1
00:00:00,415 --> 00:00:09,451
[LAUGHTER, GIGGLING, SOUNDS OF KISSING...]
2
00:00:31,511 --> 00:00:33,666
So much of the time when I go out
like in my wheelchair,
3
00:00:33,666 --> 00:00:38,059
um, I feel like people
aren't seeing me as a person,
4
00:00:38,059 --> 00:00:40,341
I feel like people see me as a chair.
5
00:00:40,341 --> 00:00:43,999
Until very recently I haven't met anyone else
6
00:00:44,216 --> 00:00:46,042
who has my condition...
7
00:00:46,042 --> 00:00:48,533
I've only met them like online
through support groups.
8
00:00:48,718 --> 00:00:51,393
I would try to hide,
try to cover up my disability,
9
00:00:51,393 --> 00:00:52,922
as much as I could,
10
00:00:52,922 --> 00:00:55,934
and I thought that by not wearing
like hearing aides--
11
00:00:55,934 --> 00:00:58,549
even though that's just
disabling myself even more
12
00:00:58,549 --> 00:01:01,075
because hearing aides are supposed to help me--
13
00:01:01,075 --> 00:01:04,323
I disabled myself because
I didn't want someone to see that.
14
00:01:04,323 --> 00:01:06,928
I was afraid that them seeing that,
15
00:01:06,928 --> 00:01:10,257
they wouldn't want to have
a relationship with me,
16
00:01:10,257 --> 00:01:12,425
they wouldn't be interested in me sexually.
17
00:01:13,026 --> 00:01:14,882
I do feel lonely.
18
00:01:15,989 --> 00:01:19,266
Um, I, I don't know, like I... it's...
19
00:01:19,266 --> 00:01:21,742
I've been single for two years.
20
00:01:22,628 --> 00:01:28,268
We usually think of disability as
some kind of physiological condition
21
00:01:28,268 --> 00:01:32,915
that limits the ability of people
to function in society,
22
00:01:34,961 --> 00:01:38,098
to play the social roles
that are typically expected of them.
23
00:01:38,098 --> 00:01:42,760
Um, so disability would limit them in, say,
their ability to work,
24
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:46,251
or be a student, or,
in the case of what we're talking about,
25
00:01:46,251 --> 00:01:48,684
to be a lover or partner.
26
00:01:48,684 --> 00:01:55,095
The result of the disability would be that they would
be sexually and romantically impaired in some way.
27
00:01:55,095 --> 00:01:58,411
In fact those expectations,
those views of what disability is,
28
00:01:58,411 --> 00:02:03,534
point to the fact, that disability
is not simply medical or physiological,
29
00:02:03,534 --> 00:02:05,885
but much more importantly
it's social and cultural,
30
00:02:05,885 --> 00:02:08,862
it's a constructed identity,
31
00:02:08,862 --> 00:02:14,015
so that certain physical traits or mental traits
of certain kinds of people
32
00:02:14,015 --> 00:02:16,493
get stigmatized and...
33
00:02:16,493 --> 00:02:22,955
the stigma is globalized
to engulf their entire identities.
34
00:02:25,178 --> 00:02:31,048
I'm always feeling like I have to prove myself
in so many different ways.
35
00:02:31,048 --> 00:02:33,208
The way I feel about myself,
36
00:02:33,208 --> 00:02:35,996
it's just different than how people see me,
37
00:02:37,165 --> 00:02:41,167
it's just like more, especially with men, like,
38
00:02:41,167 --> 00:02:44,417
they see skin "oh yeah, that's it, that's sexy",
you know?
39
00:02:44,417 --> 00:02:48,512
or they see a good body
40
00:02:48,512 --> 00:02:50,518
"OK that's sexy".
41
00:02:50,518 --> 00:02:54,083
Well, OK, I'm not showing skin
because I'm really cold,
42
00:02:54,083 --> 00:02:58,830
and, um, with the body part, pfft, no,
that's just gross.
43
00:02:59,703 --> 00:03:04,105
Actually I didn't used to wear makeup
til about a couple years ago.
44
00:03:04,105 --> 00:03:14,169
I didn't think I, you know, it would be a point
for me to wear makeup, you know?
45
00:03:14,169 --> 00:03:17,502
I mean, I don't know if you know, but, that's my...
46
00:03:17,502 --> 00:03:19,647
that was my idea.
47
00:03:19,647 --> 00:03:28,542
Yeah, until just like more recently I kind of
started getting into it, you know.
48
00:03:28,542 --> 00:03:30,705
I'm like, ehh why not?
49
00:03:30,705 --> 00:03:32,447
What the hell!
50
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:44,024
I actually studied disability rights,
and performed as a disabled person in college.
51
00:03:45,033 --> 00:03:50,195
I went to a very hippie college called the
Evergreen State college in Olympia, WA,
52
00:03:50,195 --> 00:03:54,249
and you could create your own majors...
53
00:03:54,249 --> 00:03:59,893
One of the things I watched was
this documentary about disability and sexuality.
54
00:03:59,893 --> 00:04:04,117
I remember just going "hey, you know what?
55
00:04:04,117 --> 00:04:08,851
I do have those needs that everyone has,
and desires
56
00:04:09,389 --> 00:04:13,281
it's OK to feel that way.
57
00:04:15,986 --> 00:04:20,428
You know, our symptoms and our disabilities
are the things that people notice first about us,
58
00:04:20,428 --> 00:04:25,438
but they may be the least
interesting things about us.
59
00:04:25,438 --> 00:04:27,822
I was dating this girl for a while,
60
00:04:27,822 --> 00:04:32,040
and uh, we had just had sex that day
61
00:04:32,040 --> 00:04:36,889
and then afterwards she suggested
we had sex in my wheelchair
62
00:04:36,889 --> 00:04:39,931
the fact that it was her idea was awesome!
63
00:04:39,931 --> 00:04:44,539
and the reason that it is,
beyond like the whole novelty of it
64
00:04:44,539 --> 00:04:48,437
is that it's actually an ultimate act of acceptance
65
00:04:48,437 --> 00:04:51,027
instead of saying "I'm dating you
66
00:04:51,027 --> 00:04:56,701
and I'm fine with you being in a chair"
67
00:04:56,701 --> 00:04:59,838
but if she's having sex with you in your chair
68
00:04:59,838 --> 00:05:03,118
it's not "oh it's fine, I'm ok with it"
69
00:05:03,118 --> 00:05:08,907
It's "I like it, accept it, and it's actually uh,
something that I'm interested in".
70
00:05:09,972 --> 00:05:17,202
For me in general I would
much rather take my time
71
00:05:17,202 --> 00:05:20,419
finding somebody that I really want to date.
72
00:05:20,419 --> 00:05:25,371
I've gone on dates with plenty of people,
and I've gone on second dates,
73
00:05:25,371 --> 00:05:30,037
but I want to make sure that I found
the right person before I like start to commit.
74
00:05:30,037 --> 00:05:36,024
So, what I do is, I tend to flirt a lot,
I tend to hang out with a lot of people,
75
00:05:36,024 --> 00:05:38,767
to test the waters and to see what they like.
76
00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:42,721
Meeting a lot of cool people and is fun
which is really what matters for me.
77
00:05:42,721 --> 00:05:45,909
My only hope is that I don't break any hearts.
78
00:05:48,283 --> 00:05:52,724
Uhm, what do you think I taught you?
If I may be so bold?
79
00:05:52,724 --> 00:05:55,688
What do you think you taught me about sex?
80
00:05:55,688 --> 00:05:58,891
I don't know what specifically
I have taught you about sex,
81
00:05:58,891 --> 00:06:03,169
but, I think in general, I feel like
I can teach able bodied people
82
00:06:03,169 --> 00:06:05,325
sex doesn't have to be like intercourse,
83
00:06:05,325 --> 00:06:08,852
sex doesn't have to be, uhm, y'know,
penis and vagina sex,
84
00:06:08,852 --> 00:06:13,407
it can be, uhm, you know for me
sex basically is...
85
00:06:13,407 --> 00:06:18,354
anything that, uhm, you know,
gives me sexual pleasure that I can get off on.
86
00:06:18,354 --> 00:06:25,752
I'd like to think I have a sort of
wider definition of what constitutes sex.
87
00:06:26,626 --> 00:06:29,469
Sex is so many things,
88
00:06:29,469 --> 00:06:33,387
it's very much about pleasure,
it's about knowing your body,
89
00:06:33,387 --> 00:06:37,703
knowing your mind,
and it's also about knowing about danger,
90
00:06:37,703 --> 00:06:41,516
cause there are dangers
that go along with sex as well,
91
00:06:41,516 --> 00:06:46,739
and about knowing how to pleasure yourself
and other people,
92
00:06:46,739 --> 00:06:50,193
and it's generative, and it's fun
93
00:06:50,193 --> 00:06:57,837
and it can be painful, and it can be mysterious,
and it's definitely a a gift.
94
00:06:59,903 --> 00:07:03,526
Instead of trying to sell disabled sex
as being normal,
95
00:07:03,526 --> 00:07:06,721
which in a certain sense, it is normal
96
00:07:06,721 --> 00:07:13,125
I think there's a way of trying to sell it in a way
that's both calling it "normal"
97
00:07:13,125 --> 00:07:18,160
and calling it "weird, or transgressive, or queer"
98
00:07:18,160 --> 00:07:23,434
because unless we face up to the fact that
it's really going to scare the crap out of people,
99
00:07:23,434 --> 00:07:27,560
whether it's potential partners, healthcare providers,
100
00:07:27,560 --> 00:07:29,972
or our families, or our parents,
101
00:07:29,972 --> 00:07:32,709
if we don't face up to the scariness
102
00:07:32,709 --> 00:07:36,464
we can't really find ways to deal with this scariness.
103
00:07:36,695 --> 00:07:40,603
One of the things I've done
and the disabled student's union had done
104
00:07:40,603 --> 00:07:45,147
is put on this series of panel discussions
called "Are cripples screwed?"
105
00:07:45,147 --> 00:07:48,055
we chose that because it's kind of in your face
106
00:07:48,055 --> 00:07:51,874
and it breaks down different stereotypes
and different boundaries that a lot of people
107
00:07:51,874 --> 00:07:53,845
feel interested about.
108
00:07:54,122 --> 00:07:58,340
I love doing the panels,
they are so much fun for me,
109
00:07:58,340 --> 00:08:03,892
they originally started as like a dialogue
about disability and sexuality,
110
00:08:03,892 --> 00:08:06,928
and sort of morphed into what it is today,
which is, you know,
111
00:08:06,928 --> 00:08:12,872
we go around to things like co-ops, we go to
sexuality classes, we go to things then we talk about
112
00:08:12,872 --> 00:08:19,700
we talk about sex, we talk about
societal perceptions of these things,
113
00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:23,375
and it's something that has really,
114
00:08:23,375 --> 00:08:25,982
it's something that has really expanded my mind.
115
00:08:26,412 --> 00:08:32,378
I guess for me one of the things about sexuality
and disability, it's a constant about humans,
116
00:08:32,378 --> 00:08:34,783
it doesn't matter your station in life,
117
00:08:34,783 --> 00:08:37,146
but sexuality is a crucial and important part of it,
118
00:08:37,146 --> 00:08:42,347
so, it's something in a way these panels
are a way of identifying with people,
119
00:08:42,347 --> 00:08:45,834
on, through the disabilities,
and through differences that people have
120
00:08:45,834 --> 00:08:49,899
very obviously at the surface level,
it's to finding the common ground
121
00:08:49,899 --> 00:08:53,860
that you can really feel,
just as everybody has sexual frustrations
122
00:08:53,860 --> 00:08:57,553
that are similar enough.
123
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:03,106
Making that transition from like "OK, I'm doing all that
stuff and certain people are attracted to me,
124
00:09:03,106 --> 00:09:09,412
to all of a sudden like, I'm in chair
and for a solid year afterwards,
125
00:09:09,412 --> 00:09:13,627
I still identified as that guy,
126
00:09:13,627 --> 00:09:18,378
Like, for I'd say a year and a half after my accident,
127
00:09:18,378 --> 00:09:22,626
like, one of my main things was,
OK, like, I'm still a biker,
128
00:09:22,626 --> 00:09:25,041
I'm still going to biking websites,
and I'd still do that.
129
00:09:25,041 --> 00:09:32,071
But eventually, I just kind of said "OK, like,
I'm a political nerd, and I'm going to go to college"
130
00:09:32,479 --> 00:09:35,282
You guys probably noticed that I'm
dressed very provocatively today
131
00:09:35,282 --> 00:09:38,939
and this is something that I like to do
when I go to panels because
132
00:09:38,939 --> 00:09:44,312
partially because I really like to challenge
people's preconceived notions
133
00:09:44,312 --> 00:09:47,346
about what it means to be disabled and a woman;
134
00:09:47,346 --> 00:09:49,892
and it's like y'know, "Oh there's
a girl in the wheelchair"
135
00:09:49,892 --> 00:09:54,981
"Oh my god, she's hot!
Oh no, like, my preconceived notions!"
136
00:09:54,981 --> 00:09:56,633
"This is so confusing!"
137
00:09:59,397 --> 00:10:02,192
American culture, western cultures in general
138
00:10:02,192 --> 00:10:05,746
have become much more open
and frank about sexuality
139
00:10:05,746 --> 00:10:09,297
that happened too among people with disabilities
140
00:10:09,297 --> 00:10:14,970
so that disability was once a taboo subject
is much more open,
141
00:10:14,970 --> 00:10:20,057
like, talked about, and people with all kind
of disabilities have been much more assertive
142
00:10:20,057 --> 00:10:25,151
in claiming their sexuality and
their right to be sexual.
143
00:10:26,782 --> 00:10:30,448
Disabled people, and myself included
144
00:10:30,448 --> 00:10:33,685
are represented horribly in the media
145
00:10:33,685 --> 00:10:38,172
I mean, in movies, in literature, in books, in tv
146
00:10:38,172 --> 00:10:42,897
you never even see a cripple guy have a girlfriend.
147
00:10:42,965 --> 00:10:46,707
He's a great comic from over in San Francisco,
he goes to SF State,
148
00:10:46,707 --> 00:10:51,882
everybody please give it up for
my good friend Jackson McBrayer.
149
00:10:52,061 --> 00:10:55,880
Uhm, I have cerebral palsy which is awesome,
150
00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:59,532
because right now my leg is twitching
which is making me better at sex.
151
00:10:59,532 --> 00:11:05,977
I think that people view me as sort of
a self-appointed spokesman
152
00:11:05,977 --> 00:11:10,645
for disability and sexuality
because that's what I talk about,
153
00:11:10,645 --> 00:11:16,068
and the reason that I talk about it
is because very few people are.
154
00:11:16,646 --> 00:11:21,887
Until I see Stephen Hawking
or some other famous crippled guy on the cover
155
00:11:21,887 --> 00:11:24,394
of some trashy romance novel
156
00:11:24,394 --> 00:11:28,063
I'm still going to be forced to tell
beautiful crafted dick jokes
157
00:11:28,063 --> 00:11:30,115
because no one else is doing it.
158
00:11:30,115 --> 00:11:33,308
You know, I was drinking and after one or two beers
159
00:11:33,308 --> 00:11:36,564
I started to walk better so I asked my doctor about it
160
00:11:36,564 --> 00:11:41,598
"Well Jackson, you have cerebral palsy, anything
that releases your muscles will help you walk better,
161
00:11:41,598 --> 00:11:45,875
like one or two beers, an orgasm, or a joint."
162
00:11:45,875 --> 00:11:49,841
I said "Really doc? You mean
that can get medicinal?
163
00:11:49,841 --> 00:11:52,042
Blow jobs?"
164
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:57,236
When I try to tell a joke to try to make it,
so you know that it's from the heart,
165
00:11:57,236 --> 00:12:05,181
and you know I had these same
needs and wants as other human beings.
166
00:12:05,181 --> 00:12:07,200
Getting to see disabled people as being sexual
167
00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:10,631
is part of basically bringing them back
to the human race
168
00:12:10,631 --> 00:12:14,096
and making them into like real people again.
169
00:12:14,096 --> 00:12:18,459
If I can help explode the paradigm that says
170
00:12:18,459 --> 00:12:22,334
that everything about me that isn't my body works
171
00:12:22,334 --> 00:12:25,963
and everything about me that is my body doesn't work
172
00:12:25,963 --> 00:12:28,591
sex can explode that.
173
00:12:28,899 --> 00:12:32,278
Sex is desire, inspiration, life changing
174
00:12:32,278 --> 00:12:35,351
Touching, feeling, kissing
175
00:12:35,351 --> 00:12:42,197
Intrigue it's exploring unknowns,
it's very emotional.
176
00:12:42,197 --> 00:12:47,285
Sex is surrender, sex is communion,
177
00:12:47,285 --> 00:12:49,897
sex is being alive.
178
00:13:18,466 --> 00:13:20,685
My ? is not sexy!
179
00:13:20,685 --> 00:13:22,165
Not really!
180
00:13:22,165 --> 00:13:24,947
He gave me a ? for Christmas and it's awesome!
181
00:13:24,947 --> 00:13:28,904
But it's not sexy. It was out here a little while ago.
182
00:13:28,904 --> 00:13:36,355
I guess ? are vaguely fallic.
183
00:13:36,606 --> 00:13:40,321
That's not sexy! Yeah!
184
00:13:56,805 --> 00:14:03,216
Please go out and fuck the disabled!
Goodnight, I'm Jackson McBrayer