Changing posture works! | Karine | TEDxGrenoble
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0:07 - 0:09If I am here before you today,
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0:09 - 0:13me, Karine, a 42-year-old woman,
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0:14 - 0:17it's to share a human experience with you.
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0:19 - 0:22No, I didn't invent the light bulb,
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0:22 - 0:24not even the butter slicer,
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0:24 - 0:26and besides, I wouldn't even be able to.
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0:28 - 0:29If I am here before you,
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0:29 - 0:33while my legs, my hands
are shaking like never before, -
0:34 - 0:37and my insides at this moment
are turning into a liquid state, -
0:37 - 0:39(Laughter)
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0:40 - 0:43it's to talk to you
of this ability we all have, -
0:43 - 0:45I am sure of it,
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0:46 - 0:49to transform every hardship,
however painful, -
0:50 - 0:54into something positive,
first of all for yourself -
0:54 - 0:56and for others as well.
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0:59 - 1:02I am here before you
but I should be dead. -
1:03 - 1:05But not from sickness, no,
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1:05 - 1:07not as a consequence
of a serious accident, -
1:07 - 1:10no, none of that,
but I'll come back to it later. -
1:13 - 1:15There was a time when I had everything,
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1:15 - 1:17an exciting job,
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1:17 - 1:20my soulmate as a husband
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1:21 - 1:23and a child, a girl.
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1:24 - 1:27My existence was following
a perfectly peaceful path. -
1:27 - 1:29We both had careers,
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1:29 - 1:32we changed cars regularly,
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1:32 - 1:35we went on vacations,
we owned an apartment -
1:35 - 1:39and then we began to dream
of a house, a beautiful house. -
1:40 - 1:43My husband would have drawn the plans,
I'd have thought about the decoration, -
1:44 - 1:46There would have been a yard for the kids,
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1:46 - 1:48yes, we had decided to have others,
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1:48 - 1:50and for the cat as well.
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1:51 - 1:52In short, everything was perfect,
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1:53 - 1:55comfortably commonplace.
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1:58 - 1:59And then everything fell apart:
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2:01 - 2:05for 3 years, violent events
came up one after another -
2:05 - 2:07with relentless regularity.
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2:08 - 2:10First my professional life
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2:10 - 2:13paid the price
of a labor court procedure. -
2:13 - 2:15I was the one who took it on.
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2:15 - 2:17Psychological harassment.
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2:17 - 2:19At first, I won,
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2:19 - 2:21then without too much explaining,
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2:21 - 2:23justice took away with one hand
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2:23 - 2:25what they had given me with another.
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2:26 - 2:29I have to say that psychological
harassment is so subtle. -
2:30 - 2:34Above all, I lost a lot of money
and self-esteem. -
2:35 - 2:39In the middle of all this,
I was pregnant with my second child. -
2:39 - 2:41Another girl though, but we were happy.
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2:42 - 2:43I also lost her,
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2:43 - 2:45at birth.
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2:45 - 2:47She died in my womb,
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2:47 - 2:49I had to give birth to her,
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2:49 - 2:51and accept that I would never
hear her cry. -
2:52 - 2:55Accept that she had left me forever.
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2:55 - 2:58She was so beautiful, so perfect.
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2:59 - 3:01And then, my husband that left me,
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3:02 - 3:044 months after
the birth of our third child. -
3:04 - 3:08I was strongly set on recovering
from my failures though, -
3:08 - 3:10but I lost him too.
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3:10 - 3:13There, that was the final blow.
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3:15 - 3:17That's how I ended up
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3:18 - 3:20lost, alone in the world,
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3:20 - 3:22alone in my world
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3:22 - 3:25that had become a real nightmare.
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3:26 - 3:28A permanent nightmare!
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3:28 - 3:30Filled with suffering, grief,
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3:30 - 3:32fear, and emptiness.
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3:38 - 3:41I had no husband, no job,
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3:41 - 3:41no money,
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3:41 - 3:46with two young dependent children
and tons of mourning to do. -
3:46 - 3:48All my dreams had gone up in smoke.
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3:49 - 3:52Getting back on my feet?
I thought it was an impossible mission. -
3:54 - 3:58Anyway, each attempt
to get myself out of this situation -
3:58 - 4:00by sheer mental force
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4:00 - 4:02ended in failure.
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4:08 - 4:11Finding a job: failed!
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4:11 - 4:14Finding love, in my state,
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4:15 - 4:16failed!
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4:16 - 4:18Oh when it has us in its grip!
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4:19 - 4:21Yes, at that moment, I almost jumped.
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4:21 - 4:24It was from the top of my balcony
on the 5th floor, -
4:24 - 4:26one July evening almost 5 years ago.
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4:27 - 4:30I didn't do it, but, you will admit,
given my situation, -
4:30 - 4:31the idea was rather tempting.
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4:32 - 4:35No, that day, I made the difficult
choice to stay alive. -
4:36 - 4:40I say difficult, because at that instant,
to die would almost have been a relief. -
4:40 - 4:46But I made the choice to stay alive,
at least in appearance. -
4:47 - 4:49For many months, I was unable to move,
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4:49 - 4:51I just survived,
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4:51 - 4:53with an empty heart,
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4:55 - 4:57a stomach full of heavy hardships,
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4:57 - 5:00that were indigestible.
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5:05 - 5:07The more time went by,
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5:07 - 5:10the more I began to shut myself
in my victim skin -
5:10 - 5:12that ended up fitting me wonderfully:
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5:12 - 5:15I had become a master
in the art of negativity. -
5:16 - 5:20I am completely useless,
I'll never get anywhere. -
5:21 - 5:23Why does fate deal such a cruel hand?
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5:24 - 5:27What did I do to deserve all of this?
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5:27 - 5:29When will the tide finally turn?
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5:30 - 5:34Do you know what happens
when you have nothing left to lose? -
5:34 - 5:36Because then, I must say,
I had nothing left to lose. -
5:36 - 5:39When you have reached that low,
you want it to stop, to change. -
5:39 - 5:40If I was to live,
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5:40 - 5:44I was ready to try everything
as long as it changed the state I was in. -
5:44 - 5:47Everything or almost,
I remained vigilant, attentive. -
5:48 - 5:50My survival instinct
still worked, after all. -
5:51 - 5:54Nevertheless, something strange happened.
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5:55 - 5:58I let go of my last mental resistances.
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5:58 - 6:01I gave up control,
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6:01 - 6:03and everything opened up,
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6:03 - 6:05everything became possible.
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6:06 - 6:09I first met someone,
and then another and another. -
6:09 - 6:13New people, some were strangers,
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6:13 - 6:16it was as if we had to be put
on the same path -
6:16 - 6:19not for nothing, not by chance.
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6:19 - 6:22It was as if we had to meet, to talk,
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6:22 - 6:25everything sounded very right.
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6:26 - 6:29These people,
with simplicity and benevolence, -
6:29 - 6:32showed me a whole different way
of seeing things -
6:32 - 6:34with such good sense.
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6:35 - 6:38They taught me about changing posture,
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6:38 - 6:41And what I was hoping for finally came.
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6:41 - 6:42It changed everything.
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6:43 - 6:45Eventually, a part of me decided
to get back on my feet. -
6:45 - 6:48A part of me decided
to face things head-on, -
6:48 - 6:50pushed me to look
at myself right in the face. -
6:50 - 6:53Me, enclosed in my self-victimization,
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6:53 - 6:56I was finally able to take a step back,
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6:56 - 6:58to look at the events from a distance.
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6:58 - 7:00Look, it's like a movie theater,
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7:00 - 7:02If you fix the eye of the camera
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7:02 - 7:05on an element of the setting
that is particularly terrifying -
7:07 - 7:10then zoom out again, again, and again,
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7:10 - 7:13put this element back
into its global context, -
7:13 - 7:17into its place, all of a sudden,
it becomes a lot less frightening. -
7:18 - 7:19I was finally able to bring
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7:19 - 7:22the tragic events
of my existence into perspective. -
7:23 - 7:26I was finally able to see the space
that remained for the rest. -
7:26 - 7:30And since I was alive,
that space was immense. -
7:32 - 7:36Changing posture
allowed me to review the story -
7:36 - 7:39while keeping in mind
my share of responsibility. -
7:39 - 7:42That's right, we all have
a share of responsibility -
7:42 - 7:45in everything that happens to us
in our life. -
7:45 - 7:47And saying that doesn't mean
beating yourself up, -
7:47 - 7:49on the contrary.
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7:49 - 7:51There is our share,
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7:51 - 7:54which we can act on,
understand, intergrate, -
7:54 - 7:56ingest, heal if needs be,
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7:56 - 8:00to change our manner of being,
to no longer imitate. -
8:00 - 8:03And there is the share
of responsibility of others. -
8:03 - 8:05That which has to be left to them.
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8:05 - 8:08The share that is
impossible to intercede on. -
8:08 - 8:13That which you have to let go of,
accepting being powerless. -
8:14 - 8:16How arrogant, if we think about it,
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8:16 - 8:18to believe that we have
the ability to intervene -
8:18 - 8:20on the part of others' responsibility.
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8:21 - 8:24How exhausting really.
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8:25 - 8:28I want justice to be fair.
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8:30 - 8:33I want my daughter to live.
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8:35 - 8:38I want my husband to stay.
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8:40 - 8:42All this, I let go of
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8:42 - 8:44and I already felt a lot lighter.
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8:48 - 8:50Well I have to confess to you,
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8:50 - 8:53changing posture
didn't happen in one day. No. -
8:53 - 8:56Obviously, I made a few round trips
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8:56 - 8:57here and there.
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8:57 - 9:01And obviously, the victim in me
came out on a few occasions -
9:01 - 9:03and by the way, it still does sometimes.
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9:04 - 9:08But I see it coming now,
and I face it head-on right away. -
9:08 - 9:10It became a reflex.
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9:11 - 9:14Imagine how magic changing posture is,
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9:14 - 9:15how it changes everything.
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9:15 - 9:18Our view of ourselves, of others,
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9:18 - 9:19of life in general.
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9:19 - 9:21It even allows for humor.
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9:22 - 9:26It opens doors, horizons, possibilites,
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9:26 - 9:27and at times even,
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9:27 - 9:31it reveals hidden treasures
here, there, on the inside, -
9:31 - 9:33that we didn't imagine.
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9:33 - 9:36Inside me, since childhood
there was a hidden desire to write. -
9:37 - 9:39I was doing it, well, it was my career,
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9:39 - 9:41but I decided to do it differently,
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9:41 - 9:43for pleasure.
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9:43 - 9:46So I wrote a text,
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9:46 - 9:47texts filled with humor,
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9:47 - 9:49stuffed with irony
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9:49 - 9:51to talk about my experiences,
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9:51 - 9:56about women, kids, men,
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9:56 - 9:59about women with kids
who are looking for men -
9:59 - 10:01and about society in general.
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10:01 - 10:04I wrote one, then two, then 13,
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10:04 - 10:07then I opened a Facebook page
to share them, -
10:07 - 10:08and it worked.
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10:09 - 10:11"Bravo, it's basically my life",
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10:11 - 10:12said the comments.
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10:14 - 10:16One day, I compiled them,
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10:16 - 10:19then I sent them to an editor
found by chance on the internet. -
10:19 - 10:22The editor needed 40 pages,
I had exactly 40. -
10:24 - 10:26I still remember the day he replied,
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10:26 - 10:28this "Yes",
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10:28 - 10:30this setence full of compliments
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10:30 - 10:33that talked about the unanimity
of the reading commity. -
10:34 - 10:37Joy brings about joy,
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10:37 - 10:40it brings about effort,
the desire to move forward, -
10:40 - 10:42to leave the past behind you,
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10:43 - 10:45without ignoring it, oh no,
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10:45 - 10:47but transforming it.
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10:49 - 10:54Transforming indigestible things
into positive things. -
10:55 - 10:59Transforming hardship
into experience for what comes next. -
11:01 - 11:03And then I started my own business.
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11:03 - 11:05I had no job,
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11:05 - 11:07I created one fit to my size, made for me.
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11:08 - 11:12Writing for others,
articles, brochures, okay. -
11:12 - 11:16But also portraits, story-telling,
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11:16 - 11:18recounting stories.
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11:18 - 11:22Recounting those that do
and what motivates to do, -
11:22 - 11:23in depth.
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11:24 - 11:27To find their meaning
and to bring it to light. -
11:27 - 11:30I don't really know
what life has in store for me, -
11:30 - 11:32but I am no longer afraid.
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11:32 - 11:34I love my life down
to the smallest details, -
11:34 - 11:36and if I were to do it again,
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11:36 - 11:38I wouldn't change a thing.
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11:38 - 11:41Because I know that the hardships
that I experienced -
11:41 - 11:44contributed to the woman
that I am today. -
11:44 - 11:46What a gift!
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11:49 - 11:50I am still writing,
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11:50 - 11:53there is a new manuscript
that is circulated in the editors' office. -
11:54 - 11:57Because through my story,
I intend to bear witness -
11:57 - 12:01of this power, our power,
to change posture -
12:01 - 12:04in order to overcome,
to transform everything. -
12:05 - 12:10Hardship into experience,
Experience into the power of life, -
12:11 - 12:13yes, I intend to bear witness
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12:13 - 12:15because I know that hardships,
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12:15 - 12:17small or large,
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12:17 - 12:18can affect each and every one of us.
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12:19 - 12:23They have no race, culture, or border.
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12:25 - 12:28In my close environment
at the moment, -
12:28 - 12:32there is a woman whose husband
is dying from cancer, -
12:32 - 12:37and to stick the knife deeper, their only
child has a degenerative disease -
12:37 - 12:40and he will perhaps not
be able to grow old. -
12:43 - 12:45I know what this woman will go through.
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12:46 - 12:49Perhaps she will find herself
in her turn. -
12:49 - 12:52Perhaps she will not believe
herself capable of picking herself up. -
12:53 - 12:56So if my account
could help her a little... -
12:58 - 13:00But beyond tragic situations,
I must tell you, -
13:00 - 13:02changing posture works every time.
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13:02 - 13:05So there are many situations
in everyday's life -
13:05 - 13:08that can put you on
the small floating victim's island. -
13:09 - 13:11Imagine,
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13:12 - 13:16your youngest chooses the day
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13:16 - 13:20of that unavoidable business meeting
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13:20 - 13:23to get up in the morning
with a 104 degree fever -
13:23 - 13:27"Shit! This kid! This can't
be happening, I can't handle this!" -
13:30 - 13:33You light the last candle,
the meal is ready, -
13:33 - 13:37you're wearing your
special romantic evening dress. -
13:37 - 13:42The telephone rings, it's your husband,
he seems embarrassed, -
13:42 - 13:46"Yes, honey, it's me,
I'm calling you quickly, I am sorry, -
13:47 - 13:50tonight I'm coming home late,
I have a meeting." -
13:51 - 13:53"I'm fed up with this guy!"
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13:56 - 14:00Your boss asks you, kindly but firmly,
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14:01 - 14:03to postpone the day
you leave for vacation, -
14:03 - 14:06when your bags are already packed
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14:06 - 14:09and in the trunk of your car,
your family is waiting, -
14:09 - 14:12the plane takes off in 2 hours...
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14:13 - 14:16So tired of this shit job.
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14:19 - 14:21Last case, an old lady,
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14:22 - 14:25totally impolite but sure of herself,
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14:25 - 14:28cuts you in the line at the till
at the super market, -
14:28 - 14:31pushing you.
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14:32 - 14:35Old hag!
Floating victim's island. -
14:36 - 14:38Change your posture immediately!
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14:42 - 14:46What is your share of responsibility
in what is happening to you? -
14:47 - 14:49What is making you suffer so much?
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14:49 - 14:52What had you planned?
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14:52 - 14:54What are you a victim of?
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14:54 - 14:57And by the way, are you the victim?
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14:58 - 15:01And then, leave the share
of responsibility to the others. -
15:01 - 15:06Finally, open up here.
Let the creativity come. -
15:07 - 15:12Invent, imagine, laugh, transform!
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15:16 - 15:19It is almost 5 years
that I should have been dead. -
15:20 - 15:25If I had been told
that I'd be here, now, -
15:25 - 15:28sharing my human experience with you...
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15:31 - 15:34that changing my posture saved me
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15:34 - 15:37and then that it still saves me
everyday. -
15:37 - 15:40Because it allows me to be alive,
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15:40 - 15:43so alive, and happy to be it.
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15:43 - 15:44Thank you.
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15:45 - 15:50(Applause)
- Title:
- Changing posture works! | Karine | TEDxGrenoble
- Description:
-
This talk was given at a TEDx event, organized independently from TED conferences.
Karine Warneck talks to us about her descent into hell and how changing her posture allowed her to come back to life. A testimony based on a human experience which she would like to share with those who will one day be lead to think that all is lost... - Video Language:
- French
- Team:
- closed TED
- Project:
- TEDxTalks
- Duration:
- 15:53
Ivana Korom edited English subtitles for Le changement de posture, ça marche | Karine Warneck | TEDxGrenoble | ||
TED Translators admin edited English subtitles for Le changement de posture, ça marche | Karine Warneck | TEDxGrenoble | ||
TED Translators admin approved English subtitles for Le changement de posture, ça marche | Karine Warneck | TEDxGrenoble | ||
Elisabeth Buffard accepted English subtitles for Le changement de posture, ça marche | Karine Warneck | TEDxGrenoble | ||
Elisabeth Buffard edited English subtitles for Le changement de posture, ça marche | Karine Warneck | TEDxGrenoble | ||
Elisabeth Buffard edited English subtitles for Le changement de posture, ça marche | Karine Warneck | TEDxGrenoble | ||
Andrew Zink edited English subtitles for Le changement de posture, ça marche | Karine Warneck | TEDxGrenoble | ||
Andrew Zink edited English subtitles for Le changement de posture, ça marche | Karine Warneck | TEDxGrenoble |