Maryam's secret | Saideh Ghods | TEDxKish

Every one of us can be a miracle worker if we ask ourselves one key question. In this inspiring talk, author, and social entrepreneur, Saideh Ghods shares the story of a pivotal moment in her life that led to the founding of Mahak Children's Hospital in Iran and reveals the secret to living a life of impact.

This talk was given at a local TEDx event, produced independently of the TED Conferences.

The day that changed my destiny

was an ordinary day, like all others.

One of those cold winter nights
when all you want to do,

is to make a cup of tea,
pick up a good novel, sit on the couch,

next to the fireplace and enjoy life.

But I had to go to work.

More importantly, in the afternoon,

I had to take my 2-year-old
to her routine checkup.

The next day was her second birthday,

But that day was not a normal day,

and that checkup was not a routine one.

At 5 am the next morning,

I was standing in behind the doors
of the hospital operating room.

From the small window,

I was watching the heated debate
amongst the physicians

over what they should do.

My little girl, was laying on the bed,
under anesthesia.

No one had told me anything since 6 pm,
the day before about what had happened.

With all my questions, all my anxiety,

I could clearly see from their faces
that something is very wrong.

No one would tell me anything more
than what they thought I needed to know.

It was my right to know,
but they did not give me that.

I felt anger on top of all
that was going on.

I had no choice but to stand there.

I had done all the yelling and screaming.

I had told them I didn't believe them.

I had told them I won't let anyone
touch my little girl,

I won't let anyone operate
on my two year old child,

that I'd fly this very night
to another place that had better resources

so they could tell me without surgery
what was wrong.

But they told me
that every minute counts now.

So I had to stand there,
quietly, patiently.

That was nearly impossible.

You all know that look on the face
of someone about to deliver bad news.

Seeing that face, you won't wait for news,

your whole world begins to spin.

For me, that bad news was like a tsunami.

All my life, future plans,
happiness, comfort,

feeling of serendipity, everything
was washed away by this tsunami.

It took me a long time to realize
that bad news is not bad in essence.

It takes time to discover
whether the news is good or bad.

But on that day,

that news was a very bad one for me.

It paralyzed me from making a decision.

A relentless anger burned inside me
as strong as a dragon.

Why? Why my little angel? Why me?

What have I done to deserve this?

For my little girl to have cancer? Cancer?

My 2 year old, on the eve of her birthday.

In life, we all face unbelievable moments,

unbelievable events when we know
we have no choice but to surrender.

We immediately started treatment

because in the doctors' opinion,

one displaced cancerous cell
could change everything

and treatment needed to start right away.

After a week of going back and forth
to the hospital where she was,

because of the long distance
and Tehran's bad traffic,

and the friendship of the medical team,
who were family friends,

my daughter was transferred
to the Shohada Hospital in Tajrish Sq.,

closer to my home.

I assumed all this will make things
a bit easier but the first day

I entered the new hospital I realized how
small I was in the grand scheme of things.

I didn't feel any less angry
but in that moment,

I realized that for 30 years,

I had walked by the tall and cold walls

of that place an never once thought
about what went on inside.

All desperate people sitting in there,
all the people waiting for something.

I'd passed by these walls
on my way to university or elsewhere,

not thinking of the mass of people
spending impossible moments

on the other side.

How come I had never stepped
foot into this place?

What could I do now? Nothing!
I was there for my own child.

I was desperate with my own problem.

I couldn't do anything.

So, we continued the treatment.

The cold winter days passed.
Norouz celebration arrived.

Norouz which bore so much meaning
for everyone else,

was meaningless to me.

In fact, I felt upset that everyone thinks
all is well and joyous,

celebrating the arrival of spring,
with all colorful customs of the New Year.

Time had stopped for me.

Nothing else, not my family,

not my other child existed for me.

The holidays passed.

The day after I had to go back
to the hospital,

to review the plans
for second rounds of chemo,

and there...

I saw Maryam, one of the mothers
who I'd always noticed.

She is a middle aged woman,

with a face showing signs of starvation,

with shabby clothes, but... dignified.

She had a 13 year old boy
that was always barefoot on her shoulder.

We had come and gone before Norouz.

This time too I saw her going in,
carrying a bundle of herbs,

a bouquet of flowers and her son.

I quickly nodded and passed by her.
That's it.

I wasn't even polite enough

to wish her happy New year.

I passed her as I did not want to spend
even one extra minute in that place.

As I walked a few steps past,
she called to me.

I thought, oh gosh,

I bet she wants to wish me
happy New year...

Happy New year to yourself.

I don't think it's happy at all.

Or, she's trying to get ahead of me.
So I ignored her and kept wlaking.

She called again.

I thought, ok, now I'll turn around
and tell her,

"You know what dear, I'm very busy today.

I have to go, sorry,
I can't stop and chat."

So... I turned around.

I turned and saw face
glowing like the moon,

two eyes full of sunshine.

(Applause)

A bouquet of wildflowers, lilies, tulips,

narcissus, all shades of purple and red,
and green in front of me.

Then she said: "I picked these
from Turkmen Sahra,

I prayed that I'd see you,

I wanted to tell you, God is great.

Why are you so restless?

Be calm, this too will pass
it will all pass.

I apologize for getting emotional,
though it's been some twenty years now.

It is because in that moment all my pulses
stopped, everything stopped.

Even my heart, I think even my heart,
stopped beating for a few seconds.

I thought what am I to do now?

Did I really ignore this woman?

Was I really going talk
to her in that way?

What was I thinking? Who am I?

Who am I? Who is this? Who am I?

And in those moments...

Seeing my struggle, she placed the flowers
on my daughter's lap in the stroller,

on her skirt, and went away.

I remained there, with a light
that suddenly lit up inside me.

And I saw myself from Maryam's eyes.

I saw an angry, entitled woman who always
has a reason to be dissatisfied,

who thinks that she's different,

who is now squatting in the corner
of her cold, dark, lonely cave.

Why? Because I had pushed away my friends.

Because I hated being the subject of pity.

I had stopped my family
because they had all kinds of suggestions,

each one saying something different:
do this, do that.

I had told everyone I didn't want them,

that I want to focus all my energy
on this child,

receiving multiple CCs
of poison every day,

whose veins are burning, who is screaming,
"I'm burning, I'm burning!"

None of you know what you're talking
about, I don't want your advice.

I had pushed away her doctors.

They did their job of course,

but they knew I didn't believe in them.

I looked and saw myself
in the corner of the cave, sitting alone,

building thicker walls each day.

But I could hear
the cracks in the ice too.

I could hear them breaking down.

A ray of light shining through the cracks

was showing me, sitting in the corner,
squatting with my head on my knees.

I thought... I have no choice,
but to go forward,

to pick myself off the ground and say,

"Get up Saideh, get up!

Come to your senses!
Watch Maryam!

She has a thousandth of your resources,

she gives what little is in her power.

She has picked these flowers for you,
from the other side of the world.

Who are you? Be the kind of person
that is worthy of this love,

Learn something!"

In those moments of awareness,

I believe I subconsciously
made a promise to myself

that from that day forth,
I would seek to learn

Maryam and the Maryams of the world,
and dedicate my life to serving them.

I wasn't fully aware of the promise.

It was just a fire
that Maryam had lit inside me.

This woman had 4 children.

She worked in the rice paddies
in the north of Iran.

And...

her husband had died in the war.

And since this was the period
right after the war in Iran,

due to resource scarcity,
the priority of the healthcare system

was saving soldiers and their families,

but not a child with cancer.

Because the understanding back then,

we're talking some 20 years ago, was:
a child with cancer will eventually die.

In those days, the only people fighting
for them were their mothers.

A mother, if her child is a month old,
and is lost in the depth of the ocean,

she will dive in to save her,

because she'd still have hope
that she can save her child.

So, it was the mothers who were fighting.

Maryam was one of those mothers.

She was carrying her 13 year old child
on her shoulders,

to Tehran to get treated.

I had made a promise to myself.

The first was to learn from Maryam.

Maryam's secret is something
all of us in this place need.

Live without expectation,
love without expectation.

Give without expectation.

Her only expectation was of herself.

Everything she wanted,
she wanted it of herself.

This trait was so powerful in this woman
that she filled her surrounding

with her energy and made an impact,
as she had changed my world.

The second part of my promise
was to live a life of service to them.

As I took the first steps,

naturally there was the perception,

"Pfff...a child with cancer...
in this country...

such expensive medicine."

This, that, and the other thing,
"Why would anyone bother?"

The officials would dismiss me saying,

"Go home lady, children with cancer
are a lost cause."

But I was compelled,
not through my own willpower,

but emboldened by the fire
that Maryam has lit inside me.

There was no room for second thoughts.

So I kept going, my going was first steps.

And then, it was help pouring in
from all sides.

You, sitting in this audience,

I am certain

that you are the same helpers,

at least 80-90% of you are,

people who have helped us on this path.

What was the result?

The result is that today, in homeland,

no child with cancer will die of poverty.

(Applause)

If you allow me to continue,
you will like hearing the rest even more.

Because you are applauding yourself,

and the people who created a miracle,
by trusting each other and joining force.

What happened is that no father
had to stand ashamed anymore

at the pharmacy counter
because he has no money for the medicine.

No mother had to crawl in the dark cave
because she didn't know what has happened

and couldn't accept
what those around her told her.

Because, now, there is an organization
of this scale supporting them.

They have access to many volunteer,
professional psychologists,

who teach them how to cope
with these problems.

Their other children,
the sisters and brothers,

don't have to miss school anymore

because their parents can continue
their normal lives,

while solving this problem.

You have made all of this possible.

This is what I wanted to share with you.

In going through this journey
I have discovered an absolute truth:

Within every human being,
without exception,

there is a seed of a miracle.

Some due to circumstances...

Some spend their life
in complete ignorance like I was.

In that world that they're in,
they have no time,

no opportunity to pay attention
to this seed.

We can't blame them.

Life happened for me this way,
so I followed this path.

My genes, my upbringing,
my family, all of it.

I didn't even know the seed existed,
so I had no way to look for it.

Until life slapped me awake.

But some people are seeking it,
and seeking...

I, instead of...

instead of regret, sadness, and self-pity,

which is a habit incrusted in us,
and we all have to feel sorry for it.

From morning to night
and from night to morning

we blame everyone for everything
that has happened to us except ourselves.

Instead of why,
maybe the better question is:

How shall we get out of this situation?

What are the ways out of this problem?

The hardest steps are the first steps.

If we take them,
the universe will push us forward.

The universe is searching for those
who want to create change.

You can see this in your life.

This has nothing to do
with university or wealth.

This has everything to do
with a seeking mind.

A mind that does not surrender
to obstacles,

a mind that searches for a solution.

Once that has happened,
there is no stopping it.

You will see that you will also become
one of miracle workers of the world.

The only question
that we must ask today is:

What will be my miracle?

Thank you.

(Applause)