Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen
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0:07 - 0:08All right!
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0:08 - 0:10Today, I am going to talk about
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0:10 - 0:12a worry that I have.
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0:12 - 0:14And it is one that I think
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0:14 - 0:17a lot of women in
their 30s and 40s might share. -
0:18 - 0:22I think I maybe forgot
to accidentally get pregnant. -
0:22 - 0:25(Laughter)
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0:25 - 0:28So, let me break that down
a little bit, ok ? -
0:29 - 0:31Years ago, when the possibility
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0:31 - 0:34of me accidentally becoming
pregnant became a possibility. -
0:35 - 0:37I took care of business.
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0:37 - 0:38I did my research,
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0:38 - 0:41I made an appointment way ahead of time,
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0:41 - 0:42I read everything.
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0:43 - 0:45It was my way. It is still my way.
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0:45 - 0:49I can spend three hours researching
which to flanel sheets to buy, -
0:50 - 0:53I definitely read fine print
on shampoo bottles, -
0:53 - 0:54this is my way.
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0:54 - 0:58So, of course when the time came,
I was on top of that. -
0:58 - 0:59I was on top of that.
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1:00 - 1:03And, of course, I was.
I have been told for a long time -
1:03 - 1:08that it was... that having a baby
too young was bad. -
1:08 - 1:12Having a baby outside of
the committed relationship was bad. -
1:12 - 1:17Having a baby without enough
folic acid in my blood was bad. -
1:17 - 1:19So, I listened to this.
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1:19 - 1:21And, I took it very seriously.
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1:22 - 1:26So of course, I was on top
of that situation by that time. -
1:26 - 1:30But, in my 20's, I had things to do.
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1:30 - 1:32I was busy having a life,
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1:32 - 1:34I was busy having the experiences
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1:34 - 1:36I needed
to get that first internship, -
1:37 - 1:41to get that first job,
the second job, then grad school... -
1:42 - 1:43I was learning things,
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1:43 - 1:46I was learning about myself,
and I dated. -
1:46 - 1:47I dated great people.
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1:47 - 1:49Just nobody that ever
made me feel like -
1:49 - 1:51it was really urgent
to have a baby. -
1:53 - 1:55So, here I am, mid 30's.
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1:56 - 1:57I have done neat things.
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1:57 - 1:59I like who I am.
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1:59 - 2:01I even almost have Ph.D.
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2:01 - 2:04But then I look around,
then I think, Oh! -
2:05 - 2:06Oh! So, if I'm going to have a baby,
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2:06 - 2:09this is going to need to...
this is gonna need to happen soon. -
2:09 - 2:13And there is a lot of fear mongering
out there in the media. -
2:13 - 2:15Some of that is true.
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2:15 - 2:18There is a greater risk of
not being able to get pregnant -
2:18 - 2:20after a certain age.
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2:20 - 2:23And there are risks that
your child might have a problem. -
2:24 - 2:27But a lot of that is actually overblown.
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2:27 - 2:29But knowing that there are some risks,
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2:29 - 2:32you'd think that a planner
like myself would have a plan. -
2:32 - 2:33But, I don't have a plan.
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2:34 - 2:36I'm not sure how I feel about that.
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2:36 - 2:37I'm not even sure
what a plan would look like. -
2:37 - 2:39Would a plan be an Okcupid profile?
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2:39 - 2:41Would the plan be freezing my eggs?
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2:41 - 2:43Would that be buying a house?
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2:43 - 2:45I am... I really am not sure.
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2:47 - 2:49And I know that I am not alone.
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2:49 - 2:51Lots of women are waiting
to have children -
2:51 - 2:53or deciding not to have children.
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2:54 - 2:55In 2008,
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2:55 - 3:01the average age for a woman
to have her first child was 25.1 years. -
3:01 - 3:04In 1970's, it was 21.4.
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3:04 - 3:07That was the average age
to have her first child. -
3:07 - 3:14Also in 1970, only 1 out of 100 women
had a baby past age 35. -
3:15 - 3:16Now it is 1 in 5.
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3:17 - 3:19So, this is changing that's
affecting a lot of people. -
3:19 - 3:22And there is a lot of reasons
for this change. -
3:22 - 3:24Of course, there is a birth control now,
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3:24 - 3:26so women have a lot more control
over their fertility. -
3:28 - 3:31We also getting married later
and less frequently. -
3:31 - 3:34But then a lot of women
are also working more, -
3:34 - 3:37so we have got issues to think about like
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3:37 - 3:38if we can take the maternity leave,
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3:38 - 3:41will we lose traction in our jobs,
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3:41 - 3:44lose money in our paychecks, maybe?
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3:44 - 3:47A lot of women are also
pursuing higher education, -
3:47 - 3:51so you spend all that time in training
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3:51 - 3:53and there is a different, you know,
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3:53 - 3:55a different question at the end of that.
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3:55 - 3:58Do I want to risk my training,
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3:58 - 4:02the profitability I have, the career
I worked for, to have a child? -
4:02 - 4:03And it is a question.
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4:04 - 4:05And, you know,
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4:05 - 4:07these reasons why women
maybe are having children later -
4:07 - 4:09or deciding not to,
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4:09 - 4:12tap into another debate
about how we support -
4:12 - 4:14women with children
who also choose to work. -
4:14 - 4:16And there are policies
that work great for that. -
4:16 - 4:20For example, maternity leave
is really important, -
4:21 - 4:23flexible schedules are really important,
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4:23 - 4:25and child care is really important.
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4:25 - 4:26In some places, these are available.
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4:26 - 4:29But they're definitely not
available consistently. -
4:29 - 4:31And even when they are available,
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4:31 - 4:34they don't necessarily alleviate
all the anxiety -
4:34 - 4:36of trying to "have it all".
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4:38 - 4:41So, there's this
complicated set of factors, -
4:41 - 4:43and women are making
their own decisions about -
4:43 - 4:45what to do about this
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4:45 - 4:47and make sense with all this in flux.
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4:47 - 4:51And by the way, young women
know all about the struggles -
4:51 - 4:54that other women face
in having children. -
4:54 - 4:56And they maybe
making decisions based on that. -
4:56 - 4:58It makes sense to feel ambivalent about
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4:58 - 5:00whether you want to have a child.
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5:00 - 5:04And, amid this complicated
set of factors though, -
5:04 - 5:06we see in the media
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5:06 - 5:10portrayals of women
in their 30's as baby crazy. -
5:11 - 5:13She is a walking uterus.
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5:13 - 5:15She is baby-daddy hunting.
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5:16 - 5:17Baby panic...
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5:18 - 5:21And for goodness sake,
poor Jennifer Aniston! -
5:21 - 5:22(Laughter)
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5:22 - 5:23We're putting this out there
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5:23 - 5:25that women in the 30's
are baby crazy, or -
5:25 - 5:26need to be baby crazy or
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5:26 - 5:29if you partner with a woman in her 30's,
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5:29 - 5:31you need to be worried
about her baby crazy. -
5:31 - 5:34So, being the researcher that I am,
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5:34 - 5:36I decided to take a look at
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5:36 - 5:39what was in literature about
how women like me -
5:39 - 5:41feel about their future fertility.
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5:41 - 5:42What they were thinking about it.
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5:42 - 5:44How they were feeling about it.
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5:44 - 5:45But you know what?
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5:46 - 5:47There is nothing out there.
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5:47 - 5:49There is no research.
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5:49 - 5:52There is plenty of research
on women experiencing in fertility. -
5:52 - 5:54But, there is nothing on women
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5:54 - 5:56in this biological clock worry place
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5:56 - 5:58that we hear so much about.
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5:59 - 6:03So, the whole baby panic thing
is totally anecdotal. -
6:03 - 6:04No research on it.
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6:05 - 6:06Well, I decided to change that
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6:06 - 6:10and I just recently completed
my doctoral dissertation, -
6:10 - 6:13in which I got information
from 600 women -
6:13 - 6:15between the ages of 25 and 40,
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6:15 - 6:17about their thoughts and feelings,
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6:17 - 6:21and how much they were worrying
about this idea of future fertility. -
6:22 - 6:2525... 600 women who had
never had children so far. -
6:27 - 6:28And here is what I found.
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6:28 - 6:32First, women really, really
want to talk about this topic. -
6:33 - 6:36I had planned to get
200 people to participate, -
6:36 - 6:37and I got that in 12 hours.
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6:37 - 6:38No problem.
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6:39 - 6:41And ... women just
really wanted to participate. -
6:41 - 6:44Not only that they participated
fully in the survey, -
6:44 - 6:46but I had open-ended questions
at the end -
6:46 - 6:48where they could elaborate on
what they were thinking and feeling. -
6:48 - 6:51Everyone filled it out in detail.
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6:51 - 6:54My poor boyfriend helped me
read all those, by the way. -
6:54 - 6:58So, what I found is women really,
really want to talk about this. -
6:58 - 7:01and, I am really excited
to be talking to them about it. -
7:01 - 7:04I think it is really interesting thing
that we need to talk more about. -
7:05 - 7:07Two, I found that women are worrying.
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7:08 - 7:10This worry about future fertility is real.
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7:11 - 7:12But, at the moderate level.
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7:12 - 7:15They are worrying about it
along with other things like -
7:15 - 7:16how they are going to pay the bills,
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7:16 - 7:18how they are going
to take care of their parents. -
7:18 - 7:21it's one of many background stressors
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7:21 - 7:23that we all have.
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7:23 - 7:25There is no baby panic.
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7:25 - 7:28The worriers are at moderate level.
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7:29 - 7:30Third, I found,
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7:30 - 7:32and this is really interesting,
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7:32 - 7:35I expected that the women
who are worrying the most -
7:35 - 7:38would be the oldest
of those women in my study. -
7:38 - 7:41That would actually increase with age.
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7:41 - 7:42But, that's not the case,
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7:42 - 7:44not the case at all.
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7:44 - 7:46In fact, the thing that was
most closely related -
7:46 - 7:48to high levels of worry
about future fertility -
7:48 - 7:50was a little measure that I put in there
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7:50 - 7:52about the importance of motherhood:
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7:52 - 7:55how much the women
valued that as an identity; -
7:55 - 7:58how much she wanted that in her future.
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7:58 - 7:59Which it makes sense, right?
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7:59 - 8:00The women who are worried
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8:00 - 8:02are the ones who
really care about this topic. -
8:02 - 8:05And that was different across the board.
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8:05 - 8:07And then, fourth,
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8:07 - 8:10I found that high levels of worry
about future fertility -
8:10 - 8:15were not necessarily related to
clinical depression or clinical anxiety. -
8:15 - 8:18There is no baby crazy, ok?
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8:19 - 8:19So, yes.
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8:20 - 8:21Women are worried
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8:21 - 8:24and this is an issue that
we need to be talking about -
8:24 - 8:27and not in this myopic, baby panic way.
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8:27 - 8:29But also it's not the same
for every woman. -
8:30 - 8:32Lots of women
don't want to have kids. -
8:32 - 8:34And that needs to be just ok
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8:34 - 8:36as having kids late
or having kids early -
8:36 - 8:37or having kids middle
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8:37 - 8:40or whatever it is that
you choose for yourself. -
8:41 - 8:43And what really matters are
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8:43 - 8:44a woman's personal values
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8:44 - 8:46and how she makes that decision
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8:46 - 8:49about how she feels
about her future fertility. -
8:49 - 8:51So, people are marrying later;
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8:51 - 8:52they're having children later;
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8:52 - 8:54they're making different choices.
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8:54 - 8:58There is no perfect age to have a baby.
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8:58 - 9:02And women need not make that decision
based on social pressures. -
9:02 - 9:03There is nobody saying:
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9:03 - 9:04"it has to happen by 30."
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9:04 - 9:05"it has to happen by 35."
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9:05 - 9:07And there shouldn't be.
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9:07 - 9:09Because that is not
the reality for every woman. -
9:11 - 9:12Bottom line is that
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9:12 - 9:14it'ss not fair to characterize,
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9:14 - 9:17characterize women as baby crazy.
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9:17 - 9:19We need to stop doing that.
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9:19 - 9:23When we do that, we devalue
the individual experiences of women -
9:23 - 9:26and we really devalue
the society that we've created -
9:26 - 9:29that allows people to create
their lives the way they want. -
9:29 - 9:30Which is a great thing.
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9:30 - 9:32And we need to support that
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9:32 - 9:34also for women in their 30's.
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9:34 - 9:38So, we need to contextualize
this biological clock thing better -
9:38 - 9:41and stop yelling about our crazy ovaries.
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9:43 - 9:45We need to do a better job
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9:45 - 9:47supporting people who do parents
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9:47 - 9:49so that it’s not so scary
to have a child, -
9:49 - 9:53and is a rational choice for someone
with a great career. -
9:54 - 9:57We definitely need
to let up on the baby panic, -
9:57 - 10:00and we need to add this topic
to the overall conversation -
10:00 - 10:02about "women having it all."
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10:03 - 10:06(Applause)
- Title:
- Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen
- Description:
-
Karen Kersting developed a passion for examining the tough decisions women face when trying to balance career and family. Karen's doctoral dissertation examined one of these issues -- How do women really feel about the ticking of their "biological clocks"? -- what she found should make us reconsider how we see women's desire of having babies at any age.
In the spirit of ideas worth spreading, TEDx is a program of local, self-organized events that bring people together to share a TED-like experience. At a TEDx event, TEDTalks video and live speakers combine to spark deep discussion and connection in a small group. These local, self-organized events are branded TEDx, where x = independently organized TED event. The TED Conference provides general guidance for the TEDx program, but individual TEDx events are self-organized.* (*Subject to certain rules and regulations)
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 10:11
Krystian Aparta edited English subtitles for Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen | ||
Elisabeth Buffard edited English subtitles for Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen | ||
Elisabeth Buffard approved English subtitles for Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen | ||
Elisabeth Buffard edited English subtitles for Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen | ||
Elisabeth Buffard edited English subtitles for Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen | ||
Elisabeth Buffard edited English subtitles for Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen | ||
Elisabeth Buffard edited English subtitles for Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen | ||
Elisabeth Buffard accepted English subtitles for Oh Baby!: Karen Kersting at TEDxRVAWomen |