The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained.
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0:01 - 0:04I was born and raised in North Korea.
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0:04 - 0:09Although my family constantly struggled against poverty,
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0:09 - 0:13I was always loved and cared for first,
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0:13 - 0:15because I was the only son
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0:15 - 0:18and the youngest of two in the family.
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0:18 - 0:22But then the great famine began in 1994.
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0:22 - 0:24I was four years old.
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0:24 - 0:28My sister and I would go searching for firewood
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0:28 - 0:30starting at 5 in the morning
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0:30 - 0:33and come back after midnight.
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0:33 - 0:37I would wander the streets searching for food,
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0:37 - 0:39and I remember seeing a small child
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0:39 - 0:42tied to a mother's back eating chips,
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0:42 - 0:45and wanting to steal them from him.
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0:45 - 0:50Hunger is humiliation. Hunger is hopelessness.
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0:50 - 0:53For a hungry child, politics and freedom
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0:53 - 0:56are not even thought of.
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0:56 - 0:58On my ninth birthday, my parents
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0:58 - 1:02couldn't give me any food to eat.
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1:02 - 1:06But even as a child, I could feel the heaviness
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1:06 - 1:09in their hearts.
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1:09 - 1:14Over a million North Koreans died of starvation in that time,
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1:14 - 1:18and in 2003, when I was 13 years old,
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1:18 - 1:21my father became one of them.
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1:21 - 1:24I saw my father wither away and die.
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1:24 - 1:29In the same year, my mother disappeared one day,
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1:29 - 1:30and then my sister told me
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1:30 - 1:33that she was going to China to earn money,
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1:33 - 1:37but that she would return with money and food soon.
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1:37 - 1:40Since we had never been separated,
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1:40 - 1:43and I thought we would be together forever,
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1:43 - 1:47I didn't even give her a hug when she left.
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1:47 - 1:51It was the biggest mistake I have ever made in my life.
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1:51 - 1:53But again, I didn't know
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1:53 - 1:56it was going to be a long goodbye.
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1:56 - 2:01I have not seen my mom or my sister since then.
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2:01 - 2:06Suddenly, I became an orphan and homeless.
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2:06 - 2:09My daily life became very hard,
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2:09 - 2:11but very simple.
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2:11 - 2:15My goal was to find a dusty piece of bread in the trash.
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2:15 - 2:18But that is no way to survive.
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2:18 - 2:22I started to realize, begging would not be the solution.
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2:22 - 2:28So I started to steal from food carts in illegal markets.
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2:28 - 2:31Sometimes, I found small jobs
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2:31 - 2:33in exchange for food.
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2:33 - 2:36Once, I even spent two months in the winter
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2:36 - 2:38working in a coal mine,
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2:38 - 2:4433 meters underground without any protection
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2:44 - 2:47for up to 16 hours a day.
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2:47 - 2:49I was not uncommon.
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2:49 - 2:57Many other orphans survived this way, or worse.
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2:57 - 3:01When I could not fall asleep from bitter cold
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3:01 - 3:03or hunger pains,
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3:03 - 3:05I hoped that, the next morning,
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3:05 - 3:08my sister would come back to wake me up
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3:08 - 3:10with my favorite food.
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3:10 - 3:13That hope kept me alive.
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3:13 - 3:16I don't mean big, grand hope.
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3:16 - 3:19I mean the kind of hope that made me believe
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3:19 - 3:22that the next trash can had bread,
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3:22 - 3:25even though it usually didn't.
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3:25 - 3:28But if I didn't believe it, I wouldn't even try,
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3:28 - 3:30and then I would die.
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3:30 - 3:34Hope kept me alive.
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3:34 - 3:37Every day, I told myself,
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3:37 - 3:40no matter how hard things got,
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3:40 - 3:44still I must live.
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3:44 - 3:48After three years of waiting for my sister's return,
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3:48 - 3:52I decided to go to China to look for her myself.
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3:52 - 3:55I realized
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3:55 - 3:59I couldn't survive much longer this way.
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3:59 - 4:02I knew the journey would be risky,
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4:02 - 4:04but I would be risking my life either way.
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4:04 - 4:09I could die of starvation like my father in North Korea,
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4:09 - 4:12or at least I could try for a better life
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4:12 - 4:15by escaping to China.
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4:15 - 4:19I had learned that many people tried to cross
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4:19 - 4:23the border to China in the nighttime to avoid being seen.
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4:23 - 4:27North Korean border guards often shoot and kill people
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4:27 - 4:31trying to cross the border without permission.
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4:31 - 4:33Chinese soldiers will catch
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4:33 - 4:35and send back North Koreans,
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4:35 - 4:40where they face severe punishment.
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4:40 - 4:43I decided to cross during the day,
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4:43 - 4:48first because I was still a kid and scared of the dark,
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4:48 - 4:53second because I knew I was already taking a risk,
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4:53 - 4:56and since not many people tried to cross during the day,
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4:56 - 4:58I thought I might be able to cross
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4:58 - 5:01without being seen by anyone.
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5:01 - 5:05I made it to China on February 15, 2006.
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5:05 - 5:07I was 16 years old.
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5:07 - 5:10I thought things in China would be easier,
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5:10 - 5:14since there was more food.
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5:14 - 5:17I thought more people would help me.
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5:17 - 5:21But it was harder than living in North Korea,
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5:21 - 5:22because I was not free.
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5:22 - 5:25I was always worried about being caught
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5:25 - 5:28and sent back.
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5:28 - 5:31By a miracle, some months later,
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5:31 - 5:33I met someone who was running
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5:33 - 5:36an underground shelter for North Koreans,
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5:36 - 5:39and was allowed to live there
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5:39 - 5:44and eat regular meals for the first time in many years.
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5:44 - 5:48Later that year, an activist helped me escape China
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5:48 - 5:53and go to the United States as a refugee.
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5:53 - 5:56I went to America without knowing a word of English,
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5:56 - 6:00yet my social worker told me that I had to go to high school.
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6:00 - 6:04Even in North Korea, I was an F student.
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6:04 - 6:06(Laughter)
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6:06 - 6:10And I barely finished elementary school.
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6:10 - 6:13And I remember I fought in school more than once a day.
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6:13 - 6:17Textbooks and the library were not my playground.
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6:17 - 6:21My father tried very hard to motivate me into studying,
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6:21 - 6:23but it didn't work.
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6:23 - 6:26At one point, my father gave up on me.
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6:26 - 6:30He said, "You're not my son anymore."
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6:30 - 6:35I was only 11 or 12, but it hurt me deeply.
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6:35 - 6:38But nevertheless, my level of motivation
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6:38 - 6:42still didn't change before he died.
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6:42 - 6:45So in America, it was kind of ridiculous
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6:45 - 6:48that they said I should go to high school.
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6:48 - 6:51I didn't even go to middle school.
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6:51 - 6:54I decided to go, just because they told me to,
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6:54 - 6:56without trying much.
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6:56 - 7:00But one day, I came home and my foster mother
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7:00 - 7:03had made chicken wings for dinner.
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7:03 - 7:06And during dinner, I wanted to have one more wing,
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7:06 - 7:09but I realized there were not enough for everyone,
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7:09 - 7:13so I decided against it.
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7:13 - 7:15When I looked down at my plate,
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7:15 - 7:20I saw the last chicken wing, that my foster father had given me his.
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7:20 - 7:23I was so happy.
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7:23 - 7:25I looked at him sitting next to me.
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7:25 - 7:28He just looked back at me very warmly,
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7:28 - 7:31but said no words.
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7:31 - 7:36Suddenly I remembered my biological father.
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7:36 - 7:39My foster father's small act of love
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7:39 - 7:41reminded me of my father,
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7:41 - 7:44who would love to share his food with me
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7:44 - 7:49when he was hungry, even if he was starving.
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7:49 - 7:53I felt so suffocated that I had so much food in America,
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7:53 - 7:56yet my father died of starvation.
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7:56 - 8:01My only wish that night was to cook a meal for him,
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8:01 - 8:04and that night I also thought of what else I could do
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8:04 - 8:06to honor him.
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8:06 - 8:09And my answer was to promise to myself
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8:09 - 8:13that I would study hard and get the best education
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8:13 - 8:16in America to honor his sacrifice.
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8:16 - 8:19I took school seriously,
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8:19 - 8:21and for the first time ever in my life,
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8:21 - 8:25I received an academic award for excellence,
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8:25 - 8:31and made dean's list from the first semester in high school.
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8:31 - 8:39(Applause)
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8:39 - 8:41That chicken wing changed my life.
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8:41 - 8:45(Laughter)
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8:45 - 8:49Hope is personal. Hope is something
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8:49 - 8:51that no one can give to you.
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8:51 - 8:54You have to choose to believe in hope.
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8:54 - 8:58You have to make it yourself.
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8:58 - 9:01In North Korea, I made it myself.
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9:01 - 9:04Hope brought me to America.
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9:04 - 9:07But in America, I didn't know what to do,
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9:07 - 9:12because I had this overwhelming freedom.
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9:12 - 9:16My foster father at that dinner gave me a direction,
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9:16 - 9:19and he motivated me and gave me a purpose
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9:19 - 9:23to live in America.
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9:23 - 9:26I did not come here by myself.
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9:26 - 9:31I had hope, but hope by itself is not enough.
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9:31 - 9:35Many people helped me along the way to get here.
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9:35 - 9:39North Koreans are fighting hard to survive.
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9:39 - 9:42They have to force themselves to survive,
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9:42 - 9:45have hope to survive,
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9:45 - 9:50but they cannot make it without help.
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9:50 - 9:52This is my message to you.
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9:52 - 9:55Have hope for yourself,
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9:55 - 9:58but also help each other.
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9:58 - 10:04Life can be hard for everyone, wherever you live.
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10:04 - 10:08My foster father didn't intend to change my life.
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10:08 - 10:12In the same way, you may also change someone's life
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10:12 - 10:17with even the smallest act of love.
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10:17 - 10:22A piece of bread can satisfy your hunger,
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10:22 - 10:25and having the hope will bring you bread
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10:25 - 10:28to keep you alive.
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10:28 - 10:31But I confidently believe that
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10:31 - 10:34your act of love and caring
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10:34 - 10:38can also save another Joseph's life
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10:38 - 10:43and change thousands of other Josephs
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10:43 - 10:47who are still having hope to survive.
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10:47 - 10:48Thank you.
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10:48 - 10:57(Applause)
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11:25 - 11:27Adrian Hong: Joseph, thank you for sharing
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11:27 - 11:31that very personal and special story with us.
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11:31 - 11:34I know you haven't seen your sister for, you said,
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11:34 - 11:36it was almost exactly a decade,
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11:36 - 11:39and in the off chance that she may be able to see this,
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11:39 - 11:40we wanted to give you an opportunity
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11:40 - 11:43to send her a message.
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11:43 - 11:44Joseph Kim: In Korean?
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11:44 - 11:46AH: You can do English, then Korean as well.
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11:46 - 11:50(Laughter)
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11:50 - 11:53JK: Okay, I'm not going to make it any longer in Korean
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11:53 - 11:55because I don't think I can make it
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11:55 - 11:59without tearing up.
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11:59 - 12:04Nuna, it has been already 10 years
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12:04 - 12:10that I haven’t seen you.
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12:10 - 12:14I just wanted to say
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12:14 - 12:18that I miss you, and I love you,
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12:18 - 12:22and please come back to me and stay alive.
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12:22 - 12:27And I -- oh, gosh.
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12:27 - 12:31I still haven't given up my hope to see you.
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12:34 - 12:38I will live my life happily
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12:38 - 12:42and study hard
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12:42 - 12:44until I see you,
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12:44 - 12:48and I promise I will not cry again.
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12:48 - 12:50(Laughter)
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12:50 - 12:52Yes, I'm just looking forward to seeing you,
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12:52 - 12:55and if you can't find me,
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12:55 - 12:58I will also look for you,
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12:58 - 13:00and I hope to see you one day.
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13:00 - 13:04And can I also make a small message to my mom?
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13:04 - 13:05AH: Sure, please.
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13:05 - 13:08JK: I haven't spent much time with you,
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13:08 - 13:10but I know that you still love me,
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13:10 - 13:13and you probably still pray for me
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13:13 - 13:16and think about me.
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13:16 - 13:18I just wanted to say thank you
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13:18 - 13:22for letting me be in this world.
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13:22 - 13:23Thank you.
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13:23 - 13:29(Applause)
- Title:
- The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained.
- Speaker:
- Joseph Kim
- Description:
-
A refugee now living in the US, Joseph Kim tells the story of his life in North Korea during the famine years. He's begun to create a new life -- but he still searches for the family he lost.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 13:34
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained. | ||
Thu-Huong Ha approved English subtitles for The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained. | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained. | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained. | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained. | ||
Thu-Huong Ha edited English subtitles for The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained. | ||
Morton Bast edited English subtitles for The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained. | ||
Morton Bast accepted English subtitles for The family I lost in North Korea. And the family I gained. |