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So what is empathy?

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And why is it very 
different than sympathy?

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Empathy fuels connection.

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Sympathy drives disconnection.

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Empathy--it's very interesting,

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Teresa Wiseman is a nursing 
scholar who studied professions,

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very diverse professions 
where empathy is relevant,

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and came up with four 
qualities of empathy.

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Perspective taking--
the ability to take the perspective

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of another person or recognize 
their perspective is their truth.

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Staying out of judgement.

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Not easy, when you enjoy it 
as much as most of us do.

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Recognizing emotion in other people,

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and then communicating that.

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Empathy is feeling with people.

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And to me I always think of empathy 
as this kind of sacred space

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when someone's kind of in a deep hole,

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and they shout out from the bottom 
and they say,

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"I'm stuck. It's dark. I'm overwhelmed."

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And then we look and we say,

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"Hey." Climb down. 
"I know what it's like down here."

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"And you're not alone."

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Sympathy is, "Ooh. It's bad. Uh-huh."

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"Uh, no. You want a sandwich?"

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Empathy is a choice and
it's a vulnerable choice

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because in order to connect with you,

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I have to connect with something in myself

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that knows that feeling.

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Rarely, if ever, does an empathic 
response begin with, "at least."

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[Laughter]

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And we do it all the time!

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Because you know what, 
someone just shared something with us

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that's incredibly painful and
we're trying to silver-lining it.

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I don't think that's a verb, 
but I'm using it as one.

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We're trying to put the 
silver lining around it.

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So, "I had a miscarriage."

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"Oh, at least you know you 
can get pregnant."

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"I think my marriage is falling apart."

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"At least you have a marriage."

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[Laughter]

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"John's getting kicked out of school."

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"At least Sarah is an A student."

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But one of the things we do sometimes

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in the face of very 
difficult conversations,

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is we try to make things better.

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If I share something with 
you that's very difficult,

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I'd rather you say,

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"Uff. I don't even know what to say 
right now, I'm just so glad you told me."

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Because the truth is, rarely can a 
response make something better.

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What makes something better is connection.