-
>>HEY CHIEF.
-
I JUST GOT A CALL ABOUT THE GUY WHO ROBBED
-
THAT JEWELRY STORE.
-
>>GOOD, DID YOU GET A DESCRIPTION?
-
>>YEAH.HE'S TALL, HISPANIC-
-
>>WHOA! PETERSON!
-
THAT'S KIND OF RACIST.
-
DON'T YOU THINK?
-
>>SAYING HIS ETHNICITY IS RACIST?
-
>>YES!
-
WHAT IF THE GUY IS MIDDLE EASTERN?
-
OR HALF-HISPANIC, HALF-FILIPINO?
-
>>I'M HALF FILIPINO.
-
>>AND HOW WOULD YOU FEEL IF SOMEONE SAID YOU WERE HISPANIC,
-
ROGERS?
-
>>EXCITED?
-
>>NO, NO.
-
THAT IS WRONG.
-
YOU'D FEEL DISCRIMINATED.
-
>>SO HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DESCRIBE THE PERPETRATOR
-
WITHOUT SAYING HIS ETHNICITY?
-
>>UM, I DON'T KNOW? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF HEIGHT?
-
WEIGHT?
-
TO WHAT DEGREE THEY LOOK LIKE KEVIN BACON.
-
>>OKAY, BUT THOSE THINGS CAN
-
ONLY TAKE YOU SO FAR.
-
>>OKAY JONES.
-
YOU OF ALL PEOPLE SHOULD KNOW THERE ARE OTHER
-
WAYS TO DESCRIBE SOMEONE.
-
>>OK. WHAT DO YOU MEAN ME OF ALL PEOPLE?
-
>>BECAUSE YOU'RE SHORT.
-
>>TOUCHÉ.
-
>>NOW, WHAT WAS YOUR PERP WEARING?
-
>>HE WAS WEARING A SOMBRERO.
-
>>YOU CAN'T SAY THAT EITHER!
-
PEOPLE WILL TOTALLY THINK YOU'RE PROFILING.
-
>>BUT THAT WAS ACTUALLY WHAT HE WAS WEARING!
-
>>OK PETERSON, NOT EVERYTHING IS ONE
-
COLOR AND ANOTHER COLOR.
-
>>YOU MEAN BLACK AND WHITE?
-
>>I'M THIS CLOSE TO TAKING YOUR BADGE.
-
NOW READ YOUR REPORT BACK TO ME WITHOUT THE OFFENSIVE PARTS.
-
>>NOTHING IN THE DESCRIPTION IS OFFENSIVE,
-
BUT OKAY, MY SEARCH REQUEST IS FOR A
-
PERSON WITH AN ACCENT FROM SOMEWHERE ELSE,
-
WHO IS WEARING A TRADITIONAL HAT FROM A CULTURE,
-
HE IS ALSO SIX FEET TALL-
-
>>WHOA.
-
CAN'T SAY THAT EITHER.
-
THAT'S OFFENSIVE TO EUROPEANS.
-
>>WHAT?
-
>>SOME PEOPLE USE THE METRIC SYSTEM!
-
I FIND IT BEST JUST TO COMPARE PEOPLE TO THE
-
HEIGHT OF OTHER THINGS.
-
WAS HE AS TALL AS A TREE OR AS SHORT AS A
SMALLER TREE?
-
>>OKAY NO ONE WILL EVER FIND HIM!
-
HE COULD BE A BILLION DIFFERENT PEOPLE!
-
>>GREAT!
-
WE'VE ALREADY NARROWED IT DOWN BY SIX BILLION PEOPLE!
-
>>OKAY, LET'S SAY I NEEDED TO FILE A
-
REPORT FOR A 45-YEAR OLD FEMALE DRUG DEALER WITH A-
-
>>AH, NO YOU CAN'T SAY FEMALE; SEXISM.
-
WHAT IF IT TURNS OUT SHE'S A MAN WITH VERY
FEMININE LEGS?
-
I'M LIKE THAT.
-
>>WOW.
-
>>OK.
-
>>ALRIGHT.
-
SO I HAVE TO SAY, I WANT TO REPORT A
-
45-YEAR OLD HOUR GLASS SHAPED FORM?
-
>>YEAH, BUT WATCH HOW YOU SAY SHE'S 45.
-
YOU MADE IT SOUND LIKE YOU THOUGHT THAT WAS OLD.
-
MAKE IT SOUND MORE CELEBRATORY.
-
>>45!
-
>>NO NOT LIKE IT'S BETTER THAN ANY OTHER AGE.
-
>>45.
-
>>PERFECT.
-
>>HEY CAPTAIN, UPDATE ON THE BANK ROBBERY
CASE.
-
I NEED A WARRANT OUT FOR A JUNIPER BUSH-HEIGHT THING WITH A
-
NICE FACE WHO DRESSES FANCY.
-
>>YEAH, AND EVERYONE BE ON THE LOOKOUT
-
FOR A HUMAN BEING WEARING PANTS.
-
THEY WERE LAST SEEN AT A STORE THAT SPECIALIZES IN
-
THINGS SOME PEOPLE LIKE, BUT OTHERS DON'T
-
AND THAT'S OKAY.
-
>>SEE?
-
HANSEN AND WATTS GOT THE MEMO.
-
GOOD LUCK GUYS!
-
YOU'LL GET HIM OR HER OR IT!
-
>>THOSE SENTENCES DESCRIBED NOTHING ABOUT ANYONE!
-
>>YEAH, FOR ALL WE KNOW,
-
ONE OF THOSE WARRANTS COULD BE FOR YOU!
-
>>WHAT?
-
YOU COULD BE THE HEIGHT OF A JUNIPER BUSH.
-
>>YEAH.
-
>>UH CLEARLY I'M THE SIZE OF A DOUGLAS FIR!
-
LOOK PEOPLE, THIS IS THE WORLD
-
WE LIVE IN NOW.
-
SO TAKE YOUR SKINS OF VARIOUS PERFECTLY HUED TONES OUT
-
OF HERE AND GET TO WORK!
-
>>CATCH THAT JUNIPER BUSH-HEIGHT,
-
FANCY DRESSED THING!
-
>>HEY DID YOU GUYS SEE THAT GYPSY?
-
HILARIOUS
-
>>WHAT?
