[Script Info]
Title: 
[Events]
Format: Layer, Start, End, Style, Name, MarginL, MarginR, MarginV, Effect, Text
Dialogue: 0,0:00:08.15,0:00:09.40,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(music)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:10.19,0:00:11.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever written\Na play before?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:12.24,0:00:13.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have I ever\Nwritten one before?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:13.67,0:00:15.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. No.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:16.34,0:00:17.75,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Have you ever been\Nin a play?
Dialogue: 0,0:00:17.75,0:00:18.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,8th grade.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:19.45,0:00:21.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)\NYeah, it's insane.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:21.76,0:00:24.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It's insane.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:24.29,0:00:25.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I don't know\Nwhat I'm doing.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:26.59,0:00:29.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You don't even know\Nwho hard this is, yet.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:31.09,0:00:32.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had no intentions\Nof being
Dialogue: 0,0:00:32.78,0:00:34.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,in this thing,\Nwhen I wrote it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:34.47,0:00:36.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I just got this idea\Nthat I liked.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:38.70,0:00:41.30,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had the notion\Nof writing
Dialogue: 0,0:00:41.30,0:00:42.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a play for a while.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:43.82,0:00:45.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,It wasn't something\Nthat I was
Dialogue: 0,0:00:45.17,0:00:47.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,obsessed with\Nor even thinking about it
Dialogue: 0,0:00:47.19,0:00:49.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,on a daily basis\Nor at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:49.54,0:00:51.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I started writing and
Dialogue: 0,0:00:51.50,0:00:52.50,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote it.
Dialogue: 0,0:00:53.57,0:00:55.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And as with most things\NI write
Dialogue: 0,0:00:55.21,0:00:56.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the main characters
Dialogue: 0,0:00:56.38,0:00:58.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,sounded exactly like me.\N(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:00:58.67,0:01:00.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,What a coincidence.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:01.21,0:01:02.69,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So he's sort of the same
Dialogue: 0,0:01:02.69,0:01:04.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,character\Nthat we've seen in --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:04.02,0:01:05.07,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Same character,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:05.07,0:01:06.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,different name, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:06.18,0:01:07.55,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Same idiot, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:07.55,0:01:08.80,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:01:09.34,0:01:10.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Same idiot.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:11.12,0:01:14.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Scott Rudin,\Nthe producer, he is --
Dialogue: 0,0:01:14.19,0:01:15.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He mails me: "I heard\Nyou wrote a play.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:16.76,0:01:18.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'd like to read it."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:18.90,0:01:20.04,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So I sent it to him and
Dialogue: 0,0:01:20.80,0:01:21.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he is very interested
Dialogue: 0,0:01:21.94,0:01:23.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and he liked it\Nand he said:
Dialogue: 0,0:01:23.57,0:01:25.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"Well,\Nyou have to do this."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:27.19,0:01:28.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said: "What are you\Ntalking about?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:28.22,0:01:30.08,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I can't do this,\NI'm not an actor."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.08,0:01:30.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know?
Dialogue: 0,0:01:30.99,0:01:32.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,He goes: "Yeah,\Nthis is you,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:32.35,0:01:33.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you have to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:33.47,0:01:35.41,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,The audience is going\Nto want you to do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:35.41,0:01:36.99,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,They know it's you,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:36.99,0:01:38.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you know.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:38.10,0:01:40.10,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not fooling\Nanybody."
Dialogue: 0,0:01:42.34,0:01:44.72,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And, you know,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:44.72,0:01:46.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,he appealed\Nto my massive ego
Dialogue: 0,0:01:47.32,0:01:51.35,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and there you go,\NI caved.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:51.35,0:01:52.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said OK.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:53.15,0:01:54.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not a day\Nhas gone by that
Dialogue: 0,0:01:54.34,0:01:55.46,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I haven't regretted\Nthat decision.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:56.55,0:01:57.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Not one day, yeah.
Dialogue: 0,0:01:58.40,0:01:59.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So when you\Nstarted stand up,
Dialogue: 0,0:01:59.86,0:02:00.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,was that something\Nyou always
Dialogue: 0,0:02:00.90,0:02:01.66,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,wanted to do\Nwhen you were
Dialogue: 0,0:02:01.66,0:02:03.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the class cut-up\Nin school?
Dialogue: 0,0:02:03.13,0:02:04.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Were you the funny kid?\NWhere you the one that --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:04.98,0:02:06.32,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,No. No.\NNo,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:06.84,0:02:08.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wasn't funny at all.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:09.94,0:02:11.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:11.21,0:02:12.95,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was in Brooklyn.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:12.95,0:02:14.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know when you\Ngrow up with people
Dialogue: 0,0:02:14.61,0:02:15.74,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,you've known since you
Dialogue: 0,0:02:15.74,0:02:17.60,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,were 6 or 7 years old,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:17.60,0:02:21.68,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,there is a dynamic\Nthat you're
Dialogue: 0,0:02:21.68,0:02:23.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,kind of stuck in,\Nin a way.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:23.88,0:02:25.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, with these people
Dialogue: 0,0:02:25.77,0:02:27.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- whom I still know -
Dialogue: 0,0:02:27.26,0:02:28.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm the same unfunny\Nperson
Dialogue: 0,0:02:28.83,0:02:30.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that was when I was 6.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:31.54,0:02:35.77,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then I went\Nto college, at 18.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:36.29,0:02:37.70,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I had a particular
Dialogue: 0,0:02:37.70,0:02:39.19,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,personality in Brooklyn.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:39.19,0:02:40.98,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,With these guys,\Nthese friends,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:40.98,0:02:44.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my family, my relatives,\NI was this person
Dialogue: 0,0:02:44.00,0:02:45.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was not funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:45.43,0:02:46.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,There is nothing funny\Nabout me .
Dialogue: 0,0:02:46.84,0:02:47.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I didn't think\NI was funny.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:48.80,0:02:50.54,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Nobody ever laughed\Nat anything I said.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:50.54,0:02:51.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I never said anything\Nfunny.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.02,0:02:53.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And then all\Nof a sudden
Dialogue: 0,0:02:53.89,0:02:55.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I went to an\Nout of town college --
Dialogue: 0,0:02:55.73,0:02:56.96,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I knew I wanted to get\Naway,
Dialogue: 0,0:02:56.96,0:02:58.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had to get away.
Dialogue: 0,0:02:58.34,0:03:03.57,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And suddenly people
Dialogue: 0,0:03:03.57,0:03:06.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,started laughing at me.\NAnd I --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:06.61,0:03:07.65,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What the --\Nwhat the hell is --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:07.65,0:03:09.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what's going on?"\NYou know?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:09.45,0:03:10.58,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,One guy in particular
Dialogue: 0,0:03:10.58,0:03:11.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,became my best friend.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:11.90,0:03:13.33,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Man, I'm in.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:13.33,0:03:15.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, all of a sudden\Na part of me
Dialogue: 0,0:03:15.84,0:03:17.67,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,- that I didn't even\Nknow existed -
Dialogue: 0,0:03:17.67,0:03:19.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,now stared to emerge.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:19.90,0:03:21.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And it was something.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:21.91,0:03:23.38,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was quite startled\Nby it.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:23.91,0:03:26.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I still\Ndidn't think about
Dialogue: 0,0:03:26.82,0:03:28.02,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,becoming a comedian.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:28.02,0:03:29.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That didn't enter\Nmy mind.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:30.22,0:03:32.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was raised\Nto think that
Dialogue: 0,0:03:32.85,0:03:35.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I couldn't do anything,\Nyou know?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:36.17,0:03:37.53,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Don't get your hopes up.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:37.53,0:03:38.78,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,OK?
Dialogue: 0,0:03:45.04,0:03:46.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember one day --
Dialogue: 0,0:03:46.13,0:03:47.86,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I remember one time
Dialogue: 0,0:03:47.86,0:03:49.17,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I was asked in front\Nof my mother
Dialogue: 0,0:03:49.17,0:03:51.45,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,what I might want to be.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:51.99,0:03:52.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said: "Yeah,\NI really like sports.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:52.94,0:03:54.18,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Maybe I could be\Na sports announcer.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:54.77,0:03:55.79,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And she goes: "You're\Nnot special.
Dialogue: 0,0:03:55.79,0:03:59.64,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You're not going to be\Na sport announcer."
Dialogue: 0,0:03:59.64,0:04:01.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know, she wanted me\Nto be a mailman, really.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:02.41,0:04:03.91,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,That was her dream.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:05.60,0:04:08.56,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So being a comedian\Ndidn't occur to me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:08.56,0:04:09.93,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Then I got out of college
Dialogue: 0,0:04:10.63,0:04:11.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and
Dialogue: 0,0:04:13.57,0:04:15.82,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,my friend's wife\Nkept saying:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:15.82,0:04:16.83,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"You know, you're funny
Dialogue: 0,0:04:16.83,0:04:19.39,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,why aren't you doing\Nstand up comedy?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:19.39,0:04:20.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Because I was\Nfloundering.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:22.98,0:04:24.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Charles,\Ncan I call you Chip?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:24.23,0:04:25.48,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yes, please.\NYeah?
Dialogue: 0,0:04:26.00,0:04:27.61,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You know,\Nthat's his nickname.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:27.61,0:04:29.27,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Chip.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:29.27,0:04:30.88,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said to a rabbi once --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:30.88,0:04:34.29,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Before my nephew's Bar\NMitzvah he said:
Dialogue: 0,0:04:34.29,0:04:36.26,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"What's your legal name?"
Dialogue: 0,0:04:37.65,0:04:38.85,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I said: "I don't know.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:38.85,0:04:40.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,But you can call me Chip.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:41.52,0:04:42.23,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"\N(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:04:42.23,0:04:44.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, in any way --
Dialogue: 0,0:04:46.72,0:04:47.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:48.51,0:04:50.92,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,she was encouraging me\Nto do it.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:50.92,0:04:54.76,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,And I went to the improv\Nto watch a show,
Dialogue: 0,0:04:54.76,0:04:57.97,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,a night of comedy.\NExcuse me.
Dialogue: 0,0:04:57.97,0:05:01.43,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Hem, hem, hem.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:02.21,0:05:04.01,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I hope this happens\Nduring my brilliant play
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.01,0:05:04.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,that's going\Nto be pleasant.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:04.87,0:05:05.90,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,(laughter)
Dialogue: 0,0:05:05.90,0:05:08.34,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,So, I went to watch\Na night of comedy
Dialogue: 0,0:05:08.34,0:05:09.84,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and as I'm watching it
Dialogue: 0,0:05:09.84,0:05:10.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I'm going: "Jesus,\Nyou know,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:10.94,0:05:14.00,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I think I could do this."\NAnd in the middle
Dialogue: 0,0:05:14.00,0:05:15.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,of the show\NI walk up to Bud Friedman
Dialogue: 0,0:05:15.81,0:05:17.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,who was the manager\Nof the club,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:17.06,0:05:18.51,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,the owner of the club,
Dialogue: 0,0:05:18.51,0:05:20.87,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I say: "I'd like\Nto go on."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:24.00,0:05:26.73,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Yeah. How insane is that?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:27.35,0:05:29.89,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I had nothing, OK?
Dialogue: 0,0:05:29.89,0:05:31.47,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I've never been\Non a stage.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:32.05,0:05:33.13,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"I wanna go on"\NThank god he said: "
Dialogue: 0,0:05:34.31,0:05:35.81,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Who are you?"
Dialogue: 0,0:05:37.77,0:05:38.94,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,"No, of course not.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:38.94,0:05:40.06,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You can't go on.
Dialogue: 0,0:05:41.20,0:05:43.21,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,You've got to audition."
Dialogue: 0,0:05:43.21,0:05:44.22,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,Well, ok, so then
Dialogue: 0,0:05:44.22,0:05:45.24,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,I wrote some material
Dialogue: 0,0:05:45.24,0:05:47.16,Default,,0000,0000,0000,,and I started trying\Nto do it.