WEBVTT 00:00:30.394 --> 00:00:31.934 Hello there. 00:00:31.934 --> 00:00:36.319 Relationships are almost always the most difficult aspect of our lives. 00:00:36.319 --> 00:00:41.371 But what's more difficult than having a relationship, is losing the relationship. 00:00:41.371 --> 00:00:45.694 It's difficult to find somebody who hasn't experienced a break-up or a divorce, 00:00:45.694 --> 00:00:48.075 or a separation from someone that they love. 00:00:48.075 --> 00:00:54.215 For this reason, it's obvious that heartbreak is an important topic. 00:00:54.215 --> 00:00:58.124 Before going on, it must be said that it's possible to experience heartbreak, 00:00:58.124 --> 00:01:01.725 without a relationship actually physically ending. 00:01:01.725 --> 00:01:08.008 In fact, some people live their life inside a relationship in a state of perpetual heartbreak. 00:01:08.008 --> 00:01:12.927 When this is the case, the break-up has still occurred, but it has occurred internally. 00:01:12.927 --> 00:01:20.128 To love someone is to include that person as yourself, is to come into a state of emotional oneness. 00:01:21.207 --> 00:01:25.798 Now we are at our best when we are in this state, cause it's our most natural state. 00:01:25.798 --> 00:01:31.608 It means that we are vibrationally matching the frequency of source itself. 00:01:31.608 --> 00:01:36.673 In contrast, to break up with someone is to become separated. 00:01:36.673 --> 00:01:42.903 It is the most extreme difference from source vibration that you can possibly get. 00:01:42.903 --> 00:01:47.232 Instead of being the presence of source, it is the absence of source. 00:01:47.232 --> 00:01:52.435 So we are at our absolute worst when we're in that particular frequency. 00:01:52.435 --> 00:01:55.989 All break-ups are essentially a betrayal. 00:01:55.989 --> 00:02:00.359 A betrayal is the breaking of a presumptive contract or agreement. 00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:03.924 When we love someone, we enter into a kind of energetic agreement 00:02:03.924 --> 00:02:07.068 or lose contract to be one. 00:02:07.068 --> 00:02:11.409 When we experience a break-up, whether it's an actual break-up or an energetic break-up. 00:02:11.409 --> 00:02:13.884 This agreement is broken. 00:02:13.884 --> 00:02:16.571 As a result, we feel betrayed. 00:02:16.571 --> 00:02:21.191 All betrayals of the unspoken oneness agreement in a relationship. 00:02:21.191 --> 00:02:24.152 Whether it's emotional withdrawal, or cheating, or criticism, 00:02:24.152 --> 00:02:27.546 creates a separation between two people. 00:02:27.546 --> 00:02:31.872 Why exactly is breaking up so incredibly painful? 00:02:32.502 --> 00:02:37.693 As we said earlier, to love somebody is to include them as yourself. 00:02:37.693 --> 00:02:40.788 So to break up with someone, whether you were the one that did the breaking up, 00:02:40.788 --> 00:02:43.592 or whether they were the ones that did the breaking up with you, 00:02:43.592 --> 00:02:47.172 you are still losing a part of yourself. 00:02:47.172 --> 00:02:51.068 On an emotional level, a break-up feels like a severing. 00:02:51.068 --> 00:02:56.281 It feels like a part of you is being severed from the rest of you. 00:02:56.281 --> 00:03:02.034 Now as it applies to relationships, it's quite common that hatred is the way that we feel 00:03:02.034 --> 00:03:05.023 towards people who we have a break-up with. 00:03:05.023 --> 00:03:08.964 The reason is that hatred is the cover emotion for hurt. 00:03:08.964 --> 00:03:15.897 What I mean by cover emotions is that your emotional body actually comes with survival mechanisms. 00:03:15.897 --> 00:03:22.499 Whenever you are in a superbly low vibration, one that could line you up with a negative experience 00:03:22.499 --> 00:03:25.895 that could threaten your own survival, 00:03:25.895 --> 00:03:30.817 you have a knee-jurk reaction to move into a higher vibrational state. 00:03:30.817 --> 00:03:34.569 In psychology, sometimes they call this is a secondary emotion. 00:03:34.569 --> 00:03:40.427 I call it a cover emotion because it exists to keep you from being in the lower vibration. 00:03:40.427 --> 00:03:44.522 Sort of like ice over the top of a frozen lake. 00:03:44.522 --> 00:03:51.137 Hatred, being the cover emotion from hurt, enables people to stay out of the pain 00:03:51.137 --> 00:03:54.866 that they're experiencing as a result of the betrayal they feel 00:03:54.866 --> 00:03:58.689 as a result of that separation from the person that they love. 00:03:58.689 --> 00:04:04.264 Obviously, when we're in a state of hatred, we're usually in a state of heartbreak. 00:04:04.264 --> 00:04:08.487 And what needs to be addressed is the hurt underneath the hatred. 00:04:08.487 --> 00:04:13.167 The heart chakra is the energy center of the body that corresponds to connection. 00:04:13.167 --> 00:04:17.918 It's the chakra that is concerned with wholeness, and love, and compassion, among other things. 00:04:17.918 --> 00:04:20.299 The heart chakra is the unifier. 00:04:20.299 --> 00:04:24.617 This is why so many of the organs and biologic systems associated with the heart chakra, 00:04:24.617 --> 00:04:28.309 are unifying systems, like the circulatory system. 00:04:28.309 --> 00:04:30.220 They unify the whole body. 00:04:30.220 --> 00:04:34.224 When we experience the severing or separation inherent in a break-up, 00:04:34.224 --> 00:04:39.651 the chakra and biological systems associated with it, that are the most impacted, 00:04:39.651 --> 00:04:44.810 is the chakra that is in charge of connection, the heart chakra. 00:04:44.810 --> 00:04:50.857 On a biological level, emotional pain and physical pain involves the same regions of the brain. 00:04:50.857 --> 00:04:55.522 Many scientists suggest that when painful mental and emotional separation occurs between people, 00:04:55.522 --> 00:05:02.211 it causes an area of the brain to be stimulated that in turn overstimulates a nerve called the Vagus nerve, 00:05:02.211 --> 00:05:04.612 causing pain in the chest. 00:05:04.612 --> 00:05:08.809 This chest pain is why people say their heart has been broken. 00:05:08.809 --> 00:05:14.012 It is easy to see how the pain receptors in the body that would be the most affected by loss trauma 00:05:14.012 --> 00:05:19.022 are the nerves associated with the chakra and biological systems that deal with connection. 00:05:19.022 --> 00:05:22.172 This, after all, is where the damage is. 00:05:22.172 --> 00:05:25.462 Before we go on, I'm gonna let some of you off of the hook. 00:05:25.462 --> 00:05:28.803 It's really common in relationships, though none of us wanna talk about it, 00:05:28.803 --> 00:05:30.624 that when things go really south, 00:05:30.624 --> 00:05:35.694 we start hoping that our partner will just die in freak accident. 00:05:35.694 --> 00:05:38.952 Don't worry, a lot of people think that way. 00:05:38.952 --> 00:05:44.686 The reason is, is that all break-up is, is a death of something, 00:05:44.686 --> 00:05:47.684 it's a death of a part of yourself. 00:05:47.684 --> 00:05:54.644 And when we don't feel like we have the strength to willingly cause a death, 00:05:54.644 --> 00:05:59.936 we hope it will happen unwillingly, or involuntarily. 00:05:59.936 --> 00:06:01.875 That way we don't have to face the guilt. 00:06:01.875 --> 00:06:03.480 We don't have to doubt ourselves. 00:06:03.480 --> 00:06:07.556 We don't have to feel self-blame, on top of the pain of the loss itself. 00:06:07.556 --> 00:06:09.746 Even if it was the other person who chose to do it, 00:06:09.746 --> 00:06:12.885 you're going to experience a death of something that is a part of you. 00:06:12.885 --> 00:06:18.705 What ensues is a grieving process much like the one that happens when someone we love actually dies. 00:06:18.705 --> 00:06:22.897 You're not just gonna wake up one day and get over heartbreak. 00:06:22.897 --> 00:06:26.937 Heartbreak is a trauma to the system and like any other trauma, 00:06:26.937 --> 00:06:33.077 the system has to go through a healing process to get to a state of wholeness again. 00:06:33.077 --> 00:06:37.307 You may decide to move on, but that does not mean you have healed anything. 00:06:37.307 --> 00:06:40.558 Trying to rush the process of healing after you experience a breakup, 00:06:40.558 --> 00:06:45.407 does not work anymore than it works to rush the process of grieving after someone dies. 00:06:45.407 --> 00:06:50.090 That being said, heartache, does not have to last forever. 00:06:50.090 --> 00:06:53.002 It doesn't even have to last for a long time. 00:06:53.002 --> 00:06:56.757 And the more proactive you are about your healing process, 00:06:56.757 --> 00:07:00.809 obviously, the faster the healing process is going to go. 00:07:00.809 --> 00:07:04.259 So what should you do if you experience heartbreak? 00:07:04.259 --> 00:07:09.008 Before we get into the list, it's important to know that if the break-up was recent 00:07:09.008 --> 00:07:13.519 and you're still in the shock and the grief of it, 00:07:13.519 --> 00:07:17.439 stop living your life for this day or this week. 00:07:17.439 --> 00:07:21.559 Start living for the next 5 minutes, or hour. 00:07:21.559 --> 00:07:24.307 When life collapses and we're in the wake of a major trauma, 00:07:24.307 --> 00:07:29.470 we've got to reel it in and only plan and live our life according to short increments. 00:07:29.470 --> 00:07:32.490 What would make me feel better for the next 5 minutes, 00:07:32.490 --> 00:07:36.667 what would feel like relief to do with the next hour. 00:07:36.667 --> 00:07:39.631 So we're living minute to minute, and hour to hour. 00:07:39.631 --> 00:07:43.754 And we can extend that as time goes on and we feel capable. 00:07:43.754 --> 00:07:45.792 And now for the list. 00:07:45.792 --> 00:07:49.465 The first thing, is that you do not distract yourself. 00:07:49.465 --> 00:07:52.121 This is a common thing that people will try to tell you to do, 00:07:52.121 --> 00:07:54.782 most especially your friends when you're feeling heartbreak. 00:07:54.782 --> 00:07:56.368 Let's distract ourselves by going hiking, 00:07:56.368 --> 00:07:58.222 let's distract ourselves by playing a game. 00:07:58.222 --> 00:08:00.222 Let's distract ourselves by drinking. 00:08:00.222 --> 00:08:03.893 This will backfire immensely. 00:08:03.893 --> 00:08:06.545 You've already lost an aspect of yourself. 00:08:06.545 --> 00:08:12.612 If you go and bounce out on yourself, which is what you're doing when you're distracting yourself, 00:08:12.612 --> 00:08:15.664 you're just going to compound the wound that has already occured. 00:08:15.664 --> 00:08:18.804 Heartbreak is all consuming and it's okay to let it be. 00:08:18.804 --> 00:08:22.814 Sometimes to get to the other side of something, we have to go straight into it. 00:08:22.814 --> 00:08:26.316 Recognize that if you have come together with somebody, 00:08:26.316 --> 00:08:30.214 in order to form an attachment kind of relationship with somebody, 00:08:30.214 --> 00:08:36.845 most likely it is a compensation for an aspect of yourself that you have lost already. 00:08:36.845 --> 00:08:41.714 Subconsciously, being with that other person makes you feel more whole in some way. 00:08:41.714 --> 00:08:46.219 We must embark on a journey of restoring our completeness, in and of ourselves. 00:08:46.219 --> 00:08:49.186 We must turn our attention inward and become whole again. 00:08:49.186 --> 00:08:51.165 Do not mistake this for independence. 00:08:51.165 --> 00:08:52.715 This is an interdependent universe. 00:08:52.715 --> 00:08:56.598 Interdependence is not painful. Independence is. 00:08:56.598 --> 00:09:00.678 Autonomy on the other hand, is a state of wholeness in and of itself. 00:09:00.678 --> 00:09:05.995 In a state of wholeness we do not come together with other people to make up for what is missing within us. 00:09:05.995 --> 00:09:10.555 To be autonomous, we have to be in a secure relationship with ourselves. 00:09:11.235 --> 00:09:18.355 We have to take steps to insure a secure relationship for ourselves, with ourselves. 00:09:18.355 --> 00:09:21.935 And we have to take steps to become whole. 00:09:21.935 --> 00:09:26.323 The worst thing you can do, when you're in this phase of heartbreak, 00:09:26.323 --> 00:09:30.419 is to jump right into another attachment type of relationship with someone. 00:09:30.419 --> 00:09:33.965 Especially if this is a romantic break-up that we're talking about. 00:09:33.965 --> 00:09:40.147 We can't do that straight away without making the trauma that we're experiencing worse. 00:09:40.147 --> 00:09:46.112 I'm developing a process currently, that's called the completion process. 00:09:46.112 --> 00:09:51.461 It's actually a process which is designed to help us become whole again. 00:09:51.461 --> 00:09:56.928 Hopefully, by the time you're watching this, I will have completed that process already, 00:09:56.928 --> 00:10:01.148 so that you can find it on the internet and actually add that to your life. 00:10:01.148 --> 00:10:07.190 Part of becoming whole is to come back to yourself, to find yourself all over again. 00:10:07.190 --> 00:10:08.880 Who am I? 00:10:08.880 --> 00:10:10.849 What do I want? 00:10:10.849 --> 00:10:13.469 What do I need? 00:10:13.469 --> 00:10:16.494 What changes do I want to make to my life? 00:10:16.494 --> 00:10:21.388 Think back to a time when you were truly happy in an autonomous way in your life. 00:10:21.388 --> 00:10:23.620 What things were you doing then? 00:10:23.620 --> 00:10:26.349 Add some of those things back into your life. 00:10:26.349 --> 00:10:31.641 Often, break-ups call for starting over as if from square one and going in a whole new direction. 00:10:31.641 --> 00:10:35.514 Our priorities have to shift, we have to be willing to do that. 00:10:35.514 --> 00:10:38.248 We have to take the steps to feel like ourselves again, 00:10:38.248 --> 00:10:40.380 because we have lost ourselves. 00:10:40.380 --> 00:10:46.222 Even people who decide to end the relationship go through a period of feeling lost without the other person. 00:10:46.222 --> 00:10:49.163 If you're feeling lost, you can look up my YouTube video titled: 00:10:49.163 --> 00:10:53.204 "Feeling Lost and Ten Steps to Becoming Found" 00:10:53.204 --> 00:10:57.087 3. Change up your life so it feels new. 00:10:57.087 --> 00:11:03.803 This can be as drastic as moving to a whole new city, getting a whole new job, starting a whole new life. 00:11:03.803 --> 00:11:08.614 Or it can be something as simple as rearranging the furniture in your house, redecorating. 00:11:08.614 --> 00:11:10.089 We could cook new foods. 00:11:10.089 --> 00:11:13.013 We could change something about our physical appearance. 00:11:13.013 --> 00:11:18.573 Changing things in your life around, especially things that remind you of the pain of the loss, is crucial. 00:11:18.573 --> 00:11:21.733 Don't be afraid to put away the reminders you have of them. 00:11:21.733 --> 00:11:25.224 This may feel scary because you don't want to lose any more connection with them. 00:11:25.224 --> 00:11:28.881 But remind yourself, you're not burning the reminder of them, 00:11:28.881 --> 00:11:31.115 unless you ofcourse need to do that to let go, 00:11:31.115 --> 00:11:33.376 you're just boxing it up so it's out of sight. 00:11:33.376 --> 00:11:35.483 You can still take it out any time you want to. 00:11:35.483 --> 00:11:39.035 Or throw it away if and when the time ever feels right. 00:11:39.035 --> 00:11:46.616 4. We have to adress our negative beliefs, like core beliefs, that have occurred as a result of this pain. 00:11:46.616 --> 00:11:48.908 Things like: "I'm never gonna trust anyone ever again." 00:11:48.908 --> 00:11:51.555 or "I can't make relationships work." 00:11:51.555 --> 00:11:55.456 We especially want to adress the 'shoulds'. 00:11:55.456 --> 00:11:59.376 What causes us extreme amounts of pain, when it comes to break-ups, 00:11:59.376 --> 00:12:02.636 is the idea that it shouldn't be happening. 00:12:02.636 --> 00:12:06.008 We 'should' be with this person for the rest of our life. 00:12:06.008 --> 00:12:09.695 When we think that something 'should' happen, and it's not happening. 00:12:09.695 --> 00:12:13.380 That's a recipe for emotional disaster. 00:12:13.380 --> 00:12:17.997 So for those of you that want to change these beliefs once you discover what they are, 00:12:17.997 --> 00:12:22.498 go look at my YouTube video titled: "How to Change a Belief". 00:12:22.498 --> 00:12:26.277 Also, look into Byron Katie's work. 00:12:26.277 --> 00:12:31.318 Her process, which is actually called 'The Work', is some of the best that I have found 00:12:31.318 --> 00:12:37.624 when it comes to flipping around your thoughts in a way that you can see a perspective that you didn't see before. 00:12:37.624 --> 00:12:40.999 5. Ask 'Why?' 00:12:40.999 --> 00:12:45.239 Now, a lot of people who coach you through heartbreak are going to tell you to avoid asking why, 00:12:45.239 --> 00:12:48.469 to just drop it all together because it's gonna cause you more pain. 00:12:48.469 --> 00:12:50.550 I could not disagree more. 00:12:50.550 --> 00:12:53.351 It's crucial that we ask why something happened. 00:12:53.351 --> 00:12:56.829 The understanding, in fact, will set us free. 00:12:56.829 --> 00:13:00.275 Not only that, it's important that we learn from every single experience that we have 00:13:00.275 --> 00:13:05.078 so we don't repeat the same patterns and exact the same mistakes again. 00:13:05.078 --> 00:13:09.132 Whilst maintaining the understanding that there's always a much more beautiful and positive 00:13:09.132 --> 00:13:13.420 big picture behind why it ultimately happened, it's crucial that we develop awareness. 00:13:14.230 --> 00:13:20.001 Even when we say we don't know why something happened, we almost always do know why. 00:13:20.001 --> 00:13:23.693 It's just that we aren't admitting it to ourselves because it's too painful. 00:13:23.693 --> 00:13:27.071 6. People come in and out of our lives for a reason. 00:13:27.071 --> 00:13:30.627 We may be telling ourselves the story that they were in our lives for a reason, 00:13:30.627 --> 00:13:36.453 like that they are our soulmate, when in fact they came into our life for an entirely other reason. 00:13:36.453 --> 00:13:39.873 Stay open to the idea that they have come to give you part of the puzzle 00:13:39.873 --> 00:13:44.133 and begin to look for what part or parts of the puzzle they may have come to give you. 00:13:44.133 --> 00:13:48.382 It is very tempting when we feel heartbroken to feel like the world is against us. 00:13:48.382 --> 00:13:51.679 Looking for the positive things that came as a result of the relationship, 00:13:51.679 --> 00:13:55.274 including what the relationship caused you to know that you really want, 00:13:55.274 --> 00:13:59.994 is a great way to get out of the feeling that you have been nothing but harmed. 00:13:59.994 --> 00:14:04.024 7. Sit down and figure out what is right with you. 00:14:04.024 --> 00:14:07.013 When we experience a break-up of any kind, 00:14:07.013 --> 00:14:10.323 usually our self-worth takes a major tank along with it. 00:14:10.323 --> 00:14:15.085 We start telling ourselves the story that there must be something wrong with us. 00:14:15.085 --> 00:14:18.585 Not only that, when it comes to break-ups, this is especially amplified. 00:14:18.585 --> 00:14:25.076 Because obviously, if something wasn't wrong with us, this wouldn't have happened. 00:14:25.076 --> 00:14:31.405 We have to shift our focus to our strengths, and the things that make us worth connecting with. 00:14:31.405 --> 00:14:33.430 If we have a difficult time coming up with this list, 00:14:33.430 --> 00:14:37.613 we can contact our friends and have them each compile a list about us. 00:14:37.613 --> 00:14:45.596 Then, with each item or each strength, we have to figure out how that strength helps us in our life, 00:14:45.596 --> 00:14:50.998 or why it might be beneficial to someone who wants to be in a relationship with us. 00:14:50.998 --> 00:14:55.846 8. Feel the support and connection with other people in your life. 00:14:55.846 --> 00:14:58.367 Find a community. 00:14:58.367 --> 00:15:04.437 A break-up is the most painful thing because it is a loss of connection. 00:15:04.437 --> 00:15:06.507 Obviously, if you find connection in other ways, 00:15:06.507 --> 00:15:10.510 we're not gonna be starving to death for connection to such an extreme degree. 00:15:10.510 --> 00:15:13.418 This is a perfect time to work on receiving energy. 00:15:13.418 --> 00:15:18.313 If you have trouble with receiving, watch my YouTube video titled: "How to receive". 00:15:18.313 --> 00:15:24.170 This will also help you to feel like you're not alone, so anxiety is less likely to be triggered. 00:15:24.170 --> 00:15:27.962 You may not feel capable of connecting with people in the state of pain that you're in, 00:15:27.962 --> 00:15:31.946 but it will help you, because you're suffering from the absence of someone. 00:15:31.946 --> 00:15:36.256 Having the presence of someone does help improve the situation. 00:15:36.256 --> 00:15:39.189 9. Think about the best case scenario. 00:15:39.189 --> 00:15:42.799 When we experience a break-up, we instantly spiral into the worst case scenario 00:15:42.799 --> 00:15:47.231 because our life is enduring a complete collapse. 00:15:47.231 --> 00:15:54.056 Instead, we have to think about the best case scenario in our lives in say a year from now. 00:15:54.056 --> 00:15:55.261 What would we be doing? 00:15:55.261 --> 00:15:57.291 Who would we be with? 00:15:57.291 --> 00:16:02.121 What kinds of new aspects would we see in our lives? 00:16:02.121 --> 00:16:04.553 That's the kind of way we need to start thinking. 00:16:04.553 --> 00:16:08.460 Because the reality is, a break-up may be a closing of one door, 00:16:08.460 --> 00:16:10.742 but that means that another door has opened. 00:16:10.742 --> 00:16:18.492 And just maybe, the door that has opened for you, is the one which will let in what you've actually always wanted. 00:16:18.492 --> 00:16:22.576 10. Let yourself cry when you feel the urge to cry. 00:16:22.576 --> 00:16:27.143 Crying is a detoxification of pent up emotional energy. 00:16:27.143 --> 00:16:30.142 Suppression is the opposite of healing. 00:16:30.142 --> 00:16:35.092 Crying may feel embarrassing, but it's important to get over the social stigma and let it out. 00:16:35.092 --> 00:16:37.732 11. Relax your body. 00:16:37.732 --> 00:16:42.552 Relaxing your body, relaxes the mind and relaxing the mind relaxes the body. 00:16:42.552 --> 00:16:44.024 It's a two way street. 00:16:44.024 --> 00:16:48.554 We can use this to our advantage because often when we're in the middle of a break-up, 00:16:48.554 --> 00:16:51.925 we can't relax our mind no matter what we try to do. 00:16:51.925 --> 00:16:55.054 So we can try to relax our body instead. 00:16:55.054 --> 00:16:59.174 We need to take whatever steps we can to get our body into a state of ease. 00:16:59.174 --> 00:17:02.612 This means: put on a song that positively alters the way you feel. 00:17:02.612 --> 00:17:03.834 Or get a massage. 00:17:03.834 --> 00:17:06.635 Or do yoga, or exercise, 00:17:06.635 --> 00:17:08.614 or paint or sculpt 00:17:08.614 --> 00:17:11.505 or do breathing exercises specifically for stress 00:17:11.505 --> 00:17:13.725 or taking Epsom Salt baths. 00:17:13.725 --> 00:17:16.484 Do anything that would bring your body into a state of ease. 00:17:17.344 --> 00:17:20.546 12. Meditate daily. 00:17:20.546 --> 00:17:25.716 Meditation enables us to release our thoughts so our thoughts can stop. 00:17:25.716 --> 00:17:28.666 It gives us an extreme amount of relief. 00:17:28.666 --> 00:17:31.425 This is really important during a break-up. 00:17:31.425 --> 00:17:37.952 It also allows us to connect with our Source aspect, with the spiritual realms 00:17:37.952 --> 00:17:41.368 and that enables us to see a bigger perspective. 00:17:41.368 --> 00:17:46.856 That bigger perspective is, ofcourse, very important when we're living a painful subjective reality. 00:17:46.856 --> 00:17:52.198 Also, when we meditate, we come into a state of allowing, which is the most healing of all states. 00:17:52.198 --> 00:17:58.137 13. Write in our gratitude or our positive aspects journal. 00:17:58.137 --> 00:18:02.676 When we experience a break-up, the world essentially turns black. 00:18:02.676 --> 00:18:06.273 We can't see any positive, we can only focus on the negative 00:18:06.273 --> 00:18:09.207 and we're spiraling out of control. 00:18:09.207 --> 00:18:12.889 So one of the best things you can do, especially first thing in the morning, 00:18:12.889 --> 00:18:15.818 and last thing before you go to bed at night, 00:18:15.818 --> 00:18:20.812 is to force yourself to write a full page of things that you either feel grateful for, 00:18:20.812 --> 00:18:26.523 appreciate or things that feel good to think about or look at, or experience. 00:18:26.523 --> 00:18:30.969 When you're in emotional pain, it's best to think small. 00:18:30.969 --> 00:18:35.393 Let's be honest, the big things in our life aren't really going so well right now. 00:18:35.393 --> 00:18:40.967 So what we have to do is to focus on the very little things which cause us to feel positive emotion 00:18:40.967 --> 00:18:44.560 when we think about them or look at them or when we experience them. 00:18:44.560 --> 00:18:46.319 And be honest. 00:18:46.319 --> 00:18:50.690 You can only put things on this list that genuinely feel good to put down. 00:18:50.690 --> 00:18:55.531 Not things you think you 'should' put down because they 'should' feel good right now. 00:18:55.531 --> 00:19:00.523 When we do this before bed, our sleep will be better and we will wake up in the same vibration we went to sleep in 00:19:00.523 --> 00:19:02.087 which is improved. 00:19:02.087 --> 00:19:05.202 When we wake up and do this, we set the stage for the rest of the day. 00:19:05.202 --> 00:19:08.755 This is especially important if we're going through a heartbreak because when we're heartbroken, 00:19:08.755 --> 00:19:12.682 we usually wake up and the heartbreak hit us like a semi truck again 00:19:12.682 --> 00:19:17.062 and the rest of the day we spend just trying to cope and stay alive instead of living. 00:19:17.062 --> 00:19:20.663 14. Practice the art of self-love. 00:19:20.663 --> 00:19:25.614 Now, I'm fully aware, that when you're going through a heartbreak because you've lost love 00:19:25.614 --> 00:19:28.824 and somebody comes in and says "love yourself" 00:19:28.824 --> 00:19:34.180 it feels horrible because it's almost like I'm telling you "you're gonna be alone for the rest of your life". 00:19:34.180 --> 00:19:36.273 But that's not what I'm saying. 00:19:36.273 --> 00:19:39.224 This universe operates according to the 'law of attraction'. 00:19:39.224 --> 00:19:40.704 It is like a big mirror. 00:19:40.704 --> 00:19:44.274 So whatever vibration we hold is reflected by the universe. 00:19:44.274 --> 00:19:47.243 So the more love we send in our own direction, 00:19:47.243 --> 00:19:51.343 the more people will come into our life who will also send love in our direction. 00:19:52.253 --> 00:19:56.233 Self hurt is behind self hate. 00:19:56.233 --> 00:19:59.145 So loving yourself will also prevent you from hurting yourself, 00:19:59.145 --> 00:20:04.941 which to add injury to injury, is a common side effect of heartbreak. 00:20:04.941 --> 00:20:11.746 I've written a book called "Shadows Before Dawn" which is a book that teaches you how to love yourself. 00:20:11.746 --> 00:20:15.456 It's scheduled for release in may of 2015. 00:20:15.456 --> 00:20:19.446 So hopefully by the time you're watching this, that book will be released. 00:20:19.446 --> 00:20:21.648 If you'd like to learn how to love yourself. 00:20:21.648 --> 00:20:23.469 Pick up a copy of the book. 00:20:23.469 --> 00:20:27.219 15. We need to allow ourselves to gain closure. 00:20:27.219 --> 00:20:32.158 So right now, ask yourself "What do I need in order to gain closure?" 00:20:32.158 --> 00:20:36.542 Figure out what loose ends are preventing you from moving forward in your life. 00:20:36.542 --> 00:20:38.651 Maybe your feel like you need to apologize. 00:20:38.651 --> 00:20:41.060 Maybe you feel like you need to ask 'why'. 00:20:41.060 --> 00:20:44.391 Maybe you need to find out how to avoid the same mistake in the future. 00:20:44.391 --> 00:20:47.037 Maybe you have to give something away that you've been keeping. 00:20:47.037 --> 00:20:49.470 Maybe you have to have a symbolic ceremony. 00:20:49.470 --> 00:20:52.660 Let yourself gain closure in whatever way you need to. 00:20:52.660 --> 00:20:55.920 16. Seek out therapy. 00:20:55.920 --> 00:21:01.593 There are so many types of therapies that you wanna do research to find which one resonates the most with you. 00:21:01.593 --> 00:21:03.295 But just for your information. 00:21:03.295 --> 00:21:09.422 There are entire therapy modalities which deal entirely with relationship loss. 00:21:09.422 --> 00:21:14.883 If you have lost your secure attachment to somebody because a relationships has ended, 00:21:14.883 --> 00:21:19.383 or there's been a break-up regardless of whether your relationship has ended or not, 00:21:19.383 --> 00:21:23.715 a therapist can actually be a secure attachment figure for you. 00:21:24.635 --> 00:21:29.123 This is in fact the main reason why therapy is so therapeutic. 00:21:29.123 --> 00:21:31.724 We need to be able to get help when we feel like we need help 00:21:31.724 --> 00:21:34.384 and heartbreak is a valid reason to seek out help. 00:21:34.384 --> 00:21:36.913 Allow yourself to feel sorry for your loss. 00:21:36.913 --> 00:21:43.016 The people who stay stuck in heartbreak are usually the people who never fully let themselves grieve or feel sorry for the loss. 00:21:43.016 --> 00:21:45.936 In reality, we are all made up of the same energy. 00:21:45.936 --> 00:21:49.436 We are all a part of a unified energetic field. 00:21:49.436 --> 00:21:53.105 And so, we cannot really lose anyone or anything. 00:21:53.105 --> 00:21:57.636 We can only create the illusion that we have lost that particular thing. 00:21:57.636 --> 00:22:00.396 Ultimately there is no coming and there is no going. 00:22:00.396 --> 00:22:04.484 You cannot lose your interconnectedness because it is the basis of all that is. 00:22:04.484 --> 00:22:07.165 Pain is temporary. 00:22:07.165 --> 00:22:09.145 It doesn't feel like it when you're in the middle of it, 00:22:09.145 --> 00:22:13.069 which is why pain is so incredibly excruciating. 00:22:13.069 --> 00:22:17.027 But your pain is like a crying child. 00:22:17.027 --> 00:22:18.906 Treat it like that. 00:22:18.906 --> 00:22:21.669 Your pain is not trying to hurt you. 00:22:21.669 --> 00:22:23.708 It is, instead, the one that is hurting. 00:22:23.708 --> 00:22:26.240 And it is crying out for your help. 00:22:26.240 --> 00:22:27.602 Have a good week.