516
What are the lessons that come[br]from the tens of thousands of pages

0:07:07.540,0:07:10.596
of information that we've generated

0:07:10.620,0:07:11.820
on these lives?

0:07:12.820,0:07:18.420
Well, the lessons aren't about wealth[br]or fame or working harder and harder.

0:07:19.620,0:07:25.916
The clearest message that we get[br]from this 75-year study is this:

0:07:25.940,0:07:31.140
Good relationships keep us[br]happier and healthier. Period.

0:07:32.100,0:07:35.916
We've learned three big lessons[br]about relationships.

0:07:35.940,0:07:40.036
The first is that social connections[br]are really good for us,

0:07:40.060,0:07:42.555
and that loneliness kills.

0:07:43.180,0:07:46.836
It turns out that people[br]who are more socially connected

0:07:46.860,0:07:49.956
to family, to friends, to community,

0:07:49.980,0:07:54.676
are happier, they're physically healthier,[br]and they live longer

0:07:54.700,0:07:58.076
than people who are less well connected.

0:07:58.100,0:08:01.516
And the experience of loneliness[br]turns out to be toxic.

0:08:01.540,0:08:06.676
People who are more isolated[br]than they want to be from others

0:08:06.700,0:08:09.916
find that they are less happy,

0:08:09.940,0:08:12.876
their health declines earlier in midlife,

0:08:12.900,0:08:15.116
their brain functioning declines sooner

0:08:15.140,0:08:18.700
and they live shorter lives[br]than people who are not lonely.

0:08:19.740,0:08:22.956
And the sad fact[br]is that at any given time,

0:08:22.980,0:08:27.580
more than one in five Americans[br]will report that they're lonely.

0:08:28.740,0:08:31.396
And we know that you[br]can be lonely in a crowd

0:08:31.420,0:08:34.076
and you can be lonely in a marriage,

0:08:34.100,0:08:36.236
so the second big lesson that we learned

0:08:36.260,0:08:39.356
is that it's not just[br]the number of friends you have,

0:08:39.380,0:08:42.876
and it's not whether or not[br]you're in a committed relationship,

0:08:42.900,0:08:47.540
but it's the quality[br]of your close relationships that matters.

0:08:48.260,0:08:53.036
It turns out that living in the midst[br]of conflict is really bad for our health.

0:08:53.060,0:08:57.036
High-conflict marriages, for example,[br]without much affection,

0:08:58.160,0:09:03.936
turn out to be very bad for our health,[br]perhaps worse than getting divorced.

0:09:03.960,0:09:08.736
And living in the midst of good,[br]warm relationships is protective.

0:09:08.760,0:09:11.856
Once we had followed our men[br]all the way into their 80s,

0:09:11.880,0:09:14.896
we wanted to look back at them at midlife

0:09:15.720,0:09:17.296
and to see if we could predict

0:09:17.320,0:09:21.296
who was going to grow[br]into a happy, healthy octogenarian

0:09:21.320,0:09:22.520
and who wasn't.

0:09:23.280,0:09:27.496
And when we gathered together[br]everything we knew about them

0:09:27.520,0:09:28.880
at age 50,

0:09:29.680,0:09:32.216
it wasn't their middle age[br]cholesterol levels

0:09:32.240,0:09:35.136
that predicted how they[br]were going to grow old.

0:09:35.160,0:09:38.615
It was how satisfied they were[br]in their relationships.

0:09:38.639,0:09:43.536
The people who were the most satisfied[br]in their relationships at age 50

0:09:43.560,0:09:45.960
were the healthiest at age 80.

0:09:47.279,0:09:50.456
And good, close relationships[br]seem to buffer us

0:09:50.480,0:09:53.240
from some of the slings and arrows[br]of getting old.

0:09:54.080,0:09:58.056
Our most happily partnered men and women

0:09:58.080,0:10:00.135
reported, in their 80s,

0:10:00.159,0:10:03.096
that on the days[br]when they had more physical pain,

0:10:03.120,0:10:05.080
their mood stayed just as happy.

0:10:06.000,0:10:09.256
But the people who were[br]in unhappy relationships,

0:10:09.280,0:10:12.216
on the days when they[br]reported more physical pain,

0:10:12.240,0:10:15.280
it was magnified by more emotional pain.

0:10:17.460,0:10:21.836
And the third big lesson that we learned[br]about relationships and our health

0:10:21.860,0:10:25.116
is that good relationships[br]don't just protect our bodies,

0:10:25.140,0:10:26.620
they protect our brains.

0:10:27.540,0:10:32.196
It turns out that being[br]in a securely attached relationship

0:10:32.220,0:10:36.116
to another person in your 80s[br]is protective,

0:10:36.140,0:10:38.116
that the people who are in relationships

0:10:38.140,0:10:42.276
where they really feel they can count[br]on the other person in times of need,

0:10:42.300,0:10:45.996
those people's memories[br]stay sharper longer.

0:10:46.020,0:10:47.516
And the people in relationships

0:10:47.540,0:10:50.676
where they feel they really[br]can't count on the other one,

0:10:50.700,0:10:54.580
those are the people who experience[br]earlier memory decline.

0:10:55.620,0:10:59.076
And those good relationships,[br]they don't have to be smooth all the time.

0:10:59.100,0:11:02.676
Some of our octogenarian couples[br]could bicker with each other

0:11:02.700,0:11:04.436
day in and day out,

0:11:04.460,0:11:07.636
but as long as they felt that they[br]could really count on the other

0:11:07.660,0:11:09.476
when the going got tough,

0:11:09.500,0:11:13.100
those arguments didn't take a toll[br]on their memories.

0:11:14.700,0:11:17.436
So this message,

0:11:17.460,0:11:23.156
that good, close relationships[br]are good for our health and well-being,

0:11:23.180,0:11:26.116
this is wisdom that's as old as the hills.

0:11:26.170,0:11:29.241
It's your grandmother's advice,[br]and your pastor's.

0:11:30.075,0:11:31.912
Why is this so hard to get?

0:11:32.758,0:11:35.384
For example, with respect to wealth, we know

0:11:35.409,0:11:38.334
that once your basic [br]material needs are met,

0:11:38.567,0:11:39.996
wealth doesn't do it.

0:11:40.059,0:11:43.815
If you go from making [br]75,000 dollars a year

0:11:43.854,0:11:45.466
to 75 million,

0:11:45.847,0:11:49.783
we know that your health and happiness[br]will change very little,

0:11:49.831,0:11:50.728
if at all.

0:11:51.982,0:11:53.479
When it comes to fame,

0:11:54.204,0:11:56.418
the constant media intrusion

0:11:56.601,0:11:58.166
and the lack of privacy

0:11:58.403,0:12:01.403
make most famous people [br]significantly less healthy.

0:12:02.117,0:12:04.770
It certainly doesn't keep them happier.

0:12:06.077,0:12:08.594
And as for working harder and harder,

0:12:09.426,0:12:12.434
there is that truism[br]that nobody on their death bed

0:12:12.481,0:12:15.204
ever wished they had spent [br]more time at the office.

0:12:15.228,0:12:16.370
(Laughter)

0:12:16.840,0:12:20.680
Why is this so hard to get[br]and so easy to ignore?

0:12:21.360,0:12:22.816
Well, we're human.

0:12:22.840,0:12:25.656
What we'd really like is a quick fix,

0:12:25.680,0:12:27.376
something we can get

0:12:27.400,0:12:30.160
that'll make our lives good[br]and keep them that way.

0:12:31.120,0:12:34.456
Relationships are messy[br]and they're complicated

0:12:34.480,0:12:38.296
and the hard work of tending[br]to family and friends,

0:12:38.320,0:12:40.976
it's not sexy or glamorous.

0:12:41.000,0:12:44.336
It's also lifelong. It never ends.

0:12:44.360,0:12:49.416
The people in our 75-year study[br]who were the happiest in retirement

0:12:50.240,0:12:56.056
were the people who had actively worked[br]to replace workmates with new playmates.

0:12:59.980,0:13:02.956
Just like the millennials[br]in that recent survey,

0:13:03.280,0:13:06.896
many of our men when they[br]were starting out as young adults

0:13:06.920,0:13:10.936
really believed that fame and wealth[br]and high achievement

0:13:11.460,0:13:15.396
were what they needed to go after[br]to have a good life.

0:13:15.420,0:13:19.596
But over and over, over these 75 years,[br]our study has shown

0:13:19.620,0:13:25.276
that the people who fared the best were[br]the people who leaned in to relationships,

0:13:25.300,0:13:28.540
with family, with friends, with community.

0:13:30.380,0:13:32.356
So what about you?

0:13:32.380,0:13:36.140
Let's say you're 25,[br]or you're 40, or you're 60.

0:13:37.100,0:13:40.060
What might leaning in[br]to relationships even look like?

0:13:41.060,0:13:44.180
Well, the possibilities[br]are practically endless.

0:13:44.900,0:13:50.996
It might be something as simple[br]as replacing screen time with people time

0:13:51.020,0:13:55.476
or livening up a stale relationship[br]by doing something new together,

0:13:55.500,0:13:57.700
long walks or date nights,

0:13:58.660,0:14:03.516
or reaching out to that family member[br]who you haven't spoken to in years,

0:14:03.540,0:14:07.036
because those all-too-common family feuds

0:14:07.060,0:14:09.276
take a terrible toll

0:14:09.300,0:14:11.380
on the people who hold the grudges.

0:14:13.300,0:14:17.220
I'd like to close with another quote[br]from Mark Twain.

0:14:18.880,0:14:21.256
More than a century ago,

0:14:21.280,0:14:23.896
he was looking back on his life,

0:14:23.920,0:14:25.200
and he wrote this:

0:14:26.440,0:14:30.136
"There isn't time, so brief is life,

0:14:30.160,0:14:35.320
for bickerings, apologies,[br]heartburnings, callings to account.

0:14:36.320,0:14:39.136
There is only time for loving,

0:14:39.160,0:14:42.880
and but an instant,[br]so to speak, for that."

0:14:44.360,0:14:48.736
The good life is built[br]with good relationships.

0:14:48.945,0:14:51.159
And that's an idea worth spreading.

0:14:51.180,0:14:52.396
Thank you.

0:14:52.417,0:14:58.040
(Applause)