So what is empathy?

And why is it very 
different than sympathy?

Empathy fuels connection.

Sympathy drives disconnection.

Empathy--it's very interesting,

Teresa Wiseman is a nursing 
scholar who studied professions,

very diverse professions 
where empathy is relevant,

and came up with four 
qualities of empathy.

Perspective taking--
the ability to take the perspective

of another person or recognize 
their perspective is their truth.

Staying out of judgement.

Not easy, when you enjoy it 
as much as most of us do.

Recognizing emotion in other people,

and then communicating that.

Empathy is feeling with people.

And to me I always think of empathy 
as this kind of sacred space

when someone's kind of in a deep hole,

and they shout out from the bottom 
and they say,

"I'm stuck. It's dark. I'm overwhelmed."

And then we look and we say,

"Hey." Climb down. 
"I know what it's like down here."

"And you're not alone."

Sympathy is, "Ooh. It's bad. Uh-huh."

"Uh, no. You want a sandwich?"

Empathy is a choice and
it's a vulnerable choice

because in order to connect with you,

I have to connect with something in myself

that knows that feeling.

Rarely, if ever, does an empathic 
response begin with, "at least."

[Laughter]

And we do it all the time!

Because you know what, 
someone just shared something with us

that's incredibly painful and
we're trying to silver-lining it.

I don't think that's a verb, 
but I'm using it as one.

We're trying to put the 
silver lining around it.

So, "I had a miscarriage."

"Oh, at least you know you 
can get pregnant."

"I think my marriage is falling apart."

"At least you have a marriage."

[Laughter]

"John's getting kicked out of school."

"At least Sarah is an A student."

But one of the things we do sometimes

in the face of very 
difficult conversations,

is we try to make things better.

If I share something with 
you that's very difficult,

I'd rather you say,

"Uff. I don't even know what to say 
right now, I'm just so glad you told me."

Because the truth is, rarely can a 
response make something better.

What makes something better is connection.