[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.03,0:00:20.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd like to start with a story.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.76,0:00:24.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Addison was an eight-year-old little boy.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:25.35,0:00:27.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He was as blond as could be,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:28.08,0:00:30.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he had a quirky sense of humor,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.47,0:00:34.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he loved to build, he loved Legos.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:35.32,0:00:38.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing he loved was Spider-Man,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.85,0:00:41.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he loved all things Spider-Man.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:42.37,0:00:47.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Addison also was a very thin little boy,
Dialogue: 0,0:00:48.26,0:00:54.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was pale, and he had a cough\Nthat literally wrecked his body.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:54.89,0:00:58.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had never seen or heard\Nanything like it in my life.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.59,0:01:01.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, Addison had cystic fibrosis,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.04,0:01:06.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I was his brand-new,\Nnewly minted nursing student.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.31,0:01:09.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was all new to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:10.13,0:01:13.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Addison had had a good day -\NI was so grateful for that -
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.00,0:01:16.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he actually made it to the playroom,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.64,0:01:19.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was able to build\Nsome battleships with Legos.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:19.98,0:01:25.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He also had all of his treatments\Nfor his lungs, for his respiratory system,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:25.39,0:01:28.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he also was able to make it through\N
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.40,0:01:31.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I considered\Na mini-mountain of medication.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:31.71,0:01:35.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he was able to take that\Nwith this special applesauce,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.18,0:01:39.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a lot of extra cinnamon,\Nthat his mother had made for him.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:39.80,0:01:43.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And together, his mother and I\Nhelped him get through the day.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.71,0:01:47.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had had a lot of activity that day,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.52,0:01:51.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he was getting tired,\Nso he needed to rest.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:52.15,0:01:54.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he climbed into his bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.52,0:01:57.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we tucked him in with, of course,\Nthe Spider-Man comforter,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.20,0:02:02.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he went off to sleep,\Ndrifted off to sleep.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:02.10,0:02:03.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought to myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.03,0:02:07.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was so happy for him,\Nhe had had a good day,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:07.63,0:02:09.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Addison had had a great day.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:10.16,0:02:12.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, as the new\Nnursing student, I thought,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.86,0:02:15.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"He had a good day: I had a good day!"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.66,0:02:17.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I breathed a sigh of relief.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:18.47,0:02:22.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was, until his mother\Nasked me the question.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:24.42,0:02:28.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She simply said to me\Nand asked me, "Can we talk?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:30.55,0:02:33.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, I have to tell you,\Nmy first thought was, "About what?"
Dialogue: 0,0:02:34.34,0:02:36.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I kept thinking to myself,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.58,0:02:38.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"There are a lot of people\Nin this hospital
Dialogue: 0,0:02:38.58,0:02:40.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who know a lot more than I do."
Dialogue: 0,0:02:41.27,0:02:43.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt so unprepared.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.12,0:02:46.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was trained as a "doer," you see.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:47.50,0:02:50.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I did not feel particularly\Ncomfortable or capable
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.89,0:02:53.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,when it came to these kinds\Nof conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.94,0:02:55.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have to tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.40,0:03:01.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had the good sense that day to sit down,\Nand I basically listened.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:02.24,0:03:06.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And Addison's mother went on to tell me\Nsome wonderful stories about her son;
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.24,0:03:08.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I felt so privileged to hear them.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:08.81,0:03:11.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She told me what she was worried about:
Dialogue: 0,0:03:12.09,0:03:15.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She was worried that the medications\Nweren't as effective anymore,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.86,0:03:19.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that it took him longer and longer\Nin the hospital to get better.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:20.45,0:03:22.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But she also shared with me her hopes.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.01,0:03:25.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course she hoped for a cure\Nfor cystic fibrosis,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.31,0:03:28.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the thing she was most hopeful for
Dialogue: 0,0:03:29.09,0:03:33.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that Addison's third-grade friends\Nwould always stick by him,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:34.19,0:03:37.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that they would always\Ninclude him to birthday parties
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.05,0:03:38.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and never leave him out.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:38.97,0:03:41.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was what she hoped for the most.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:42.29,0:03:45.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That day I learned\Nsome very important lessons.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.39,0:03:50.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned, first of all,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:50.62,0:03:53.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,how important it is to tell your stories,
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.32,0:03:57.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be listened to, and to be known.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:58.07,0:04:01.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't really think that I was\Nmaybe the best person
Dialogue: 0,0:04:01.45,0:04:03.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to be doing this conversation\Nor listening,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:04.01,0:04:06.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I was called upon that day.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:06.34,0:04:12.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I learned that that day I was called upon\Nto be present, not perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.74,0:04:17.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Addison and his mother\Nset me on a path that day
Dialogue: 0,0:04:17.08,0:04:19.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that really has been my entire career,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.76,0:04:22.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and that is to help foster\Nthese kinds of conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.72,0:04:26.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,across what people feel is a divide,\Nwhere we have to be perfect,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.25,0:04:29.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to help healthcare people
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.37,0:04:32.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to feel more confident and comfortable\Nin these conversations.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:33.49,0:04:36.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So that is what I've dedicated myself to.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.08,0:04:39.100,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I'd like to do now\Nis to fast-forward a little bit
Dialogue: 0,0:04:39.100,0:04:44.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and share with you a time in my life\Nwhen I was a patient.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:44.77,0:04:47.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to invite\Nevery single one of you
Dialogue: 0,0:04:47.02,0:04:51.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,here in the audience to think of a time\Nwhen you were a patient
Dialogue: 0,0:04:51.07,0:04:56.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,or someone in your life was a patient,\Nand to go there with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.77,0:04:59.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a happy time in my life,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:59.48,0:05:01.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was pregnant for the third time
Dialogue: 0,0:05:01.80,0:05:04.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and my husband and I\Nwere very, very hopeful
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.34,0:05:07.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that this pregnancy was going to take.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:07.87,0:05:11.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You see, we had suffered\Ntwo miscarriages before this,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:11.80,0:05:16.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but we still were hopeful that this one -\N"Yes! We're going to have a baby!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.44,0:05:20.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, with this news,\NI went to the clinician
Dialogue: 0,0:05:20.37,0:05:23.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I'm hoping that I'm going to hear\Nthe baby's heartbeat.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:23.67,0:05:25.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was very early and the clinician said,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:25.63,0:05:28.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Look, it's OK, don't worry about it,\Nit's really early.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:28.97,0:05:30.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We'll try again next week."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:31.38,0:05:33.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, we tried again next week.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:33.49,0:05:35.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Now, this time,\NI didn't quite understand it,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:35.59,0:05:38.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but there was something wrong\Nwith the battery and the Doppler machine,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.92,0:05:41.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so they couldn't really hear\Nthe baby's heartbeat.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:42.33,0:05:45.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, I leave the office\Nthinking, "uh-oh!"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.42,0:05:48.25,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the fear is starting\Nto creep up on me.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:48.80,0:05:52.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I go for the third the next week,\Nfor the third visit now,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:53.43,0:05:57.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and again, now I'm really getting myself\Nkind of worked up and I'm worrying,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:57.10,0:06:01.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Uh-oh, is this going to happen again\Nto me, to my husband?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:02.57,0:06:05.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I explained this to the clinician, I said,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:05.17,0:06:08.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm worried. I really feel like I need\Nto hear the baby's heartbeat,"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:08.45,0:06:09.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,we didn't hear it that time.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:09.79,0:06:13.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "I really think\NI need an ultrasound, I'm worried."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:13.34,0:06:15.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "Well, I'm not worried."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:15.18,0:06:16.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "But I am!"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:17.33,0:06:19.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I said, "Please, I think I need this."
Dialogue: 0,0:06:20.01,0:06:23.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said, "Well, OK, we'll order up\Nan ultrasound for you,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:23.15,0:06:26.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but I'm just going to put down\N'because of maternal anxiety.'"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:26.09,0:06:27.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:28.81,0:06:30.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I couldn't believe what I was hearing,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:30.88,0:06:33.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I thought, "Really?\NYou really can't understand
Dialogue: 0,0:06:33.56,0:06:36.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why I would be nervous,\Nwhy I would be anxious?"
Dialogue: 0,0:06:36.28,0:06:39.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I said, "whatever,"\NI just wanted the ultrasound.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:39.53,0:06:44.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I find myself within a couple of hours\Nin the ultrasound suite in that position,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:44.63,0:06:47.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, in the hospital gown,\Nflat on my back,
Dialogue: 0,0:06:47.43,0:06:52.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I am watching this radiology\Ntechnician's face like a hawk.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:52.08,0:06:53.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:06:53.13,0:06:56.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Right? You guys,\Nyou've been there, some of you.
Dialogue: 0,0:06:56.46,0:07:00.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it's absolutely expressionless,\NI can't tell: good news, bad news?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:00.57,0:07:03.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have to tell you,\Nthe longer I'm not getting any good news,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:03.62,0:07:06.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,just by virtue that I'm\Nnot getting good news,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:06.38,0:07:08.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm starting to think the worst.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:08.72,0:07:12.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I say to her, I broke the silence,\NI said, "Can you tell me anything?
Dialogue: 0,0:07:12.11,0:07:16.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Can you see my baby's heartbeat?\NIs my baby OK?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:16.86,0:07:19.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm kind of expecting,\N"Yeah, there's the heartbeat,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:19.31,0:07:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there's a little arm,\Nthere's a little leg,"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:21.39,0:07:22.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there was none of that.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:22.88,0:07:25.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then she said those fateful words,
Dialogue: 0,0:07:25.49,0:07:28.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she said, "Well, the doctor\Nwill call you with the results."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:32.04,0:07:34.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She said, "But there is\None thing I can tell you."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:36.35,0:07:38.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said, "Really? What? Anything!"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:39.12,0:07:41.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she said to me, "I want you to know
Dialogue: 0,0:07:41.65,0:07:46.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that you did a really great job\Nfilling up your bladder for the test."
Dialogue: 0,0:07:46.42,0:07:48.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:07:48.40,0:07:52.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I thought to myself, "Really?\NIs this good news or bad news?"
Dialogue: 0,0:07:52.97,0:07:56.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And of course, honestly,\NI knew it was bad news.
Dialogue: 0,0:07:57.57,0:08:00.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I thought, "If the best thing\Nthat is happening about today
Dialogue: 0,0:08:00.74,0:08:04.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that I could fill up my bladder,\Nthis is not good news."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:04.67,0:08:08.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in fact, over the telephone,\Nfrom a doctor who I didn't know,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:08.88,0:08:11.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I found out that I had had\Nmy third miscarriage.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:12.43,0:08:16.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Of course, I was heartbroken.\NI felt like a failure.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:18.04,0:08:21.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next morning I found myself\Nin an operating room.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:21.87,0:08:23.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Now we're going to have the procedure."
Dialogue: 0,0:08:25.48,0:08:30.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was very nervous\Nabout this, very fearful.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:30.91,0:08:37.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On the operating table, I see\Na semicircle of surgeons and nurses,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:37.11,0:08:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,all in their surgical\Nscrubs suits and their caps,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:41.17,0:08:46.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I saw the clinician -\Nthe "maternal anxiety" clinician -
Dialogue: 0,0:08:47.60,0:08:50.03,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I so had hoped\Nthat she would come over to me
Dialogue: 0,0:08:50.03,0:08:54.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and talk to me, maybe comfort me,\Ntell me what to expect,
Dialogue: 0,0:08:55.84,0:08:58.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,tell me maybe she was sorry\Nfor what I was going through.
Dialogue: 0,0:08:58.85,0:09:00.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But that didn't happen.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:01.05,0:09:06.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I just felt at such a loss\Nthat I didn't have that opportunity
Dialogue: 0,0:09:06.43,0:09:09.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I thought, "How sad for her\Nthat she wasn't able to do that, either."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:10.58,0:09:12.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And again, it was a "note to self"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:12.66,0:09:15.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about how important\Nthese conversations are.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:15.55,0:09:17.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But I have to tell you,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:17.34,0:09:21.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had an anesthesiologist \Nwho was behind me,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:21.94,0:09:25.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never did see the man's face,\Nbut he put his hand on my shoulder,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:26.32,0:09:29.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he squeezed my shoulder\Nand he talked to me in this left ear,
Dialogue: 0,0:09:30.22,0:09:33.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said to me, \N"I will be with you the whole time.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:34.58,0:09:37.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I will watch over you."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:38.88,0:09:41.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And he said, "We'll get you through this."
Dialogue: 0,0:09:43.44,0:09:46.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those words sustained me,\NI have to tell you.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:46.70,0:09:49.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The next thing I knew,\NI'm strapped down like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:49.98,0:09:51.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I would say, "Hey, wait a second!
Dialogue: 0,0:09:51.80,0:09:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Wait until the patient is sedated\Nbefore you do that!"
Dialogue: 0,0:09:54.34,0:09:58.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was really scary.\NI felt very fearful.
Dialogue: 0,0:09:58.61,0:10:01.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There was a nurse\Non the left-hand side of me
Dialogue: 0,0:10:01.50,0:10:03.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who said, "Give me your hand."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:04.100,0:10:07.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You bet your life I took that hand\Nand I squeezed it.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:08.79,0:10:11.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was a little strange\Nbecause she had a glove on,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:11.50,0:10:13.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know, it felt a little plastic.\N(Laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:10:13.74,0:10:17.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you know, it was a human hand\Nand it was warm.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:17.21,0:10:18.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was the other thing I remember,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:18.92,0:10:22.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it was warm, and she squeezed it\Nas hard as I was squeezing her.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:22.28,0:10:25.62,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And the next thing I knew,\Nas soon as the medications did their work,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:26.35,0:10:31.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I drifted off and here I am,\Ntalking to you.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:32.54,0:10:34.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Those experiences really stayed with me.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:36.33,0:10:40.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I'd like to do now, \Nwith that as backdrop,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:40.65,0:10:45.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to talk to you about a philosophy\Nthat I have come to with my colleagues.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:46.65,0:10:49.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I like to think of it\Nas the "one-room schoolhouse."
Dialogue: 0,0:10:49.88,0:10:54.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And in this one-room schoolhouse,\Nwe bring together physicians, nurses,
Dialogue: 0,0:10:54.31,0:10:59.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,social workers, psychologists,\Nchaplains, medical interpreters.
Dialogue: 0,0:10:59.38,0:11:02.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We bring them together with patients\Nand with family members.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:03.18,0:11:05.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We leave our badges at the door,\Nand we learn together
Dialogue: 0,0:11:05.78,0:11:09.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about these kinds\Nof conversations, what matters.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:09.66,0:11:12.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've learned from the families\Nthat, years later,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:12.48,0:11:16.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it isn't the medications or the surgeries,\Nthe treatments that they remember.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:16.67,0:11:20.49,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What they really remember is\Nthe words that we said to them,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:20.92,0:11:24.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,our kindness that we extended,\Nhow we made them feel,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:24.86,0:11:27.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and the way we treated them.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:27.19,0:11:31.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That's what stays with people,\Nthe crucible of the whole experience.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:32.11,0:11:34.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is what we learn\Nin the one-room schoolhouse.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:35.20,0:11:37.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I have learned through my own training,
Dialogue: 0,0:11:37.78,0:11:40.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,as not only a nurse,\Nbut as a clinical psychologist.
Dialogue: 0,0:11:40.78,0:11:42.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I mentioned a lot of "doing,"
Dialogue: 0,0:11:42.91,0:11:46.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and so much of our experience\Nand our training
Dialogue: 0,0:11:46.39,0:11:50.71,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is focused on the technical\Naspects of care, the clinical excellence -
Dialogue: 0,0:11:50.71,0:11:54.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,which absolutely we all need,\Nwe all want, we expect that -
Dialogue: 0,0:11:54.90,0:11:59.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,but the one-room schoolhouse is about\Nthe other half of the medical equation,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:00.09,0:12:02.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it's about the emotional standard of care.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:03.14,0:12:06.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I want to show you what happens\Ninside this one-room schoolhouse.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:07.96,0:12:12.63,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,On your right, my left,\Nis one of our physicians,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:12.63,0:12:17.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,one of our learners, and she is\Nactually with two of our actors.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:18.27,0:12:20.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,We work with actors;\Nthey are really coached
Dialogue: 0,0:12:20.89,0:12:23.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,by our family members and our patients.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:24.42,0:12:28.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,She is getting the opportunity,\Nin a way, to try this on for size.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:28.51,0:12:29.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,How to introduce herself.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:29.87,0:12:32.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,A lot of times in the hospital,\Npeople would say, "Hi, I'm G.I.,"
Dialogue: 0,0:12:33.36,0:12:36.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm renal.,"\N"I'm cardiac."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:36.62,0:12:38.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You have to start\Nwith where they're at, you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:38.96,0:12:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not really. You may be:
Dialogue: 0,0:12:41.17,0:12:44.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I'm Dr. Elaine Meyer,\NI'm a clinical psychologist,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:44.04,0:12:46.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I work here in the pediatric\Nintensive care unit."
Dialogue: 0,0:12:46.58,0:12:48.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You start with wherever the person is at.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:49.00,0:12:50.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The way you introduce yourself,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:50.75,0:12:51.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sitting down -
Dialogue: 0,0:12:51.90,0:12:54.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,When you sit down,\Neven if you only have five minutes,
Dialogue: 0,0:12:54.77,0:12:59.11,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it seems so much better;\Nit's of higher quality.
Dialogue: 0,0:12:59.45,0:13:02.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This doesn't have to be\Nabout a healthcare conversation.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:02.09,0:13:04.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is a conversation in life\Nthat's important, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:04.74,0:13:06.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just sit down. Lean into it.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:06.51,0:13:09.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,As you can see,\Nshe's touching this person.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:09.50,0:13:12.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There's something happening here.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:12.71,0:13:15.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This could be any kind\Nof a difficult conversation:
Dialogue: 0,0:13:15.75,0:13:18.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it could be about a new diagnosis;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:18.21,0:13:21.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,it could be that maybe\Nthey're hearing about a miscarriage;
Dialogue: 0,0:13:21.96,0:13:24.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,they could be hearing\Nabout a medical error,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:24.95,0:13:29.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,where this clinician might be apologizing\Nto them or talking to them
Dialogue: 0,0:13:29.43,0:13:31.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about we're going to do\Nto make this right,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:31.92,0:13:34.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to help make the situation whole again.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:35.06,0:13:38.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So this is the kind of thing that happens\Ninside of the one-room schoolhouse.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:39.12,0:13:41.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The other thing\Nin the one-room schoolhouse,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:41.17,0:13:45.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is that practice makes better,\Npractice doesn't make perfect,
Dialogue: 0,0:13:45.35,0:13:48.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially in this art form\Nof conversation like this.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:49.21,0:13:52.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, being called upon\Nto be present, not perfect.
Dialogue: 0,0:13:54.24,0:13:56.42,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You all know these guys, right?
Dialogue: 0,0:13:56.42,0:14:00.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is one of the best mnemonics\Nbecause everybody knows The Wizard of Oz.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:00.96,0:14:04.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What are the ingredients of these kinds\Nof difficult conversations?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:04.50,0:14:08.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I'd like to do is share with you\Na way that I like to think about that.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:08.87,0:14:11.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember the lion? He was after courage.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:11.96,0:14:13.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, what I would say to you is,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:13.59,0:14:18.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Never, ever underestimate\Nthe power of your courage,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:18.37,0:14:21.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your leadership,\Nyour willingness to go there
Dialogue: 0,0:14:21.46,0:14:23.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with a patient, with a loved one."
Dialogue: 0,0:14:23.95,0:14:27.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is not just about healthcare\Nconversations, this is in life.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:28.67,0:14:30.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Carl Rogers, the great psychotherapist,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:30.86,0:14:35.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,teaches us that one anxious person\Nin the room is enough.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:35.78,0:14:37.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Do you know what that means?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:37.30,0:14:43.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That you have to be that calm,\Nnon-anxious person, or try to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:43.72,0:14:46.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Again, just as I did\Nwith Addison's mother,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:46.21,0:14:49.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I sat down and I listened,\NI did the best I could.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:50.69,0:14:52.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What about Scarecrow? What was he after?
Dialogue: 0,0:14:52.81,0:14:55.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Remember what he wanted? Brains.
Dialogue: 0,0:14:56.18,0:14:59.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This would be the information\Nthat you have to share, the knowledge,
Dialogue: 0,0:14:59.70,0:15:02.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,your clinical experience, your wisdom.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:03.23,0:15:04.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Very important.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:04.29,0:15:07.52,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,If you were newly diagnosed\Nwith prostate cancer or diabetes,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:08.06,0:15:10.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you certainly would want\Na clinician in front of you
Dialogue: 0,0:15:10.48,0:15:14.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who could explain what was happening,\Nin terms that you could understand it,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:14.13,0:15:15.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that wouldn't scare or frighten you,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:15.88,0:15:17.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that would help you feel like,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:17.38,0:15:20.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I can get through this,\Nwe can get through this."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:20.40,0:15:22.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Just a little example:\NI work with a lot of kids
Dialogue: 0,0:15:22.67,0:15:26.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and sometimes we may say things like,\N"We're going to put you on a stretcher."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:27.73,0:15:32.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, the kid may say, "Ouch! Stretch?\NI don't want to be stretched!"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:32.99,0:15:37.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This is the Scarecrow part\Nthat we learn about: our word choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:37.58,0:15:41.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Instead of saying to that child\N"I'm going to put you on a stretcher,"
Dialogue: 0,0:15:41.71,0:15:43.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I may say something like,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:43.05,0:15:45.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"We're going to put you\Non a little bed that has wheels,
Dialogue: 0,0:15:45.68,0:15:48.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and then we'll be able to take you\Nwhere you need to go."
Dialogue: 0,0:15:48.73,0:15:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, that's the brains, the word choice.
Dialogue: 0,0:15:51.96,0:15:56.31,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And what about Tin Man?\NRemember what he went to Oz for?
Dialogue: 0,0:15:57.04,0:16:01.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Heart. The heart is the little kindnesses\Nthat we can extend every day,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:02.11,0:16:05.05,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the compassion, the mercy\Nthat we can show people,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:05.05,0:16:08.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,especially people who are hurting,\Nor suffering, or ill.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:09.79,0:16:15.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maya Angelou, the great American poet,\Nteaches us that in order to survive,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:15.69,0:16:19.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a human being needs to live\Nin a home furnished with hope.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:19.75,0:16:22.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So many of these conversations\Nare about hope.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:22.51,0:16:26.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They're about learning to ask questions\Nlike, "What's on your mind?
Dialogue: 0,0:16:27.29,0:16:32.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What's worrying you? How can I be helpful?\NWhat are you hoping for?"
Dialogue: 0,0:16:33.64,0:16:35.14,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You get the idea.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:35.58,0:16:39.59,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What I'd like to do is share with you\Njust a really brief story
Dialogue: 0,0:16:39.59,0:16:42.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,about how this all came together\Nfor what I would call
Dialogue: 0,0:16:42.24,0:16:45.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"a very reluctant learner"\Nto the one-room schoolhouse.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:45.40,0:16:49.20,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,This was a clinician who didn't want\Nto have these conversations at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:49.52,0:16:52.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He had joined the\NEmergency Medical Transport Team,
Dialogue: 0,0:16:52.97,0:16:56.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so he just thought, "I'm going to bypass\Nhaving these conversations altogether.
Dialogue: 0,0:16:56.70,0:16:58.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm not with people very long."
Dialogue: 0,0:16:59.24,0:17:03.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, it was a good plan,\Nbut it didn't quite work that way.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:03.06,0:17:06.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,After he had spent some time with us\Nin the one-room schoolhouse,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:06.90,0:17:10.15,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he was called on an emergency transport
Dialogue: 0,0:17:10.15,0:17:14.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to an emergency room\Nwith a 14-day-old baby girl.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:14.19,0:17:16.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The rest of the team\Nrushed over to the baby girl,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:16.51,0:17:18.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and out of the corner of his eye
Dialogue: 0,0:17:18.21,0:17:20.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he saw the father\Nat the foot of the baby's bed,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:20.79,0:17:24.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he was saying, "Come on,\Nlittle lady. Come on, little lady."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:25.42,0:17:29.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The mother was in the corner\Nof the room, crying, alone.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:29.71,0:17:33.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Effortlessly, he found himself\Nwalking in that direction.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:34.14,0:17:37.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He said, "I just couldn't believe\Nthat I felt like I could do this."
Dialogue: 0,0:17:37.62,0:17:39.28,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then the next thing he did was,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:39.28,0:17:42.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he knelt down next to the mother\Nand took her hand.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:42.81,0:17:45.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He didn't sit. He didn't stoop. He knelt.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:45.86,0:17:48.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He realized that this was sacred space,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:48.24,0:17:52.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he went on to explain to that family\Nwhat was happening to their baby girl,
Dialogue: 0,0:17:53.10,0:17:57.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who, unfortunately, had severe dehydration\Nand was having a cardiac arrest.
Dialogue: 0,0:17:57.84,0:17:59.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It was extremely scary.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:00.05,0:18:02.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That family thanked him\Nand the team afterwards,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:02.77,0:18:06.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he said, "Well, I didn't do anything.\NThe team did everything."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:06.22,0:18:09.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And they said, "Oh no,\Nyou helped us through this."
Dialogue: 0,0:18:09.30,0:18:13.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So many times people naturally devalue\Nthe conversations that we have
Dialogue: 0,0:18:13.98,0:18:17.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and think it's all about\Nthe procedures and the actions,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:17.77,0:18:22.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he learned that day that it was really\Nabout being present, not perfect,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:22.67,0:18:25.09,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to going there with the patient.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:26.20,0:18:29.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, coming full circle here,\Nwhat I'd like to do
Dialogue: 0,0:18:29.26,0:18:33.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,is to share with you\Na piece of my inspiration:
Dialogue: 0,0:18:33.21,0:18:36.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's a lot younger me\Nand that's my little boy,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:36.51,0:18:39.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all I have to do is think about him
Dialogue: 0,0:18:39.76,0:18:42.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and all the people who helped\Nbring him into the world,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:42.64,0:18:46.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I've got my inspiration\Nto know why these conversations matter
Dialogue: 0,0:18:46.98,0:18:50.37,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and to keep having them\Nin my world, in my work.
Dialogue: 0,0:18:50.37,0:18:52.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I encourage every single one of you
Dialogue: 0,0:18:52.40,0:18:55.44,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who's sitting in these seats today\Nor listening to this
Dialogue: 0,0:18:55.86,0:18:59.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,to dig deep, find your taproot,\Nfind your inspiration,
Dialogue: 0,0:18:59.93,0:19:02.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,so that you, too, can have\Nthese kinds of conversations
Dialogue: 0,0:19:02.50,0:19:05.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,with people you're taking care of\Nand that you love.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:06.15,0:19:10.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I'd like to give and close\Nwith this last message for you:
Dialogue: 0,0:19:11.41,0:19:14.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Once upon a time,\Nyou wanted to change the world."
Dialogue: 0,0:19:15.50,0:19:20.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I want to tell you that you still can,\None conversation at a time.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:20.99,0:19:22.12,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Thank you.
Dialogue: 0,0:19:22.12,0:19:24.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(Applause)