In our baby's illness, a life lesson
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0:01 - 0:03Francesca Fedeli: Ciao.
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0:03 - 0:07So he's Mario. He's our son.
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0:07 - 0:10He was born two and a half years ago,
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0:10 - 0:13and I had a pretty tough pregnancy
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0:13 - 0:17because I had to stay still
in a bed for, like, eight months. -
0:17 - 0:20But in the end everything
seemed to be under control. -
0:20 - 0:23So he got the right weight at birth.
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0:23 - 0:25He got the right Apgar index.
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0:25 - 0:28So we were pretty reassured by this.
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0:28 - 0:35But at the end, 10 days
later after he was born, -
0:35 - 0:38we discovered that he had a stroke.
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0:38 - 0:40As you might know,
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0:40 - 0:42a stroke is a brain injury.
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0:42 - 0:45A perinatal stroke could be something
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0:45 - 0:49that can happen
during the nine months of pregnancy -
0:49 - 0:51or just suddenly after the birth,
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0:51 - 0:54and in his case, as you can see,
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0:54 - 0:58the right part of his brain has gone.
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0:58 - 1:04So the effect that this stroke
could have on Mario's body -
1:04 - 1:07could be the fact that he couldn't
be able to control -
1:07 - 1:10the left side of his body.
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1:10 - 1:14Just imagine, if you have
a computer and a printer -
1:14 - 1:18and you want to transmit,
to input to print out a document, -
1:18 - 1:21but the printer doesn't
have the right drives, -
1:21 - 1:24so the same is for Mario.
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1:24 - 1:27It's just like,
he would like to move his left side -
1:27 - 1:31of his body, but he's not able
to transmit the right input -
1:31 - 1:36to move his left arm and left leg.
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1:36 - 1:38So life had to change.
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1:38 - 1:40We needed to change our schedule.
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1:40 - 1:46We needed to change the impact
that this birth had -
1:46 - 1:49on our life.
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1:49 - 1:51Roberto D'Angelo: As you may imagine,
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1:51 - 1:53unfortunately, we were not ready.
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1:53 - 1:57Nobody taught us how to deal
with such kinds of disabilities, -
1:57 - 1:59and as many questions as possible started
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1:59 - 2:01to come to our minds.
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2:01 - 2:04And that has been really a tough time.
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2:04 - 2:07Questions, some basics, like, you know,
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2:07 - 2:09why did this happen to us?
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2:09 - 2:11And what went wrong?
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2:11 - 2:13Some more tough, like, really,
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2:13 - 2:15what will be the impact on Mario's life?
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2:15 - 2:17I mean, at the end,
will he be able to work? -
2:17 - 2:19Will he be able to be normal?
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2:19 - 2:22And, you know, as a parent,
especially for the first time, -
2:22 - 2:25why is he not going to be better than us?
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2:25 - 2:29And this, indeed, really is tough to say,
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2:29 - 2:31but a few months later, we realized that
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2:31 - 2:35we were really feeling like a failure.
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2:35 - 2:38I mean, the only real product of our life,
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2:38 - 2:39at the end, was a failure.
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2:39 - 2:45And you know, it was not a failure
for ourselves in itself, -
2:45 - 2:50but it was a failure
that will impact his full life. -
2:50 - 2:52Honestly, we went down.
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2:52 - 2:55I mean we went really
down, but at the end, -
2:55 - 2:57we started to look at him,
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2:57 - 3:00and we said, we have to react.
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3:00 - 3:02So immediately, as Francesca
said, we changed our life. -
3:02 - 3:06We started physiotherapy,
we started the rehabilitation, -
3:06 - 3:08and one of the paths
that we were following -
3:08 - 3:11in terms of rehabilitation
is the mirror neurons pilot. -
3:11 - 3:15Basically, we spent months
doing this with Mario. -
3:15 - 3:18You have an object, and we showed him
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3:18 - 3:20how to grab the object.
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3:20 - 3:22Now, the theory of mirror
neurons simply says -
3:22 - 3:26that in your brains, exactly
now, as you watch me doing this, -
3:26 - 3:29you are activating
exactly the same neurons -
3:29 - 3:32as if you do the actions.
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3:32 - 3:36It looks like this is the leading
edge in terms of rehabilitation. -
3:36 - 3:40But one day we found that Mario
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3:40 - 3:43was not looking at our hand.
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3:43 - 3:46He was looking at us.
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3:46 - 3:48We were his mirror.
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3:48 - 3:50And the problem, as you might feel,
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3:50 - 3:53is that we were down, we were depressed,
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3:53 - 3:55we were looking at him as a problem,
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3:55 - 3:59not as a son, not
from a positive perspective. -
3:59 - 4:03And that day really
changed our perspective. -
4:03 - 4:06We realized that we had to become
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4:06 - 4:09a better mirror for Mario.
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4:09 - 4:11We restarted from our strengths,
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4:11 - 4:14and at the same time
we restarted from his strengths. -
4:14 - 4:17We stopped looking at him as a problem,
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4:17 - 4:21and we started to look at him
as an opportunity to improve. -
4:22 - 4:24And really, this was the change,
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4:24 - 4:27and from our side, we said,
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4:27 - 4:30"What are our strengths
that we really can bring to Mario?" -
4:30 - 4:32And we started from our passions.
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4:32 - 4:34I mean, at the end, my wife and myself
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4:34 - 4:35are quite different,
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4:35 - 4:37but we have many things in common.
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4:37 - 4:39We love to travel, we love music,
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4:39 - 4:41we love to be in places like this,
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4:41 - 4:43and we started to bring Mario with us
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4:43 - 4:48just to show to him the best
things that we can show to him. -
4:48 - 4:53This short video is from last week.
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4:53 - 4:55I am not saying --
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4:55 - 4:57(Applause) —
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4:57 - 4:59I am not saying it's a miracle.
That's not the message, -
4:59 - 5:02because we are just
at the beginning of the path. -
5:02 - 5:05But we want to share
what was the key learning, -
5:05 - 5:08the key learning that Mario drove to us,
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5:08 - 5:10and it is to consider
what you have as a gift -
5:10 - 5:15and not only what you miss,
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5:15 - 5:19and to consider what you
miss just as an opportunity. -
5:19 - 5:22And this is the message
that we want to share with you. -
5:22 - 5:25This is why we are here.
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5:25 - 5:27Mario!
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5:27 - 5:29And this is why --
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5:29 - 5:34(Applause) —
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5:34 - 5:39And this is why
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5:39 - 5:44we decided to share the best
mirror in the world with him. -
5:44 - 5:47And we thank you so much, all of you.
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5:47 - 5:49FF: Thank you. RD: Thank you. Bye.
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5:49 - 5:53(Applause)
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5:53 - 5:58FF: Thank you. (Applause)
- Title:
- In our baby's illness, a life lesson
- Speaker:
- Roberto D'Angelo + Francesca Fedeli
- Description:
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Roberto D'Angelo and Francesca Fedeli thought their baby boy Mario was healthy -- until at 10 days old, they discovered he'd had a perinatal stroke. With Mario unable to control the left side of his body, they grappled with tough questions: Would he be "normal?” Could he live a full life? The poignant story of parents facing their fears -- and how they turned them around.
- Video Language:
- English
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDTalks
- Duration:
- 06:17
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